Little Dreams

This photo was taken right after what I thought was the end of my life. My mentor took this for me. It was 2018, and it was an end of one life. It was an end to one chapter of my life. Looking back at this now, little did I know I’d make this girl’s dreams come true day by day.

It’s 2021 now. We’ve accomplished so much together. It took a while but we’re here now. It really was the best thing that could have ever happened to you. Sometimes endings really are just new beginnings and you just don’t know it at the time, just like Albom said. You couldn’t see it at the time but you can see it now. You’ve accomplished so much in three years. All the self work was worth it. And progress really does show. You asked the universe for what you wanted and you received.

There is so much happening right now. So many good things. So many exciting things that can seem scary but are going to take you to the next level of where you actually want to end up. So much abundance and dreams coming true. Calmness and stability.

I’m so happy for me.

-Dately Check-ins

-Being comforted/held/kissed when crying

-Listening

-Validating my “crazy” saying it’s ok, it would be boring without it.

-Planning the future

I think politics is annoying. I think it’s drama. I think it’s opinions fighting with opinions. And I hate when people try to force their opinons on other people. 

But, there is a time and a place to speak up for what you believe in. Growing up, Martin Luther King, Jr. was my favorite activist that I learned about in school. I believed in his message and his approach to civil rights. I will always stand for equality and fairness. I think since his movement, we have made strides from segregation, but we still have a long way to go for fair justice.

The quarantine and the pandemic has opened our eyes to the issues of our society. 

I am a huge believer in everything happens for a reason, even when I couldn’t see it, life has shown me time and time again that everything that I’ve gone through is for the greater good. 

Right now, things are so crazy. I went to Santa Monica two days ago and witnessed looting and riots with my own eyes. For the past 3 days, there have been constant helicopters and sirens happening outside of my room window. Curfews are being put in place every day at 6 PM with the national guard patrolling the streets of Los Angeles. 

It’s overwhelming. It’s confusing. Half of the time I don’t know how to process all of this. I have never experienced anything like this in my entire life. I’ve read about this stuff in the history books, but never thought I’d ever experience anything that I read in my real waking life. And now I’m experiencing a civil rights movement along with a pandemic AT THE SAME TIME. I’m learning what my voice is. I’m learning how powerful my voice can be. I’m learning how to educate myself to what I stand for and what my beliefs are. And I’m learning how to properly communicate my voice out there. 

This is a truly insane time right now. But great change is going to come out of this. And it will be for the better. 

I’m beginning to understand my “I care too much” syndrome and not blaming myself for it or getting upset that I’m in an “unfair”situation. 

People are different and it’s on me to properly and maturely communicate my feelings in order to feel better. If I feel like I’m about to confront someone about an issue that’s bothering me, I usually have to re-read my messages to people now because my old pattern was just to say what was on my mind without thinking or reading it from another person’s perspective. And as you can imagine, that did not end well for me at all since I was rude, hurtful, curt, and harsh. 

Now, I re-read my messages how I would like to recieve a confrontation. I consistenly edit and re-word phrases that will encourage a kind response back. Or if I don’t get a response, at least I said what I needed to say in the best way that I knew how. I never used to do that. I was honestly too lazy or I didn’t know how to proofread in another perspective. It takes work and it’s not something that comes natural to me. I have to thank the situation that I was in a year ago that didn’t work out for this habit/skill. It was the first time I really cared about someone’s friendship who I really respected and didn’t want to lose. Something I started practicing just a year ago, now bleeds into my every day friendships and it has been super beneficial to my life. 

I come from a place of “I feel” and also being considerate that other people can take things the wrong way and I try my best to eliminate any “gray” area. I’m a pretty “black and white” human being. I do as I’m told and I ask for exactly what I want. It comes with my straightforward personality. 

I’m understanding myself more through this process and I have to say it’s nice understanding when I’m upset and not over-reacting like I normally do, or even worse, pushing it to the side and letting myself explode over something that had nothing to do with my discomfort in the first place. And if I react, being kinder to myself and forgiving myself for feeling. I’m human, after all.

I was originally going to make carbonara for our Wednesday feast, but we're doing an Asian themed night instead so I busted a DAMN MISSION to GARDENA for some FUCKING BOBA BARS. Literally called 3 stores till this one had it in stock.

As I walked into 99 Ranch after waiting in a 30-minute line, I was met by a little Asian man who had the AUDACITY to walk out with 30 boba bars in his cart he just purchased to which I proceeded to ask him "Was this REALLY necessary?!" continued with an angry... "I swear to God if you bought all the boba bars that I just drove 17 miles here and waited in a 30 minute line for. I'm gonna be so pissed."