A Writer + A Lurker = The Worst Type Of User

So Legend stares at the state of his home, of Ravio’s merchandise carelessly thrown onto the ground, frames on the walls now shattered on the floor, furniture pushed over, and splatters of blood on the carpet Ravio loves so much. 

He can hear everyone around him freaking out, he can hear words being exchanged, a plan being formed, he can hear the sound of Twilight’s transformation magic. 

Someone touches his shoulder, and he looks to see Hyrule looking at him with so much concern. Legend should probably reassure Hyrule. He really should.

He doesn’t know how to without it looking like a lie to the fairy shifter. He’s pretty sure everyone’s convinced themselves that Legend will always lie when he needs comfort, so in a situation like this… without the full context of who Legend’s lover is.

Legend doesn’t think they would believe him if he said he was fine.

So he doesn’t bother. He turns his gaze back to the mess and thinks about where to start with cleaning it. The glass, for safety reasons, obviously, he doesn’t want the blood to stain, so he should get started on that as soon as possible. The magic items need to get picked up, but who knows, with his lover, he might charge him for touching his precious merchandise.

Knowing Ravio, he will whine if Legend doesn’t pick it up, though. There’s no winning with that guy. He knows they have a rule on finders cleaners with the messes these situations leave behind, but Legend really does not want to clean. 

Legend sighs.

“You know what, let’s just go.” Legend says, causing everyone to freeze. “Go? Go where?” Four questions. “I don’t even care, anywhere that’s not here. I do not want to be here when Ravio comes back.” Legend states as he walks out of the house, he hears people protesting, mumbling concerns to each other about his mental state. It all falls to deaf ears when Legend sees who’s at his gate. So he was too slow to escape. Legend crosses his arms as Ravio spots him. “Mr. Hero!” Ravio greets excitedly. “Welcome home!”

“How was the kidnapping?” Legend asks with a growing smirk. “Oh, it was the usual, revenge plot against the hero of Hyrule who dares ruin their evil plan. Good old classic bait role.” Ravio rambles as he practically skips over to Legend. The others are dead silent behind him, probably in shock. Legend can’t be bothered to look, staring at the hooded man in front of him.

“So how’d you squeeze your way out of it this time?” Legend asks as he slips a finger under the hood to pull at it. Ravio slaps his hand off, but pulls the hood off just as Legend wanted. No obvious injuries at least. That’s good. “Didn’t have anything good on me, so I just snuck out and bombed the place,” Ravio says as he grabs Legend’s hands and fidgets with the rings on them.

“Oh? That must have been fun.” Legend says and watches as the expression on Ravio’s face brightens. “It was! Got to test a new bomb!” 

Legend blinks, and he looks at Ravio with wide, curious eyes. “It’ll be 300 rupees per pouch!” Ravio answers his unasked question, and Legend can only click his tongue at the price. 

“Are they flirting in front of us? Ew. Someone make them stop.” Wind’s voice chimes out in an annoyed teenager tone. “It’s sweet.” Time replies. 

“Ew.” Legend can’t help but reply. He does not need Time to make any type of comment on his relationships.

“Well, great job on escaping. We'd better get going. I’ll buy the bombs next time I’m around. I don't have the budget right now.” Legend says in a rush now that the mood’s been broken. Ravio blinks and nods dumbly. “Okay? See you soon then?” Legend nods before giving a quick peck on Ravio’s cheek and rushes off, the others following him at a slower pace, if not confused. 

Legend makes it close to the forest entrance before he hears Ravio yelling at him. “YOU DIDN'T CLEAN!”