Irksome Invader

“Do I look like–?” Darrell generally assumed that if he didn’t know what something was, he probably was not one. At least Zim seemed to have figured that out quickly.

“Wait slow dow…n…” While any self-respecting villain would turn down the offer of subordinating themselves to some weirdo off the street, no one had ever called Darrell self-respecting. He wasn’t sure he could pull off “loyal,” but even a temporary boss would give him more purpose than he’d had in a while. Might be fun. “…Sure, why not? What’s the first order of business?”

“GREAT! First, we find uh, we find...” Zim squinted at the robot. “WE find GIR, yes. He has to be around here somewhere. Probably got lost again or something. He is so good at that...”

Jon quickly held his hands up in surrender, also so they wouldn’t get bitten. Not that he was worried Zim could hurt him, he just didn’t want to be responsible for the annoying guy’s teeth breaking off if he did manage to bite Jon.

‘Jon-human’. Well he was halfway there, so Jon just shrugged and accepted it. “A job is where you spend a lot of time doing a certain task, and get paid for it. I try to help people, but that’s more a volunteer thing than a job. I’m ten so I don’t need a job, but a lotta people get them to pass the time anyway. There’s a lotta places hiring. I could help you look, but you gotta promise not to attack me.”

He couldn’t stay in the air forever, but he still didn’t want Zim getting hurt if he tried to attack Jon.

He squinted. That... did not sound like anything he was familiar with. Sure, working was something he knew all to well- Irkens were, after all, basically bred and raised to work, but none of them were ever actually paid. THe only pay he could think of was maybe the honor of handing a whole planet over to the Empire, but... that wasn’t pay.

Zim knew that humans had these .... assignments, for lack of a better word, and he could receive items in exchange for green pieces of paper, so... was that what a job was?

How weird. That paper must be very valuable.

Well, Darrell thought it was pretty obvious that he didn’t know, but whatever. Now he had a name to file away with the face. 

With a short cackle for the drama, he jabbed a claw towards himself. “I’m Darrell from Boxmore, made by Lord Boxman!” He wasn’t going to touch the ‘belonged to’ part– maybe at some point he’d be comfortable saying his father owned him, but not really anymore. While anyone could purchase and own one of his bodies, his hivemind belonged with no one more specific than the company. 

“And my objective…” Hm, without anyone giving him directions, he kind of had to be general. “Is… to destroy!” 

“Hmm, yes, seems nice. That is the general use for robots.” Zim nodded  sagely. “You.. are not a S.I.R. unit, are you? No....” At least this seemed to be something he could handle; robots whose main purpose was to destroy was something he was intimately familiar with.

“ Y’never been to England? You’re not missin’ much… It’s just some dump full of suits and fancy jewelry. ” Really, the only good that came from his crime spree there was the royal family jewels. God he really missed that crown.

     Just the thought has him sighing only to find his daydreaming cut short, caught off guard by this mini Green Goblin’s increase in frustration. That cute little dance he was doing nearly had him breaking into a fit of giggles. It’s him forcing up a bought of hard coughs that saves him from making the situation any worse.

“ I don’t wanna alarm ya, mate, but ‘m pretty sure there ain’t much y’ could do. ” Whoops! Nevermind, he’s already fucked it up. It’s too late to take that back, but… Maybe quickly changing the topic might save him his only organic ankle from getting chewed up or something.

“ Yer tellin’ me. Most of this shit oi could easily make with some scrap from the Junkyard! ”

“Well, uh... no.” He tapped his neck awkwardly. He ... had no idea what England was, or whether he was even supposed to have heard of it. Maybe it was a human thing, and he was exposing himself as an alien that way.

“Uh... I mean. Yes! I go to England a lot. Lots. All the time. Constantly. CAll me uh.... Zim who goes to England lots because...” He trailed off, staring slightly to the left of this weird, fried-looking human.

“...say... do you have a name, human?” Maybe if he started small, he’d get somewhere. Preferably somewhere wit snacks anda place with a door to lock. That sounded great.

Oh, there was no way in hell he was going to fall for that. He had a half-alien as his best friend for godsake, stuff like this didn’t past him so easily. 

“Hello….suspiciously green and slimy….creature.” Raising an eyebrow, Damian doesn’t even take a minute before coming undeniably close to Zim and prodding him in his side, under his arm, etc. 

“What exactly are you? Some sort of lab experment? Alien?”

He responded by hissing, loudly, and swatting at him with his claws. “DO NOT TOUCH THE GREAT ZIM!”

He swatted at him, still growling. “I am not!! AN AlIeeeeen.” HE spat, dragging out the word as though the very implication of him being anything but 100% bona-fide human was absurd.

“ You yellin’ at me, lil’ green guy? ” What a weird chump, this one. He finds himself more perplexed over his word choice than appearance; whole lot of Australia was full of weird characters anyways. Wouldn’t come as a surprise to him if someone came out green because of a little radiation. Still… Flesh-worm? That was a new “insult”… Or was it an insult? It’s hard to tell, but whatever the case, the strange little green goblin was clearly in a rush. Which he could relate to. Same with the yelling.

“ T’be honest, I don’t really know me damn self. ‘s not exactly some kinda city I recognize, but if I had t’guess, maybe we’re somewhere in England. What with the fancy tech all over the place… ”

“WHAT IS THIS... ENG-LAND YOU SPEAK OF?”

At this point, he was definitely getting worked up, not even sure what to do with himself. And then this guy... this.... filthy, stinking human... WORM... had to throw that at him. What was an England?

“Do not try and confuse me, for I, the great ZIm, will make you regret it if you do!” He balled his hands into tight fits, hopping from one leg to the other. He truly looked like he was about to explode.

Fortunately for the stranger, Darrell was born and raised with following orders in mind. Without time to think, he was inclined to perform tasks demanded of him. That’s definitely what he did at home when he was suddenly being shouted at, which also tended to involve demands that might seem unreasonable if he had even a second to consider them.

“Er… hey.” He gave a wave, though his expression was still one of… mild concern. “Do I know you?”

Zim stared at him. This was definitely... some kind of robotic unit. Not Irken-made, though, but... good enough. He straightened up a little bit, trying to appear a bit taller “You heard me.” He puffed up his chest.

…who were ‘The Control Brains’? …whatever. She’d have to find out more about that later.

“I did!” Technically not a lie. While Ruby may have been created to serve as a guard for other, more important gems, she had abandoned that purpose long ago to live her life on Earth with Sapphire and the other Crystal Gems. Really, when it came to being anything more than a throwaway soldier, she had raised herself. 

Zim stared at her, eyes narrowing very, very slowly. Well, that... sure was not anything he expected her to say. “You did?”

Ah. What was that saying humans had? Speak of the… something, and it shall appear? Guess she should have held her tongue.

“Who raised you?! Who made you think it’s okay to just… just lick somebody?! That’s so gross!”

To be fair, he was particularly skilled at being super annoying. Whether or not Ruby had brought him up, he’d have made his way into her personal space regardless.

Oh, another flesh-bag human worm. Great! Maybe he could get away with pretending like he was an actual human child to this one.

“You!” he began, then closed his mouth, staring at the other. This was... probably not the best way to start this off.

“Wait. Hold up. Let me try again. Uh. Yes.” He smoothed his wig a little, pretending to adjust his sleeves.

AHA! A ROBOT!

Zim made a screeching noise as soon as he spotted the AI, hopping up and down. This was the first non-meatbag thing he’d seen in the city, and it made him unreasonably excited.

“HEY! YOU! TALK TO ME! HEY!” Zim screamed, immediately demanding this robot obey him just as much as any robotic SIR unit would.