I fasted* from Heated Rivalry during Ramadan and this is what I learned:
*My fast was originally going to be cold turkey quitting HR content, but as I discovered tHReads, I decided to change my terms. I fasted from watching the show, reading the book, reading fanfiction, or reading articles.
Disclaimer: This is my experience, you don’t have to agree with any of it! Despite what my online presence may suggest, this Ramadan was a more deeply spiritual time for me than any other Ramadan in my entire life. Questions and discussion are welcome, but Islamophobia of any kind will absolutely not be tolerated on my page.
1. Not consuming content is a GREAT way to be more creative!!
When I first started consuming HR content, I saw many creatives on Instagram crocheting portraits, embroidering quotes, drawing and animating scenes and memes… I thought, “Why not me too?” but didn’t have any concrete ideas on what to do. Some came here and there, but not like the absolute FLOOD of ideas that came to me during Ramadan.
I struggle with creativity at times, and I do attribute it largely to constantly blasting myself with media to avoid forming a thought (very unhealthy, I know!). One of my goals this year is to be more comfortable just sitting with my thoughts, even if unpleasant. The urge to “reheat” during Ramadan was strong, but my commitment to my goal was stronger. The thing is, the brain is always active. It’s always looking for something to do, always looking for a “problem” to “solve.” So when there’s no new information to take in and process up there, it makes it!
Now to only find the time to create everything on my list… *stares at 30+ edit ideas in my notes app*
2. Celebrity gossip is NOT worth it.
We are all humans. I think a lot of people need to remind themselves of this. We are all humans. None of us are greater than or less than other humans. A rise to fame happens for a reason, but it does not mean that those humans have a level of exceptionalism that everyone else doesn’t.
Something I love about being human is that we can inspire and feel inspired by one another. We look up to others, others may look up to us. We may even fantasize about famous humans, we may even project our fantasies onto them, intentionally or otherwise. But at the end of the day we’re all humans. The people behind Heated Rivalry are all people who feel the same emotions we feel, who may be impacted by the Internet in the same ways we would be if we were in their shoes. And it’s especially important to remember: We are all on the same Internet!
It’s so important to remember though, that we’re all just humans with individual, unique identities, and we cannot let those identities get lost in the wake of celebrity idolization. It’s okay to be interested, but when we get so absorbed and concerned by every fraction of a movement another human does, when we become obsessive over what they wear, what they eat, who they talk to, what they choose to do in their private free time, we lose ourselves, and we may even lose sight of our values.
In Ramadan, community is hugely important, and not only that, charity is mandatory. When we fast we gain empathy for those who can’t break their fasts at the end of the day, we gain gratitude for what we do have in this life, and we gain fulfillment (or at least try to) from spirituality, rather than materialism. Celebrity gossip is not fulfilling. It makes us feel like we’re always chasing something, always waiting for the next thing, the next move, the next quote, the next relationship. Again, it’s okay to be interested, but when we start to feel sad, or start to argue with one another unproductively because we haven’t had any content to feed into our gossip circles, we need to learn to take a step back.
Who are we when we’re not chasing someone else?
3. Our time on this planet is finite, don’t waste your energy on things that actively harm you.
The discourse gives us a headache. The hate accounts and comments give us a headache. To those of you who feel the need to fight the fight, that’s great! I, personally, am not in fandom for that and I realized that even though I’m so curious what people are saying, reading these comments and arguments did nothing for me but make me sad, angry, frustrated, or another negative feeling. But I also realized, I literally don’t have to spend my valuable time and energy on them! No obligation there whatsoever! None!
It can be hard to pull away, but when you do, it’s so relieving. Yes, there are real issues and real discourse to be had, but when I see discourse about things that at the end of the day don’t matter to me in my real life that much (like whether or not we should write certain themes in fanfiction (write whatever you want and don’t read what you don’t like, we don’t need to be the moral police about what other people write)), I also see a reason to put my phone down and ground myself back in reality.
4. You CAN build discipline. Take a break. The content will still be here when you get back.
I attended a pre-Ramadan lecture about a month and a half ago and something that an imam said really stuck with me: If we can fast from things that are halal (permissible) like food, water, and sexual relations, we can trust ourselves to fast from things that are haram (sinful) even when Ramadan is over.
This Ramadan, I went to taraweeh prayer for at least 2 hours, for about ⅔ of the month (hopefully next year it will be every day). It was important to me not to go on my phone between prayers. Obviously, it was tempting at times! My mind went to Heated Rivalry and HudCon way more times than I would like to admit, but I think that part of prayer and meditation is that you don’t necessarily try to restrict the thoughts you have. Let them flow freely, and redirect when you need to, to ground yourself. I had to redirect myself many many times, I’m only human!
By the end of the month, I definitely wasn’t not distracted by my thoughts at all, but I was able to build more focus, especially because I had this scheduled time to pray, carved out of my day for me. I didn’t feel tempted to go on social media at taraweeh at all by the end, though.
When I wasn’t at taraweeh though? It was difficult. Because of the specific times to break your fast and pray taraweeh, I felt my days were so condensed. I would go to work, go to my side hustle sometimes, come home, break my fast for maybe 20 or 30 minutes, go to taraweeh, come home, sleep. So of course, I wanted to participate in fandom in the little bits of time that I did have!
The weekend of the Oscars was especially tough, with livestreams going and so many people waiting for Hudson’s appearances. I admit, it was actually impairing my ability to go about my day at times. I needed to clean, I needed to shower, I needed to help prepare dinner, but I could not stop consuming… Until I could! Embarrassingly enough, I had to tell myself out loud multiple times “The content will be here when you get back.” But it helped! Of course, I do experience FOMO like any other human does, but I was able to reframe my thinking and somehow not even care that I’d be missing the Vanity Fair after party. And guess what? All the content was curated there for me the morning after. It always is.
A lot of these things overlap so they were hard to separate into categories but if you read all the way through, thank you! I’m the world’s biggest yapper so it’s okay if you don’t read it all, I just wanted to get it out of my head. May we all carry these lessons throughout the rest of the year.
theartofmadeline
ellievsbear
dailybridgerton
tangentwithtanner
jacobvanloon
areudirty
