Hed Blow

As if being laid off isn’t humiliating enough, there’s a new wrinkle that I have never encountered before.

Apparently, experience can be a millstone around your neck. Who knew?

Here’s how I came by this knowledge -- I saw an article about looking for work after age 50. 

Since this is my first time doing that, I read it. And here’s what it said:

- It’s going to be much, much harder than you realize.

- It’s going to take much longer than you realize (50+ weeks compared to 28 weeks for those under 50)

- Recruiters may consider you overqualified.

- In order to get noticed, you need to eradicate any reference to your age from your resume. No dates attending college, no dates on past experience, no one cares what you did more than 10 years ago, so don’t put it on your resume unless it’s directly relevant to the position for which you’re applying.

Woah. 

I wrote this column several years ago for the #NorthfieldNews and just came across it again as I was organizing old clips, etc. Since the annual sale of Girl Scout cookies is well underway, I thought I'd re-share it here. Enjoy! 

*Note: I didn't embed the link to the story since it's behind an immediate paywall. But for the sake of transparency, here it is: http://www.southernminn.com/northfield_news/archives/article_6da9a0d7-3c8f-5c98-b948-a750b8ca3382.html 

Mar 22, 2008 

This is the time of year when things really get ugly. 

I'm not talking about the snow turning to gray slush or the grim news that shows up at the end of your income tax return. I'm talking about when the Girl Scout cookies start to run out. 

In households all over the country, full-scale battle breaks out as the Samoas begin to dwindle. It has all the makings of a war: 

Strategy: Weeks earlier, you poured over the order form with the care of a field general maneuvering your resources. Will I have enough Thin Mints to freeze a box just for me? How many Do-Si-Dos is my husband going to wolf down? All you know for sure is that last year's order wasn't big enough. Not nearly.

Planning: You make a mental note of when you think the cookies will arrive and do everything in your power to be the one to receive them. This is materiel, people. He or she who controls the cookies, controls everything. 

Subterfuge: You try to remember who was with you when you ordered the cookies. Will they remember how many boxes you ordered? You bet no, put out just enough to keep the questions to a minimum and hide the rest. You try to look casual. 

Reconnaissance: If you've missed your opportunity to be the first to grab the cookies (see Planning), this is critical. Now you must use your knowledge of the enemy to ascertain where the extra cookies may be hidden. Use pillow talk if you must. 

Just in the last few weeks, I've heard tales of subterfuge gone awry, and torturous cookie interrogations to determine who had more than their fair share. I personally witnessed a threatened grounding of a certain 12-year-old who stood accused of eating an entire sleeve of Thin Mints that belonged to his father. 

One friend recently found a box of Tagalongs in the back of a closet in her house. She told no one. Another formerly in the military told a tale of stocking up on the cookies before shipping out to sea and then selling each box at a huge markup to desperate sailors heading to Singapore - where there are no Girl Scout cookies. 

A friend at work hid a box of Samoas behind a pound of hamburger in the freezer. Late one night, when he was looking to feed the craving, he headed for the freezer only to find that the Samoas were gone. Despite the lateness of the hour, he seriously considered dragging his 8-year-old and 5-year-old daughters out of bed to determine who ate the last cookie. 

The next morning, he was waiting for them. Only under extreme duress was he able to get his wife to confess that she conspired with the girls against him and his cookie hoard. It remains to be seen whether their marriage will recover.