the lonely moments just get lonelier

I’ve forgotten him

I’ve sold off his gifts I’ve deleted every picture I’ve thrown out every half full toiletry bottle he didn’t finish

I can’t remember why I worshipped him or the ground he walked on in the first place

I’ve removed every trace of his existence

Every curly hair in my car Every fingerprint on my mirror Every eyelash wish in my bed

His DNA is gone but his violence lives within me

I’ve forgotten his face But I feel his glare in the back of my head when I laugh a little too hard

I’ve forgotten what his skin feels like But I still feel his body heat in my face when I make a mistake

I’ve forgotten how he walks But I can feel his movements rip through me when I’m minding my own business in a mall and I start shaking from suddenly being brought back to the night I drank too much at my own graduation party

I hear his words in my head every day But I’ve forgotten what his voice is like

I dig through every crevice of my brain Search through the sounds of every real and gaslit memory I’ve ever made Recall the echoes of all the dreams and nightmares I’ve ever had

Recovering any tone of it is hopeless