hiiiiii inso dearest! apologies for my absence, but i'm back with some thoughts <3. these are actually more overarching thoughts than chapter specific since i had to play a delicious catch up game. I'm also trying a new formatting think so we will see how this goes lol.
also these are a bit disjointed cuz i pulled these quotes at like 3am with the intent to send thoughts today so let's just treat this as a brain dump yay
firstly, i've been indulging in a very slow re-read for savory purposes which has been awesome because it's crazy to revisit the start compared to where we are. I have a soft spot for when they were in their pre-friends with benefits era but clearly mean more than friends era.
my chapter of particular mention that i enjoyed (this kinda changes every time i re-read lol) was 17 / Curveball. I love the obsessive monologue bit at the end when MC is asleep and Seungmin and IN are kinda discussing. LOVE. I also indulged myself in a SLOW re-read of the 26-27 MC w Felix and Seungmin sleepover, but I didn't have any groundbreaking thoughts other than finding it hot. and boy do you know how to write tension that was boiling lol.
I stopped ON ch 33 for no (it's been a slow and segmented re-read as my schedule allows haha) so my main thoughts kind of focus on the 31-32 bit where they're trying to 'make up' after they just iced her out following triggering innie's rut.
QUESTION 1: do they/mc ever consciously revisit that it's them being soulmates that triggered it which is why the boys knew it was her but she didn't know so thought they were mad for essentially no reason?
side note before my main thoughts, I absolutely fucking love the 29 / Terms and Conditions chapter and it hit really hard because I have been adoring jeongin lately so it really whispered to the horny side of my brain.
okay wow long intro now my thoughts. one of the things that made me want to write up another message was because i was like !! at the idea of comparing their 'first argument' (what I am denoting them icing her out) versus their 'big argument' (which I am denoting the contract one).
also haha i'm clearly unoriginal because i found the following when i was going back to pull comparison quotes.
(1) Ch 63 > The last time you’d all had a big emotional blowout, back in winter after Jeongin’s rut had been triggered early, there had been a scramble from especially the younger members to sit beside you, Minho already having occupied the other seat. This time, it seems no one is quite willing to take that role; they all linger in place, watching you, eyes darting between each other and the empty spots and back to you.
clearly i'm not the only one drawing comparisons between the two...
also quick compliment i liked this > “No more secrets,” you say, “okay?” Something like panic pulses across his face. < part of Chapter 64 a lot HAHA. just because as the audience i enjoy being in on why the panic occurs even though MC doesn't (at that point). the whole story reveal, i don't think i sent a specific ask on it, but i really loved how it was done. I felt like tonally it made sense so well with story about like where she came from and now where she is when she's telling it. like we can tell the story is awful, but she does kind of tell it relatively calmly for what you might think such a harsh background would yield. which even though she's a work in progress with healing, i do think this really shows that the healing is in progress even if there's been some setbacks. chan being so affected during the story was so juicy (compliment) to me. i know all of them are but it was nice to have chan like literally crying when he's spent most of the story so far being in control and prioritizing the pack.
also i think it makes so much sense that it's hyunjin who tells her and also hyunjin who runs after her. especially after going back through those opening chapters where he goes to the coffee shop and he's got a monologue somewhere (i don't remember where) where he talks about how he knew since he was trying to catch a whiff from over by the car that first night.
i also have a lot of feelings about mc and changbin's convos recently but i don't really have the words for them so just know that they touched me and i thought you did it extremely well.
also i just cannot get into the seungmin begging stuff because him being a little pathetic really does something for me lmao
..the tongue piercing....... no comment (HOT!). while i'm at it, all of chapter 67 was so incredibly perfect and wonderful and sexy to me.
the bit about her losing her hearing is also hilarious to me if there will be more just know i am such a fan of it.
MORE RECENTLY just because it was mentioned in the most recent chapter and then i kinda got excited when i saw what it was referencing happening earlier.
(2) Ch 31 > There's that same bizarre sentiment Hyunjin had expressed not a month ago. "I already said the same thing to Hyunjin," you mumble, head down, thumbing at the back of Changbin's hand. "There's no way I'll be the one leaving first."
(3) Ch 67 > But Hyunjin is still speaking, and he doesn’t let you deliberate for long. “It’s just,” he says, muffled nearly inaudible, “you promised. You said you wouldn’t leave me behind.”
(2)(3) Comment: Okay i recognize that in 2 i just pulled the reference not the first occurrence that it happened, but i think i read the initial mention before i read ch 67 so i didn't realize lol. BUT i was like giddy in ch 31 when i was like OMG WAIT WE JUST REFERENCED THIS THING. and now i'm like okay wow this is probably the most cohesive fic i've ever read. like the attention to detail on these little things is insane. but it makes re-reads incredibly incredibly fun.
(4) Ch 32 > Your boys are scattered around the room in various states of dress. Most are in sleepwear; only Chan, Jeongin, and Felix look as though they'd been dressed when Changbin called them. Minho locks your eyes to his the moment you glance at him, his keys still held tight in his hand; Jisung jolts to his feet at the sight of you, wavering like he isn't sure whether to grab you or run. Seungmin stays very, very still, resolutely trying to catch your eye; Hyunjin is staring at you, but when your gaze passes over him, he drops his head, hiding his expression as he looks down at his feet.
(5) Ch 61 > All eight of your boys are congregated in a huddle, leaning in and down and towards you. They look like a mess, still in stylish clothes like they’d come straight from the airport paparazzi, but with bags under their eyes and sallow tones to their faces, haunted and gaunt and miserable. Felix’s roots are growing in; Hyunjin is practically curled in on himself, none of his usual ease in his posture. Jisung all but jumps, colliding with Minho just behind him; Minho only stares, eyes swirling and black. Changbin’s jaw is tight, and Jeongin’s smile is frozen stiff on his face; Seungmin hunches his shoulders when your eyes pass over him, like he’s trying not to be seen at all. Chan just stays very still, watching you.
(6) Ch 63 > Chan sits where he can see you best, which is coincidentally fairly far away; Hyunjin is the opposite, perched at your and Minho’s feet, his head leaned back onto his packmate’s knee. Jisung sits on the other sofa, in the corner closest to you, not daring to touch you even as his hand rests conspicuously close; Felix stays standing a fair distance way, his eyes dark and expression eerily blank. Changbin sits beside Chan, smiling, though his arms are crossed and his jaw is tight; Seungmin and Jeongin both linger a long moment before ultimately settling on the other side of Changbin. Seungmin won’t quite look at you; Jeongin is looking a little too hard.
(4)(5)(6) Comment: I just wanted to put their first argument rxns next to their big argument, but in the process i realized that i wanted to put when they show up and then when they settle at the pack house. i think generally they really keep to the concept of showing up in disarray!! ft jumpy jisungie in both. Seungmin seems to transition between wanting mc to look at him to then wanting mc to not see him (guilt for the address sharing probably) and then at the house he's the one not looking. I just liked seeing the consistent characterization but also kinda their evolution as their relationship has developed in the story.
I have no specific thoughts on this but something i want to mention is that i loved reading the ch 62/63 accusations about sharing mc's address right after having read mc's thoughts on sharing her address when innie comes in ch 29 (wow literally half the fic ago...). once more, ch 29 needs more love bcs WOW i enjoyed that one.
(7) Ch 32 > A collective wince. "I'm sorry," Felix blurts, "I--"
(8) Ch 63 > A beat of silence. Then, Felix shoots ramrod straight, baring his teeth, a growl in his voice. “What?”
(7)(8) Comment: I originally pulled these two because i was going to say it was ironic that in the first argument felix was 'pulled taut' (to use my previous words in a prior comment) and it drives him to speak without thinking - used literally as BLURT in the fic, which i love that word choice. but then in the big argument he is basically silent and tense and quiet; however, i realized when i was going back through ch 63 that he actually is the first to respond and once more 'blurting' out the beat after MC reveals the contract came from the manager. It's funny how our thoughts distort things like this, but i have a stronger appreciation for the symmetry even though i was prepared to discuss a contrast.
I think that's really all i was thinking i wanted to sayyyy. i am still really loving the fic and it's one of those that only gets better the more you break into the detail. hehe, until next time <3
This ask blew me away WAH… 🥺💛 I’m glad you’ve been enjoying your reread! I like the just-friends arc too… I always really like the beginning of stories 😊
For your question: I actually don’t know if she thinks about the Innie rut incident through new eyes in-text 🤔 She might… in that one chapter… hm…….. But if she doesn’t in-text, I’m sure she does off-screen somewhere! I think a lot of their early interactions and conversations can be recontextualized dramatically now, so she has a lot to think about. Spooky! (to our skittish MC)
The Innie makeout is so funny to me and WAS so funny to me when I was writing it because I knew I wanted him to lean more dommy in this fic, but his first steamier scene (and arguably the one before, in the dream MC has about him) has him asking her for things and her feeling the need to take care of him… 💛 I do kind of think it continues to color her view of him in that context too, though I guess that’s another conversation
Hahaha that argument comparison paragraph from chapter 63…!!! It almost got axed in editing (nothing wrong with it, it definitely Does Something, it just felt clunky to me no matter how I rewrote it), but I’m glad it made it through if it felt significant to you 😊
“just because as the audience i enjoy being in on why the panic occurs even though MC doesn’t” I loooove dramatic irony I understand completelyyyy 💛💛
MC’s backstory was difficult to write out… Even aside from the emotional weight of it, it’s difficult to make monologue-y chapters interesting/engaging, I think 🤔 It starts to get a little 19th century novel “and now I’m going to tell you about My Father and the Public Works of my City” really quick I think. So I’m glad it came off well in this case! Yay!
MC and Changbin…. 😇 hehehehehe…….
Aww the ‘being left behind’ beat! The first instance is in chapter 28:
“I really like you,” he starts slowly, “but everyone really likes you, and it’s hard to tell what you’re thinking, and I don’t know why you like me or in what way or how much, and…” Another pause. He takes a breath, slow and sneaky, peeking at you hesitantly between long lashes. “Sometimes I just get too in my head, and I get this feeling like I’m being left behind.”
His voice wavers. You coo, reaching your arms up to wrap around his neck, rising onto your knees to hug him properly.
“I won’t leave you behind,” you promise, petting his soft little head. “If anything, you’re all going to be the ones leaving me.”
His arms tighten around your waist. “Never. That’s never going to happen.”
I love getting to do throwbacks like this so I’m glad you’ve noticed them!!! 🥰
“Seungmin seems to transition between wanting mc to look at him to then wanting mc to not see him (guilt for the address sharing probably) and then at the house he's the one not looking” This is it exactly!
There are a few things I didn’t respond to directly but I really liked everything you had to say! It’s so rewarding to see you connect things together and get to the pay-off for something that was set up a long time ago 🥰🥰 It makes me feel like I’ve done a good job hahahaha
Thanks so much for reading! Until next time!!! 💛💛💛
