it's the HCG for me

chat, it's me again. I can't tell you the last time I was 182 lbs. but here we are. It's been about 2 years since moving back to the city I love. so much has happened. I've been birthed and deceased more times than I can count. I can't say that I'm the same girl that stumbled into the blog, but I will say that I'm the same girl that misses herself when she feels disconnected. blogging has always been a way for me to come back to myself, so I think I'll start there. though, this blog does carry alot of sadness and darkness, I'm considering starting with a fresh slate. we'll see. but for now, let's get back into this HCG. So, here we are. 29, jobbed up, boo'd up, taking a break from my djing career to focus on career and my mental health and my weight. I hope to use this space to open up further about these topics and how they intersect with my weightloss journey, the struggles and hopes that come with it and the vision of where I want to be. lets get started. Neck: 12.4" Bust: 38" Upper Waist: 31.1 Lower Waist: 35.5 Hips: 43.1 Upper Thigh: 26" Lower Thigh: 20.9"

Vibe check: Teetering between feeling okay and dysmorphic. I'm this size, but I don't feel this size. I began this year heavy in the gym, so I think how my new weight has been dispersing is different than I'm used to. I know that weight distribution also changes with age. yikes. Health check: I've been feeling incredibly lethargic and maybe a bit depressed. I want to be fair with all the factors. It's winter, and winter depression is real. my new boo is in chef school, so just know we've been eating good.. a little too good. that definetly plays into this. I've been feeling really out of alignment with both my job and and music career, so that doesn't help either. hopefully we can get it together. Goal: my goal, if I'm being honest, is to give myself a jump start to get back into the gym. I have my own opinions on this, but it is what it is and it's what I'm chosing today. Last year october, I decieded to sign up for the gym. I went consistently for 6 months and my slimmed down to 158. I ran and ran and ran and climbed so many stairs on that stairmaster that you would've thought I was training for the olympics. At the end of March I feel into a little bit of a depression, which derailed my progress. I reverted back into old ways and old habits without my newfound outlet. and now- here I am. I would love to be back in the gym, but I want to give myself a head start. all that to say, my goal is to be (and maintain) 165-168 before heading back. I know I can do it, I just need to lock in. lol. Anyway, we'll check back in tomorrow for the first day of my vlcd.

I’m really sad to have stalled today. I made some ground turkey that I used a bit of oil in. I also had my drops at weird times, an extra few pieces of an orange.

I feel like I look okay, but the body feels swollen. I’m going to do my best to up my water today and see what happens. I’m really unsure if the turkey is at fault so I brought a bit with me today for lunch and dinner.

Tomorrow I pose nude for an art class, and although I’m nervous for maybe not so obvious reasons, I’m feeling almost okay with being naked in a room full of people perceiving me. go figure.

I met this older woman at a party. She came off more aggressive than I’d like, but she proposed that I model for her art class and I agreed. Since, she’s showed up to my gigs, bought me and my partner more than a few drinks, she’s even proposed to take me out a few times. She keeps calling our paths crossing fate lol, but I think she’s a bit weird.

Yesterday she painted this portrait of me. It made me feel really beautiful, affirmed. I just don’t know what contracts I’m signing by accepting this affirmation, you know. So we’re going, but we’re optimistically cautious.

Well, that was extremely fast. To be fair, I genuinely don’t think I was that crazy to begin with. Sometimes it really is just a good cleanse and no gluten that does it for me. Either way, we’re going to keep going.

There was a day or two where I slipped up. One day, I had a drink - or five. Night life and its temptations is definitely a new obstacle for me with this diet. Also, the after-the-club munchies. Another day, I had a complete Popeyes binge. I don’t think I’ve had Popeyes for about three years now, it was a strange, but urgent craving lmao.

Anyway, peace. We weigh again tomorrow xox

vlcd 1 - 165.2

Here I am again. Not too heavy, but not where I want to be. 165.2

Do I have a goal? Not really. All I do know is that I want to feel a bit more comfortable in my skin - and that I’m not exactly there. Superficially, I’m acknowledging that with my newfound dj career, I’m constantly in front of a camera, and I’m hyperaware of it.

150 feels good. I think it’s also a realistic target. Let’s see how we go.

Here is a photo from my most recent shoot maybe a week or two ago: