"can you take care of this" i already did. an hour ago. i'm the fastest secretary in the west. i am the swiftest gazelle sprinting on the field of schedules and phone calls and emails. secretariat? the triple crown record holder? that was me too. seabiscuit get fucked. turning you to glue. i redid your dumbass filing system while i was at it. fuck with me

your body needing iron is funny its not even like special iron its the stuff in the mines

When u hear your friend john talking shit about someone but you’re in church so you tell him to tone it down:

Sometimes a banana will have the most vile texture known to man, other times… heh! This banana ain’t half bad!

My favorite sex position is any of them. I’m just glad to be involved