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Stick a lush vibrator up my cunt, set it to low, then take me shopping. The second we walk into a store, turn it up to mid-high and watch me stop dead in my tracks, gaze fixed on nothing as I try my best to keep myself from thrusting at the air. Ask me innocently what's wrong, deny my answer, then send me off to find a new dress or pair of shoes. Watch me drift around the store in an aimless, horny daze, before rejoining me a few min later in the corner where I'm -- just barely -- pretending to examine the price tag of a purse without really seeing what I'm looking at. Lightly mock the fact that I'm in the wrong section and that I don't seem to have found anything I like.

Make a show of pulling out your phone and holding it up so that I can see it, and as you ask me if I just want you to pick out my clothes for me, take your thumb and slowly drag it up the screen to the highest setting. Smile at me as my legs start quaking and I grab hold of the nearest shelf, then say sweetly, "I'll take that as a yes."

Then, after commenting on my now inability to walk on my own, wrap your arm around my waist and proceed to steer me around the store like a walking coma victim towards the skirts and dresses that you like. Swivel your finger all over the screen as you ask me for my thoughts on each item. You nod seriously at my moans and whimpering, saying things like, "Yes, yes, well put. My thoughts exactly."

The cashier sends concerned glances at my lust-drugged face as they ring up everything you bought, but the only thing consuming my mind is repressing the urge to hump the counter.

You lead me out of the store, and around the corner. I don't even question what we're doing. On the quiet side street, you instruct me matter of factly to suck your cock. We've never done anything like this before -- you know I'm too anxious about someone seeing me in public, but the overwhelming, prolonged focus on my cunt clouds over any rational wall of defense or higher thinking, and I drop to my knees.

I suck and slobber like the only thing left that exists is your cock poking down my throat. When you come all over my face and some of it spills onto the ground, you have to physically stop me from trying to lick it up. "Calm down," you say, clearly amused, "you don't know who's walked there." I don't laugh cus my cunt still has undeniable control of my brain, but I surge forward when you give me permission to clean off your dick.

You walk me back to the car with your cum covering my face. Over the course of our relationship, we had never had sex without making sure I had climaxed, so going into the store I had assumed I would get to do so at the end. In spite of this, when you tell me, "You've been such a good girl that I'm going to let you come," I clench around the vibrator and feel a quick spark of unadulterated excitement, as if my orgasm had always been something that you "let" me have.

But then you look at me in the backseat through the rearview mirror and add, "When we get home." My heart sinks. My cunt leaks. "In the mean time, I want you to spread your legs and rub yourself." I see you take out your phone and drag the vibrations all the way down, and suddenly I'm jerking forward at the loss of stimulation, wanting, needing more of the barely-there hum in my cunt.

1. This SHOULD go without saying, but wash your vag and ass before hooking up. Use a mild unscented soap with water, or an OBGYN approved wash like Summer’s Eve (warning: products like Summer’s Eve do a great job of cleaning your pussy, but because they absorb some of your natural moisture, they may make you less wet during sex. Try washing yourself an hour or two before having sex, and use lube just in case.)

2. Do kegels (squeeze your vaginal muscles) when ya man is fucking you. It makes it tighter for him, and less likely for you to queef.

3. On queefing: it’s literally just air escaping your vagina from being fucked too fast in a certain position. Yes, it makes an embarrassing sound, but any mature man will know that its totally normal and nothing to be grossed out by. To lessen their occurence, do kegels (both during and not during sex) to strenghten vaginal muscles, arch your back more, slow down the sex pace a little, and try positions that it doesnt typically happen in (doggystyle is usually the most queef-likely position).

4. Make👏your👏blowjobs👏wet👏as👏fuck👏. Literally slobber or slowly spit on the dick while going down on him. It makes it feel better for him, and it makes it easier for you to slide it down ya throat.

5. If you can’t deepthroat: do #4 above, and suck on the head while jacking off the shaft. Drives them crazy.

6. Make eye contact while sucking dick every once in a while. I like to look him dead in the eye as I run my tongue up his shaft, from base to tip.

7. When deepthroating, swirl your tongue around the base of his shaft for extra stimualtion as you take him in and out of your mouth.

8. Never ever ever use teeth on his dick or balls unless he specifically tells you to.

9. Be careful with his balls; don’t squeeze or suck too hard. I actually dont even touch the balls unless he asks me to, every guy is different in terms of sensitivity down there.

10. Before hooking up, rub a vanilla-scented lotion on your ass cheeks, inner thighs, tits, and upper pubic mound. This’ll make your most sexual areas smell amazing, and husky smells like vanilla are proven to be more of a turn on (these smells trigger release of endorphins). Note: DO NOT PUT SCENTED LOTION ON YOUR VULVA OR ASSHOLE.

11. Eating pineapples and cranberries make your pussy taste sweeter.

12. If you shave your pussy, make sure to use a fresh blade, shave in a diagonal/horizontal direction against hair growth, and pat your pubic mound with tea tree oil after shaving for a smooth kitty.

13. Shave your asshole too: I prop my leg up against the tub/counter and go at an angle that way. There really is no perfect system to doing this unfortunately.

14. Brush your teeth or chew some gum before sex. Basic hygiene, people.

15. This is gonna sound weird as fuck, but stretch before sex. Make sure your legs are warmed up before going over to hookup, because y'all don’t even know how painful it is the next morning after having your legs being spread farther than should be physically possible.

16. Talking dirty can take your sex game farther than you’d imagine. Use little phrases like “you eat/fuck this pussy so good,” “I love this cock of yours,” “just like that,” “you feel so good inside me,” “i love how big you are,” “you’re gonna make me cum all over this dick/face,” “your cock tastes so good,” etc etc etc.

17. Things to do while fucking in missionary, moan in his ear, gently bite/lick his ear, kiss his neck, bite his collarbone, whisper “fuck” whenever he hits a good spot, run your nails up his arms/back, run your fingers through his hair, etc.

18. Don’t just lay there while he gives it to you; throw your ass back on that dick during doggystyle, rise your hips against him during missionary, meet his thrusts for a deeper fuck.

19. Keep a hairtie with you at all times if you have longer hair. Throwing your hair up makes it get in the way a lot less.

20. Don’t pressure your partner into doing something they aren’t comfortable. If you aren’t sure about whether or not they’re okay with something, literally ASK “Is this okay?” “Does this feel good?” “Do you want to _________?” “Tell me where you want me, baby.” Consent should not be a mood killer.

21. When blowing a dude, moan around his dick once in a while. The vibrations feel good for him, and letting him know you’re also having fun pleasing him can be a huge turn on.

22. Play with your clit while he’s fucking you. Not only does this provide more stimualtion for you, it makes your pussy wetter for him, and gives him a nice view.

23. Pee after sex.

24. Always always always use protection. If he doesn’t wear a condom, and you don’t have your own contraceptives, don’t fuck. You can always just go down on each other and call it a night.

25. If he fucks without protection, buy Plan B as soon as possible. The sooner you take it, the more likely it will work. It’s available in any local pharmacy, usually near the pads, tampons, and condoms. $50 is a small price to pay for avoiding an untimely pregnancy.

26. Pulling out does not mean you can’t get pregnant. Precum can have residual sperm cells left over from previous ejaculations, even hours later. While the chances of getting pregnant from precum are slim to none, use protection just in case.

27. Drawing out foreplay as long as possible can make for fantastic sex. Give him a massage, suck his dick nice and slow, tease him, strip slowly, feel each other through your clothes. Building up that tension can lead to a mind-blowing fuck.