What is woman?

Born in blood.

Survive through blood.

Bleed for love.

Bleed for life.

Blood when nothing is wrong.

Blood for all that's right.

Pain woven through us.

Blood, the source of all life.

So last Friday I walked on/into a child's toy and massacred my baby toe. 5 stitches and a broken bone a lot of blood and pain and reassuing my kids while I was in agony and scared. I was on my own with them when it happened.

For the last week we've all been healing together in a way. I've been honest and involved them in the healing process as much as I could. Explained what I felt I could or couldn't do as a result.

My ex husband rowed in with some bullshit that because I had been to a hospital due to covid he wasn't taking the kids.

They were heartbroken and I think after years of his bullshit I've finally had enough. So I told him fine, if you want to see the kids take me to court, get a proper access order, sort your shit out.

He always thinks of himself first and I'm tired of it.

So my partner and my parents supported me as always. I didn't cook, I couldn't clean, I just healed.

Learning to flow with the demands of the life you're living, the lives you've created and the life you've partnered with and them learning to flow with you is a constant awareness.

Everyone had a darkness in them. I used to let my shadow side out a lot through alcohol. Because I could separate sober me and drunk me. But really we're one and the same.

Now that I'm sober, when does my shadow side get to come out? What's acceptable, what's not?

I need to find an outlet. I think it could be in my sexuality and sexual expression.

That need to be adored, indulged, pure pleasure, hedonistic abandon, impulsive want, mischievous play with your energy.

But good girls don't do such things. Good mothers don't give in to themselves. In an altered state perhaps it's OK. In sobriety it's real, cold light of day stuff.

Integration of all parts of me into something that doesn't destroy me. That's my goal.

That's what they say.

What should I fill it with?

Wine or vodka?

What will make the constant hounding go away?

I tried yoga.

That made me tired and sore.

Reminded me how my body is broken.

How things have changed inside.

I yearn for more.

I tried reading.

My mind sought peace.

From the racing thoughts.

The constant worries.

Some calm to lease?

I tried a movie.

The characters aren't real.

I found myself immersed.

Worried about them..

Looking to heal.

What fills my cup?

I still don't know.

I really have to figure it out.

To be a whole person.

I recently had the opportunity to review this beautiful wrap by a Slovakian weaver, Maria. Her brand is called Namak. At 320 gsm woven from mercerized cotton this wrap is thin in hand but solid. Hardly any stretch and a beautiful drape to it. It’s low to medium grip. Soapy to touch with a lovely cool shine to it this wrap held very well with my 3 year old. . The colours are beautifully vibrant…

When Alice Chau, the lady behind Lova sling asked me to host a wrap from her company Lova Sling I jumped at the chance. This brand is an up and coming Irish based company with the slings woven in Estonia. I’d heard so much about them and was excited to try. If you haven’t heard of them you need to read this!  First impressions were how striking the pattern is in person. It’s like a really cool…

The good the bad and the ugly. Babywearing has become a way of life here. It’s survival. It can be raw and powerful. Sometimes I have put my son on my back so I don’t have to look at him for a few minutes and to stop him clawing at my breasts for a few minutes.  I don’t have many pictures of these Imperfectly perfect moments. I’m learning how to be vulnerable but I’m not there yet. So I will be…

This wrap comes from Joy and Joe’s artisan collection. The collection is woven from their smaller weaving house run by a father and sin team. It is distinguished by the use of luxury fibers woven together in four or quad blends.  Black Opal is a heavy weight wrap. Woven using the original Shiver Me Paisley weave. The blend is 35% mulberry silk, 35% Irish linen, 25% Egyptian cotton and 5% bamboo.…

Optai is a big name in the babywearing community. Known for wrap conversions to full and half buckle, onbu and mei tais. Fay Gibson has made a name for herself based on excellent customer service and a pattern for a carrier that’s comfortable, stylish and practical. She has many options for customisable carriers also. Many wraps must have passed through the hands of this very talented lady over…

Susa weaving is a lovely Irish handweaver based in Co. Cork Ireland. Eavan O’ Leary is the lovely talented lady behind the wondrous wraps you’re about to see. Passionate and a genious behind the loom. Eavan knows wraps. She first sent me her first woven wrap called “Charlies delight”, and delight he did! A herringbone woven size 5 in these luscious sunset over water colours. Medium weight in hand…

Hi everyone. Well sorry it’s been a while but rest assured I’ve been working hard! At the moment my stash is unrecognisable to what it was last week never mind the last time you saw it. I’ve accepted there is little hope for me! The right pile is mine minus two and the left are here on holiday. I’ve really found the love fir sending and receiving holidays but more about that further down. As many…

As a Joy and Joe ambassador 2016 I’m delighted I got to preview this lovely wrap before its general release, details as above. This is Joy and Joe’s first release this year and is much anticipated. Can I just take a moment to talk about the package you will receive from Joy and Joe if you choose to order this wrap. Its really the perfect package. It contains so much care and information…