don't get too close; it's dark inside

I can do believable. Just show me. Basically all you do is make cocky and sarcastic comments all day. Don’t you have to go to work? I don’t know, do something useful?

Well, I like to play to my strengths, and sarcasm is where I shine. But I also work very hard. That's why everyone wants me as their intern.

You still haven’t showed me how you do that fake crying thing. So am I and you haven’t jumped me either, have you?

How do I know you'll be up for the job? You have to commit to the tears, you know. It has to be believable. Well, I have a stunning personality to match. Yours is... questionable.

You and mature? You’re one of the most childish people I know. You freakin cried on Joe the other night so you wouldn’t have to pay for your drinks. I meant the bed was big enough for me. You go sleep in your car. It’s not like I would wanna do it with you anyway, you’re more of a buddy.

No, that was smart. A lifetime of doing that and I'll be able to buy you some actual furniture. Shut up, you so would. I'm hot.

Well, maybe you should stop hanging out with me then. Don’t wanna make you an alcoholic at your age. I have a bed that’s big enough, and well, I’m waiting for Yang to buy the rest of the stuff since she’s freakin’ rich now, but she’s being stubborn. Guess you’ll have to keep sleeping on the floor.

At my age? Last time I checked, I'm an adult. Besides, in terms of maturity, I'm way older than you. While I'm sure that bed is perfectly suited to practically every other intern in my year, I'll pass. But I can't keep sleeping on the floor. I'll work something out.

The amount of vodka you drank last night begs to differ, princess. Oh sure, now it’s my fault you keep drinking so much you can’t even make it back home. Doesn’t your neck hurt from sleeping on the floor? 

That was your fault, obviously. Your jokes are only funny when I'm drunk. Yes, it does, actually, but that's your fault too. You know, seeing as you don't have any furniture?

That’s cos you keep passing out on my living room floor. You sure you don’t live in your car anymore? Yeah yeah, admit it, without me your life would suck.

You make me sound like an alcoholic. Which I'm not. Last time I checked, anyway. Without you, I probably wouldn't need the alcohol.

Yeah, right. You said that yesterday, too. And the day before. 

And I feel like crap. I'm never drinking with you again.

Well, that’s your name, isn’t it? Well, if you’re determined to call me princess, you can treat me like one by giving me more surgeries.

And nope, jerk isn’t my name. And as accurate as the nickname is, I’m still your boss. You should really be glad that I’ve let you scrub in that often. All interns get in their first weeks are rectals and scut. Or you wanna tell me that your friends are scrubbing in all the time?

I am grateful, but I want more. You know I'm ready, I know I'm ready, what's the big deal? You can't even be accused of favoritism, seeing as I'm the only intern you haven't corrupted.

You’re pretty persistent in calling me jerk all night. That’s sweet, princess, hope your dream comes true. No, but c’mon, I could’ve been worse. I let you scrub in three times this week. 

Well, that's your name, isn't it? Well, if you're determined to call me princess, you can treat me like one by giving me more surgeries.

Probably not. Why do you care anyway? 

I don't. If you want to be a jerk, be a jerk. I'm still going to finish my residency and be a kick-ass surgeon.

And how in God’s name do you know what Yang thinks of me? God, Wilson, you’re a pain in my ass.

An educated guess, considering it's what most people think. Are they wrong?

You pretty much are. Well, and there’s Edwards, but I never made a move on her either. She reminds me of Yang.

She thinks you're a jerk, and so does Yang, so I guess you're not too far off. Besides, she likes Avery, I think.

Well, then it’s their own fault for being so damn gullible. And of course you are the only one who’s smart enough not to sleep with me, huh? 

I can't be the only one, can I?

Katherine Heigl? Who the hell is that? And that’s the most ridiculous crap I ever heard. I don’t need anyone to change me, especially not some one-night-stand.

Let me break it down for you. They don't speak skank. They think you're just looking to be saved. By them.

Heard that before. Look, not that I have to explain myself to you, but has any of your other intern ever complained about me not calling them back? Obviously Murphy read too much into.. what we did. I mean, you know my reputation, how come she doesn’t?

They all do, you idiot, because they're nice—— and they think that everyone else is too. They hear you when you say that you're not interested in commitment, or whatever line you give them, and they see their favourite Katherine Heigl movie plot and think that they're going to be the one to change you.

Oh, Murphy. What’s with her? We slept like twice, is she still not over that?

No, she isn't, because she loves too much and too fast, and she always has the best intentions, but she hasn't figured out yet that mostly other people are jerks.