Waiting
so...there is this guy. i like him. a lot. we are best friends. and he has a girlfriend.
for context, we’ve been best friends for like 10 months now. i know him like the back of my hand and he is the person i can cry to. last term there was this brief moment of time when i liked him, but i didn’t want to ruin our friendship so i told myself to stop. and just like that i stopped liking him. or did i?
you see everything was going well, until that night. that night i went to his room to study for a test we had next morning. but i was dozing off so we decided to just sleep. now sleeping on the same bed with him wasn’t a new thing. we had done it so many times before, sleeping and cuddling. but that night was different. despite being sleepy we couldn’t sleep. and the tension led to us kissing. i had never been more comfortable being with anyone before. we didn’t do much just kissing but it was the best and the most fun. i knew this would fuck up somethings but i felt so happy, that i couldn’t care less. it was his first kiss.
after that night i knew it. i knew he was the one. i wanted us to happen more than i wanted anything else. i never believed in love, but for the first time i believed in us. so i waited. i waited for him to be ready and make a move. i was so obvious about liking him, but he was just blind to all the signs. it came to the point i couldn’t handle being close to him anymore. knowing that everyday i like him more while he might not like me at all. so i distanced myself.
and as i left someone else came in. she was there with him when i was not. she was able to tell him she likes him when i couldn’t. she was beautiful while i was just me. she was not complicated while i was.
when i found out about them i was heartbroken. for the first time i felt my heartbreak. no, i heard my heartbreak. all this time i was asking myself if i like him or not, and there it was, my answer. i loved him. he made me happy. i wanted to be with him. it was that simple. but i had lost my chance.
later when i talked to him i told him that i liked him, but i was fine because that was in the past. for hours we cried. i still don’t know what made him cry so much, and i don’t want to know. but i know that me and him have something. i can’t describe it but i can feel it in our hugs, in our unsaid words, i can feel a longing. again, maybe it’s just me and even if i am right maybe we will never happen. but i will never not believe in the possibility of us. because that day i lied. i never stopped liking him, i still like him. and everyday i like him more. i know he is the one for me, even if i’m not the one for him.
so there it is, my sob story. but it’s okay cause i’m someone who waits, all my life i have waited for things, for emotions. and i’m okay with waiting again. even if it’s stupid i’m okay with accepting that i still love him.
