Chasing Sunsets

I still can’t believe this is what our “yearly” reunion has become.

Looking around, I realized Tito Dave and I were the only tattooed people in the entire family. That was just so him. He was our resident teaser, our joker, and the undisputed family ambassador for C2 iced tea. We all grew up wrapped in his infectious, perky energy. He was the quintessential "cool tito", the one your dad jokingly warned you not to get too close to.

He was the uncle who would teach you how to play video games and sneak you a drink, but only when the other titos were around to watch. He was the one who wouldn’t hesitate to playfully push you into the pool. In short, he was the fun uncle who felt more like a cousin. His signature look was forever locked in: baggy shirts, baggy shorts, a sling bag, and a vibe so distinct you could spot his circle of friends from a mile away.

I think the quietness we'll face later, once we finally lay him to rest, is when the weight of his absence will truly kick in. But despite the heavy sadness, there is a deep, quiet peace. We know he is finally home, free from pain, resting with the Lord and Mama Mila.

For the past few years, I started gaining confidence in everything that I do. I know that I am excellent in training. I have so much love for it. I truly believe I have a lot of leadership potential in the department, and then.... recently, something shook that confidence.

I was assigned to train a new Line of Business. I had a little background in it, yet it had been 3 years since I last revisited the guidelines. It was a challenge, but I tried my best. Sadly, I wasn't successful in getting certified to train it.

Right after that, I was given another training assignment that was even harder than the first one. I had zero background in this specific department, I was expected to train incoming supervisors, and I had 7 days to prepare. While I do have a background in training supervisors, I knew absolutely nothing about this department's policies. How cruel is that? And imagine, after failing, I was just supposed to move on and prepare for another "new adventure."

I was being so hard on myself. I knew that. I was beating myself up while trying to prepare. I cried a lot, hoping I’d lose weight along the way from all the stress, but I didn't. (Okay, I'm not sure if that's even funny).

I immersed myself in the basics. I got all the help I needed, and I'm so thankful to my friends. But just when I finally felt prepared, a problem came up, I realized I had been reviewing the wrong document, and I only had 7 hours to pivot. I cried some more and kept preparing. To cut a long story short, I finally got certified to train a department that felt SOOOOO impossible for me to get into!

Cruelty or a Miracle?

Is it really cruel, or is it a display of God's power in the most "impossible" situation for me?

I am still in awe. I try to ask all the "whys," and all I can come up with is, it is not me, but God. During my prayer time before both of the certifications I went through, what I uttered was almost a whisper: “God, I am at zero right now. I can’t sleep, and if I ever do sleep, I dream of the training. My energy is so low. I can’t even come up with the right words. Help me. I need your 100%.”

True enough, God is faithful. I got certified, and I start training this Monday!

What Did I Learn?

God is faithful even if we are not. (Romans 3:3-4)

The Lord is my strength. (Psalm 28:7)

All things are possible with God. (Luke 1:37)

"Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." — Isaiah 41:10 ESV

"I can do all things through him who strengthens me." — Philippians 4:13 ESV

It feels like such a clear call to fight the good fight of faith and finish the race. And I know that I will do exactly that, no matter how hard this season gets, because I want the will of God in my life. I want Him to be with me always.

I declare that my future husband is a man after God’s own heart. He loves the Lord with all his soul, mind, and strength, and his steps are ordered by the Divine. (Proverbs 20:7) My future husband is a man of honor, wisdom, and deep faith. He seeks God's guidance above all else, and he is being prepared daily to lead our future family with humility and strength.

I declare that our future marriage will be a reflection of Christ’s love for the church. It will be a safe haven of respect, kindness, and unwavering commitment. (Ephesians 5:25, 1 Corinthians 13:4) My husband will love, cherish, and protect me, just as Christ loves the church. Our relationship will be defined by patience, kindness, and a total absence of selfishness.

I declare that our marriage does not exist just for ourselves, but as a light to the world. We are called together for a holy mission to serve God and love others. (Joshua 24:15) (Mark 16:15) Our marriage is missional. We will be a powerhouse for the kingdom of God, using our home, our resources, and our love to minister to a broken world. Our unity will testify to God's goodness, and together, we will boldly fulfill the specific calling He has placed on our lives.

I declare that God will entrust us with the beautiful ministry of parenthood. Together, we will raise a generation that knows, loves, and serves the Lord.  (Proverbs 22:6) (Psalm 127:3) We speak life, health, and a godly inheritance over our future children. As parents, my husband and I will be a unified team, teaching our children by example. We will raise them in a home filled with the fruit of the Spirit, equipping them to be world-changers for Christ.

I declare that we will be perfectly joined together in mind and spirit, standing firm through every season of life. (Mark 10:9) What God is bringing together, no outside force can tear apart. Our home will be a sanctuary of peace, joy, and laughter. We are better together than we are apart, doubling our impact for His glory.

23 Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men, 24 knowing that from the Lord you will receive the inheritance as your reward. You are serving the Lord Christ. - Colossians 3:23-24

This is quite a reminder for us to do our work as if it is for God. Sometimes, there are days when we are too tired, or we want to rest, or we want things to change, or we face challenges in the workplace. But the question is: how do we respond in a way that is truly "for the Lord"?

Tough question, right? But it is a call for us that whatever we do, we do it as an outflow of our love for God, and because of that, we will do things differently. When our work comes from this place of love rather than just duty, it changes our motivation. We are no longer working just for human approval or a paycheck, but out of gratitude to Him.

In times when we are too tired, we can always rest. In times when we want things to change, we can communicate. In times when we have challenges, we can always seek a peaceful way to reconcile or resolve them.

And blessed is she who believed that there would be[a] a fulfillment of what was spoken to her from the Lord.” - Luke 1:45 ESV

I have been contemplating the healing moments of Jesus in the books of Mark and Luke, and one thing remains consistent: their faith made them well.

According to Hebrews 11:1 (ESV), “Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen.”

Jesus would often say, “Your faith has made you well.” This makes me wonder: if God were to answer our prayers today, would He say the same thing to us? Or have we become people who no longer expect anything because we have waited for so long? While contemplating Jesus' miracles, I found the first verse I shared above. The context of this verse is Elizabeth speaking to Mary during her visit. Elizabeth was filled with the Holy Spirit at that exact moment. It is a powerful reminder to ask ourselves: in our seasons of waiting, are we still expectant of God’s promises, or are we simply giving up?

"Whoever seeks to preserve his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life will keep it." -Luke 17:33

What does it mean to lose yourself like the Bible says?

In Luke 17:33, "losing yourself" isn't about losing your identity or experiencing a crisis, but is rather a spiritual paradox about surrendering self-centered control to find true life. To "preserve" your life means living with a tight grip, focusing entirely on comfort, ego, fear, and personal ambition which ironically causes you to miss out on a meaningful existence with God. On the other hand, to "lose" your life means willingly dethroning your ego, letting go of the need to control your own destiny, and choosing instead to center your life on God and the service of others. Ultimately, by giving up a small, self-absorbed version of who you are, you stop letting fear run your life and open yourself up to a far richer, deeper, and truer version of who you were genuinely created to be.

Last week taught me a lot about what it actually looks like to lose myself in this way. I am usually a very confident person when it comes to my work; I love what I do, and I know I am good at it. However, I recently received some negative feedback that didn't sit well with me. While some of it wasn't true, some of it genuinely pointed to areas where I needed to grow. Even so, it discouraged me deeply. For days, I caught my mind constantly trying to justify myself, until I suddenly stopped and realized: Oops, I am actually trying to preserve my life right now. I had been desperately trying to prove my competence and protect my reputation. In that moment, I was reminded that a single piece of feedback cannot destroy everything I have worked for, and more importantly, my worth isn't anchored in my performance or in people's opinions. God was gently breaking down the pride I had built up for myself, reintroducing me to the art of losing myself.

That lesson in humility quickly followed me outside of my professional life and into a very vulnerable personal moment. I ran into someone I deeply look up to as a leader, and I was completely without makeup. I had only slept for two hours, I was exhausted, and I was dressed strictly for comfort. Like anyone else, I wanted to make a great, polished impression on this person, so being caught completely off-guard felt uncomfortable. Yet, as the initial embarrassment faded, it reminded me that letting the curated mask drop and allowing the world to see my raw humanity is perfectly okay. After all, I am not someone who wears makeup all the time anyway. I realized I needed to lose the constant urge to manage my image and refuse to remain a prisoner of external validation.

As if those two instances weren't enough, God gave me one more opportunity to let go of my ego in a classroom setting. I had recently taken the initiative to retake a class, wanting to review and ensure I had a rock-solid foundation I needed. However, because I was in that space, people began looking at me as if I were entirely new and inexperienced. My immediate instinct was a weird defensiveness; I felt like I had every right to correct them, flash my credentials, and explain how long I had actually been doing this. But God quietly reminded me that I could just let it go. He sees my history and my walk, and that is more than enough. I didn't need to defend my status, and besides, there is absolutely nothing wrong with being new.

I received a touching message from a friend after greeting her “happy mother’s day”. She has no kids but she calls us her kids. We are great friends. We love and correct each other.