IrelandRoseTV

I'm lost. I've said it before, but then I was only thinking I was lost. I had no clue what being truly lost was.

Now I'm here.

I've tried to find myself so often but I feel like I was only losing myself more by doing it. I have poured myself into others, hoping they would pour themselves into me and THAT would some how be how I found myself.

Yet here I am. I still feel alone. I still feel lost.

I wake up daily to hundreds of likes, hundreds of messages and notifications. Yet not one of those people in those notifications actually know me.

I have grown to wear my masks well. To hide my pain, to hide my anxiety, to hide my depression.... to hide my trauma. I have so many masks on, I don't know who I am anymore.

I wake up to horror every day. The news bleeding stories out about tragedies like it's a normal occasion. I don't want to leave my apartment, I want to hide from it all.

Yet the one thing I want to hide from the most, I can't.

My mind.

I don't want validation, I don't want fame, I don't want anything other then peace of mind. I don't want to be at battle with myself so often.

I want to see sunshine where no one else can, just like I used to. I want to be able to enjoy the rain instead of hide from it.

Days aren't as hard lately, my mind hasn't been my worst enemy. I won't ever be perfect but I am finding ways to get better, to be better, to inspire better.