State of Mind.

Like is guud

Here we are. Digging deep. You’ve been out of my life for 3.5 months. 104 days to be exact. You left me and blamed me for not hanging on. But I am now starting to come to terms with things. All of this has been killing me. I can’t think, I can’t sleep, or eat. I’ve been like a zombie, I guess these are the withdrawals. 11 more days and it would have been 1000 days. I’ve been waiting for the 1000th day of being together since we made it past 700 days. But that wasn’t really for long. It doesn’t seem like it was just 200+ days ago that I still felt like we were always going to make forever happen. I was terribly wrong. I was a codependent partner and I’m learning to heal my past and really dig deep into my life. I have been going back to counseling, it’s been tough. Lots of hard questions and reflection.

Damn. How did my life get here? How did I let love take a shot again and why did I fall into comfortable patterns of allowing people, my family, my peers— disrespect me. I am going to do my best, this day forward to keep doing what I love and keep my faith, and honour myself and my son. I’m going to move forward and take a step to making my life better. What is written is already written. We can’t go back, erase it or wished it never happened. But.. don’t because you’re putting energy into negativity things that can not be changes. What we want to put forth that energy to just doing better than yesterday and keep moving forward.