Wizards are just old people with glitter in their pockets

one time I went over to a friend's house and their housemate was making paper in the living room, and we saw this big tub full of water they were using to dissolve old scrap paper into a slurry, and everyone was immediately like "oh, you need scrap paper?" and started turning out their jacket pockets and producing expired coupons and bus tickets and crumpled receipts and old shopping lists and whatever else they'd been carrying round with them for no good reason, and passing it all to the paper-making housemate to make sure it was suitable before it got torn up and dropped into the tub, while people took turns stirring the slurry with a big wooden stick. it was strangely ritualistic, like presenting an offering to some kind of temple elder for inspection before placing it in a watery shrine to be devoured and reformed. pulp for the pulp god.

#if sir Walter elliot used reddit (@spookyohan)

oh my god this is me. i was addicted to designer amphetamines and completely delusional at the time of writing this. i had lost forty pounds and thought i was hot shit. i thought i was the reincarnation of Kurt Vonnegut. this was serious, and my friends laughed when they saw this go viral on twitter. it made me realize i had issues and im sober now. im also shocked i managed to stay employed at that time. To answer your question: im from LA but I grew up all around. I was living between Baltimore and NYC at the time. My mom is a beautiful Italian woman (Milan by way of Bolzano) and my dad is an insufferable Mexican from Montreal.

this is the most viscerally effective anti-drug PSA i've ever seen, not least because i think it's plausibly true, unlike the ones i normally see

pitch for my new tarot card “The Emoji”

hey, tag this with a food people get really upset about you not liking

how to become retroactively 10 years on estrogen

yeah whatever the second best time to plant a tree is now there is always time it's never too late etc etc. but also like half of my problems ultimately trace back to "there was never a chance in hell of me getting on estrogen early enough to avoid the damage testosterone did to me" and I'm allowed to be upset or atleast miffed about it

oh you figured it out too late? Well that's a moot point really because your family would've been unaccepting at the time and your country's medical system's method of trans healthcare is "waste as much time as possible in the hopes they detransition or die" so like yeah no matter what it was kinda inevitable you'd have broad shoulders narrow hips and have to spend a bunch of money on laser

and like yeah whatever cis women have those too, I'm #fucking valid or whatever. shut uppp I don't caaaaaaare. I don't need to be welcomed to womanhood. I don't need reassurance that clocky girls are valid. I don't even care about passing that much I just want to look in the mirror without being upset. can I have that. can I fucking mourn. can I be a little pissed off and sad that I have to deal with this? can you fucking handle that without shutting me down and telling me I'm wrong to feel dysphoria about anything in the first place?

Felt every single word of this right down in my tired, tired bones.

joe biden should do another stimulus check where the ira sends me a lox bagel. with cream cheese please

irs.

I had to check this wasn’t The Onion

i have a suggestion

it's good that I will never be a dog breeder, bc I would make the elephant dog. long borzoi snout, chunky pitbull body, ears of a papillon

Some wobbledogs ass shit

You know, when I've remarked that a lot of the responses to my posts feel like people are just plucking out keywords they think they recognise based on the shape of them and replying to what they imagine the post says based on that, the possibility never occurred to me that this is actually how many American schools are currently teaching kids to read.

Like, my assumption this whole time has been that when folks go "I misunderstood this post that says [thing] as saying [unrelated thing] because I mistook [word] for [completely different word that happens to start with the same letter]", that was a bit. What do you mean they're teaching kids a reading method that's tailored to produce this exact error?

listen. if your mutual suddenly starts referring to The Character with different pronouns, you must go along with it. that character is trans now. they’re right.

people will have double-digit opinions on kink discourse and still manage to not know what BDSM stands for

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