Hauke

From here on out, it's mostly the actors doing things, but..

• The almost kissing blooper

• The "You've got the best ass and it's hanging out of a truck" blooper

• The fact that the actors were both on board (if I was told correctly) but that the showrunner was an absolute dick

Here's the original meme

— He gave you a dirty look when you first suggested finally having sex. Even more when you told him that he’s gonna be the one getting fucked.

— He squirms and move around a lot whenever your peppering him with his finger. 

— He won’t like having to prep and stretch himself. Always bring up how girls and how their pussies work and how it’ll be faster and feel better.

— He tries not to moan loud or make any noise of pleasure since he so called “Doesn’t like it.” 

— The first time you two were about to do it after prepping he tapped out, he couldn’t imagine having another man’s dick in his ass. So right when things were getting hot and heavy he tapped out and left.

— After the next few times you got him and got inside of him before he could tap out. He’d let out deep groans and squeeze his teeth together.

— He’s pretty vulgar, while other men would be moaning or whining. Solider boy would the type of man to taunt and insult you. “Is that the best you got?” “I fuck people better then is.” He’s pretty degrading and gets off on that when seeing you even more upset.

— He’s into jerking off together, he’d jerk off your cock while whisper the most mean and rude words in your ear before a small bit of praise.

— He’s not too big of being over affectionate during sex. He sees sex as sex and not some damn romantic night with your love one.

— Loves it when you grunt or whisper into his ear. Doesn’t matter what your saying how loud your groaning in his ear. He fucking loves it.

— He also loves surprises, waking up with a dick thrusting in and out of him would put him in a great mood for the rest of the day. 

— He likes the feeling of your mouth searching for his tongue and while you two makeout your fucking hard into him.

— His favorite position is missionary or any position when he can see your face in it. He’d be the type of guy to have immense eye contact without breaking or moving away while you fuck him. 

— He wants your eyes to be locked while he degrades and praise you.

— He’d be bad at giving head first but when he gets into the rhythm and knows a thing or two his mouth would be busy with your cock all day.

— Titty fucking with him, he would press his chest together while your cock moving in between his chest. 

— He always make it his goal to make you cum faster than the last type in his mouth. He can suppress his gag reflex pretty well so while you face fuck him he would stare up at your eyes not breaking eye contact for a second.

— He wants your cum on his face, he suck and your dick to the point that your getting all sensitive while he’s just eager to have your cum on his face.

— He wants it rough all night long. He doesn’t care for gentle shit. Sometimes he’ll treat you like is own personal human dildo.

— Very into edging, one of his biggest kinks.

— Once he cums a few times he’d make you pull out and he’ll go about his day as if he didn’t leave you with a hard uncummed cock.

— He let out the sharpest gasp when the first time your dick hit his prostate. He would stare down at your hips watching you fuck him as he let out heavy moans and breaths.

— Always threatened you when your close to cumming, he doesn’t want you to cum anywhere inside of him.

— But one day when it was to late to pull out and you came deep inside him. His legs immediately tensed as his head went back. His foreign from the feeling of cum inside him.

— You kept fucking him thrusting though he was full of cum. 

— Eventually it’d be his favorite thing. He wants your cum inside of him though sometimes he acts like he doesn’t. 

— Whenever you pull out he’ll stare at the cum leaking out of his hole and down onto the sheets. It’ll be hot for him so he’s turned l again ready for the next round.

— He wants you to be rough with him no limits. Choke him or manhandle him do whatever he fucking loves it all.

— He’s inpatient, sometimes he doesn’t want to wait until you guys are in the bedroom or anything. So there’s numerous times that you guys end up fucking on the living or hallway floor of the house and sometimes on the table. 

— He has stamina for HOURS and he’s needy. He’d would be focus on his pleasure then get to yours after a few rounds. 

— No matter how good you fuck him, he’ll still be an asshole, but if he actually hurt your feelings he’ll cheer you up by letting you fuck his throat.

Before he can say anything, you move in.

Your palms slide up his stomach, fingers digging into the hard ridges of his abs. You lean down and press a hot, open-mouthed kiss right over his sternum.

Soldier Boy tenses instantly.

“The fuck are you doing?” His voice is sharp, low, and edged with warning. One big hand clamps around your wrist, stopping your hand from roaming higher. “Get off me with that shit.”

You don’t pull away. Instead, you kiss lower, tongue tracing the deep line between his pecs, tasting salt and warm skin.

He stiffens even more, shoulders going rigid. “Hey. I said knock it off.” There’s real irritation in his tone now, that old-school macho defensiveness flaring up. “I ain’t some goddamn girl for you to slobber all over. Back up.”

But you’re already too far gone. Your hands keep moving—greedy, appreciative—squeezing the thick muscle of his chest, thumbs brushing over his nipples as your mouth follows, sucking lightly at the sensitive skin just below his collarbone.

Soldier Boy sucks in a sharp breath through his teeth. “Fuckin’ hell… you deaf or something?” He grabs your shoulder this time, fingers digging in hard enough to bruise a normal man, clearly trying to push you back. His jaw is clenched, green eyes narrowed. “This ain’t my thing. I don’t do… whatever the hell this is.”

You hum against his skin, undeterred, and drag your lips slowly across one of his heavy pecs, tongue flicking out to tease his nipple.

His grip falters. A low, involuntary sound escapes him—half growl, half grunt—and his back arches just slightly off the couch before he catches himself.

“Shit—” He sounds pissed, but there’s a new roughness in his voice. “Stop that. Right now.”

You don’t. Your hands slide down to his sides, thumbs stroking the sensitive dip where his abs meet his hips, while your mouth keeps working—kissing, licking, sucking marks that won’t last long on his healing body but feel filthy in the moment.

Soldier Boy’s breathing is getting heavier despite himself. His hand is still on your shoulder, but the push has turned into more of a grip, fingers flexing like he can’t decide whether to shove you away or pull you closer.

“You’re really testing me, you know that?” he mutters, voice strained. There’s a faint flush creeping up his neck. “I ain’t supposed to… fuck.”

When your tongue dips into the groove of his abs and your hands squeeze his thick thighs, he actually twitches. His head falls back against the couch with a quiet thud.

“Goddamn it…” The curse comes out weaker this time. His free hand clenches into a fist on the cushion beside him. “This is fucking weird… but don’t you dare stop now.”

You smile against his skin and keep going—more confident, more handsy. You push the suit further off his shoulders, exposing more of that powerful torso, and worship every inch with your mouth and hands. Each new kiss draws another reluctant groan from him, his body slowly betraying his initial resistance.

By the time you reach his neck and suck a hard mark just under his jaw, Soldier Boy’s resistance has mostly crumbled. His hand slides from your shoulder to the back of your neck, not quite gentle, but definitely not pushing you away anymore.

“Fuckin’ greedy bastard,” he growls, voice thick and rough with arousal. His hips shift restlessly. “Didn’t think I’d like this shit… but yeah… keep going. Harder.”

He tilts his head to give you better access, eyes half-lidded and dark.

“Show me how bad you want it, then. But if you tell anyone I let you do this… I’ll blow your fucking head off.”

You grin against his throat.

Worth it.