i love showering it's literally like... im clean now! lol. and i no longer have mental illnesses

“when i was little” brother you are 5’3. so you must mean yesterday. or five minutes ago.

“i'll be there shortly” yeah. we know.

SpongeBob wouldn’t let me see my parents when I was younger

today i just (remembers to maintain privacy online) did something really cool. you have to trust me

are you suggesting people who eat at denny’s are essentially werewolves

not just essentially 

rewatched project hail mary a few days ago and a small thing that stuck out to me was grace jokingly saying something to the effect of "you know, it's been a long time since i took a random pill from a stranger" when offered the anti-nausea (?) pills for the helicopter ride. anyway i want the tea on what that man was up to in university because i refuse to believe dr. ryland "i called the lead scholar in my field a staggering waste of carbon" grace was a perfectly straight-laced science nerd in his twenties.

As a science nerd, the idea that a stereotypical straight-laced science nerd exists seems unrealistic to me. The most proper-looking professor I ever saw (wore his suit to every lecture) had one lecture at the end of the semester dedicated to drugs as a treat for both him and us, no matter the subject (organic chemistry? biochemical processes? metabolism? doesn't matter). Most of the stereotypes we have about people in other scientific fields are connected to how much do these people drink (from my experience, chemists are the worst). I am the straight-laced science nerd. I don't drink much and never do drugs, because I like my liver. However, I did participate in a pseudo-satanistic ritual conducted one boring evening during science camp.

A hitman who advertises his services the way a commission artist does

“Um hey guys. I’ve been hit pretty hard with financial difficulty lately. I’d really appreciate it if you’d consider commissioning me.”

Credits to the murderer

“Why are your prices so high???? I could kill him myself for free! whatever, ur not even that good at murder anyway”

Omg I love this guy’s work! He’s new and not so well known in the hitman community, but he’s so amazing and is appreciate it if you guys have him some love ❤️❤️

Support your local assassins

”um why would I pay a hitmen would I could just steal military ai and have it kill anyone I want for free”

Ai military robots can not murder like real hit men, they’re messy and lack the spirit that involves murder

I’m never leaving this fucking app.