Wizards are just old people with glitter in their pockets

No you misread that I said she licked her pussy up the wall. Yes her own pussy. What do you mean that sounds just as if not more implausible? She's very flexible.

I'd like you all to know I was half asleep when I wrote this post idk what the fuck I was talking about either

starts talking and a disclaimer appears above my head saying that all resemblance to real languages is strictley coincidental

A lot of people’s idea of “California” is just Los Angeles and also I think specifically the rich parts of Los Angeles

As a European, my idea of “California” is honestly just. Warm America. With beach? I think?

There’s cold rainforests and snowy mountains there

dont worry the language under the bed isnt real

having the Aviation Accident Investigations Autism™️ has actually done wonders for the way I process and respond to my own fuck-ups

Amazing moments in Dads: my friend’s dad’s critique of Frankenstein was, “I just don’t think the author had read science fiction before.”

I've seen some posts trying to make fun of former gifted kids by comparing them to former student athletes who insist that they could have gone pro if not for a specific injury, and those posts always backfire, because my reaction to them is "You're right, we should treat former student athletes with more compassion than we currently do"

I went from being very physically active to getting the "your body doesn't make energy properly anymore" disability so I can completely understand the grief that comes with circumstances outside your control destroying parts of you you were once proud of and locking you out of the life you could have had. It's not a good feeling.

... was that not the whole point of that comparison? Are we supposed to dislike the kids who were pushed into overworking and permanently damaging their bodies at a young age by people who should know better but value second hand glory over the health of kids?

one time I went over to a friend's house and their housemate was making paper in the living room, and we saw this big tub full of water they were using to dissolve old scrap paper into a slurry, and everyone was immediately like "oh, you need scrap paper?" and started turning out their jacket pockets and producing expired coupons and bus tickets and crumpled receipts and old shopping lists and whatever else they'd been carrying round with them for no good reason, and passing it all to the paper-making housemate to make sure it was suitable before it got torn up and dropped into the tub, while people took turns stirring the slurry with a big wooden stick. it was strangely ritualistic, like presenting an offering to some kind of temple elder for inspection before placing it in a watery shrine to be devoured and reformed. pulp for the pulp god.

#if sir Walter elliot used reddit (@spookyohan)

oh my god this is me. i was addicted to designer amphetamines and completely delusional at the time of writing this. i had lost forty pounds and thought i was hot shit. i thought i was the reincarnation of Kurt Vonnegut. this was serious, and my friends laughed when they saw this go viral on twitter. it made me realize i had issues and im sober now. im also shocked i managed to stay employed at that time. To answer your question: im from LA but I grew up all around. I was living between Baltimore and NYC at the time. My mom is a beautiful Italian woman (Milan by way of Bolzano) and my dad is an insufferable Mexican from Montreal.

this is the most viscerally effective anti-drug PSA i've ever seen, not least because i think it's plausibly true, unlike the ones i normally see

pitch for my new tarot card “The Emoji”

hey, tag this with a food people get really upset about you not liking