I sit all alone in a long, tunnel like hall full of people. The ceiling is high above me, but sitting sideways in my chair and leaning against one wall while the other is maybe fifteen feet away, the whole thing is deceptively small. It took walking up and down the length of this strange pseudo-mall more than twice to find this seat, but it’s worth it, because now I can eat my sandwich; and it’s delicious.
I look around; this is the strangest place I’ve been yet in New York. It’s not strange because it’s trying to be strange; it’s not even strange because it’s just an anomaly, a one of a kind. It’s strange because it’s so desperately trying to be something that it’s not, but everyone here is trying to see it as what it is trying to be, trying to make it what it wants to be, but it’s all failing. There’s a strange mix of hipster/tourist, with both sides masquerading as the other and the mixtures bringing an embarrassment to both groups that I didn’t think was possible. And so I sit, all alone, watching hundreds of people walk through this tunnel lit like there are flaming torches lighting from high up on the walls.
Then she sits across from me. She’s also eating a sandwich, and she looks bored of the whole ordeal. I say “Hello”, she says “Hola”. So, obviously there’s a difference in language or she just spoke Spanish so that I wouldn’t pursue a conversation because she just doesn’t want to talk to me. I don’t really care, I was just being polite; but it does strangely make me feel more alone than when I was just sitting there at the table for two by myself. Maybe it’s because now I have a real opportunity to create a human relationship after at least half a day by myself, and I can’t. Or maybe it’s because I don’t feel any sort of connection to anything around me, I mean by now even my sandwich is gone. So I should go, but I currently have nowhere to go.
It’s crazy how much feeling a connection to something; anything really, can keep you from feeling an ache of nothingness. Feeling like you’re becoming a void is terrifying, until you are a void. Then you’re nothing and it doesn’t matter. Those connections, no matter how small, are so important.
Remember to smile. Remember to be real. Remember to do good.
