inescapable thoughts

I scream internally at least once daily. WHAT IS LIFE?!?

You're all I ever wanted, but it's too late now..

What do you do when you've been in love with someone for 10 years but you both have your own families now? I love the man I'm with, the father of my two children, he's a fantastic father and man, he's one of the most kind and thoughtful men I've ever met which is why I fell for him. But no matter how much I try and how much time passes I can't shake this feeling of being in love with the guy I met back when I was a teenager. Yeah, I've pushed the feeling away and hid it deep inside but every time he shows back up the feelings come back way quicker than I was able to hide them. What the fuck do I do? It's killing me inside. And the last thing I want to do is hurt anyone, especially my family.

Will I ever be 100% happy?

I've loved you for 10 years; since I was 13. I thought this feeling would eventually go away but it hasn't. Everytime I see your name or see your picture pop up or, worst of all, see you in public, I break a little more inside

I broke my own heart

My thoughts get the best of me; drives me insaane.

Do you ever wish you could travel back in time to a certain moment just to see what life would be like had you done what your heart wanted?

Life is good now but I always wonder.. I always wonder what if I didn't waste 3 years of my time on this guy I only started dating because he liked me? Why'd I do that? Because I honestly thought I was going to end up growing old with no one beside me. I thought I was ugly because no guy ever turned their head in my direction they were always looking at my ex best friend. I thought I was ugly because I was 98 lbs. I wasn't anorexic or bulimic (although I had been called either or a bunch of times, which didn't help my self esteem) I've just always had a super fast metabolism. I'm still a twig to this day even after having 2 kids; last I checked I was 100 lbs. But back to the begining of this post.. What if I decided to stay single rather than date some guy I'd met 2-3 weeks prior to "making it official"? I could have traveled more, I could have went to more parties and made many more memories with friends like teenagers are supposed to do. I could have hung out a lot more with the guy who truly had my heart back then, get to know him better and then figure out if it really was love I felt for him or just a little crush. What if I didn't go to that party and meet my asshole ex? I wish I stayed home that night. What if I left him the first time he broke up with me? I should have. What if? What Fucking if?

The thought of her being the one who gets to wake up next to you every morning breaks me inside.

I'll always wonder if we would've had that highschool sweetheart kinda love; where we make it til we're old and grey together..

Do you have that person who will randomly pop back into your life every few months or years? That person you even wonder about every now and then but don't want to message them out of the blue and bother them? Cuz I do.