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My mom used to get frustrated at all the rocks I put in the kitchen when I got home because she thought they were dirty so she started putting all the new ones in the dishwasher for me once a week before I had to take them to my room and at one point my dad found the silverware caddy full of rocks and was like "why are there rocks in the dishwasher?" And my mom was like "I didn't want dirty rocks on the counter" and then he was like "why were there rocks on the counter?" And I was like "I ran out of room in my pockets" and then he was like "thanks none of that explains anything" and just left the rocks there and grabbed a spoon out of the sink instead of thinking about the rocks any further.

being an absolutely obnoxious little turd is a love language

Sound on I beg you

Audio: A cartoonish "bonk" as the cat hits the tank followed by a person's muffled laughter

imagine sliding this down mid conversation lmao

In a good day I'm in yellow ngl...

I need this for... reasons.

you know what? this sort of thing should be normalized. if im talking to someone, and they feel like they need a social break, let them use this! plus it might help people who have trouble telling where they're at on that scale

BRB BOUGHT TO GO ORDER ASAP

Me too man, me too

I need this so bad

All I can picture is my wife making eye contact with me at a party and sliding it aaaassaaaaall the way down as a way of telling me she'd like to leave now.

all i can picture is my wife making eye contact as we walk towards the party and sliding it allllll the way down as a way of telling me that i am forcing her to socialize against her will and that we could be on the couch petting the dog right now

I'd want to be able to control this from a remote in my pocket. (Mentally/magically would be even better.) That way, I could have it drain away on its own during a conversation.

my toddler is 3 years old and wont eat anything other than fine porterhouse steaks and sweet port wine

you need to discipline your child. port is a horrible choice for the main course and wildly clashes with a rich béarnaise.

dude hes three….

And uncultured. Get a new child

Hello fellow sloppy bisexuals how is not putting away the laundry going

BLÅHAJ?????

If we don’t microdose delusion we won’t make it through this reality babe….

get out of the summoning circle you stupid little fruit

I love the pika.

id be so pissed if i got a parking ticket in gotham like a MAN dressed up like a CLOWN is violating the geneva convention weekly fucking calendar man is out there doing god KNOWS what and ur gonna fine me for parking for 30 min in a 10 min loading zone??? fuck this im becoming parking man and never paying for parking again weeheehee you’ll never catch me batman !