Jimmie by Heart

I didn’t understand what it meant when people say, “If you love them, let them go.” But I finally do, because I’ve given everything I can emotionally and physically into this relationship we had. I saw the times we went through it was never as happy as I imagined we could. I went from really happy to see you to not really expecting much when I see you. I guess we weren’t meant to be and it hurts me so much because I wanted us to grow old together so bad. Four years and nothing changed the way you act with me. I’m not mad I’m just disappointed on how time never changed anything.

You took every last drop of hope I had for us. Every dream of happiness was taken and manipulated by and I can see it so clear now. I never meant a damn shit to you.

          Sometimes I don’t know why I try anymore. I really really need a try to give myself a break. Guys need to stop trying to ask me out and I need to stop trying to ask guys I like out. In the end...I’m the one that gets hurt... I just hate how I try so hard to care, I try so hard to make an imagination come to life. I try to make it seem like how it is in the stories. Because in reality thats now how love is. I just hate how I can’t find someone that will love me the way I love them. Just when I want to think that I don’t want to deal with it, someone tries to walk in my life. Thinking that it’ll be fun to fuck with my emotions. I’m a pisces...I am sensitive, I’m easily jealous, I’m clingy, and I also hate being easily attached. Its draining me, its killing me on the inside. Maybe someday it’ll happen when I can finally grasp the concept of what it is like to date, whats it like to keep someone’s attention, and whats it like to be in an everlasting relationship. But not today. Not when guys think I’m crazy. I’m too emotional attached. 

It hurts...and I don't need to be reminded of why it hurts. I don't want it to keep hurting. I'm tired of all of it. What's the point?

I KNOW You’ve been trying, i know you’ve been wanting to talk. I just don’t know why. You didn’t feel the same before. You didn’t want it before. So why now, especially when I'm making it obvious I don't need you anymore to make me happy.

I wasn't always insecure, accumulation of disappointments and heartbreaks caused it. Sometimes insecurities are overwhelming, but it only happens if you like someone and you actually care to be jealous or afraid they will be talking to someone else. But everyone shows affection differently. You can't change the way someone loves but you can change their insecurity and have them believe in you. It's not something you can change over a few weeks, over time if you give them enough reason to trust you, insecurities will be gone. They will then believe in love again. No one wants to be insecure but i guess letting someone know more about your past and in hopes they will accept you are signs of weakness.