searching for his Light

The pressure to spill was getting to you mentally and emotionally.

Each time the truth almost tumbled out, Irenka’s glare forced you into silence.

The three of you sat at the table breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Joker and Irenka talking in Slovak while you poked your food in trained submission. J would try and invite you into the conversation every odd sentence or two, but he failed to see Irenka’s warning glare out of his peripheral.

You didn’t dare speak. Her eyes forbade you to. One wrong word and you could ruin everything.

In Irenka’s eyes, you already proven yourself the enemy. She saw how her son doted on you. You had Joker wound so tightly around your finger, he made himself into a literal fool.

Bringing you here was reckless. There was no guarantee that you weren’t followed. Joker sacrificed too much to keep this land hidden—to keep those that lived here safe, and he spat on that vow the moment he let you in.

As if she would be nice to you. Not when your very presence threatened so much.

Meanwhile, Joker pointedly ignored the bad blood in the air. He wanted the two most important women in his life to get along. Somehow.

You loved to cook, so does his matka; so, every morning he nudged you into the kitchen with an encouraging smile. Irenka threatened you to get out with a cleaver each time.

You saw her knife work on the dinner table. No thank you.

Joker thought the two of you cooked together and bonded over female camaraderie. You didn’t have the heart to tell him the truth. Not when pale green narrowed into slits over his head.

“I dare you to say something.”

You didn’t. Not when you could tell Joker was happy to be home. Why be a jerk and sully his homecoming?

You saw how relaxed his shoulders were, how he easily spoke his native tongue even after years of speaking English. You caught him laughing with Irenka in the greenhouse. His smile was so carefree, you never seen him like that..

Was this the real Joker? The one who you weren’t allowed to know?

You were responsible for his misery. You clearly gave him enough to stress over. He looked so happy without you. Perhaps..

Just the thought caused a sharp pain in your chest.

Why did Joker bring you here anyway? This was supposed to be your escape from stress, but this trip only highlighted how much better Joker’s life would be without you in it. Irenka’s hatred seemed justified once you gave it some thought.

Joker was so much happier without you. Maybe you would do everyone a favor and leave.

Until you could find out how, you distanced yourself.

You didn’t speak at the table. You gave short answers and nods whenever Joker spoke to you and purposefully took walks alone. It was for the best to lay low until you could sneak off and run.

Thankfully, Joker was a smart man. His sixth Y/n sense always creeped you out with how he noticed everything about you—down to the tiniest detail.

He took pride knowing his Light. If something were amiss, he would know.

And all it took was one sigh.

Granted it took him a few days to identify it; Joker knew that sigh from anywhere.

It was shaky and watery. Born from a monumental load of stress, that single sound told Joker so much.

He looked at you differently that morning. Irenka kept rambling about crops in the greenhouse, but Joker’s full attention was on his Bunny.

You weren’t eating. Your head was down to hide the puffy remnants of tears. You had bitten your nails to nubs. And more importantly, you looked ready to run.

“Talk to me.”

The room fell silent. Irenka stopped mid sentence to stare at J. He wasn’t talking to her. His gaze was fixed on you. Of course it was.

Her eye snapped to you. You were practically curled up in your seat pushing scrambled eggs around the plate. You hadn’t eaten a bite.

Having everyone’s attention made you burrow further into your shell—even more so when Joker exhaled through his nose.

Joker didn’t think; he simply acted.

The wooden legs of your chair creaked loudly across the floor and masked the sound of your startled yelp.

Before you could say a word, emerald green flooded your view. Joker scooted you so close that you could see the flecks of gold shimmering in his eyes. Your brain naturally short circuited at the sight.

“Hovoril som s tebou!”

Joker didn’t bother glancing at Irenka as he responded “Well. I’m talking to Y/n now.”

He then rested his hand on the backrest, caging you into the seat. You jumped at the close contact and looked away.

“Hm, I think we’re well past you being afraid of me.” he droned on, leaning in closer.

You tried to speak, yet no words escaped. Joker hummed to himself while scanning your face for clues. You feared what he’d find.

“We can do this the err.. ea-Zzzy way where you tell me what’s wrong. Orrrr. Mm, you’ll love this one. I’ll make you tell me.”

You gulped, hearing his voice drop an octave.

Leave it to Joker to resort to violence. You weren’t sure if he’d go easy on you because he liked you. The cold jade drilling holes into your head told you J was not in a laughing mood.