Your Lyrics are Wack and Emotionally Shallow

We were both young when I first saw you so far so good. this song relies heavily on the Romeo and Juliet narrative, so we can basically assume she’s around 14. let’s hope it’s a song about holding hands. I close my eyes And the flashback starts I’m standing there On a balcony in summer air See the lights See the party, the ball gowns I see you make your way through the crowd yeesh. I get that this is exposition, but it’s so monosyllabic and lacking in detail. maybe I’m expecting too much from a 14 year old, though. You say ”hello”, little did I know That you were Romeo, you were throwing pebbles hm. the pebbles metaphor is a bit misplaced - not really how the play’s initial meeting went. starting to wonder if she’s even read it. And my daddy said stay away from Juliet I’m not sure what bugs me about this line. it’s source-accurate, so she at least skimmed the Cliff’s Notes, but what irks me is the phrasing. Maybe she does air quotes when she performs it. And I was crying on the staircase Begging you please don’t go, and I said ”Romeo take me somewhere we can be alone I’ll be waiting all there’s left to do is run You’ll be the prince and I’ll be the princess It’s a love story baby just say yes” that’s your hook, there. ugh. we’re starting to blur the connection with the Shakespeare reference (all of a sudden we’re royalty!) plus, anyone who has read Romeo and Juliet knows it’s a Tragedy, not a Romance. It’s not a love story at all, it’s mostly about horny teenagers who misread their hormones. something tells me this song isn’t going to end in a double suicide. So I sneak out to the garden to see you We keep quiet ‘cause we’re dead if they knew well, banish’ed, but I guess that’s worse. So close your eyes Escape this town for a little while ‘Cause you were Romeo, I was a scarlet letter boom. there it is. this is the lyrical equivalent of mixing you metaphors. what’s that? you thought mixing metaphors was the lyrical equivalent of mixing your metaphors? shut up, you! anyway, we just blatantly referenced a totally different story, and crossed a bunch of wires in doing so. what does this even mean? did she get knocked up while their eyes were closed? how, exactly, or even figuratively, is she a symbol of adultery? I mean, she’s still 14, she didn’t mention this dude is married, and my brain is going to explode so let’s just leave it at this: stupid line, no make sense. And my daddy said stay away from Juliet But you were everything to me I was begging you please don’t go and I said ”Romeo take me somewhere we can be alone I’ll be waiting all there’s left to do is run You’ll be the prince and I’ll be the princess It’s a love story baby just say yes” ”Romeo save me, they’re trying to tell me how to feel This love is difficult, but it’s real this time we alter the hook so that we can reinforce gender stereotypes and drop shitty prose. worth it? Don’t be afraid, we’ll make it out of this mess It’s a love story baby just say yes” Oh oh oh oh I got tired of waiting Wondering if you were ever coming around I know what you’re thinking, but I’m fairly certain that’s not an intentional double entendre. My faith in you was fading When I met you on the outskirts of town, and I said ”Romeo save me I’ve been feeling so alone I keep waiting for you but you never come also not an intentional double entendre. it’s just literal. even though he’s right there in front of her. she is literally speaking this line in his presence. Is this in my head? I don’t know what to think” He knelt to the ground and pulled out a ring and said ”Marry me Juliet, you’ll never have to be alone I love you and that’s all I really know I talked to your dad, go pick out a white dress It’s a love story baby just say… yes” so yeah, obviously didn’t make it to the end. not even the Baz Luhrman version. possibly, she saw Gnomeo and Juliet, which would better explain this. also, a white dress? really? after the Scarlett Letter reference, you’re not fooling anyone, honey. Oh, oh, oh, oh ‘Cause we were both young when I first saw you. I assume this is so that you can play the song on loop. like “The Song that Never Ends. ” only somehow, worse.

James Blunt’s Beautiful My life is brilliant pretentious false start. 10 yard penalty My life is brilliant oh good for you. so modest. My love is pure we are about to prove otherwise. I saw an angel Of that I’m sure 9_9 She smiled at me on the subway this woman is being polite, you creep. She was with another man so, taken. But I won’t lose no sleep on that ‘Cause I’ve got a plan to be a home wrecker. [Chorus] You’re beautiful You’re beautiful You’re beautiful, it’s true I saw your face in a crowded place And I don’t know what to do ‘Cause I’ll never be with you so, to recap, he is apparently so in love right now, he doesn’t know what to do, based on this woman’s exceptional personality, kind heart, and shared interests, right? oh wait, no, she’s just fucking hot. Yes, she caught my eye As we walked on by She could see from my face that I was, Flying high again, so modest. this hot chick who glanced at you in the tubes is obviously checking you out, James Blunt. I bet she also values your personality, kindness, and shared interests as well. And I don’t think that I’ll see her again But we shared a moment that will last till the end so a woman you don’t know at all and saw once will stay with you forever? or do you just mean ‘till the end of your next wank session? You’re beautiful You’re beautiful You’re beautiful, it’s true I saw your face in a crowded place And I don’t know what to do ‘Cause I’ll never be with you You’re beautiful You’re beautiful You’re beautiful, it’s true There must be an angel with a smile on her face When she thought up that I should be with you not only is this just shite prose, it’s also straight out bullshit. YOU thought this up, James. it was YOUR superficial, shallow horniness that imagined this entitled attachment to a random stranger But it’s time to face the truth I will never be with you GOOD. no self-respecting woman should find any of this appealing. this is the internal monologue of that creepy guy eyeing you not-so-discreetly from across the room. this is attraction based purely on physical appearance. this is the opposite of a love song. you should not be flattered, you should be scared. you should run. That’s all for this post. feel free to recommend others. there’s not exactly a shortage out there. and remember - songs don’t have to suck. plenty of good shit out there, too.