one of those girl-sons

word on the street is if you suffer in just the right way for just long enough youll be rewarded

The first saw trap was the garden of eden, really

Why do all minotaurs in media have nipple rings. Who's piercing their nipples. and How do I qualify for this job.

i have [gestures vaguely] my tendencies

my body knows something that i don’t and i can’t get her to talk to me

I think the reason I still enjoy tumblr is that even though this all still pisses me off, I know that anything that makes me mad on here is 100% earnest. It's not ragebait or engagement farming, y'all are actually just that stupid sometimes

I’m not saying it’s easy, but you will do yourself a lifelong favor if you get to the point where you truly believe incontinence is not shameful. Unpleasant, uncomfortable, inconvenient, sure, you don’t have to like it, but trust me, as a nurse who’s done incontinence care hundreds of time—it is, at its heart, whatever. It is what it is. As far as I can tell, there only two types of people: those who’ve shit themselves and those whose turn hasn’t come up yet. To exist is to excrete waste. There’s nothing to gain from feeling ashamed of how you do it. Pissing yourself is value neutral.

certainly i talk enough about svetlana giving ilya the side-eye over his insane ottawa decisions but also i’m going to believe maybe she’s also like wellllll maybe he’s not just totally delusional and maybe there’s a tiny chance he’s onto something here. maybe playing house with the walking embodiment of a real canadian superstore really did solve all his mental problems. and so she goes out and finds a woman named michaela who is a nurse and who really loves parks and rec and who has a cat named bingo and an infinity tattoo on her wrist and loves colleen hoover and wears t-shirts to sleep that say things like “does this coffee make me look bitter?” and svetlana uhauls her way into michaela’s suburban duplex decorated with seasonal tj maxx decor and after three weeks svetlana is like oh my GOD i am going to murder-suicide us both goodbye do not call me ever. and crucially she never ever tells ilya about this experiment.

The thing about being mysterious is sometimes you’re just dehydrated and replying tomorrow

reading In The Woods by Tana French and idk the last time I read a book with such a loathsome and unlikable narrator

just like real cops ……