When he first met the man he now calls âcoachâ, he was was Derek, a painfully shy little office nerd just looking for the confidence to finally get in shape. He was too shy to even step foot in gym, fearing all sorts of humiliation. So he figured a licensed hypnotist could once-and-for-all remove his inhibitions about gyms and working out. Unfortunately for Derek, but fortunately for the much improved âbig Dâ, he didnât realize that his hypnotistâs license was revoked for malpractice and conflict of interest.
See, Derek figured Dr. Karl Johnssenâs background as both a sports psychologist and hypnotist was ideal. But the good doctor also owns a small chain of gyms competing in a saturated market, and was in desperate need of a large base of loyal and shredded members whoâd gladly transform themselves into walking, talking billboards for the unique success of his operation.
Thus, while Dr. Johnssen, or âCoach Karlâ, obviously managed to get Derek to loose his inhibitions over the gym and getting in shape, he also got him to loose his inhibitions about doing everything Coach wants. âŚAnd Coach wanted a serious lifter, not some casual day jobber whoâd occasionally walk around with his gymâs logo fitting loosely over his sunken chest, killing his brandâs prestige! No, he needed to train little nerdy Derek into âbig Dâ, a proud lifter and fitness freak.
So out with the old inhibitions and in with the new: On his course to becoming big D, life outside the gym gradually made less sense to Derek, and he became more intimated by the complexities of the word. So often heâd wonder âwhatâs the fucking point?â to all the boring, repetitive tasks of business life. Tasks which, truth be told, he hated because he couldnât do them anymore. Heâd forgotten how his job worked. Simple math, basic vocabulary and other elementary concepts eluded Derek now. When his PCâs clock hit 5, he heard a school dismissal bell in his mind, and giddily ran off for the safe, warm bubble of the gym, where he could just let go and be himself, to be big D. He didnât need to think or deal with boring repetitive concepts. The only numbers he needed were in multiples of 5 or 10. And repetition at Coachâs gym didnât hurt his head, it but built his muscles up nice and swole.
When âDerekâ looks as he is pictured above, which is almost all the time, all he thinks now is âa swole big D is D happy big Dâ.
Big D moved right above the gym with Coach now and fears anytime he walks out. I say he fears walking outside, but heâs happy running outside, the world too much of a blur for him to process and get overwhelmed by all the signs and words and things.
âBig D is for big dumb muscleâ he tells people when they smile and ask his real name.
Coach knows meatheads attract business. With Big Dumb Muscle running around, heâs getting more and more everyday.
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