"Why do you like her? What is your driving force? The reason [why you want her in your life]?"
"Cos she brings me peace"
Idk if it makes sense.
But whn we exchange words, talkin to you makes me thrilled yet calm. When we bicker esp when u have ths thing where u'd wanna turn everything into a debate and wanna win the conversation, it's quite frustratin at times cos I have no means to touch you and as I say "choke the life out of you", yet it's always light and fun. How u parry my lustfulness no matter how it turns out, I can always say things directly and be defeated as I have no means to exact the words tht comes out of me but amused at your reactions particularly when I get u blushing or u get flustered by your own doing. Or the deep conversations tht somehow u're quite uncomfortable with but makes an effort to take it all in and put up with my overdramatic ass tht likes to exaggerate..
Hearing your voice gives me comfort. May it be listening to how u briefly complain how ur day went or the interesting things u'd fuss abt.. How you laugh which I cannot explain it fully as I've yet to remember the specific details abt it but I'm so sure tht whn I hear it out of nowhere I will know it's you. Or how you whine when I'm being 'makulit' whn u're sleepy but manages to make those tiny mithers to let me know u're still there, it makes my heart swell.
When I see you, I always have tht foolish smile. I know ths bcos I see myself in those screenshots I secretly take. Idk how I always end up staring at you intently, like how I'm eager to just look at you evn whn u're doin nothin or how I just pay attention carefully like I have a fear of missing out. And I feel happy whn u start to show me random stuff or u're food or anything tht's quite insignificant yet somehow, the gesture holds meaning to me. When I see ur eyes tht preciously smiles, I see the child in you. Or whn I ogle at u while u sleep. It gives me a wholesome feeling of satisfaction as u drift away at ease bein vulnerable. You'd have tht crumpled expression at times tht's quite grumpy and stern yet fragile. It always wanna make me envelope ur whole body, caress ur fingers and thumbs, cup ur face and run my hands through ur hair. Kiss your crown, kiss your forehead, kiss your nose, kiss your eyes, kiss your cheeks, kiss your chin and kiss your lips. Oh, your lips tht I've so lng wnt to taste. When I see you like tht, I can't evn begin to fathom how I get lost yet manages to find somethin within me.
When you came to my life and I realized want u to continue bein a part of it, I can't explain how I've become more understanding, more patient, more observant, more kind and more confident. To you, to people, to myself, just in general. Maybe bcos I want to better myself. Bcos of you or bcos of me, either way. You have become a muse to my creativity. You have brought out my poet side tht's been long dormant. You have given me more reasons to be hopeful.
I know tht these things might be too much considering the time I have known you or maybe have I gone too much into my habit of visualisation, tht I may have been building up ideas of you in my head or the fact tht there's a high probability you may not evn reciprocate, makes me feel so many things..
This I will say once agn. I will not expect. I also don't want to be blinded by my emotions tht it'll come to a point where I might be dependent on you feeling these things. Or lose my way whn things go wrong. Cos evn if we don't end up together, I'm just grateful for everything. And whether or not I want to be in a full-time committed relationship with you, it's still murky within me.
But, this I truly know. You are someone I'm fond of, someone I adore and someone I deeply care for. You are someone I want to give a piece of my heart, someone I want to protect and someone I will treasure as long as I can. As long as you let me be. I want you to be a part of my life as much as I want to be part of yours.
You are someone I want mine.
