Something

And like a fucking idiot, I did trust you.

And I would do it again because I love you.

I want to experience long lasting love and security so badly.

My bones are rotting and aching by the second as the ability to trust no longer exists in me.

I can’t do this anymore.

I don’t wanna be here.

I loved you for over 1,825 days and you couldn’t even honestly love me for one. I’ve spent so much time trying to heal all to come to some sort of acceptance that I’m just honestly really fucked and incapable of healing.

so now we’re here.

I’ve spent my entire life being unforgiving, cold, and relentless when it came to men that broke my heart. Letting go and never looking back. But you... you constantly have me aching for the connection we shared. You touched and continue to touch my soul in a way I can’t even explain.

You free my imprisoned spirit. A spirit that often feels like a dimming flame when surrounded by the people I have no choice but to live with. A spirit that is so engulfed in trauma and toxicity. How do you do it?

God, I love you and that, that is an understatement. So much so that it feels like a disgrace to say out loud because it doesn’t do my heart justice. May I continue to grow into the warm, bright, and hopeless romantic I once was. May you continue to free pieces of me that the world has yet to experience of me. may you be the person that stands next to me and will choose me over and over again.

I want to believe in love again.