it's me, minx

As the Tour of Utah begins, I think it’s an appropriate time to republish this post. In the years since I first wrote this, the #nopodiumgirls movement has become increasingly vocal. While I can understand some of the reasoning behind this sentiment, it also feels like such a minor issue; if you are looking to get fired up about something that truly diminishes racing, get angry about doping, the inequality in racing opportunities and prize money for women, the inefficiency of the UCI, television motos continuing to place riders in peril, or any of the hundreds of other issues that actually affect the sport. Podium presentations are a tradition, a ritual, a ceremony that that honors the riders’ efforts and accomplishments. If you feel that strongly about podium presentations, remember this: no one is forcing the girls to get up on that stage, and no one is forcing you to watch.

On the right way to do the best job at the bike race:  

BEFORE & DURING THE RACE:

Yo, I'ma let you finish, but never, ever forget that you are representing the race, its sponsors, and the sport at all times. AT ALL TIMES! You must be professional, polite, and presentable from the moment you arrive.

Know what’s happening in the race. Who are the big names at this race? Is there anyone of note who is local? What are the key features of each day’s stage? Listen to the onstage announcers, watch every day’s stage recap, and if you aren’t already familiar with the particulars of bike racing, do a little research into the sport.

Be familiar with race operations and the rest of the crew. Who’s your stage manager? Where are the day’s jerseys? Are the flowers here? Where’s volunteer sign-in? Be kind and helpful to the announcers, commissaires, soigneurs, neutral support, media, and the team mechanics. They make the race happen, and without them, you wouldn’t have a job.

PROPER ATTIRE:

If you are given the opportunity to choose your podium dresses, remember that the weather will be hot/rainy/freezing/windy, and you will be outside, onstage. Nothing too short, nothing that will fly up in the wind, nothing that will show sweat or wrinkle. No separates, no logos, no prints, unless you are presenting the maillot à pois. Always opt for simplicity and elegance. Now is not the time to experiment.

If you are working with a partner, mirror your hair–if your chignon rests on the right side of your head, your partner’s should rest on the left. Same goes for your accessories–flowers, scarves, jaunty miniature top-hats. Looking at your partner should be just like looking into a mirror.

As for makeup, remember that you are not going to the club for a night out. Foundation, powder, blush, and brow pencil, eyeliner, and lashes. Your lipstick should be chosen very carefully to be both flattering and non-transferrable. You should never, ever leave prints on a rider’s cheek. Period.

Lastly, how do you look from behind, head to toe? Remember that you will be seen from behind a fair percentage of the time you are onstage, and groom yourself accordingly. I am talking to you, girl-who-thinks-she-can-get-away-with-halfassing-her-flatiron-job.

PRE-CEREMONY:

Be prepared. Have your flowers, trophies, medals, plushies, anything you will need while you’re onstage double-checked and in place. If you have a stage assistant, this makes things easier. If not, set everything up so it will be within reach onstage well before the ceremony begins.

Have your jerseys laid out so that they are ready for team stickers. You may have these in advance; you may be waiting for a team staffer to bring them to you up until the second you get onstage. If you’re the one who has to apply them, ensure that they lay flat on the jersey and that there are no wrinkles underneath the sticker. The focus should be on the team and sponsor, not on your shoddy sticker job.

If you will be joined by VIPs or dignitaries onstage, know which award they will be presenting. Introduce yourself and then instruct them on what they will do onstage in two simple sentences BEFORE you are actually onstage. "After I zip the jersey, you will stand with the rider for photos for about ten seconds. Then please step to the side for a moment so we can do the podium photo.“ Don’t get bossy! Be friendly, polite, and helpful. If they need a quick demo on how to put a jersey on a rider, now is a great time to do it.

Spit out your gum! Check yourself one last time…how do you look? Awesome? Of course you do. Now get up there and SMILE! This is going to be fun.

ONSTAGE:

Always remember: this is not about you! This is about tradition, celebration, and recognition of the riders, the sponsors of the race, and our sport.

Podium hands never touch, never push, never grab, and never point. An open, graceful hand and a smile work just as well to guide people to where they need to be, and they are so much more photo- and telegenic. I absolutely cannot stress this enough: No. Touching.

When you give the riders anything–trophy, flowers, plushie–present it, don’t just shove it at them. This is why it is called an awards presentation. Keep both hands on the item you are handing over, smile, and say something both quick and kind, like "Great ride!” or “Well done!" Be certain that the rider has a good grip on the item before letting go.

Jerseys should be presented from the side, like a matador. One of you will present the jersey, and the other one will stand behind and zip it up. If you’re lucky, you’ll get velcro instead of a zipper. If you are massively unlucky, you will have a pullover-style jersey. If this happens to you, place your hands inside the wrists of the sleeves. Have the rider slide their arms in, then guide the jersey over their head, taking care not to knock hats or glasses askew. Gently tug the hem down, and if there’s a zipper, zip it.

Podiums will generally be first, second, and third on the day’s stage and the classification leaders. Second and third place on the day receive flowers and kisses (left cheek, then right cheek). The stage winner and classification leaders receive flowers/trophies/jerseys, kisses, AND podium photos.

For podium photos, clasp hands with your partner behind the rider. Lean in, plant the kiss, then squeeze her hand to signal that it’s time to step down, applaud, and smile for photos. Keep your other hand by your side or on your hip and both feet on the ground. Do not put your hand on the rider’s chest, as this will obscure the team sticker.