Tickety-boo

Ship: Anathema Device x Reader’

Characters: Anathema Device, Adam Young, Brian, Pepper, Wensleydale, Crowley, Aziraphale

Type: Series

Plot:  Upon crashing your bike in the middle of the woods, a group of kids guide you to a cottage that smells of lavender and sage.

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Chapter Two: Warm Tea, Fresh Cookies, and Exasperated Chats of the Dreaded Patriarchy 

After a short while longer you found yourselves at the edge of a village. A wave of relief washed over you as the kids lead you to a small cottage. Outside a young woman sat under an umbrella, her focus trained on a heavy book in front of her. She didn’t look up until Adam called out to her, waving wildly to catch her attention.

“Oh, kids! You can’t be outside in the rain. It will do numbers to you.” She hurried down to open the gate, worry evident in her voice. 

“You’re outside in the rain.” Adam pointed out, causing the woman to sigh as she ushered him up the path. The rest of The Them followed, and you lingered slightly behind. 

“That’s different.” She scolded, before turning to you. “Hello, I’m Anathema. I don’t believe we’ve met.” She gave you a bright smile, the type that was far too brilliant to not demand one in return. 

“No, I don’t believe we have either. I’m (Y/N). I got rather lost and I’m afraid my bike broke. The kids found me and said I might be able to stay here to wait out the rain. I do hope I’m not intruding, I can easily turn back around if that’s the case. I wouldn’t want to be a bother.”

“Nonsense, you’re perfectly welcome.” She motioned for you to lay your bike in her yard before guiding you to the front door. You thanked her sincerely as you shrugged off your coat and carefully removed your shoes, setting them both down gently in the corner. She placed a kettle on the stove as you grabbed a seat at the table, The Them already waiting. 

“Do you have sweets for us this time, Aunt Anathema?” Brian asked, a mischievous sparkle in his eyes. 

“Perhaps, if you behave.” The kids cheered and you suppressed a shiver.

“Aunt Anathema? You’re related?” You asked, to which all of them protested.

“No, you see, it’s like this.” Adam said. “When the world was supposed to end but didn’t, Aunt Anathema was one of the people there to stop it. She’s sort of like...a godmother. Or an honorary aunt. The same way with our Uncle Aziraphale and our Uncle Crowley. They also helped save the world.” 

“A man named Newton also helped. But he and Aunt Anathema broke up, so we don’t see him anymore.” Wensleydale added. Pepper scoffed.

“Thank God for that. She’s much better off without him. If you ask me she was simply another victim to the ruthless patriarchy. Her dumping his ass was a step in the right direction for her independence as a woman.” Anathema paused for a moment, scolding her for her language. 

“Enough about him. Tea is almost ready. Do you take sugar in yours?” She asked you, pulling out a box of sugar cubes from the cabinet. You gave her a short reply before offering to help, but she waved it off. “Don’t worry about it, you’re my guest after all.”

Yes, an unexpected and probably unwanted guest. You thought to yourself, but didn’t press further. A moment later Anathema brought you each a mug and a freshly baked cookie alongside it. The children cheered as they dug in, playing with their food and chatting amongst themselves. Anathema turned to you, and the two of you made polite conversation about the events that led to your discovery in the woods. 

“You live in central London? How did you manage to get this lost? You’re all the way in Tadfield.” Anathema gawked. You laughed quietly, taking a sip of your drink.

“I have a striking suspicion that the old couple I asked for directions led me in the wrong way.” You muttered. “The redhead kept smiling at me as if he knew I’d get lost, and seemed to enjoy the idea of it. His partner was rather flustered, I assume he wasn’t in on it.” 

Anathema shook her head slightly. “Well, I’m sorry for all of the trouble.” She turned to peer outside the window, cursing as she realized how late it had gotten. “I’m sure their parents are worried sick. If you’ll excuse me.” You nodded as she moved to another room, making several phone calls. While you waited you collected the empty mugs around the table, washing them quietly. The kids chattered back and forth, asking you the occasional question as you tidied the rest of their mess. You answered to the best of your ability, trying to dodge the more awkward or personal ones without seeming rude.

As you finished up Anathema returned, clasping her hands together. “Kids, since it’s so late you’ll be sleeping here tonight.” They cheered, jumping out of their seats and rushing out of the kitchen. “Change into your pajamas!” 

She turned to face you, nodding towards the window. “It doesn’t look like that will be clearing up anytime soon. You can stay here tonight as well. I have some spare pajamas that should fit you.” You sent her a warm smile, thanking her. She waved it off once more, excusing herself to retrieve your change of clothes. You moved into the living room, a tiny space consisting of only a small couch and several bookshelves. You found yourself inspecting the titles resting on the shelves, surprised to find several relating to witchcraft. For a moment you began to question if Brian was being serious earlier, but quickly brushed off the thought. Witches didn’t exist.

Anathema cleared her throat behind you, and you spun to face her. She was clad in a silk nightgown, her hair braided and her glasses removed. She held out a bundle of fabric, and you took it with a small smirk.

“I was half expecting to find The Prisoner of Azkaban tucked away with all of those witchcraft books you have.” Anathema rolled her eyes playfully.

“Don’t be insulting.” She ordered, but her tone was light. Before you could reply The Them bounced around the corner, clad in their pajamas. 

“I suppose they have sleepovers here often?” You ask, Adam nodding in response.

“We stay here lots. But we also stay at Uncle Crowley and Uncle Aziraphale’s lots too. And sometimes we have to stay at our own boring homes.” Brian turned to Anathema with the same sparkle in his eyes from before.

“May we build our fort now? We promise to clean it up first thing in the morning.” The others chimed in, making the promise they knew they wouldn’t keep. And though Anathema knew it too, she agreed. 

“Fine, but I expect it to be spotless in here at the first beam of light.” The kids snickered, scrambling off to get their supplies. “(Y/N), you can sleep in here for the night.” She led you to the spare bedroom, just down the hall. You thanked her and wished her goodnight, calling the same out to the kids as they ran by with armfuls of blankets. 

Ship: Anathema Device x Reader’

Characters: Anathema Device, Adam Young, Brian, Pepper, Wensleydale, Crowley, Aziraphale

Type: Series

Plot:  Upon crashing your bike in the middle of the woods, a group of kids guide you to a cottage that smells of lavender and sage.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Chapter One: One Side of a Silver Coin Never Shine as Brightly as the Other

Most books on witchcraft will tell you that witches work naked. This is because most books on witchcraft were written by men. In reality, witches prefer to work, fully clothed, under the stars. 

Of course, there are several mediums in which a witch may work. She may work under the beaming sun or a cloudy sky. She could study indoors or in an open meadow, in a treasured car or an ancient bookshop. She could even, if she truly wished, work naked. But the most common place of practice is under the night sky.

The stars bring power to a witch whose brow is furrowed in concentration as she leans over her text. There is an old legend that states witches who pass become stars themselves, gazing over their generations with wisdom and appreciation. 

The stars comfort and guide, and thus they are widely adored.

In fact, one particular witch preferred this method most of all. Miss Anathema Device, Foresayer of the Future, She Who Deciphered the Prophecies of the Witch Past, Descendant Who Defies Her Title as Such nearly always found herself perched beneath the constellations during times of intense study. The only exception seemed to be the Apocalypse-that-wasn’t, as there simply wasn’t time to be particular. 

On the days in which the world was not coming to an end, she was very particular indeed. So much so that even the weather couldn’t sway her, as she always found a way around it.

This particular night was no exception. Anathema crouched under an umbrella stuck deeply into the mud, heavy rain drizzling around her. The stars had not yet begun to shine, but the sun was tucking itself behind the hills in the distance. Dark clouds circled overhead, but she did not deem them ominous. She thought they brought comfort, as if they would wrap themselves around her as tightly as her plaid coat. She sat in tranquility, unbothered by the world around her. 

You, on the other hand, were not having such a pleasant night. You had gotten lost, receiving some rather confusing directions from a man with fiery red hair and round shades. Something about the smirk that crept through his words and the quiet protests of the shorter man beside him told you he had sent you off on purpose, but you were in too much of a rush to notice in the moment. You make a note to confront him if you ever made it back home.

Home, where you were supposed to be now. Instead you found yourself lost in the woods as night began to draw closer, soaking wet from the relentless rain. Your pale bicycle rested at your feet, the back wheel flat. It had given out some time ago, leaving you utterly stranded. As you sat near a tree, knees folded beneath you, you felt tears begin to prick at your eyes. Perhaps it was silly to cry over a flat tire, but stress had been building inside you all day. 

You pulled your light coat tighter around yourself as you cried. Hanging your head you allowed yourself to finally shed the stress that had been tightening in your chest for longer than you could remember. The rain mixed with your sobs, drowning out the world around you. This ultimately blocked the sound of cautious footsteps from reaching your ears, and you only noticed the small band of children standing before you when a pair of brown boots stepped into your line of sight.

You quickly wiped the tears from your eyes and looked up, meeting a variety of expressions. The boy in the brown boots stood closest to you, he couldn’t have been more than twelve. Worry and hesitation danced across his features, seemingly fighting for dominance as he looked down at you. Behind him stood three more children, all in a row beside your broken bike. The four of them were clad in ponchos and raincoats, the young girl’s a deep red. She looked at you with a hint of distaste, the boys beside her staring ahead blankly.

“Are you all right?” The boy closest to you asked, the small dog at his side tilting his head quizzically in your direction. Rather embarrassed you simply nodded, pushing yourself off of the wet ground and grimacing as the mud caked your palm. 

“Well obviously you’re not alright, or else you wouldn’t be crying.” The boy with glasses commented, to which they all nodded in agreement. 

“I’m fine, really. I just got lost, and had a little trouble with my bike.” You gave them a faint smile, wiping your eyes once more with your clean hand. “It all got a bit overwhelming.” 

“It’s a girl’s bike. With a basket.”  The girl commented, folding her arms across her chest.

“Yes, well, there’s nothing wrong with that.” You answered, unsure of what else to say. She didn’t seem pleased, but didn’t comment on it further.

“I’m Adam. This is Pepper, and Brain, and Wensleydale. And Dog.” The boy with the dog pointed them out, seemingly their leader. 

“I’m (Y/N). it’s a pleasure to meet you all. I’m sorry it’s been under such strange circumstances.”

“That’s alright.” Adam told you, shrugging it off. You bit your lip, shrinking down as a drop of rain hit your eye.

“Do you kids happen to know a place I could stay for the night? I’m afraid I’m too far from home, but maybe there’s a hotel around here?” 

Adam exchanged glances with the others for a moment. “No, no hotels. But I think we know someone who might be willing to take you in for the night.”

“She’s a witch.” Brian admitted. “She lives in a small cottage and hands out sweets to children and studies the moon.” 

You chuckled, but they didn’t seem to share your amusement. You cleared your throat, moving to pick up your bike from its side. “Right. Well, if she’s generous enough to let me wait out the rain I suppose I can’t be picky. Could you take me to her?” Adam nodded, moving in front of you. He called for Dog to follow, and the others weren’t far behind. 

You walked your bike behind them, watching them as they played. They began to act out a situation quite foreign to you, chanting about angels and prophecies and all sorts of celestial rubbish. Pepper cried out as she slayed an invisible foe, proclaiming herself to be Peace. Wensleydale became Abundance, Brain Cleanliness, and Adam Life. Dog was their loyal stallion, on which all four of them rode to greatness. You couldn’t help but smile as you watched their antics, no matter how strange they seemed. 

After a few moments of playing Adam turned to you, studying your physique. “You need a role, too. What do you think?” He turned to his companions, and they chatted quietly amongst themselves.

“We could always make them Satan.” Brian suggested.

“Or God, since we’re the opposites of the Airbase Menaces.” Pepper pitched in, causing the others to grin. 

“That’s a perfect idea. (Y/N), you’re God, all right? She’s a woman, and she’s sent us, The Them, to save the Earth.” Adam triumphantly placed his hands on his hips, clearly satisfied with himself.

“Oh, alright.” You shook your head slightly, unsure of how to play your character. “Um, The Them! You must go forth and save the world! It is corrupted, and damned - I mean darned. It is your duty to restore my creation to its former glory!” You spoke in an odd accent, raising the pitch of your voice and waving your arms about. The Them looked at each other before bursting into a fit of giggles.

“You’re weird.” Pepper informed you, skipping after her friends as they continued their quest.