Love, phine

How do you get by? How do you deal with the pain of struggling for something you can’t achieve? The disappointment after doing your best yet things don’t work out the way you want them to? The regrets in your what if’s? How do you deal with everything? Because If you ask me, my answer is taking a pause.

When I’m struggling, like in the middle of something that I want but can’t accomplish, and I feel like it drowns me, I let myself take a pause to cry and feel frustrated, because why not? We are humans, and having emotions is part of it. Eventually it will go away, but feeling it makes me feel vulnerable and eligible for help. Maybe if I can’t change the situation I’m in, I can assert it in a different way, perhaps with the help of different perspectives and hands of different arms which all belong to different people like my family or friends. Pausing makes us see that there are things you must face alone, but there are also things which you need to face with the help of others, and that’s okay. Again, you’re only human, and  asking help from others doesn’t make you any lesser than that.

There are also instances where I know I did my best. I poured it all in, but then I still failed, and that made failure very painful. When you know you gave it all but still wasn’t enough. Still ended up with nothing. And so I pause and appreciate. Pausing gives me the opportunity to think all about those times that I won, not in a competition but in blessings. When we don’t get what we think we deserve, we tend to think that it’s unfair, but it’s not. We are so blessed in many ways, and because we are in a situation where we feel we’re not, we forget to think about all those goodness we experienced from the Lord. As for me, those times when I passed a test I didn’t study for, the chance to go to school, the complete simple family I have, the dogs I took care of, surviving a severe dengue, the chance to appreciate the sky’s beauty. Everything. Every single thing, big or small. These are all proof of you winning in life, but remember winning means failing at times, but that doesn’t mean you’re not blessed.

According to Merriam Webster, regret is an expression of sorrow or disappointment, and I can say that we all agree to that, because feeling regretful means failing too right? Failing to do the what if’s. So when I feel this regret, I pause and accept. Accept that I can no longer change what happened, but I can do something in the future to not end up with the same regret I’m feeling at the moment. Besides, regrets should result in learning and growing. Applying the same ingredients for cheesecakes won’t result in chocolate cake. In addition to that,  regretting over the same thing is much more painful to experience, so learning and growing needs to happen. That’s why there’s a need to pause that leads to  acceptance, learning, and growth.

How would you resume when you’re afraid? How would you keep doing something you feel passionate about but current circumstances won’t let you? How would you go on when people tell you not to? How would you continue? How would you choose to continue? 

Continuing requires strength to achieve success, but it’s not that simple. It’s hard when you’re afraid. Fear can blind you of the possibilities and perks of pushing through. When fear comes in your way, it’ll block your view of the finish line. Maybe you’re afraid of not getting there, not meeting everybody’s expectations, not achieving your personal goal, or disappointing yourself, but these things keep you from actually achieving success. When you’re afraid to step even an inch, how would you reach your destination? Choose to continue even fear creeps inside of you, because that's what makes the journey more worthwhile. When you finally know that nothing’s ever certain in this world, that everybody's expectation doesn’t need to matter, that you should be kind to yourself. Continuing the fight whilst discarding the fear opens the door to learning and succeeding. Choosing courage is rewarding.

On the other hand, if you experience having to stop continuing doing something you know you’re passionate about due to the circumstances around you, then continue it in time and in a way that does not create trouble. When you can't join a singing contest because you sprained your throat or if you can’t study at med school due to financial shortage, maybe you should pursue it next time, but do not stop practicing and studying so you’ll be more prepared when the time comes. You can pause then continue. Let your pause be your season of growth and development, then continue, the time to finally assert in a more prepared way. Trust God’s timing, and then continue.

When you’re in a situation where people stop you from doing something that doesn’t even bother them or harm others, something you’re in love and enjoy doing, then continue. People don't have the same opinions on everything, respect their opinion but it doesn’t mean you’ll stop on your way and do what pleases them. It’s your life, they have their own. We should focus on working on ourselves. Taking advice from others might help at times, but filter them. If what you’re doing brings joy to your heart, then let that joy flow out of you that it’ll shut them up.