Soft Grunge Is Dead

How about I "kind of" quit being nice to you and I "kind of" start being mean to you and maybe then you'll appreciate me.

There were so many things I avoided when we broke up. I avoided listening to certain music or wearing certain clothes. Only because they struck up a very bittersweet memory. Only now have I gotten the courage to start doing those things once again. I realize that these wounds may never heal. I realize that what I said can never be taken back. I realize I can't erase my actions. Although, some day I will have to move on. It's your choice whether you want to participate in my movement or stay stuck in the past.

People say that to me all the time. Well, I do. Here is how the cycle goes...I having racing thoughts in public situations, so that's why I avoid the public life. Someone says, "Oh, but you act in plays". So? I'm trying to get over the anxiety to act and do what I love. I fear that people read my mind and facial expressions around them. Around two of my ex boyfriends, I was scared to make a false move around their parents. I don't like first time impressions. Someone says, "Oh, but you're such a flirt around boys". No, I'm actually not. I don't have many female friends. I don't like to judge, so I don't want to judge myself against them. I like male friends, less drama and less feeling like I have to be pretty to please. I can feel people stare at me and I check myself all the time. I am scared that my thoughts are projected. It's completely crazy. I don't know what to do?...I always avoid social situations. I tried dance team one year, but I had racing thoughts the whole time I was dancing in front of people. I feared what they would say to me afterwards. I know that acting is "in front of people". I'm not me when I'm acting, I'm that character. If people criticize me afterwards, it isn't me. It's the character. I also avoid eating in front of other people.