Writing from London

i am looking for you

like summer rain

still i sit, waiting for you to call 

hey, i know we agreed not to talk but i think i’ve made a terrible mistake and i think we should talk about it

just simply gone

we are holding hands

spoken by a broken voice

holding you was the best feeling in the world

then leave

foreign lands 

with me and then you did.

but you were nowhere in sight.

all wrapped up in one human who is voluntarily mine - who has seen me - who has seen some part of himself in me and has chased it. we are all looking for the nod of approval, the yes, the doubtless remedy. and for so long my cynicism and anxiety rendered it to be a fantasy but here you are. i am in no rush to tell you that i love you, not because i don’t, but because i tell you in so many other ways. my lips cannot remove themselves from your skin without my neck yanking itself away. and yet there’s a self-consciousness around writing about you - what if i misunderstand the complexities pumping blood around your body? what if i craft a sentence so under representative of this wave. and note, this wave is not tidal, it is not the roaring ferociousness before a storm, it is the kind and gentle view that keeps you at the beach. it is the easeful, consistent current that keeps you afloat. it is the reason you dive in, head first, on the coldest day of the year. so inviting in its glorious blue, it’s you it’s you it’s you. a heartbeat of something you’ve known to exist, but never found, until now.

i am undercurrents pulling myself up, my skin close to forgetting the taste of air

I know she’s drunk and so I let her ramble on. We drive through curling tunnels. We peel ourselves away from the starless sky. We feed on the artificial lights. I turn the radio on. It’s something jazzy and something sleepy with a beat that I blink in time to. She sighs into her seat. Her fingers twitch as if she wants to hold someone or dance. I see her lip quiver into a smile. We leave the tunnel like leaving the mouth of a river. The city’s drumming heartbeat swallows us whole.