Andi

I like to think of myself as a polite asshole

We should never apologize for who we are as a person. We are made this way by life. By the people we've met, the joy we've felt, and the traumas we've survived. The only one who can, or ever should try changing you, is you.

i was on the train and 3 drunk girls saw me and said i had nice brown eyes so they sang “brown eyed girl” to me

I threw up at a frat party and I was crying in the bathroom and a drunk girl went upstairs to get me a shirt and came back with a sweater and a kitten.

At the last party I went to three drunk girls fishtail braided my hair by committee

a drunk girl drew an eye on the back of my hand and then patted it with satisfaction and  whispered “count olaf”

once at a barbecue a drunk girl gave the surgical scar on my shoulder a butterfly kiss and said “you’re cured”

A drunk girl at a bar I was at became worried that I wasn’t getting enough nutrition and proceeded to hold peanuts to my lips and just keep saying “peanut peanut” until I would eat it. And after I allowed her to feed me a peanut she pet my hair and said “Thank you”.

Drunk girls, saving your life one wtf at a time.

Girls are a fucking gift don’t let anyone tell you otherwise

SCIENCE HAS CONFIRMED THAT DOGS LOVE US BACK BECAUSE THEY GET THE SAME RUSH OF OXYTOCIN WHEN THEY LOOK AT US THAT WE GET WHEN WE LOOK AT THEM

Are you telling me that dogs are looking up to us and think “omg what an adorable fucking cutiepie”?

a while ago I read an article about how dogs love us back, but recognize that we’re different from them, while cats see us as bigger and clumsier than them, but do not consider us different  

Dogs: I am fuzzy creature and you are a different adorable creature and I love you!!!!! Cats: I am lanky and graceful and you are a giant mess

This is why cats occasionally try to bathe and feed us

Today I Learned That I Am A Dumb Kitten

I can’t believe Felicia thinks I am a ridiculous kitten that cannot look after itself