She/Her || 23 || Big fan of Attack on Titan & angst writing || âNo matter where youâre from, Paradis or Marley, we will meet again in the Paths.â ||
Summary: (Y/N) Ackerman is Leviâs little sister and Erwinâs (S/O). She was taken by the Warriors after the Battle of Shiganshina. She experiences the world outside the Walls and learns the truth. With a new purpose in her life, (Y/N) does whatever she can to survive in this cruel but beautiful world.
There are going to be spoilers for Season 4 as this will be a series rewrite!
Pairing: Erwin Smith x (fem) Reader, Zeke Jaeger x (fem) Reader (Enemies to Lovers)
Series Warning: Angst, Kidnapping, Racial Slurs (Eldians/Marleyans), Language, Various Suggestive Talking/Thinking. Eventual Smut (maybe) (18+), etc.
Summary: (Y/N) wanted to explain to her son that the devils of Paradis Island are not what they seem. She would share her past in the form of stories to show and teach her son how these âdevilsâ arenât any different from them.
(A/N): This series is directly tied with the âHis Solaceâ Series. Before reading the chapters below make sure to read âHis Solaceâ first, specifically the first twelve chapters.
Your childhood with your brother and mother in the Underground.
How you met Furlan Church, Isabel Magnolia, and Erwin Smith for the first time.
Experiencing the surface for the first time.
đżHeadcanons & Drabblesđż
Drabble: Kenny leaves you and Levi.
Headcanon: Your life in the Survey Corps.
Headcanon: A confession is made.
Headcanon: How you met the 104th Cadets for the first time.Â
Headcanon: Your life in MarleyÂ
Series Rewrite for Season 1, 2, and 3
(Season 2 Episode 3 & 4) What happened at Utgard Castle...
(Season 2 Episode 8) Aftermath of Wall Roseâs BattleÂ
(Season 2 Episode 11) Shinzou Wo Sasageyo/Dedicate Your HeartÂ
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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Summary: (Y/N) has found a way to put an end to the war, but now has to carry a heavy burden on her shoulders. Seeing her in this state, Zeke helped his wife by reminding her what they are fighting for.
Word Count: 7.4K
Warnings: Angst. SPOILERS for the Final Season. Mild insults and language. Racism (Marleyan/Eldian). Deception. Fighting.
Gif credits: @anyadarkseid
~~~
Year 854
One Month Later After Arrival
Since the war started, Zeke has been dreading to wake up in the early hours of the morning. He hated waking up just to repeat the same cycle of violence and then go to bed with the cries/moans of the injured filling the air. The only time he had some respite during the night was when he took out the only memento of home to gaze upon.Â
It was a picture of (Y/N) with Kaito in her arms.Â
The photograph was old -almost two years old- and it had seen better days but Zeke made sure no creases or wrinkles touched his family. And while the photograph was void of any color, he can still imagine that lovely shade of (E/C) that he admired so much. Then there was Kaito. His smile was frozen in time but it was the kind of smile that left an impression on him. The same can be said with his laugh. Kaito had a cute, happy laugh that could just melt any personâs heart. Before the war, he loved making the little toddler laugh. It always felt like a small victory whenever he did.
But for the last month, Zeke rarely took out the photograph. Sure, on the nights when he missed Kaito he pulled out the small piece of film. However, the same canât be said for his wife.Â
He no longer needed to gaze upon a photograph to see her because (Y/N) was right next to him, sleeping soundly in his bed. Her hands were clapped together underneath her head. Her hair decorated the pillow with her (H/C) locks in such an artistic manner, almost as if sheâs making herself more beautiful on purpose. Her expression was one of peace. Her soft breathing filled the quiet room. Her bare feet were warm against his underneath the covers.Â
Ever since her arrival, Zeke now appreciated these early hours. It was his favorite time of day. He felt strangely safe every time he was with her. She didnât have to do or say anything but her presence was just that comforting. She was the definition of a solace.
And any moment now, (Y/N) will wake up and the reality of their situation will once more fall upon their shoulders.
One month ago, (Y/N) asked -well more like interrogated- him about the future. She had that determined glint in her eyes when she did so. Zeke understood her frustration. He would be mad too if she was hiding something important. However, he knew he had to keep the euthanization plan a secret from her. At least until the time is right. But with every morning that passed by, Zeke couldnât help but recall the memory of their fight and wondered: Had he made the right choice?
Flashback to One Month Ago
âA serious talk? About what?â Zeke asked.Â
âThe future.â
âAh.â He turned around and walked back to his desk. His hands grabbed all the battle plans, maps, and other important paperwork that made him stay up all night. Heâs been trying to find a better plan than the one proposed by Sergeant Major Gross. If he could find a way to-
âDonât just say âahâ, Zeke. I need to know what you have planned.â (Y/N)âs eyes glanced at the doorway before lowering her voice, âHange and Levi told me what you told Yelena. Now I want you to tell me. Donât skip any details.â
âWell, if they told you already, why do I need to repeat it?â
(Y/N) gave him a look that Zeke knew he had no choice in the matter⊠At least this time. She crossed her arms in front of her chest and raised a brow at him. âTell me.â
Zeke relented and told her everything about his plan. Not the real plan about euthanizing the Eldian population, of course. As he explained his cover up plan, Zeke tried his best to control his facial expressions. (Y/N) was watching him like a hawk. Her (E/C) eyes stared into his as she took in every word. After telling her, Zeke waited for her to say something. But she didnât say anything. She just waited, as if he was going to say more.
âThis is where you say something.â He told her.
(Y/N) closed her eyes as she remembered her conversation with Levi and Hange. What Zeke told her matched what they said. She was hoping Zeke would let something slip or at least add another detail to the plan. Unfortunately, he didnât. He told her about the three points of his plan.
A test run of the Rumbling to show the world its power.
The cooperation of Hizuru in order to strengthen Paradisâs military until the Rumblingâs threat is no longer needed.
A Titan of royal blood and the Founding Titan must be passed down. Which means once Zekeâs term reaches its end, Historia will inherit his Beast Titan and during her 13-year term she will have to bear as many children as possible.
And while Hizuruâs cooperation canât be counted on as they only want to monopolize the islandâs resources for themselves, (Y/N) wondered if Zeke had a contingency plan in place.
âDo you have a contingency plan?â She asked him as she sat down on the bed. âHange told me that Hizuru wonât be cooperating with Paradis.â
âWe donât need one.â Zeke sat down next to her. âI only included Hizuru as a way for Paradis to advance as a nation. I thought since their ancestors were friends with King Fritz at the time, we could use that as an advantage. Plus, their weapons and aircraft development is something that can help the island. Their cooperation isnât necessary. As long as the Rumbling-â
âZeke.âÂ
He stopped talking when (Y/N) spoke his name. His eyes met hers. And those eyes with the beautiful shade of (E/C) seemed to pierce into his soul, if he had one.
âI want to believe you.â
âThen believe me.â
She shook her head. âI canât. Not when you havenât told me a single word about this plan. For almost two years. Paradis is my home. I have the right, then and now, to know how youâll protect it.â
âWhatâs important is that you know now.â Zeke took her hands and held them. âI told you how Iâll protect Paradis. The only reason I couldnât tell you was because I had to protect you. At the time, you were pregnant with Kaito. You were already having a hard time adjusting to the outside world. I know youâre strong, (Y/N), but I didnât want you to worry any more than you have to.â
âSo you thought it wasnât okay for me to learn about your plan of using the Rumbling, but it was okay for me to learn about it through all that Marleyan propaganda? How does that make sense, Zeke?â
âIâŠâ Damn it. Zeke couldnât come up with an excuse. Sure, he had several excuses but none of them would convince (Y/N). Sometimes, itâs a curse to have a smart wife. So he picked a believable excuse and crossed his fingers it would work. âI would rather have you learn about it through the books than from me. Donât you remember how you were when you learned about our history? You were livid. So how was I going to tell you that my plan involves using the Rumbling? I knew you would be against it.â
(Y/N) stayed silent after listening to his explanation. She knew Zeke had a point. The use of the Rumbling, even if it's a portion of it, she would be opposed to it. But she was also opposed to the idea of Historia inheriting Titan powers. The idea of children eating parents⊠She agreed with Hange at that point. Pushing their problems on to their descendants in order to save the island now was not the right way.
As much as (Y/N) hated to admit it, the Rumbling was the best option for Paradis to have a future.
So why did she have this deep gut feeling that Zeke wasnât telling her something? He was hiding something from her.Â
â(Y/N)?â Zekeâs voice broke her out of her thoughts. âAre you alright?â
âI donât know Zeke. I hate this plan of yours. A plan that you should have told me since the beginning. At least then we could have worked together to figure something out.â
Frustrated, Zeke let out a sigh. âLook, thereâs no point in arguing about this. Weâre past that point-â
âBecause you decided that. You didnât include me-â
âBecause I didnât want you to worry!â
âLet me be the one to worry about things especially if it includes my home and future! Iâm not some pathetic, feeble housewife that you need to fucking coddle-â
âOf course youâre not. I just wanted to-â
âSTOP!â (Y/N) didnât mean to shout but she swore another word from Zeke and she would have punched him in the face. âJust⊠Please stop talking.â
She got up and began to pace back and forth. Zeke watched her in silence. A few minutes later, (Y/N) stopped. So Zeke took this as his opportunity to talk.
âAre we good?â
(Y/N) nodded and Zeke offered his hand for her to take. Once their hands interlaced, she sat back down on the bed. Her head leaned against his shoulder and his head rested on top of hers. The couple sat in silence until (Y/N) found her voice again.
âIâm not used to this.â
âArguing?â
âNot that. Iâm used to arguing. Believe me you arenât the first man I argued with and you wonât be the last.â (Y/N) lifted her head off his shoulder to face him. âWhat I meant was⊠Iâm not used to this⊠Secrecy. I hate being kept in the dark on important matters. It makes me feel⊠Useless. And I hate that feeling. So when Hange and Levi told me about your plan, I was frustrated. I thought you, at very least, would tell me.â
âIt was for your own good.â Zeke responded but he could tell (Y/N) didnât believe him.Â
âMy own good?â She echoed his words before shaking her head. Her next words were mumbled, but Zeke heard them loud and clear. âYou and Erwin couldnât be more different.â
Ouch. Zeke felt as though his heart was pierced by those words. The feeling of angst poured out of his heart and flowed to every vein in his body. He could feel himself getting warmer. Was it from anger? No. Jealousy? Definitely.
âWhatâs that supposed to mean?â He countered but Zeke knew very well what she meant and how she meant it.
âExactly what it sounds like. With Erwin, I trusted him and he trusted me. Thatâs how we made it work. We didnât keep each other in the dark just to spare feelings. He included me with his plans. He wouldnât do what youâre doing to me right now.â
Zeke opened his mouth to argue back but it was as if he forgot how to pronounce words. He knew she was going to be upset once she heard about his plans, but so much so that she would bring up Erwin?
(Y/N) wasnât done. âLook, I didnât mean to compare you with him but if this is how youâll be with the secrets and hidden agendas then I canât trust you. And without trust, our relationship wonât work. So please, Iâm asking you this once: Is there anything, anything at all, that youâre hiding from me?â
Zeke knew this was his chance to come clean. He could tell his wife about the euthanization plan and how it can finally put a rest to the worldâs hatred towards the Eldian race. But he couldnât. Not now, not here. Heâll tell her the truth when the time is right. Right now, he needs (Y/N) to be on his side, not against him.Â
Heâll tell her one day, but today was not the day.Â
âIâm not hiding anything.â Zeke told her, placing his hands on her shoulders. âI donât know how to prove it to you, but this is where you have to trust me. Because if I recall correctly, trust goes both ways. So, please, believe me. I know Iâm not Erwin, but I am your husband. I promised to protect you with everything I have because I love you, (Y/N).âÂ
She brought her hand to cup his cheek, her thumb ran across his beard. His face softened under her gentle touch.Â
After a moment of silence, she spoke, âAlright, Zeke. I believe you. But remember, weâre partners. You donât have to do everything alone. You have me. So promise me,â She held her pinky finger out to him. âYouâll include me in your plans.â
Zeke wrapped his pinky with hers. âI promise and I promise Iâll do whatever I can to bring an end to this war.â
(Y/N) smiled. âNow thatâs something we can agree on. Come on, letâs go eat and then you need to catch me up with every battle plan you guys have tried so far.â
As she continued to talk, Zeke felt guilt in his stomach because he knew that the promise he made with his wife was already broken. Sheâll find out and once she does⊠Sheâs going to hate him all over again.
End of Flashback
âI can feel you staring.âÂ
(Y/N)âs tired voice broke Zeke out of his memories and back to reality. He looked down and saw that her eyes were still closed but now she had a faint smile upon her lips. How long has she been awake while he was reminiscing about the past?
âI wasnât staring.â He defended but his own smile admitted his guilt. âBut if I was, itâs only because the worldâs most beautiful woman is in bed with me.â
(Y/N) let out a chuckle and moved closer to his warm chest. âYou donât need to flirt. Iâm already in bed with you. Not to mention, weâre married.â
âThat doesnât mean Iâll stop.â Zeke huffed. His arms snaked around her waist and pulled (Y/N) even closer. âBesides, I like flirting with you.â
The woman let out a content hum as she mindlessly tapped her finger against his chest. At least, thatâs what Zeke thought she was doing. It took him a moment to realize that she was tapping Morse code. Three simple words.
Stay. Alive. Please.
He wasnât surprised by the fact that his wife knew Morse code. Ever since entering the world outside the Walls of Paradis Island, (Y/N) has been learning whatever the world had to offer. So her learning a new language that was composed of dots and dashes? Thatâs his wife. Sheâs one of a kind.Â
He kissed her forehead and relished in the silence with her. If he listened closely, he could hear her heart beating with life: an assurance to him that she was still here with him, alive. He wanted her to stay that way. He canât lose her. He couldnât. Not to mention what Levi would do to him if something were to happen to (Y/N).
âYou okay?â She asked him, her hand over his clothed chest. âYour heartbeat is racing.â
âNervous for today.â Zeke replied truthfully. âMagath wants to make another front line trench.â
(Y/N) furrowed her brow and propped herself up. âWhen did he tell you that?â
âJust last night. After the meeting. Was going to tell you but you were already asleep.âÂ
The woman huffed before hauling the covers off her body. She sat up and began to put on her uniform at a quick pace. She grabbed her boots and put them on before making her way to the small cracked mirror where she began to brush away her bed hair.Â
â(Y/N)?â Zeke called out, sitting up with his back against the wall.
âI wish you would have told me about this last night. I could have stayed up and come up with a plan. That idiot of a sergeant major-â
âYou mean Gross?â
âLike I was saying, that idiot is trying to convince Magath to go ahead with his insane idea. And we both know his idea will only result in pointless death of so many Eldian soldiers. His hatred for Eldians shows no bounds. Itâs disgusting. Did you hear that rumor about him and his father?â
âYou mean the one about his late father using dogs to maul people?â
(Y/N) nodded. âWhether it's true or not, Gross is a horrible man that canât see past his hatred. He has it out for me, too.â
âWhy?â
âColt told me a few days ago. Apparently, Grossâs father was also a sergeant major back in the day. He would be in charge of Eldian deportation, bring them to Paradis, and turn them into Titans. Colt and Falcoâs uncle was part of a restorationist group⊠Like your fath- Grisha and your mother. The day they departed to the island was the last time Gross ever saw his father.â
While Colt was a kind and respectful young man, Zeke wished he wasnât. Sometimes, sharing this kind of information to others was dangerous.Â
(Y/N) continued on. âNow every time he looks at me, he thinks I personally murdered his father. Just because Iâm from Paradis.â She scoffed as if the mere thought was ridiculous. âWhich is stupid. The Scouts never made it that far out to the wharf back then. But itâs not like heâll listen to an island devil like myself. So now he takes any chance he gets to berate, disrespect, and insult me.â
Zeke stood up and wrapped his arms around her from behind. He kissed the back of her neck before nudging his cheek with hers. âIf it makes you feel better, he doesnât like me either.â
Through the cracked mirror, Zeke achieved what he wanted as his wife let out a small chuckle with a smile gracing her lips. Her hands were warm to the touch when she hugged him back.Â
âYeah, well, whatâs to like about a guy who can turn into a Titan that looks like a-â
âDonât say it.â He warned her but he can already see the playful smirk on her face.
â- Like a potbelly monkey.âÂ
Zeke pouted but he quickly replaced it with a smirk of his own. His fingers made their way to (Y/N)âs sides and began his âassaultâ on her. (Y/N) let out a small yelp but it was soon followed by her laughter. He continued to tickle her even when she begged for him to stop.
âZeke, please!â
âSay sorry first.â
Happy tears streamed down her cheeks. Her smile was contagious. Her laughter was infectious. Zeke wanted nothing more to preserve this memory and live in it forever. His small piece of heaven in this cruel war-torn world. He needs to cherish this. Just as he was going to stop, Zeke felt her elbow dig into his side before she turned around and placed her forearm on his chest. The back of his knees folded against their bed as she pushed him onto the once warm sheets.
âYou need to keep your guard up, Zeke.â (Y/N) told him from her position, smirking a little at his stunned face. âAfter all, youâre sleeping with the enemy.â
Zeke laughed at those words and wrapped his arms around her once more. âI wouldnât mind dying by your hand if it means I get to see you one last time.â
(Y/N)âs smile faltered a little at his sentiment. Zeke only had a little more of a year with Ymirâs curse still in place. She wished she could read his mind. What kind of thoughts were filling his head? Did he think about death often now that his life span had an expiration date set in stone? She swallowed her worries and fears down her throat and forced herself to focus on the present.
She leaned down and placed a chaste kiss on his lips. But Zeke could see the seriousness in her eyes. âDonât talk like that. Death has already taken enough of my family and friends, I donât need you to joke about it.â
Zeke was just about to argue with her. He didnât mean it as a joke, but he stopped himself before he uttered a word. He considered her point of view, where she was coming from. He knew the losses she went through. The loss of her mother, Isabel and Furlan -her close friends from the Underground- , hundreds of Scouts, her comrades, her uncle, and finally the man that first held her heart, Erwin Smith.Â
She already lost the first love of her life and it destroyed her. He saw how grief-stricken she was during their initial encounter. How she tried to fight to stay by his side when Reiner tried to wrangle her into submission. Even to this day, Zeke knew his wife still thought about her first love. Erwin Smith, the man he can never measure up to be. He remembered (Y/N) told him that during her first few months in Marley. Zeke often wondered if she truly loved him, but on some days, he doubted it. He remembered seeing her love for Erwin: the way she took great care for Kaito, the fact she still held onto her Scout cape, the way she silently mourned for his death each year, and how she lit a candle on October 14th.Â
A selfish part of him hoped (Y/N) would move on from the commander and finally find true solace⊠In him. Just as how she was his solace, even if it meant sheâll lose another loved one again. Yes, itâs selfish for Zeke to even think about but when it comes to his family, heâll be the most selfish man in the world.
âIâm sorry.â He whispered but his voice was filled with sincerity. (Y/N) knew he meant it. She closed her eyes when his fingers placed a curl of hair behind her ear. âI didnât mean to upset you. But itâs the truth.â
Her hand gently took hold of his wrist. Underneath her fingertips, she felt his pulse that was still beating with life. Biting her lip, she whispered, âI donât want you to die. Not now and not later.â
âReally? You might not think that in the future.â
âMaybe but right now I need you to live. Kaito needs you to live. And the only way we can do that is by ending this war. We need to go back home. The both of us.â
âOkay. Then thatâs what weâll do.â He kissed her on the lips and felt his heart expand at the sight of her smiling down at him.
âSorry for calling you a potbelly monkey.â
âApology accepted.â
âIn my defense, you were handed the short end of the stick when you inherited the Beast Titan.â (Y/N) said as she raked her nails over his abdomen where she felt the curves and slopes of his abs. âDo you get to choose what animal you become when inheriting the Beast?â
Zeke shrugged. âDonât think so. I think it's random. Iâm just lucky that my Titan has a good throwing arm.â
âIf I were to become a Beast Titan, I would like to have the option of which animal I want to become.â
âOh, yeah?â Zeke propped his elbow with his hand holding his head. His other hand interlaced with hers. âLike what?â
(Y/N) thought about it before answering, âI think a bird, like a hawk or something.â
âA bird?â Zeke tried to hide his smile but ultimately failed when (Y/N) gave him a pointed look.Â
âDonât laugh at me!â (Y/N) exclaimed but she too was smiling along with him. âAt least, I could fly over my enemies andâŠâ
Zeke noticed that she trailed off. â(Y/N)?â
He watched as the woman in his arms was silent. Her brow furrowed in contemplation. Why was she looking so deep in thought? Though, heâll have to admit she looked so beautiful like this.
âHey, whatâs the-â
âShh!â She placed her hand over his mouth. From his position, Zeke could see how her eyes seemed to shine. He was pretty sure, her mind was going a million miles a minute. âThatâs it!â
âWhat?âÂ
âThe answer!â (Y/N) has a wide smile decorating her lips. âI have to talk to Magath!â She quickly scrambled her way out of bed but not before grabbing her armband and putting it on.
âTalk to Magath about what?â Zeke asked.Â
(Y/N) had the biggest smile on her face when she walked up to him before wrapping her hands around his waist, giving him the tightest hug ever.
âI just thought of a way to end this war.â
~
âA kinetic bombardment airstrike?â Magath placed his coffee on his desk and looked at the map before him. âSeems rather risky, donât you think?â
âA rather stupid idea if you asked me.â Sergeant Major Gross grumbled under his breath.
The comments didnât faze (Y/N). Instead, she stood firm and with confidence she spoke, âAny strategist will tell you that any plan will carry risks, but with this airstrike it will help minimize loss to our troops while causing maximum damage to the enemyâs fort. If we were to drop-â
âThis is a waste of our time!â Gross growled as his eyes narrowed at the island devil. âWe already have a plan and itâs mine. I proposed it months ago before you even got here.â
âAnd yet, here we are.â (Y/N) argued back, her eyes glaring in defiance at him. âThereâs a reason Commander Magath didnât choose your barbaric plan. Now, he has another option, a better option, where we wonât be sending hundreds of troops to certain death.â
âWhy you insolent-â
âGross, thatâs enough. You can leave.â
The sergeant major opened his mouth to object but the glare from the commander was enough to shut him up. He turned around and was about to walk out when he gave one last glare to the woman.
âYou have to excuse him.â Magath told her before gesturing to the woman to sit.
âIâd rather not.âÂ
âFair enough. But now, heâs gone and I would like to hear the details of your plan without further interruptions.â
~
Zeke waited anxiously outside the command post for (Y/N) to come out. Sheâs been in there with Magath for the past hour. He hoped for the best with each minute that passed by. (Y/N) is a smart woman and the plan she came up with was genius. He just hoped sheâll be able to convince Magath.
âIs she still in there with the commander?â Pieckâs tired voice came from his right. She was using her crutches again which made sense as she was in her Cart Titan form for two months.Â
Zeke offered up his seat to her. âYeah, sheâs still in there. Gross came out earlier and he looked like he wanted to kill me on the spot.â
âAh, thatâs just his usual face. He always looks like that with us Eldians.â
âTrue.â
âBut is what heâs saying true? That (Y/N) has a plan that might put an end to the war?â
âRumors sure spread fast around here.â Zeke commented as he leaned against the dirt wall of the trench. âBut, yeah. She told me about it and I think itâs a better plan than the one Gross has.â
âI think any plan is better than the sergeant majorâs. Everyone knows heâs ready to sacrifice the lives of Eldian soldiers. I wouldnât be surprised if he wants us to die as well.â
âWell, I canât die before my term is up. I made a promise to (Y/N) not to die early.â
âAww, isnât that sweet? Who knew you were such a thoughtful husband, Zeke.â Pieck joked.
âI do have my moments.â
The two Warriors continued to talk about mundane topics for the next half hour. Every once and a while, Zekeâs eyes wandered to the command post. He appreciated Pieckâs way of keeping the conversation going, but his mind was on his wife.
The movement of the curtain draped over the entrance of the command post caught his attention. (Y/N) lifted the curtain enough so he could see her face. He couldnât tell if she had good news or bad news.
âZeke, I need you.âÂ
âGood luck in there.â Pieck called out.
He looked over his shoulder and gave Pieck a brief smile. He walked inside the command post to find Magath standing at the nearby map. Zeke noticed that the map looked quite different than it did yesterday. No, it was different. This must be (Y/N)âs plan. Has Magath disregarded the sergeant majorâs plan completely?Â
Zeke cleared his throat and saluted, âReporting for duty, Commander Magath.â
Magath looked away from the map. âAt ease, Wonderboy. Your wife came up with a plan that could turn the tables into Marleyâs favor. I trust she told you?â
âYes, sir. An airstrike that will weaken the Mid-East forces significantly.â
âAnd do you have any other suggestions?â
Zeke furrowed his eyebrows. âSir?â
(Y/N) came up next to him. This time, he can tell something was wrong. Her eyes lost the shine that was there a few hours ago. What happened during her talk with Magath?
âCommander Magath is all for the airstrike plan. The only problem is that the Marleyan army lacks the equipment for a bombardment. And with how large Fort Slava is, the equipment we currently have wonât do us any good if it canât cause enough damage.â
Ah, Zeke can see where this is going. âAnd I donât suppose we have the time to wait until we do have the materials?â
Magath shook his head. âNo. Weâve exhausted our resources all throughout this war. Government orders are to secure the fort with what we have now. No matter the cost.â
âBut, sir, if we can just-â (Y/N) began but stopped when the commander raised his hand.Â
âI have no more say in the matter. We were lucky to have you and the others as reinforcements. But in the eyes of the government, every day we spend here in the trenches is another day wasted in economic terms. This war is causing the nation to bleed.â
(Y/N), clearly having enough of the conversation, threw her hands in the air and sat down on a nearby chair. âStupid government.â
Magath ignored her and looked back at Zeke. âNow that you know our predicament, what suggestions can you offer?â
âThe airstrike is our best option, but if the problem is that of resources then we have to find something else to use in the bombardment. Something that we have abundance of⊠Something that no other nation has the power to use.â
(Y/N)âs eyes widened at the idea Zeke was trying to convey. âZeke, you donât meanâŠâ
âItâs the only way.â He argued.
She shook her head. âNo. Absolutely not.â
Magath didnât know what she was talking about and he hated to be out of the loop, but it would seem the island devil has already filled in the blank. Desperate for answers, Magath asked, âIs it a way to win this war?â
âIt is.â
(Y/N) frowned. âItâs wrong.â
Within the hour, a new battle strategy was made. Instead of the aerial bombardment that (Y/N) proposed, it was now altered into a Titan aerial bombardment. The Titans in question will be the Eldians that were supposed to be deported to Paradis Island, but since Marley has lost more than thirty ships they couldnât take the risk.Â
âThink of it this way,â Zeke told her. âAt least, their lives will serve a purpose and end this war. We can then go home. Think of it as a sacrifice.â
(Y/N) glared at him. âYou donât get to speak to me about sacrifice. This isnât it. A sacrifice is a choice and I know for a fact they wonât have one. Theyâll be forced.â She looked at Magath. âWonât they?â
The commander frowned. While he came to respect (Y/N) over the years, there were always those moments reminding him that she came from an entirely different world than heâs used to. However, every once in a while, (Y/N) would say or do something that reminded him of their differences.Â
Like now, for example. Her perspective of the Eldian people and viewing them still as regular people.
Her (E/C) eyes were filled with defiance as she continued to stare at him. For a moment, it reminded him of the time when he first met the island devil. Those intelligent eyes that sometimes frightened him. He had no doubt she made a captain rank back on Paradis.Â
Magath took a moment to calm his nerves before speaking, âThis is war, (Y/N). Iâve already sent hundreds, if not thousands, of lives to conquer that fort. And I would have sent even more if I went forward with the sergeant majorâs battle plan. Now I wonât have to. If sacrificing the few means saving the rest of us then the choice is clear. Weâll begin our offense as soon as the shipment of Eldians comes across.â
âI wonât stand for this.â (Y/N) all but growled, fury behind her eyes. There was a sliver of hesitation, Magath noticed, but it disappeared just as quickly when she spoke, âSend me to the front lines.â
âWHAT?!â Zeke grabbed her shoulders and shook them. â(Y/N), thatâs crazy! You might think youâre invincible, and you might be right, but this is not the time to prove it. Iâm sorry, Commander Magath. She didnât mean it-â
âDonât speak for me!â (Y/N) argued and pushed him away. âCommander, please. Send me there.â
Magath thought for a moment before he made up his mind. âRequest denied. Youâre needed here with the candidates. I canât afford to lose you. Believe it or not, youâre a symbol to the Eldians here. Since the moment you arrived, their spirits lifted. You saved the lives of countless Eldians. They know about your strength and skills. You brought them hope and if something were to happen to you that hope dies with you.â
âBut if I could just-â
âThe answer is no, you stubborn woman. Youâre worth more alive than a corpse. We will go forward with this of yours and you will be a part of the strike.â
(Y/N) raised an eyebrow. âHow so? I may be an Eldian but I canât turn into a Titan.âÂ
âNo, but you can put that Ackerman power to use. With this,â Magath gestured her to follow. He stopped in front of the wooden crate box. The same one (Y/N) carried from the train. âOpen it.â
She felt Zeke right next to her, equally curious as her. With Magathâs permission, (Y/N) lifted the lid and she could have sworn someone launched a thunder spear into her heart. Because inside the crate was the very equipment that helped her escape death several times.
Her ODM gear. From what she can tell at first glance, her precious weapon seemed to be in perfect condition. She grabbed the hand controller grips and connected a blade. A sense of familiarity washed over her when she brought the blade out of its scabbard. The blade, carefully crafted in ultrahard steel, was as beautiful as she remembered it.Â
âWe tried to recreate this weapon, but as you said before, we couldnât. I requested for it to be released under our custody, and since it's obvious none of us can use itâŠâ
âGot it.â (Y/N) cuts in, already figuring out what the commander wanted her to do. âAfter the initial airstrike, you want me to take care of the enemies that pose a threat, especially those who are pointing cannons at us.âÂ
âExactly.â
She looked back in the crate and reached for the rest of the gear. The men in the room watched her tinker with the equipment, having no idea what she was checking for.Â
âWell, everything looks to be in order with my gear. Though, thereâs only half a tank of fuel left, but it should be enough to get the job done.â
âGood. Prepare yourselves. It shouldnât take long until we attack. I need to inform the others of this plan. Zeke, you stay here. (Y/N), send Braun, Galliard, and Finger in. Then make yourself useful elsewhere. Take the candidates with you. Youâre dismissed.â
(Y/N) saluted and left the bunker, not sparing Zeke another glance.Â
Finally, after what felt like hours inside, (Y/N) breathed in the fresh air that was mixed with gunpowder and the light scent of human decay. Above her, the sun was now in its afternoon position, continuously shining down its constant rays. The clear blue sky held no clouds, leaving no shade to anyone. With a matter of minutes, (Y/N) could feel herself sweat. But it didnât matter to her. The heat from the sun was nothing to the angry flames inside her.
âShit.â Her eyes never left the endless sky. While thereâs no cloud in sight, she knew it was only a matter of time for Pure Titans to raid down on the earth. All thanks to her. âFuck, I didnât mean for this to happen⊠Erwin, what would you have done?â
Of course, as expected, there was no answer but she hoped he was still watching over her. (Y/N) wondered what he thought of her at this moment. Already, the amount of guilt weighed upon her shoulders. Soon, several Eldian lives will be used as weapons in a war they never signed up to fight. Men, women, children⊠Fuck. Will there be children involved in the attack she came up with?Â
She didnât want that to happen. She didnât mean to involve innocent Eldians who have nothing to do with this war. But what other choice did they have to end this war?Â
âI wish you were here, Erwin.â
~
Later in the Evening
â(Y/N)! There you are!âÂ
Pieckâs voice drew her attention away from Gabiâs retelling of a childhood story. It was her idea. Gabi, Falco, Zofia, and Udo were still impressionable children and while theyâre surrounded by war, (Y/N) suggested for her students to share stories about themselves. Anything to get their minds off the misery that surrounds them. Now it was cut short with the Cart Titan shifter coming their way. The rest of the titan shifters followed her.
âHey. How was the meeting?â She asked them as she scooted some space for Zeke to sit next to her.
âMagath told us your idea.â Porco grumbled while taking a bite of his stale piece of bread. âA Titan airstrike? Where in the hell do you come up with that idea?â
âThought of it this morning.â (Y/N) answered, her fingers drummed against the table. âIt was supposed to be a bombardment, believe it or not.â
âItâs still a good idea.â Zeke told her, his arm slung over her shoulder. âBetter than Grossâs idea.â
âI guess,â Porco huffed. âReiner said you would be the one to figure out a plan. Guess youâre the real deal.â
â(Y/N) was a captain back on the island. She saved lives with that mind of hers.â Reiner spoke on her behalf. âNow sheâll do the same for us. Right, Cap- Er (Y/N)?â
âIâll do my best.â
Pieck offered her a smile. âHey, you wonât be alone. You have us to help you. Everything will work out.â
(Y/N) smiled at her. Despite their initial mistrust with each other, she knew that Pieck was telling the truth. She could tell that the Titan Shifter hated this war just as much as she did. âThanks, Pieck.â
âEven if this plan of yours does work,â Porco interjected. âA lot of Eldians will die. They wonât even have the decency to remember their loved ones once they transform into monsters.âÂ
The air was filled with tension and everyone could sense it. The candidates waited for their teacher to snap. Reiner elbowed Porco in the ribs the same time Pieck did. Zeke glared at him before looking back at (Y/N).
âDonât listen to him.â
âWhy not? Heâs telling the truth. People are going to die.â (Y/N) said tiredly. She shook her head before standing up. âExcuse me.â
â(Y/N), wait!âÂ
Zeke quickly left his seat to follow her but not before he gave his fellow comrade a piece of his mind. âIf you have a problem with my wifeâs plan, then take it up with me. I was the one who suggested using Titans, not her. She already feels guilty enough without you reminding her.â
~
Zeke found (Y/N) leaning against a wooden crate. She had her arms crossed over her chest. Her face pensive as she stared at the night sky. He stood next to her but didnât speak. He knows that she will voice her worries when sheâs ready and heâll be there to listen.
After a while, (Y/N) spoke, âHeâs right, you know. My plan will cause people to die.â
âIt will also save lives. And this isnât all on you. I was the one suggesting we use Titans.â
She turned to face him. âWell, itâs too late to take back your words. Magath is already making the preparations. Even as we speak, thirty to forty people are being shipped out to become weapons. And I know I sound ridiculous but-âÂ
âYou donât.â Zeke interrupted. His hands cupped her face and gazed into her eyes. âI know this is difficult for you but this is something we have to do. If it wasnât for you, hundreds of Eldians will die in a pointless suicide charge and thatâs exactly what Gross wants.â
âIâm no different. Heâs-â
âNothing like you.â His words were firm and sincere. âYou know how?â
âHow?â
âBecause you care.â
(Y/N) was taken aback at this but Zekeâs words gave her the comfort she needed to hear. Her stiff shoulders relaxed as if the burden was lifted by a tiny fraction.Â
Zeke continued, âYouâre a good person. I know it, they know it, and your students know it. We all know youâll do everything to protect those you care about. Reiner and those kids can attest to that.â
âBut what if⊠This plan brings more harm than good?â (Y/N) whispered. âWill you still look at me the same way you do now?â
â(Y/N), I love you. Youâve always tried to find a solution with that beautiful mind of yours, but there are times when you can be blind.â
âIf this is your idea of cheering me up-â
âLet me finish,â Zeke kissed her temple and held back a chuckle at her annoyed expression. âWhat I meant was that you need to start looking at the big picture. Humor me on this, okay? What will happen if this plan works?â
The furrow of her brow vanished when she considered the possibility. âThe war will end.â
âAnd then what? What happens after that?â
âWe⊠We get to go home.â (Y/N) swallowed the white hot lump that was lodged in her throat for the majority of the day. âThe war will be over and we get to go back home.â
âAnd whoâs waiting for us back home?â
Zeke saw the flash of realization in (Y/N)âs eyes. Her hand wrapped around his wrist when she spoke, âOur family.â
âExactly.â
He slipped his hand into his uniform and grabbed the photograph from his pocket. (Y/N) let out a soft gasp when she saw her sonâs face on film. Her heart swelled with longing. Right now, heâs growing up without either parent by his side. Zeke placed the photo in her hands and she brought it close to her chest. The initial feeling of grief was soon replaced by a deep ache in seeing her only child again.
Zeke continued, âThe sooner we end this, the sooner we go back home to our families.â He pulled her in for a hug. He felt her arms wrap around his waist. âPretty soon, weâll have our son in your arms.â
â... Thank you, Zeke. I feel better now. I just have to remember who Iâm really fighting for.â
âIâm here for you, (Y/N). For better or worse. Because no matter what happens, Iâll have your back.â
Warnings: Angst. Racism (Eldian/Marleyan). Language (some cuss words). Insults. Violence.
(A/N): I got carried away with this one. Whoops? Hope you enjoy. Next chapter will finally start on Season 4. I donât own anything. Gif credits belong to @otakugirlsblog
~~~
War.
A state of conflict between different nations or groups.
Battlefield.
The area where fighting takes place by people from opposing sides.
Bloodshed.
The action of wounding or killing others.
Death.
The end of a living personâs life.
(Y/N) has been familiar with the concept of the battlefield for the majority of her adult life. Since childhood, her Uncle Kenny has taught her the fundamentals skills to survive. After he left, Levi made it his mission to continue to teach her. Day after day. There was always something new to learn.Â
Now those learned skills have been shared to the next generation. Her four students were all so eager to prove those skills on the battlefield as they know what this war will prove. This ongoing war will serve as a testing ground for the future successor of the Armored Titan.
Yet for (Y/N) it gave her the opposite effect. Since the birth of her son, (Y/N)âs view on the battlefield has changed. In fact, Kaitoâs birth became the catalyst for her fear and hesitation of battle. Never before had she feared fighting against the enemy nor hesitate to end another personâs life but if the choice was between her and them⊠Sheâll be the most selfish person in the world just so she can see her son again.
Kill or be killed. A phrase Kenny would often tell her and Levi when they were children. It was just that simple.
But Kaito, her brother, her friends/comrades gave her the strength she needed to stay alive and sheâll stay alive for her loved ones. Thatâs all she needed to keep in mind.
She will survive.
~
Liberio Train Station
Large crowds of people formed inside the train station. Loved ones exchanged farewells. Young children crying their hearts out for the unknown amount of time they will be separated from their parents. While those said parents are trying to comfort their children with their words, they knew it was pointless as they themselves have no idea when theyâll return. That is if they returnâŠÂ
However, in some cases, it was the kids comforting their worried parents. Telling them not to worry and that they will bring honor to their family name during the war and to make matters even more uncomfortable the parents encouraged this behavior.
âJust do your best, Gabi. Thatâs all that we ask of you!âÂ
âShow everyone that you deserve your cousinâs Armored Titan!â
The young female warrior candidate saw no fault in her parentsâ words. Her grip on her backpack tightened as the eagerness for war flowed through every vein in her body. Her brown eyes shined bright with excitement and determination, not an ounce of fear anywhere.
âI promise! The enemies wonât stand a chance against me. Iâll show Commander Magath and every Marleyan there that weâre the good Eldians.â
Hearts swelled with pride as Mr. and Mrs. Braun hugged their only daughter one last time.Â
âMom, Dad, I have to go. Everyone else is already at our meeting place.â
âAlright, alright. Stay safe, Gabi.â
Okay, Dad.â
âListen to your superiors including Ackerman.â Mrs. Braun finally voiced her distress, the reality of her only child going off to war finally settling in. âShe may be a devil but she has survived worse. Make sure to learn from her.â
Mr. Braun nodded, agreeing with his wife. âYour motherâs right, Gabi. She will be the key to your goal of becoming the Armored Titan.â
âI know, I know. Mrs. Jaegerâs the best and I only learn from the best. Donât worry. Iâll be back and youâll be so proud of what Iâve achieved on the battlefield. Thatâs a promise.â
With one last wave to her parents, Gabi set out to the designated spot everyone agreed to meet at. She was hoping to be the first one there but to her dismay it turns out she was the last of the candidates to arrive.Â
âHey, Gabi.â Udo greeted her. âAbout time you showed up.âÂ
âDid you get lost?â Zofia asked as she checked her supplies.
âOf course not. I would have been first if my parents didnât keep holding me back.â
Falco chuckled. âI know what you mean.â He pointed to the crowd where his family stood nearby. âMy parents are still talking to Colt. My mom kept hugging too tight and my dad made sure I had everything.â
âAt least you have your older brother coming with you, Falco. You have someone looking out for you.â Udo commented, readjusting his glasses.
Gabi couldnât help the envious feeling slowly simmering inside her stomach at Falcoâs lucky break. Instead, she pushed her jealousy down and forced a smirk on her face. âWell, itâs obvious why Colt has to come, isnât it? Falco needs all the help he can get.â
Falco felt his cheeks and neck warm up at Gabiâs criticism but he tried to save face. âThatâs not true, Gabi and you know it! Besides, Mrs. Jaeger believes weâve all gotten better. Not just you. Itâs why weâre all going.â
The confident girl shrugged her shoulders before waving her hand in dismissal. âOkay, okay. Donât get so worked up, I was only joking⊠Sort of.â
Before Falco could retort, Zofia spoke, âHas anyone seen her?â
There was no need to ask for clarification about the âherâ Zofia was talking about. Each of them knew exactly who Zofia was referring to yet no one was able to give the answer they wanted to hear.
Gabi was the only one who didnât show her uneasiness. Instead she stood taller, prouder almost, when she asked, âEh? You mean she still isnât here?â Her eyes searched for the familiar face of her teacher. âAnd I thought I was late. Where the heck is she?â
âI-I donât see her anywhere b-but maybe sheâs r-running a little l-late.â Udo proposed, a panicked look in his eyes at the thought of the very person he felt safe with could go missing at this crucial point.
âMrs. Jaeger? Late?â Zofia frowned, a deeper frown than usual, at the thought. âIt isnât like her. She's always punctual.â
The air surrounding them began to fill with tension and anxiety. Udo began to sweat, Zofiaâs usual bored expression was replaced with worry in her eyes, and Gabi stood on top of a wooden crate to look over the sea of people for the absent teacher. Falco joined her in the search.
âDo you see her Gabi? Falco?â Udo asked as he wrung his hands, a nervous habit of his. âThe train is going to leave soon!â
âWell then come help us look, four-eyes! If you havenât noticed, there's a bunch of people here.â Gabi retorted angrily.
âHey! I told you that I donât like to be called that!â
As Udo and Gabi argued, Zofia and Falco remained vigilant. While they searched, Falco noticed the deep frown on Zofiaâs face. He has never seen his classmate like this before.Â
âSheâll come through for us, Zofia.â It was a short sentence but it was an attempt to cheer up the usual expressionless girl. âHas she ever let us down before?â
Zofiaâs pale blue eyes widened by a small fraction as she took Falcoâs words to heart. The frown slowly disappeared as she realized how much truth was carried in his words. With a new sense of reassurance, the quiet girl answered, âNo. Mrs. Jaeger has never disappointed us.â
âThatâs right! And sheâs not going to start today! She wouldnât abandon us. Especially not now.â
While Falcoâs words were to comfort his comrade, theyâve also reassured the other two candidates in his class. However all his efforts of raising his comradesâ spirits quickly evaporated at the sound of the train whistle.
Gabi frowned. âWhere is she? Itâs not like she has a lot of people to say goodbye to.â
âThatâs not a nice thing to say, Gabi.â Udo said as he glared at her.Â
âBut itâs true.â She retorted. âShe only has one person to say goodbye to and itâs a three-year-old.â
âItâs her only child.â This time it was Zofia who spoke in her teacherâs defense. âItâs natural that their goodbye is going to be hard for the both of them.â
Gabi wanted to roll her eyes but she knew better to fan the flames even further. âI guess.â Â
âCome on, Gabi. You experienced it yourself with your own parents, didnât you?â Falco said. âWe all have. So why canât Mrs. Jaeger say goodbye to Kaito?â
Three pairs of judgemental eyes stared at Gabi, waiting for her answer.Â
âIâm not saying she shouldnât say goodbye. I just think it shouldnât take so longâŠâ Gabiâs voice was rendered silent when the memory of her own parents telling her goodbye popped into mind and if she were to look around the same scenario of tear-filled parents telling their children goodbyes can be seen several times. âYou know what? Nevermind. Forget I said anything.â
Gabi jumped down from the wooden crate before making her way to lean against a column. Falco followed her while Zofia and Udo took their places and continued their search.
âWhatâs going on, Gabi?â Falco asked in a low voice. âSomething wrong?â
The girl crossed her arms and looked away. âNothingâs wrong.â
Falco looked at her in disbelief. He knew Gabi well enough to know that she was obviously lying but this was the first time he ever saw her act like this.Â
âWait. Are you actually nervous?â
Gabiâs eyes widened at Falcoâs question. âNO! Iâm never nervous! If anything Iâm ecstatic. This is my chance to become a true warrior. Prove to everyone Iâm the best option-â
The piercing sound of the train whistle was followed by a loud, gruff voice hollered, âFIFTEEN MINUTES UNTIL DEPARTURE! FIFTEEN MINUTES! ALL PASSENGERS MUST BE PRESENT TO BOARD!â
After the announcement, the man loudly banged the trainâs metal side three times. Everyone watched with hitched breaths and scared eyes as several Marleyan guards opened the large doors of the boxcars. With each door sliding open, the empty space inside beckoned them to enter. The train will quite literally bring them to Deathâs doors the moment they step onto the battlefield- where it will be a hell on earth.
Falco took a quick glance at Gabi and noticed how rigid her stance became. Her hands were curled into tight fists. Was it out of anger or worry?
âGabi?â
âWhere is she?!â Gabi bellowed. âIf she doesnât show up, Iâm screwed.â
âMrs. Jaeger will show up. Iâm sure sheâs on her way right now!âÂ
~
Liberio Train Station Entrance
While it was a day of grief and sorrow for Eldians, it was quite a normal day for the rest of the people in Liberio. Marleyans went about their day as if nothing was wrong. It didnât bother anyone of their status that more than thousands of their neighboring Eldians who lived just passed the walls were going to serve as human shields. Their hearts will cease to beat, their devil blood will paint the battlefield, and whatever dreams they had will remain unfulfilled.
Yet, not a single Marleyan will shed a tear for those who carry Eldian blood in their veins. They could care less about the evil race that threatened humanity 2,000 years ago.Â
That was the standard treatment for these despicable Eldians, but for the island devil, (Y/N) Ackerman -No. Jaeger, it was different. Her treatment was tamed compared to the rest of the Eldians. While she is the object of insults, no one dared to physically cross her. They heard the rumors. Her strength was like no other. Paired with the fact that she is an Ackerman, Marleyans drew up an image of her being a stone-cold assassin ready to slaughter enemies.
Oh, how completely wrong they were when bystanders stopped to watch the scene taking place in front of the train station.
âMake sure he eats actual food, Levi.â (Y/N)âs voice was filled with worry. She tightened her grip that held her three-year-old son close to her chest. âDonât let Hanji spoil him with sweets.â
Her brother, Levi, dressed in a dark suit fit for a noble, wanted to roll his eyes but he knew better. After all, (Y/N) had every right to worry. She was leaving her son for the first time in three years and she has no idea when -or if- sheâll come back.Â
But honestly⊠This isnât the first time he took care of a child. He took care of her when he was a child himself and they both turned out alright, more or less.
âAnd he has to be in bed by 7:30. Make sure he eats everything on his plate including his veg-â
â(Y/N),â Levi cuts her off. âThis isnât my first time looking after a brat.â
The woman huffed. âNo it isnât but itâs the first time youâll be taking care of my baby!â
âAnd weâll be fine. Right, Kaito?â
The boy in her arms smiled and nodded. He looked back at his mother. âYeah! But Mama, Iâm not a baby. Iâm growing up.â
(Y/N) sighed before squishing his chubby cheeks. âYouâll always be my baby boy.â
Kaito pouted but it quickly disappeared when he felt his motherâs warm lips kiss his forehead. He relished the feeling of love and wrapped his arms around his motherâs neck in return. (Y/N) leaned back and stared into Kaitoâs blue eyes. âPlease be good while Iâm gone, okay? Listen to your Uncle Levi and Aunt Hange.â
The boy nodded sadly. His eyes trailed down to the uniform she was wearing. He never liked the beige Marleyan uniform his mother had to wear and he knew that she disliked it as well. The only color that she was wearing was the Eldian armband on her left arm.Â
Levi glared at the piece of cloth as if it was the most disgusting thing in the world. He knew the true intent of that stupid armband. The enemies will not hesitate to kill her if given the chance.
âI hate your uniform. It doesnât suit you.â He voiced his displeasure. âIt practically makes you a target.â
(Y/N) glanced at her brightly colored Eldian armband. âI suppose but I wonât be alone. Besides, Iâm sure the enemies will have their hands full with larger targets.â
Larger targets being Titans.
âBut Papa will be with you, right?â Kaito brought out his baseball and raised it in the air. âHeâs going to protect you from bad things.â He pointed up to the sky where the clouds were floating peacefully in the sky. âAnd Sky Papa will protect you too.â
Kaito liked to refer to Erwin as Sky Papa. It was a term of endearment that he came up with after listening to his motherâs stories. He loved hearing what his father was like before he was born. Kaito wished he could have met him. So as a way to keep his real father close, the young boy liked to think that his father was still watching over him, his mother, and the rest of their family. Somewhere amongst the clouds, Erwin, along with his grandmother Kuchel, his great-uncle Kenny, Uncle Furlan, Aunt Isabel, and every comrade that lost their lives like Mike, Nanaba, Moblit⊠Theyâre watching.
Levi was just about to comment when (Y/N) beat him to it. âThatâs right, Kaito. And once weâre together, weâll do whatever it takes to come back home to you.â
Kaito held out his pinky finger. âPinky promise?â
(Y/N)âs eyes softened as she intertwined her pinky with Kaitoâs, sealing her promise. âI promise. You are the biggest reason why Iâm doing this. You miss Papa, donât you?âÂ
Kaito nodded his head slowly. (Y/N) took the opportunity to trace his features. His blue eyes that could rival the sea and the sky shined with such curiosity -the same shine as his fatherâs. His skin was unmarked so far from any injuries but (Y/N) knew that given time Kaito would receive his share of accidents. Something that she would dread. His hair, the same shade as hers, curled around his ears. She recalled Levi telling her that he will cut his hair. Itâs too bad she wonât see it. Hopefully, their time apart will be short. A month or two at most but even then it was too long for her to be away from her son. The only comfort she had was that Kaito will be in safe hands. After all, Levi kept her safe when she was Kaitoâs age.
âWell, I want your Papa and his friends to come back home too. All Iâm doing is bringing them back. Okay?â
âOkay.â
(Y/N) tapped Kaitoâs little nose in a loving manner. âI love you.â
âI love you, Mama.âÂ
Leviâs stoic gaze softened at the mother and son. While he knew this was his sister and her son, Levi couldnât help but be reminded of himself with his own mother. The memories from so many years ago can be matched to this scene in front of him. Kuchelâs loving smile, her beautiful laughter, her kind words⊠Everything about their mother can be seen in (Y/N)âs actions towards Kaito. He remembered those moments with their mother, he cherished them even. It was why he didnât want to interrupt their moment together.Â
But he has to.
â(Y/N)...â He placed his hand on her shoulder and he could feel her tense at his touch. He hated to cause this reaction. âItâs time. The train will leave soon.â
âY-Yeah.â There was an uncomfortable, hot lump that was stuck in her throat. (Y/N) could feel the tears begin to well up. She hurriedly blinked away any future tears. The last thing she wanted to do was cry in front of her son and brother. Instead, she gave her son a hug, the tightest hug she has ever given him.
âMama, youâre hugging me too tight.âÂ
While she tried her hardest not to cry, (Y/N) felt a lone tear escape as it rolled down her cheek. Then another one and another one after that. Fortunately for her, Kaito never noticed as his face was buried in the crook of her neck where she could feel his own tears on her skin. She knew if Kaito were to see her right now, he'd cry even harder.
As if he read her mind, Levi came to her rescue. His hands always brought her comfort despite having bits of hardened skin, a result of his dedication for humanity inside the Walls. She allowed her brother to wipe away her tears. She wanted to laugh as his actions reminded her of their childhood in the Underground.
âThank you.â (Y/N) whispered to him. âFor everything.â
Four simple words but Levi knew how much weight they carried. He nodded in response, âJust come back. I canât lose you again.â He contemplated for a second before extending his pinky out to her. âPromise me?â
(Y/N) firmly hooked her pinky with Leviâs. âI promise. Nothing in this world will stop me from coming back to my family. Absolutely nothing.â
âGood. Now give me my nephew. As much as you donât want to leave him, you canât take the little brat to a battlefield.â
It was an attempt at a joke. In anyone elseâs eyes, it was a sad joke that was said at the wrong moment but (Y/N) knew Levi better than anyone. It was just his attempt to make light of the current situation.Â
Nonetheless, she chuckled. The sound of her laughter made Kaito perk up. With one last kiss and one more tight embrace, (Y/N) placed her son in Leviâs waiting arms. She took a step back and watched as Levi gave Kaito a rare smile -a smile that was reserved to those close to him. Maybe one day, Levi will meet someone who can help bring that smile she adored more frequently. And if life were kind to him maybe she too will be holding a nephew or niece of her own in the future.
It seems she wasnât the only one that adored the sight in front of her. In the corner of her eye, there were several onlookers observing them. Some pretended to be disinterested but (Y/N) knew better. She and her son have always been a hot topic for the Eldians but even more so to the Marleyans from the bored housewives to the single ladies who love to gossip.Â
And if (Y/N) were to concentrate, she could practically hear the words spilling out of their lips.Â
~
âWhoâs the man with the island devil bitch?â One of the gossipers asked her friends.
âI donât know. Iâve never seen him before.â Her friend answered, curiosity taking over as her eyes never left the mysterious man with the devil. âThey seem friendly, donât you think? Iâve never seen anyone hold her son before. Sheâs always so protective of him.â
The third friend gasped, causing the other two to look at her. âWhat if theyâre lovers!?â
Her friends gasped at the thought before looking back at the she-devil with the mysterious man holding her son. There was no doubt that the man was indeed handsome and (Y/N) was quite the bewitching woman whose looks still made heads turn -before and after marrying Zeke Jaeger. It wasnât hard to believe that this man succumbed to the womanâs spell. Any man wouldâŠ
âDo you really think so?â The woman who started the conversation asked her friends as she looked over her shoulders. She felt goosebumps when she glanced at the manâs side profile. âHow is it that a devil woman like her always manages to get the most attractive men?â She sighed before saying, âForbidden fruit is always the sweetest, I suppose.âÂ
Her friends muttered in agreement as they too have the same sense of longing. At their obvious stares, one of them noticed something very important when the man switched the boy from one arm to the other. âHey⊠Heâs not wearing an armband.â
True enough, the lack of an armband on the man took them by surprise. No armband means he doesnât have devil blood running through his veins and with the island devil bitch going to war meansâŠÂ
âI have a chance!â The three friends said in unison, quite loudly as they attracted attention from the people around them. Including (Y/N) and her company. Embarrassed, the three gossipers shuffled off further down the street.
~
The Ackerman siblings watched as the three women left them in peace. (Y/N) couldnât help but smile at their embarrassment. She nor Levi didnât do anything and yet they were still a force to be reckoned with.
âWhat was that about?â Levi asked.
âThe people here arenât as different as the people back on the island. Youâre going to be quite popular with the ladies here.â
Levi rolled his eyes. âI donât need that kind of hassle. Iâm supposed to be laying low, remember?â
âToo late for that. Iâm sure rumors are sure to circulate about you. They probably think youâre my lover or something like that.â
âThatâs just cra-â Levi paused as he remembered he was carrying his impressionable nephew. â-zy. You would think the people here would have more sense.â
(Y/N) shrugged her shoulders. âIt doesnât matter⊠For now, at least. As long as you and everyone lay low, youâll be fine.â
âI wish we could but we canât. With that brat missing, Hange is having everyone look for him.â
âIâm sorry I couldnât be of any help, but Iâm sure youâll find him soon. Eren couldnât have gone too far.â
Levi placed his free hand on hers and squeezed it reassuringly. âDonât worry about that brat. Just think about your brat. The only thing you need to worry about is your safe return so donât do anything reckless.â
(Y/N) smiled one more time. She glanced at Kaito and winked at him. âMe? Reckless? When have I-â
âDonât start that shit, (Y/N).â Levi warned.
She gave Levi a pointed glare and was just about to say something when the sound of the train whistle pierced the air. Seconds later, the train stationâs PA system crackled to life, âTHE TRAIN WILL BE DEPART IN FIVE MINUTES. ALL PASSENGERS PLEASE BOARD THE TRAIN NOW. AGAIN, THE TRAIN WILL LEAVE IN A FEW MINUTES.â
(Y/N) looked at the train stationâs entrance where she could hear the obvious despair and cries of sadness from every person there. She understood that feeling very well. Still, despite the looming fear of the possibility of death, (Y/N)âs conviction of coming back for her family and friends outweighed that fear.Â
Levi gazed at his sister intently. He watched as she took a deep breath and squared her shoulders. She turned around to face him and Kaito. With a kind smile -the same smile she always wore when they were children- (Y/N) wrapped her arms around her family.
âIâll be back as soon as I can, okay?â Her fingers played with Leviâs and Kaitoâs hair. She gave them each a chaste kiss on the cheek. âI love you both so much.â
Kaito began to cry. The reality of his mother leaving him was too much for him. He wrapped his arms around her neck once more. âMama, be safe. P-Please donât get hurt. I-I n-need y-you. You and Papa.â
âOh, sweetheart.â (Y/N) wiped away Kaitoâs tears and kissed his cheeks. âDonât cry. Iâll be back before you know it and Papa will be with me. I promised you, didnât I?â
âY-Yeah.â
âBelieve in your mother, Kaito.â Levi said as he set the boy down and kneeled in front of him. He placed his hands on Kaitoâs small shoulders. âSheâs the smartest, bravest, and strongest woman I know. Nothing on this earth will stop her from coming back to us.â He glanced to meet (Y/N)âs gaze. âThatâs just how she is.â
(Y/N) kneeled down at Kaitoâs height. âI know youâre scared, love. Iâm a bit nervous too. This is the first time weâll be apart, but I need you to be brave for me. This wonât last forever.â
âH-How?â Kaito sniffled. âHow can I be brave like you, Mama?â
âKaito, listen to me, baby. Do you remember my job back on the island?â
Kaito wiped away his tears and nodded. âYou were a Scout. Sky Papa was the leader.â
âThatâs right, love. I was and still am a Scout. Remember my cloak? The green one with the wings?â
âYeah?â
âI would like you to have it.â
âBut Mama! Itâs yours.â
âNot anymore, love. Goodbye.â (Y/N) looked at Levi and smiled before standing up. âIâm leaving him to you, Levi. Take care of my son.â
âWith my life. Come back to us.â
(Y/N) nodded and waved farewell. She turned around and began the next chapter in her journey. A chapter that will be filled with hatred causing unavoidable destruction and deaths.Â
Zeke was right. War is such a terrible thing.
Levi and Kaito watched as (Y/N) entered the train stationâs entrance. They watched until her form was lost in the crowd. Yet, they stayed for a few more minutes, hoping that deep down she would change her mind and come back.
But Levi knew she wouldnât. He knew how stubborn his sister could be.Â
A small hand wrapped around his own. âUncle Levi?â
Levi looked down at Kaito. Was it him or has Kaito grown a couple of inches? He waved the thought away. âYes, Kaito?â
âWhy did Mama give me her cloak?â Kaito looked up to meet his uncleâs gaze, his bright blue eyes filled with tears. âItâs hers.â
Paradisâs strongest soldier scooped up the toddler with such gentle care and made his way towards the Azumabitoâs mansion. He knew what his sister was doing by giving Kaito her Survey Corps cloak.Â
âWell, you asked her how you could be brave like her, didnât you?â Levi continued when Kaito nodded. âWhen youâre a Scout, you need to be brave to face your fears. Thatâs how you survive and come back home. Only then are you a true Scout. Your mother gave you her cloak to give you the courage you need. She wants you to have her cloak because she knows you need it more. Those wings on that cloak donât just symbolize freedom, they also symbolize hope. And hope is something we need right now.â
Kaito felt at ease after listening to his uncle. He looked up at the sky once more and prayed for his motherâs safe return.Â
âLetâs go back, Kaito. Iâm sure your Aunt Hange is wondering why weâre taking so long.â
âCan we get ice cream?â
â...Donât tell your mother.â
Unbeknownst to them, the uncle-and-nephew pair missed the flock of doves flying above them.Â
~
âCLOSE THE DOORS!! NOW!!â
Falco, Gabi, Zofia, and Udo watched with silent dread as the doors of their boxcar began to slide close.Â
âS-Sheâs not here.â Udo stuttered, he wanted to wake up from this nightmare.Â
Zofia felt herself getting angry, her blood boiling with rage. She felt so betrayed.
Gabi ran up to the Marleyan guard that was closing the sliding door. âWait! Weâre still waiting for someone! We have to wait!â
Falco came by her side. âPlease, sir! Just a few more minutes!â
The guard rolled his eyes and sneered, âShut up you devil brats. Get back in there!â
Gabi, ever so stubborn, refused. âBut-â
âI said get back!â The guard reeled back his fist to deliver a punch to the Eldian devil when he felt a tight grip wrap around his wrist. âWhat the-â
âNow that wonât be necessary, sir.â (Y/N)âs voice gave the guard goosebumps. Never before has he been so close to the island devil. âUnless you want to fill in their position and go to war for them, I suggest you leave them alone.â The guard hissed in pain when he felt her grip tighten even more. âNow!â
With that, (Y/N) released her hold and climbed on board the boxcar full of shocked soldiers. She smiled at her students who were⊠Happy? Shocked? Whatever emotion they were feeling, (Y/N) greeted them. âSorry, Iâm late.â
All except for one soldier. He took up space in the farthest corner of the boxcar, hidden behind a large wooden crate. His green eyes that used to shine with hope and admiration at the sight of Captain (Y/N) Ackerman were now filled with dread.Â
Dread because the future hasnât changed at all.
~
The train ride took three days and two nights. During that time, (Y/N) listened to the stories of her students, entertaining them as a way to apologize for the scare she gave them. She could still recall the warm sensation that flowed inside her when they hugged her tightly. Though Gabi did chastise her immediately afterwards, but (Y/N) knew Gabi well enough to know her true feelings underneath her harsh words.
Sheâs here now and thatâs all that matters.
The three days and two nights were not passed in somber silence like the rest of the train occupants. She helped Udo to calm his nerves through some breathing exercises. She listened to Zofiaâs stories about the kitten she nursed back to health and how her parents finally gave permission to adopt the creature. She offered Colt her blanket when he saw the older sibling give his own blanket to Falco. And while she didnât want to discuss the impending danger, (Y/N) reluctantly gave an eager Gabi some advice late at night.
âGabi, itâs late.â Her (E/C) eyes drifted to the dozens or so men who were sleeping, they were the only two who were still awake. âIf you want Magath-â
(Y/N) refrained from rolling her eyes but gave the girl a tight lipped smile. âRight. Commander Magath will be watching everyoneâs performance. What do you think will happen if he sees you tired on the first day? First impressions are important, Gabi.â
Said girl frowned as she wanted to hear more advice from the older woman. So what if she was tired? It wasnât that late. However, when she met with (Y/N)âs piercing gaze, Gabi knew there was no point in arguing. Still, there was one last thing on her mind, so pushing her luck, she asked, âCan I ask one more question?â
(Y/N) wanted to groan. She needed sleep, too. But knowing Gabi, the girl will not give up until she gets what she wants.Â
âOh, Gabi,â Her voice was firm but still laced with grace. She tilted her head back until it made contact with the wall behind her. The memory of all the late nights staying up with Hange and sometimes Moblit crossed her mind. Though the memory of Erenâs first night at the old HQ with her and Hange brought a smile to her lips. âYou remind me of someone back home.â
Gabi frowned deeply at this. Home⊠Her home in Liberio or her home on that island? The girl hoped for the former.Â
âGo ahead and ask your question, but once I answer, go to sleep. Weâll be there in a few hours.â
Gabi shook her head before recollecting her thoughts on the questions she had before and asked, âWhatâs the most important thing to win a war?â She bit her lip before asking, âAnd how can I beat my enemies?â
(Y/N) raised an eyebrow. âTechnically, those are two questions, Gabi.â
âPlease!â Gabi cried as she clapped her hands together in front of her. âI need to know!â
The island devil brought her finger to her lips, signaling Gabi to lower her voice. After making sure everyone was still asleep, (Y/N) looked back at the young twelve-year-old girl. Again, she was grimly reminded of how cruel the world- No. Not the world. People made the world a cruel place⊠Why is it no one else is bothered by the fact that children are in war? The dream of becoming an Honorary Marleyan is such shit.Â
But itâs what they need to believe in right now⊠Unfortunately.
âThe most important thing to defeating your enemies? Hmmm.â (Y/N) tapped her lips and pretended to think it over. It was funny to watch Gabi becoming impatient for her answer. âIf Iâm being honest, I believe Iâve already answered that question before.â
âHuh? When?â
âOh? Were you not paying attention in class?â
âI was!â Gabi exclaimed but then sighed as her mind drew a blank. âBut maybe you can tell me again.â
(Y/N) chuckled softly. âWell, remember it this time, Gabi. In order to defeat your enemies, itâs the mind that will be your greatest weapon.â
âMy mind?â Gabi wasnât satisfied by this answer. âThatâs all?â
âWere you expecting the answer to be strength? Well, I suppose you canât go wrong with a bit of power on your side.â
âYeah,â Gabi agreed. âEspecially when youâre an Ackerman. You have god-like strength. I wish I had that.â
âGod-like? I wouldnât express it that far, Gabi. Besides, I donât just rely on my strength. If I did then Iâm no better than the Titans. Itâs why knowledge is so important but itâs often overlooked by many. Youâd be surprised how many times people forget that. Thatâs when you outsmart your enemy.â
âExcept Reiner and Zeke. Reiner told me how you were so easy to capture.â
(Y/N) raised a brow. Well, this was the first time she was hearing of this. But then again, at that time, she can see how âeasyâ it was for the warriors to grab her. They had the perfect opportunity and they took it.
âIn any case, whatâs important to know is that you need to trust your wits. All that knowledge you have in your head, use it. Fool the mind and the battle is yours.â
âOkay, I think I get it.â Gabi mumbled, wondering how on earth sheâll fool the enemies. âBut what about my first question? Whatâs the most important thing to win a war?â
(Y/N) closed her eyes and sighed. The girl was relentless. Nonetheless, the woman didnât have to think long for an answer. This was something Kenny, Levi, Erwin has taught her over and over throughout her years.Â
âBefore you can even think about victory, you need to be sure youâre willing to fight. Once you step foot on that battlefield,â (Y/N) opened her eyes and Gabi couldnât help the shivers that ran up and down her spine. Truly, only an island devil could provoke this kind of fear without even trying. âYou better know what you're fighting for. If itâs for the title of Honorary Marleyan and you truly, and I mean truly, have your mind set on that title then so be it. Keep that dream close to your heart and make your dream a reality, Gabi. Because if you donât, you might as well die for nothing⊠And all youâll have in the end are your regrets. Do you understand?â
âYes, maâam. I understand perfectly.â (Y/N) watched as Gabiâs determination shined through her eyes. âI wonât disappoint you, Commander Magath, or anyone else. Just watch. Iâll help win this war, become the best Honorary Marleyan, and show the whole world that good Eldians do exist.âÂ
âThose are big dreams. But it wonât do you any good, if you donât get any sleep. As of right now, your classmates already have a headstart over you.â
Gabiâs eyes widened at the realization and quickly got herself comfortable next to a snoozing Zofia. She closed her eyes and in a quiet voice she bid her teacher good night to which the latter only hummed in acknowledgement. The sound of the train running over the tracks was enough to lull the two into the sweet spell of sleep.
~
Fort Slava - Current Time 6:05 AM
The morning sun hadn't peaked over the horizon as the train finally reached its destination, but it was no question that daybreak would soon arrive. The proof was there as the night sky began to change its hue from black to indigo to light blue. For now, the area near the coast of the continental mainland was eerily quiet.Â
Of course, it wouldnât take long for the sounds of war to start once more as it has become the normal for the past year or so. The constant sounds of rapid gunfire from machine guns. The ear-splitting cannon shells destroying the earth. The blood-curdling screams and cries of fear will soon fill the air in the front lines as soldiers continue to dig along the trenches, their minds slowly deteriorating.Â
(Y/N) was the first to wake up when she heard loud banging in the distance. With each bang, she heard men yelling out orders followed by metal screeching, signaling they were opening the doors.Â
They were here.Â
Her eyes fell upon the sleeping children around her. Udo and Zofia rested their heads on her body; Udoâs head on her shoulder while Zofiaâs head rested comfortably on her leg. Gabi slept right next to her classmate but if (Y/N) wasnât mistaken the girl must have scooted closer to her overnight. She then looked at her left and her eyes softened at the Grice brothersâ embrace.
Her smile fell as the reality of their situation was just beyond those metal doors.
âWake up, everyone. Weâre here.âÂ
A few groans were heard throughout the boxcar. Some soldiers ignored the only woman but the majority listened to her and began to prepare their things. (Y/N) focused her attention on the children around her.
âUdo, wake up. Itâs time.â (Y/N) gently shook his shoulder and did the same with Zofia. âZofia, sweetheart, open up your eyes.â
The loud slam against the metal door reverberated around the boxcar. It was the final wake up call that made any last sleeping soldier scramble awake. (Y/N) stood up and stretched out her sore muscles. After a few satisfying pops from her neck and back, she walked towards the doors and waited. Her students were right next to her.
Outside, someone fiddled with the metal locks before the metal doors slid open. The cool air was laced with a hint of ocean salt and it welcomed them. (Y/N) contained her smile as she missed the smell of the ocean. She wondered what the coast looked like beyond the fortress.
âAlright you mangey devil dogs! Get out and get in formation!â A Marleyan sergeant major shouted. He looked at (Y/N) and scoffed in disgust. âYou!â
(Y/N) noticed the way the children stiffened as the sergeant major made his way towards them. She stepped up and saluted, âSir!â
The Marleyan scoffed in disgust. He was expecting a flaw in her salute or even critique her posture. To his disappointment, the devil woman presented herself to be the perfect Marleyan soldier. That fact alone infuriated him. He glared at her before sneering, âUnload that wooden crate and bring it with you. Understood?!â
âYes, sir!â
âAddress me properly, dumbass. Itâs Sergeant Major Gross.â *
(Y/N) remembered to breathe in order to contain her anger. As if she was supposed to know his name. And what kind of name is Gross? On second thought, the name suits him. He reminded her of a Titan from long ago.
âYes, Sergeant Major Gross.â She turned around and made her way to a relatively large wooden crate. The word âFRAGILEâ was written in large, black font. She carefully picked up the crate and placed it on her shoulder.Â
âAh, (Y/N)! Let me help you with that!â Colt came up to her and held out his hands.
âThank you, Colt.â With one hand securing the crate, her other hand held onto Coltâs. She jumped down from the boxcar and smiled at the young man. âYouâre ever the gentleman.â
Colt blushed at her words and he thanked his lucky stars it was still too dark so that (Y/N) could see his flushed face. He didnât need her to know he had a slight crush on her. She was married to Zeke, his mentor. They have a child together. Even so, Colt couldnât help but feel this way. (Y/N) made her way to his heart without even knowing or trying.
At least, thatâs what he thought.
On the contrary, (Y/N) knew about Coltâs crush on her. It wasnât the first time this has happened to her. She knew Colt wanted to carry the crate for her but she knew he would be the one to get in trouble if she let him. Still, she appreciated his gesture. Heâs a sweet guy. Any girl would be lucky to have him.
âLetâs go, Colt. We donât want to fall behind.â
âR-Right.â
~
Current Time 6:40 AM
Throughout the entire walk to the trenches, (Y/N) wasted no time to take in her surroundings. She no longer smelled the ocean or any fresh air for that matter. It was soon replaced by the faint odor of gunpowder, sweat, and vomit.Â
As expected, life in the trenches was not a happy one. Everyone took in the sights with each step they took. It terrified them to the core that this was the life they now had to endure. The question remains⊠For how long?
âDonât stray far.â (Y/N) told her students.Â
âYes maâam.â The four said in unison. They had no intention of even leaving her side.
After a while, they finally arrive at the main area of the command trench. Gross barked orders to the others until it was just her and the members of the Warriors program.
âYou!â Gross shouted at her. âReport to Commander Magath!â
(Y/N) used her free hand to place it on Coltâs shoulder. With a reassuring smile, she said, âIâll be right back. Donât get into trouble without me.â
~
Magath sipped on his coffee as he looked over the battle strategies. None of these ideas showed promise. In fact, nothing theyâve done for the past three months has helped them get the upper hand. It was the reason why he made the decision to call for more reinforcements, including the candidates and the Ackerman woman. If he were being honest, he was against the idea of involving the children but he had no other choice. Every day, their forces -which were mainly Eldian- were taking significant damage. He lost count of how many lives were lost. Last he checked a total of 136 lives were killed. 3 of them were Marleyans. 133 were Eldians. He was sure those numbers had increased since then, especially for those in the devil race.
The commander felt a pang of conscience. He knew it wasnât fair but he also knew the end justifies the means. The Eldian race made the world suffer two thousands years ago, and now their descendants are paying for their sins.Â
Someone from outside the command post cleared their throat, âCommander Magath? (Y/N) Jaeger, reporting for duty.â
Magath finished his morning drink and replied, âEnter.â
The curtain shifted as he sorted out all the paperwork. His eyes briefly met with the island devilâs and noticed how her (E/C) eyes were still sharp as the day he met her.
âJaeger, you can set that crate down. Iâm sure youâre tired of carrying that around.â
(Y/N) wordlessly obeyed though she wasnât tired in the least. If anything, she was just curious about the crateâs contents. Oh well. Sheâll find out soon enough. For now, she has other things that take priority.
âMy orders, sir?â
Magath brought her up to speed. He explained the basic concepts such as how the trench network operated, where the weapons were located, and where the majority of soldiers were stationed. (Y/N) was not surprised when she learned that Eldians were fighting along the front lines. As he continued to explain, (Y/N) noticed the topographic map that was hanging on the wall. It was easy to find Fort Slava on it along with three large Xs in red ink.Â
âSir? May I ask what the Xs signify on this map?â She asked the commander, hoping to hear a different answer.
âThose?â Magath followed her line of vision. âYou neednât worry about that. This is just a⊠Contingency plan.â He pointed to each red X. âThey represent our attacks that weâll unleash simultaneously on each of the enemy's armed bunkers. Our goal is to reduce their weaponâs accuracy as we try to disable their armored train.â
(Y/N)âs brow furrowed. This plan was full of holes. There were too many variables. It shouldnât even be labeled as a contingency plan, much less a plan. Despite her feelings towards this idiotic plan, (Y/N) calmed down and asked, âWho came up with this plan?â
âSergeant Major Gross.â
The woman rolled her eyes at his answer. Of course, an idiot came up with this poor excuse of a strategy. âHis plan wonât work.â
âOh, why?â Magath wasnât surprised to hear this. He, too, didnât like the plan. He knew that Gross only proposed this plan as a way to eliminate more Eldians than necessary. His hatred for those in the evil race filled every vein in his body and Magath has seen the many times Grossâs hatred had led to the many deaths of able-bodied soldiers. It was one of the reasons he asked for (Y/N)âs presence in this war. He wouldn't put it past Gross to eliminate the Warrior candidates, even if they were children. After all, he heard the rumors that surrounded the hateful man. ** With (Y/N) here, Magath can rest a bit easier. Heck, she was already proving her worth by sharing her knowledge.
âFort Slava is a heavily guarded and highly armed fortress that already has the advantage over us with their high position. A sneak attack is next to impossible. The enemies will see any move we make. And these railway tracks? I count three on this map and they interconnect with each other as they encompass the fortâs two walls. Is it safe to assume that the train is still operational?â
Magath nodded and stood next to her, his hands behind his back. âYes, it is. That train is the latest in technology and it's proving to be the Mid-East forcesâ strongest ace up their sleeves. Not only is it armored but itâs equipped with artillery so powerful that it can incapacitate our Titans and possibly kill our Warriors.â
Shocked, (Y/N) asked, âThat powerful? And we donât have anything in our arsenal that can match that?â
âUnfortunately, we donât.â Magath sighed as he sat down. âMarley is behind in technology compared to the rest of the world. We have been dependent on Titans for far too long.â
âSir, if I may?â
âSpeak your mind.â
âAre you really considering Grossâs plan?â
âItâs a contingency plan for a reason, Jaeger. Itâs a last resort.â
There was a spark in her eyes. âSo if a better plan were to ariseâŠâ
Magath smirked. He knew what she was hinting at. Bringing her to this war was no mistake. In the short amount of time that sheâs been here, (Y/N) was already familiar with their situation. âJaeger, if you think of a plan that will finally turn the tables for us, have at it. When you do, you tell me. Understood?â
(Y/N) smiled. âYes, sir.â
âAlright, that concludes our business here. Youâre dismissed.â
The woman gave the commander a final salute and turned around to make her exit. Her curiosity was getting the best of her when she asked, âMay I please see my husband?â
Magath huffed. He was wondering when sheâll ask about the wonder boy. âHeâs in the bunker with the rest of the Warriors. But before you go, I wanted to ask⊠Howâs your son?â
(Y/N) recalled Kaitoâs smile and Leviâs words. Her heart longed to be with them. âHeâs perfectly safe with his family.â
She left the commander with those words in search of her husband. It didnât bother her if Magath didnât believe her. It wasnât a lie. Kaito is safe because heâs with family.
~
Warriorâs Bunker - Current Time 7:00 AM
âRise and shine, everyone.â Pieckâs voice was heard throughout the bunker but only to be ignored by the other two occupants in the room. âAnother day to fight.â
âBe quiet, Pieck.â Porco groaned as he placed a pillow over his ear. He never was a morning person. As far as heâs concerned, he still has five minutes before he really has to get up. âYouâre so annoying.â
The only female Warrior took no offense in her comradeâs words. She knew Porco well enough to recognize his empty insults. âOh come on, Pock! Donât be like that.â
âLeave me alone and donât call me that.âÂ
âNever.â
As the argument continued on, Reiner opened up his eyes to be faced with reality once more. He was tired of war. He was tired of fighting. He was tired of the constant screams and the endless gunfire.
War was exhausting. All he wanted was to go home. Return to his family. See her again.
But how long until then?
No matter. The only way to return home is to finish this war and to finish this war and survive he had to fight.
Though his body ached for more sleep, Reiner sat up and began his morning routine. He took strange comfort listening to his fellow comrades. However, there was one comrade missing and the proof was in the empty bed. Reinerâs eyes darted to the other room, the War Chiefâs war room. A place where Zeke Jaeger often occupied. He wouldnât be surprised if Zeke slept in there, thinking of different battle strategies that could put an end to the war in their favor.Â
âIâm serious, Porco. Itâs time to get up.â Pieck said as she tugged Porcoâs blanket off.Â
Porco groaned. His hand searched for the warm blanket and brought it back to cover his form. âI still have five more minutes.â
âThat was five minutes ago.â Pieck informed him.
âWell, then give me five more minutes.â
Before either Pieck or Reiner said anything, a new voice spoke, âWith that kind of behavior, itâs no wonder you havenât won this war yet.â
Porco haphazardly tossed the blanket aside and quickly scrambled out of bed. At the same time, Pieck and Reiner stood up waiting for the person on the other side of the curtain to enter into their bunker. Only one Warrior knew that voice and Reinerâs hopes rose to new heights at the thought of her.
The curtain was shifted to the side and revealedâŠ
âHello, everyone.â
â(Y/N)?â Reiner couldnât believe it. Sheâs here. Sheâs actually here. This has to be a dream. It has to be.
But the smile (Y/N) gave him was unlike any of the smiles Reiner had dreamed about.Â
âReiner!â
And she wasnât alone.
âGabi?!â
Reiner kneeled down to hug his cousin that he hasnât seen in so long. Her small arms wrapped around his neck gave Reiner conflicted feelings. He was obviously happy to see Gabi again but the fear of her being here outweighed that positive emotion. Stepping back from their hug, Reiner asked, âWhat are you doing here?â
Gabi grinned. âWeâre here to fight with you!â
âReally?â Reiner looked up at (Y/N).
The woman nodded. âIâm surprised Commander Magath hadnât said anything. Guess he wanted it to be a surprise. But itâs good to see you, Reiner.â She then looked at Pieck and Porco. âAll of you.â
âWell, weâre glad to have you all here.â Pieck happily chirped, her hands placed over Udoâs and Zofiaâs shoulders. âThe more, the merrier. Right, Porco?â
âTch, whatever,â Porco glanced at the island devil before turning his back on her. He began to put on his uniform before mumbling, âItâs not like you being here will change anything.â
âRight. Because youâre so close to putting an end to this war, huh Porco?â (Y/N) smirked at him when he responded with a silent glare. âI didnât think so.â
âHey, hey, hey. We canât be fighting each other.â Pieck said as she walked between Porco and (Y/N). Despite the kindness in her voice, Pieck made sure to keep an eye on the island devil. It has been a while since she last saw her. If she didnât know any better, it looked as if (Y/N) was⊠Well for lack of a better word, she was different. Sheâll have to keep a close eye on her. âLetâs not forget that our enemies are on the other side of the trenches.â
(Y/N)âs smile tightened. Of course, Pieck was still wary of her. Oh well, sheâll just have to gain her trust again. She didnât need a suspicious Pieck on her back. Not when she had to talk to Zeke about his secret plan and other important matters. Speaking of whichâŠ
âWhere is my husband? I would like to speak to him.â
~
Colt arrived just in time to announce that breakfast was ready. The Warriors and the candidates left the bunker soon after. (Y/N) told them sheâll catch up with them soon. Everyone understood why, so no one questioned it as they left.
Once (Y/N) was sure they were gone, she slowly made her way to the second room. With each step she took, she felt a swirl of emotions. Questions that she has been asking herself for so long will finally have an answer once she sees him.Â
She pushed the doorwayâs curtain to the side. âZeke?âÂ
The sight made her smile. There he was. Sleeping over a desk, his arms crossed to support his head. His glasses on top of his head, hair sprawled across his forehead almost giving him a boyish look that complimented the peaceful expression on his face.Â
âZeke.â Her hand shook his shoulder. âWake up.â
She placed her other hand over Zekeâs and the moment their skin touched, (Y/N) felt immense relief to feel Zekeâs warm hand. She gently squeezed his wrist, content to find his pulse under her touch.
â(Y/N)?â Bluish-gray eyes fluttered open. Zeke blinked a few times but his heart lurched forward at the thought of his wife being here. â(Y/N)!?âÂ
âYouâre finally awake.â She plucked the glasses from his head and placed them on his nose. His eyes fixated with each movement she made. Her hand touched the side of his face, her thumb caressed the skin under his eyes.Â
Zeke recovered his ability to talk as he asked, âYouâre here? Iâm not dreaming?âÂ
(Y/N) chuckled and leaned down to give him a kiss. âIn the flesh.â
Before she could say another word, Zeke wrapped his arms around her. Chest to chest. His arms around her waist and her arms around his neck. Her fingers fiddled with the hair at the base of his neck. The couple held each other in silence, taking pleasure in each otherâs presence. After a few minutes, Zeke backed away but his arms remained around her.
âHow are you even more beautiful than before?â
(Y/N) rolled her eyes. âFlattery will get you nowhere, Zeke.â
âEven if itâs true?â He gave her a kiss on her cheek. âIâve missed you.â
âIâve missed you, too.â She took in every detail as she cupped the sides of his face.. âBut you need to trim that beard of yours. Youâll be matching with your Beast Titan if you arenât careful.â
âAww. You donât like it. Maybe you can help me trim it later.âÂ
âDo you trust me having a sharp object around you?â
Zeke chuckled. âDo you trust me not to turn into a 17-meter Titan?â
âYou wouldnât dare. Besides, we both know you wonât turn Titan here.â She playfully tapped his forehead.
âOh? And whyâs that?âÂ
Thereâs a smug look on his face. A look she knew all too well. Luckily, she knew Zeke well enough to see through his act. She can see it in his eyes. With that in mind, (Y/N) leaned forward until her lips were next to his ear. Being so close, she smiled to herself when she felt Zekeâs breathing hitch. She then whispered, âBecause you love me thatâs why.â
âCanât argue with that.â Zeke confessed. He kissed her lips and relished the feeling of her soft lips that he missed so much. âEspecially when itâs true.â
(Y/N) hummed in agreement as she ran her hand through his hair. âI thought so. Plus, Iâm sure Levi wouldnât like it if something bad were to happen to me. Now come on,â She tugged his arm and he followed her. âYou need to eat some breakfast.â
âOur first meal together.âÂ
He squeezed her hand and as sweet the gesture was, it made her stop walking altogether. She looked over shoulder and Zeke was taken aback when he saw how serious she became, especially when she spoke, âEnjoy it because we need to have a serious talk afterwards.â
Zeke raised a brow but he can make an educated guess. âA serious talk? About what?â
âThe future.â
~~~
Notes:
* Sergeant Major Gross is the son of the Marleyan bastard in Grisha's past. You know, the one who indirectly killed sweet innocent Faye. I hate that guy so much.
** Rumors of him using DOGS to maul a little girl to death as an 'educational' experience. Ugh. Heâs the worst.
Summary: A long headcanon describing your life in Marley as you, (Y/N) Ackerman, formed new bonds with the very people you fought against.
Word Count: 4.8K
Warnings: Angst. Racism. Mentions of euthanization.
(A/N): This is basically a parallel from another HC that I wrote before. You could read it HERE.
Gif Credit: @sellthebeamer
~~~
This HC is set in the year before the Warriors were sent to war.
Background (Year 852)
Two years have passed since the fateful day in Shiganshina. Not a day goes by that you donât think of the battle. In the beginning, you would constantly run the battle repeatedly in your mind. However, it was the aftermath of the battle that continues to haunt you.
The memory of Leviâs decision to save Erenâs friend over Erwin will always be the first memory you wake up to. It served as a cruel reminder that the man you shared many intimate moments with, laughed with, the man you love, was no longer a part of this cruel world. His last words along with the beating rhythm of his heart lulled you to sleep each night.
It was difficult in the beginning. But after these two years, you come to accept your loverâs death. You promised yourself to continue on and learn everything you can about the outside world, not just for yourself, but for Erwin and every comrade who sacrificed their lives. His life had meaning and you swore to yourself that you will forever carry Erwin in your memories.
But it wasnât just his memories that Erwin left you with. At the time, unbeknownst to you, a child made from the love of you and Erwin was forming inside of you.
You werenât alone anymore and thatâs when everything changed. You married Zeke but the marriage was on the sole foundation of protecting your child and you would do anything to protect your and Erwinâs child.
Now here you are. Two years after the battle and living in the Liberio internment zone. One year after giving birth to Kaito, your precious son who shared the same beautiful color as his father. One look in his ocean-blue eyes and you promised to protect your son with your life.
But it wasnât just Kaito that made your life a little less lonely. The people you once called enemies slowly but surely grew on you.
~
Your relationship with Zeke for the last two years was one you never thought of having, and the same can be said for him.
Heâll admit, in the beginning, when Reiner told him that you were Leviâs sister, he thought it was the perfect way to get back at the male Ackerman. He thought he could have the advantage, but you proved him wrong on the first day. You were stronger than you looked. Braver too. Your eyes burn with fierce passion. Your words carry promise whenever you mention your fallen comrades.
You were just different from what heâs used to. Heâs the War Chief of Marleyâs Warriors and with this position, itâs obvious respect is demanded from his fellow comrades. But in your case, his status meant nothing to you. It was honestly a relief for the man.
Ever since inheriting the Beast Titan and gaining his war chief status, heâs been flocked by admirers from the internment zone. He heard about half-dozen confessions from these admirers, but none were like you.
You were different. You werenât them. It wasnât intentional, but Zeke couldnât help but like you.
You were intelligent. He found your thirst for knowledge about his world endearing. The sight of your (E/C) eyes shining with excitement whenever learning something new. You have been strong, physically and mentally, ever since the first day. Being taken from your homeland and you still had a brave face on, even going as far as insulting the Warriors. You were beautiful. Despite the scratches and streaks of blood on your face, Zeke couldnât help but admire how naturally breathtaking you looked.
Smart. Strong. Beautiful. You werenât afraid to talk back to him. He loves listening to your witty remarks. Zeke just loves a woman who can keep up with him during the occasional banter.
That didnât change when the two of you married. Obviously, there was no honeymoon phase, but you and Zeke became close.
You learned a lot about him. He told you about his childhood and how his father and mother placed so much pressure on him as a child. How he was pushed by his parents to become a Warrior in order to restore Eldia and how he ultimately turned them in. He even told you about Ksaver.
It was strange to see Zeke in a different light but now you understood him. Forgiving him was a whole different matter however and Zeke was aware of that. He wasnât expecting immediate forgiveness. After all, he killed Erwin, the man that held your heart for years, the father of your child, as well as many of your comrades even before the battle at Shiganshina. You didnât speak to him for days when he confessed to killing Mike.
And as much as you learned about him, Zeke learned just as much about you. He wanted to know all about you. Your childhood. Your likes and dislikes. What was considered normal inside the Walls? Anything and everything.
He hung onto your every word. Each story you told him just made Zeke wonder how you can endure so much pain and suffering. Just how strong was the woman he married? How, after losing family, close friends and comrades, and even the man that she loved (or still loves), was she still able to keep moving forward in this cruel world?
One day he asked this particular question. He wanted to know what motivates you. What drives you?
And when he asked, Zeke expected you to take your time to answer but you proved him wrong once again. It was as if you already had the answer before he even asked.
~
âIâm carrying their memories with me, Zeke. Their lives, every single one of them, had meaning. They had dreams. My family, my friends, my comrades⊠If I were to give up, I would be giving up on them and I wouldnât forgive myself if I did.â
âBut wouldnât it be better⊠If⊠If you werenât born in this world? You wouldnât have to suffer any pain or loss.â
With furrowed brows and a frown on your lips, you spoke, âI wouldnât have lived either⊠But I suppose thatâs one way to look at it. Life can be unfair but-â You picked up Kaito who just woke up from his afternoon nap. His cries were soothed by your sweet words and gentle movements. The glimmer in your (E/C) eyes was one of life and joy; a feature that was always present when it came to your son. You placed a gentle kiss on Kaitoâs temple before looking back at Zeke. âLife can sometimes be kind and thatâs just how it is, Zeke. Iâm sorry you went through that kind of pressure from your parents. I can only imagine how scared you were.â
Zeke let out a small chuckle that was void from any positive emotions. âThanks for saying that, (Y/N), but Iâm pretty sure you beat me in crappy childhood memories. My childhood was nothing compared to yours.â
His hand made its way to cover one of his ears, a childhood habit he used whenever he felt overwhelmed by the impending disappointment from his parents. If he were to close his eyes, Zeke could still feel that fatherâs disappointed gaze from across the dinner table.
Your warm touch on his free hand brought him out of his dark memories. Your thumb grazed over his knuckles before giving his hand a tight squeeze. âBut it matters to you, doesnât it?â
Zeke nodded. He looked up and found comfort in your gentle smile. Your next words were what brought him back from the edge of uncertainty. âWhat you experienced was a trauma and it plays a large part on who you are as a person. I never had the opportunity to meet Grisha but from what you told me he was more of a restorationist than a father. Still, if it wasnât for him⊠I wouldnât have met you.â
âIs that a good or bad thing?â He tried not to express it but Zeke was anxious to hear your answer.
âBoth. Life can be fickle too. We were enemies when we met and now-â
âWeâre raising a child together.â Zeke finished your sentence, his eyes glanced at the mentioned young soul in your arms. His hand made its way to caress Kaitoâs soft cheek, making the infant giggle at the gentle touch. As Zeke retreated his hand away, Kaito cried out. His chubby fingers reached out for him.
You smiled at your son and complied with his wordless demands as you placed his infant body in Zekeâs arms. Kaito giggled in delight. His outstretched hands tried to obtain the beard hairs on Zekeâs chin.
âHey there, little monkey.â Zeke greeted, his eyes softened when Kaitoâs tiny hand wrapped around his thumb. Kaito babbled out a response, resulting in both the adults to smile. It was amazing how someone so small could render him speechless.
âSee? Life can be crazy like that. I never thought I would become a mother before but it's a gift. A gift that Iâll never get tired of. A gift that Iâm forever grateful for.â
Leaning against Zekeâs shoulder, your thumb swiped the skin underneath the childâs eyes. The love in your eyes was evident. Zeke didnât have to look into those breathtaking (E/C) eyes to know that your smile would compliment you just perfectly.
âAnd I have to thank you, Zeke.â The man could feel the goosebumps on his skin that you left behind. Even more so when you kissed his cheek and the heat crawling up his neck didnât help either. âIf it wasnât for your protection, Kaito wouldnât be here. So thank you.â
At the time, you didnât know how heavy your answers were for Zeke. Your outlook on life was far different from his. Even through loss and suffering, you continue to push onward. It was exactly why he couldnât tell you about the euthanization plan. He had always suspected that you would never support it but after today your answers only confirmed it for him.
As he watched you care for Kaito, there was a brief moment where Zeke realized that perhaps the euthanization plan was taking it too far. He saw the love in those (E/C) eyes. He felt the energy you radiated, so warm and comforting. Your laughter always managed to make his heart beat a little bit faster ever since he first heard it years ago. Itâs why he always made it his goal to make you laugh even if it was the briefest of giggles or a sarcastic chuckle.
But the longer he watched this soft moment, he asked himself: What other way was there to protect you, Kaito, Eren, and the rest of the Eldians from the worldâs hateful discrimination?
You would understand, right?
At the same time as he watched Kaito play with your hand and your smile that followed, Zeke wondered if he was doing the right thing. Although conflicted Zeke decided to keep his plan a secret. It was for the best and when the time comes, Zeke could only hope that you would understand.
âHey, (Y/N)?â
Your gaze turned away from Kaito but your smile was still there. âYes?â
âThank you for marrying me.â
Before you could press any further, Kaito begged for your attention once more. As you attended to your sonâs needs, the conversation from before came to a close. Yet, it wasnât forgotten. The conversation was stored away in the back of your mind, not knowing the importance it will become in later years.
~
Afterward, Zeke made it his mission to give you and Kaito the best of everything that his world has to offer.
He would continue to help you adjust to the modern world. If you were uncertain about something, Zeke was there to help you learn. He even taught you how to play baseball (much to his delight).
And believe him, you were a fast learner. With or without a baseball mitt, Zeke swears you were a prodigy. No matter what kind of pitch he makes, fastballs, changeups, breaking balls, and even knuckleballs, you always manage to catch them all. He also learned the hard way to not underestimate your pitches as they always packed a heated punch even through the protected layers of his catcherâs mitt.
One time you threw a wicked fastball and he did his best to stop the yelp from slipping out. You did ask him if he was alright and he reassured you that he was. But as soon as you turned around, he quickly did the same and removed his baseball mitt. His whole palm was an uncomfortable red. He was unfortunately reminded once again just how strong the Ackermans were. Meanwhile, you smiled knowingly behind Zekeâs back.
It later became a tradition to throw the ball around if one of you had a particularly bad day. You did take it down a notch so that Zeke can have a little bit of pride left.
~
Other than Zeke and Kaito, you spent most of your time training the Warrior candidates - Falco, Gabi, Zofia, and Udo.
Out of the entire class you had to teach, only these four showed promise. They each had a skill where they shined the most and they were eager to show you their particular skill.
~
Udo wasnât the most confident warrior when it comes to anything physical. If anything, he was quite average. He figured the only way to prove his worth to become the successor of the Armored Titan was to show you how smart he is. He would always be alert during your lectures, taking copious notes, and would always stay a few minutes after class to ask questions. During those moments, he realized that they both share a similar past experience. You were from Paradis Island before coming to Marley so he absolutely understood how much of a target you were by the Marleyans. His family used to live in a foreign country before moving to Marley. It was years ago but he still remembered the harsh treatment he was forced to endure. Either way he was glad that you were his teacher. Heâll admit he was wary at first but that quickly changed. He wanted to be your best student. He would often get teased by the other candidates for being the teacherâs pet but he didnât care. You were the best instructor he ever had in his life. For example, any test you composed, you made sure to add a few comprehensive questions. The majority of the class would get those questions wrong but not him. This is where his cerebral assets shine the most and he takes pride in that when you returned his test with a perfect score and words of encouragement written next to it.
Zofia kept to herself most of the time. She hardly showed any emotion around you. At first, you thought it was because of your Paradis origin and she didnât want to associate with you longer than she had to. But as the days went by, you realized that the stoic girl was always like this even amongst her friends. She accepted the idea of you as her teacher with little to no reaction. Each day of training you kept a close eye on the silent girl. Her combat abilities and her grades showed improvement when you took over as her teacher but you can tell that the girl wasnât passionate about this part of training. No matter what you did or what you said, the girl would just excuse herself once class was over. It wasnât until one day you saw the actual reason why the girl was always in a hurry to leave. Behind the building, in the alley, there was a small black kitten living in a dirty wilted cardboard box. You silently watched from a safe distance as Zofia tended to the innocent animal who must have injured its paw if the bandages indicated anything. She must have tended to the small creature for weeks because the kitten never backed away. Finally, you had something to work with. The very next day, you told the class that it was time to learn the skills in emergency medicine. It was the first time you saw Zofiaâs eyes sparkle with great interest. You held the lesson at the local hospital to allow the students to have some hands-on experience. While everyone flinched at the sight of people with real injuries, Zofia was the only one who wasnât startled. Once again, she showed little to no reaction but you can see the desire in her eyes to help people through healing. After the class, she thanked you. From then on, Zofia was excited to show what she has learned to you and you couldnât be any happier for her. The new step in this relationship between teacher and student was further solidified when she introduced to you the kitten she nursed back to health. She named the kitten, Kuroo. *
Falco is such a sweet and caring boy. You knew it from the first moment you met the boy. He accidentally collided into you during combat training and he instantly apologized to you on his hands and knees. Falcoâs kind personality was just so pure as he was the first out of the Warrior candidates to show you some respect. Like Udo, he does his best to show you his skills but unlike his intelligent friend, Falco could only do so much. You can tell that Falco was physically and emotionally not ready to be on a battlefield. His heart wasnât in it like the rest of the candidates. Maybe it was because he knew that his older brother, Colt, would inherit one of Marleyâs Titans and therefore he would already be an Honorary Marleyan along with the rest of his family. Yet, he continues to participate in the class. You later learned from Zeke the reason why he and Colt are in the Warrior program - their uncle was part of a restorationist group and as punishment, he was sent to Paradis Island. Now, the Grice brothers are here, aiming for the chance to save their family. You respected both of their efforts but for some reason Falco was⊠Different but it was a good different. Whatever drove him to become a Warrior, you hoped that it was a choice he wonât regret later on. In the meantime, youâll make sure to give him the skills to survive because in your mind the world needs more people like Falco.
Gabi. Oh, Gabi. She hated you since she first laid eyes on you. Island devil, demon spawn, incarnate of evil, etc. Those were just a few names the headstrong girl called you and it always frustrated her whenever you showed no reaction. Still, she canât say anything negative about your survival/battle skills. After all, you have survived the Warriorsâ attack and whether it was dumb luck or sheer confidence, Gabi knew she had to learn everything from the person, an Ackerman no less, who survived attacks from Titans and humans on the worldâs most dangerous island. But there was something else about you; something Gabi couldnât find the exact word for. If she were to choose a word, it would be your aura. You held an aura of confidence and tranquility. Gabi noticed that as shown in the first hand-to-hand combat demonstration. Your movement was so fluid and strong; your instincts were unbelievable as you swiftly avoided and evaded any attack that came your way. It infuriated Gabi to no end but it also gave her a reason to work harder in order to become a great Honorary Marleyan. Sheâll prove to everyone that she has what it takes so for now sheâll swallow her pride and learn from the best. Maybe one day, sheâll defeat you. From your perspective, you made sure to keep Gabi grounded emotionally. You warned her that she has to keep a level head but an open mind because even enemies have their scars. You donât know if Gabi took your words to heart. Perhaps it's best if she learned from Falco.
~
Reiner. Heâs the reason youâre here. He needed you more than you would ever know. You were the only one who knew (on a personal note) how he was on the island. Porco may have inherited Ymirâs memories but he doesnât know how the trauma manifested in his body and mind. The trauma resulted from breaking the trust of the people he called friends/comrades. You were the only person he could really confide in. Of course, he had his mother and he had family but none of them provided the same level of comfort and compassion that you have given him over the years. And his relationship with you isnât a one-way street. Reiner made it his goal to be there for you because he knew how terrible and unfair the discrimination was in his hometown. Which is why he wanted to make sure that you can trust him too. If you had a bad day or if he happened to overhear a superior say a rude remark about you, heâll be by your side-no questions asked. He knows that your physical strength was on par with your brother but he was far more impressed with your mental strength. Your level of fortitude and determination never faded since you set foot in Marley. In fact, he saw it with his own eyes. Your moral strength only grew since giving birth to your son. He saw how much love he saw in your eyes for Kaito and he couldnât help but feel jealous of the small child. It was silly to be jealous of a child as Reiner thought you wouldnât have any time for him. No more comforting moments with you that made his idea of existing feel welcomed. Thatâs just how important you are to Reiner. So imagine his surprise when he found you at their traditional spot on the beach with Kaito in your arms. You were still there for him and Reiner couldnât help but feel grateful that you were here with him. In his mind, Kaito had no idea that he was already the luckiest kid in the world to have you as a mother. He wondered what that was like⊠Either way, your happiness is what matters to him and Reiner will do everything to protect that piece of heaven you provide for him and others.
Colt was cautious when he first met you. When he heard that his comrades were coming back with another prisoner from the devil island, his imagination got the best of him. The last prisoner was a girl named Ymir. Colt only saw her briefly but he remembers how even through the fatigue she looked fierce. So when he saw you for the first time, Colt was taken aback. You were nothing like he imagined youâd be. He can see the kindness in your beautiful (E/C) eyes. The small smile you gave him made Colt feel all warm inside. It was honestly hard to believe you were an Ackerman. That was until he saw how efficient you were with the Warrior candidates. He can see how your training was different from anything heâs learned. As the oldest Warrior candidate, Colt could tell that your technique was like no other and after hearing what you were like on the island from Reiner, he knew that you were the real deal. After weeks of uncertainty, Colt grew to trust you little by little until one day he just saw you in a completely new light. You were no longer the dangerous, scary devil instead you were a comrade helping his brother and his friends to survive. He also hopes that one day heâll muster up the courage to have an easy conversation with you without becoming a stuttering mess.
Pieck is more than happy to have another woman around. It can be tiring being surrounded by a bunch of men with their stifling pride, ego, and all. She honestly didnât care about your origin. You were an Eldian just like her. Itâs the truth that she canât deny. You wear the nine-point star armband just like her and her other comrades so at the end of it all your fate, just like theirs, lies entirely in Marleyâs hands. But Pieck wasnât blind. She knew that you were basically trapped here. The Marleyans here were always giving you a hard time and while you remained nonchalant to their insults, Pieck could see the silent suffering in your eyes. It really wasnât fair for you to be treated this way just because you happen to be born on Paradis Island. Which is why she wanted to become your friend or at least a person you can rely on. She went to Reiner as she knew that her comrade has a close relationship with you. Thanks to Reiner, Pieck learned that you were a well-respected Captain of something called the Survey Corps and how your skills were used to save lives. She can attest to your skills but she was having a difficult time seeing the warm personality Reiner spoke so much about. Perhaps she saw small glimpses whenever you trained the children or when you talked to Reiner. But with her? Nothing. You always had your guard up around her. It wasnât until she found out about your pregnancy that things began to change. While Zeke or Reiner had the best intentions in helping you, all their efforts were for naught because it was just too much. Pieck can see how overwhelming things were for you. As a way to help you, Pieck gave you the first gift for your child. It was a simple gift -a blanket that matched the color of the ocean- but it was enough to bring a smile to your face. Afterward, she was there for you. She lent a hand in the Warrior candidatesâ training if you needed it, lent a shoulder for you to sleep on if the day in HQ dragged on too long, and even lent an ear to anything you have to say from gossip** to political affairs. In the end, Pieck became a friend and she hoped you could come to her for anything.
Porco knew about you before he even met you. A few days after he ate Ymir, the woman who ate Marcel, heâs been plagued with memories that weren't his. Of course, he knew they werenât his brotherâs nor his but of Ymirâs. Her memories mostly consisted of a petite blonde girl with innocent blue eyes. Anything with you⊠There was only one. Looking at that one memory, he saw you talking to your comrades. He couldnât really hear what you said to them but whatever words you told them was enough to calm them down. The memory shifted to the next moment. You were working on your weird equipment until you fell asleep***. Again the memory shifted and Porco saw how Titans began to invade the abandoned castle in the dead of night. He saw, through Ymirâs eyes, how you brought a swift death to each Titan. It was surreal. So when he learned that you, the same soldier in his inherited memory, was brought to Marley, he knew he had to meet you. Inside a cell, he wasnât all too impressed. You? An Ackerman? Yeah right. You were just another island devil that just happened to have a legendary surname. He didnât care about you. At least thatâs what he tells himself but even he has to admit your presence had its benefits. For example, Zeke wasnât as serious, Pieck finally has a girl she can talk to, Reiner wasnât in his depressing state (more so than usual), and it seems you bring the best out of all of those kids. Maybe you werenât as much of an evil devil if his comrades were happy to be around you. Zeke married you after all and the two of you do have a child together. There has to be more than meets the eye when it comes to you and it was only a matter of time before you proved that to be true. And you did. Porco isnât sure if he had some kind of superiority complex but he was sure, with all the training he had at a young age, he had an advantage over you. So the day he challenged you in a close combat fight and lost was the day Porco vowed to work harder to surpass you. While the fight resulted in him losing and his pride seriously wounded, Porco can at least acknowledge your skills enough to give you the respect you deserve.
~~~
* My Haikyu love showing lol
** Pieck loves hearing how much of a simp Zeke was in your presence.
*** The inherited memory that Porco saw happened when the Scouts were stationed in Utgard castle. Ymir was pretending to fall asleep when in reality she was waiting for you to sleep before she slipped away with Reiner following soon after. (The canned food w/ unknown writing scene: Season 2 Episode 4)
~~~
I'm going to start doing a taglist! If interested please message me or make a comment. Again AoT is owned by Hajime Isayama and thank you for the support. I really appreciate it!
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Itâs hard to imagine that it has been seven years with Tumblr in my life. I love this app so much. I enjoy reading about my favorite characters and I also love to reminisce through my likes. Iâll continue to love this app for years to come.
was thinking abt His Solace today and just wanted to let you know that i love it, chapter 14 was wonderful, and i canât wait to see what you do with the series in the future!! <3
I'm so sorry for this late reply. My life has been a bit hectic more than normal but I promise you I haven't stopped thinking about this series. Like seriously, I have a journal full of plot twists with angst and fluff moments that I can't wait to show all of you.
Thank you for reading 'His Solace' and I'm glad that you love it because it gives me the strength and motivation to write the best chapter each time.
Iâm glad that you are still posting:) I love the new chapter and canât wait till we finally meet zeke again but please take your time<3!!! I also just wanted to say that i LOVE ur writing!!!
Thank you for your message!! It never fails to lift my spirits whenever I read these encouraging words. Trust me when I say that I felt so terrible and guilty for the long wait between each chapter but I really wanted to make sure it was acceptable for readers to enjoy. And even after proofreading I sometimes don't like how the chapter is written and I start the cycle of doubt and uncertainty.
So reading your kind words really help me!! I wish I knew who you really are anon because I can't thank you enough for giving back my love of writing. Love you so much!!
Summary: After reuniting, (Y/N) learned what her comrades have gone through back on the island. The idea of the Rumbling couldn't be the answer to salvation. All the more reason to speak to Zeke.
Word Count: 8.0K
Warnings: Angst. SPOILERS for the Final Season. Mild insults and language. Depressing thoughts.
~~~
âSay again?â
Surely, Levi must have misheard his sisterâs words as they entered his ears, and as much as he wanted to hold onto her hands, he refrained from doing so; the reason why was in the form of a sleeping child in his arms. Levi didnât want to wake Kaito up. The excitement of meeting him and Hange for the first time in his life completely drained his energy. Kaito deserves to rest.
It was for the best. Now was not the time to hear this conversation.Â
Levi looked at Hange to see if her reaction matched his bewildered one. Maybe he misheard- No. Upon seeing the commanderâs shocked expression, Levi knew he heard (Y/N) correctly the first time.Â
âIâm going to war.â (Y/N) repeated in a calm, steady voice despite the slightly uncomfortable lump simmering in her throat. The manner that she spoke left no room for any misinterpretation. âI⊠The general told me this about a week ago. Thereâs been a recent struggle for the Marleyan forces. The Mid-East Allied forces are stationed at Fort Slava, where they currently have the advantage due to their technology. Marley needs this victory for this war to end, and as a desperate attempt, they need reinforcements⊠No matter who they are.â
âBut why would you go, (Y/N)?â Hange asked, her eyes filled to the brim with worry. âThey canât make you. You have a son to take care of.â
(Y/N) shook her head. âIâm afraid my motherly duties arenât a priority to them. If theyâre willing to send children to the battlefield, why wouldnât they send a person from the island of devils? Itâs killing two birds with one stone.â
Hange tried to swallow the new information that (Y/N) was giving them. It wasnât difficult to comprehend; on the contrary, it was relatively understandable why the Marleyan officials would make this decision. The commander of the Scouts could feel her hands tremble as her mind raced for the two possible answers (Y/N) mentioned in her metaphor. Her mind could only offer one answer. It was an answer she absolutely refused to accept.Â
Meanwhile, Levi still had the ability to speak. âChildren? Theyâre sending actual children to war. Are the higher-ups in Marley such cowardly slobs that they send other people to clean up their mess?â
(Y/N)âs smile was a bittersweet one at her brotherâs words. She was glad Levi hadnât changed in the last few years. Sitting next to him, (Y/N) motioned to give Kaito back. Levi complied as he carefully placed the sleeping child in (Y/N)âs waiting arms. Almost out of instinct, Katio cuddled further into (Y/N)âs warm embrace as if the boy knew his mother was holding him. Levi watched as his sister gave an innocent kiss on Kaitoâs temple, and for a moment, he saw their own mother, Kuchel, doing the same action as (Y/N). He remembered the feeling of serenity a motherâs kiss could be. Hange was right. Being a mother came naturally for (Y/N).
âI have to agree with you but theyâve done it before when they sent children to break through Shiganshina and Wall Maria. Most of the Marleyan forces are Eldians, desperately proving their worth to Marley, and the same can be said about my students.â (Y/N) recalled the excited reaction of her students when she told them the news. âFour of my students are coming with me. Itâs a way to analyze their skills and choose amongst them who will be the next Warrior to inherit a Titan.â
âThatâs one reason,â Levi mumbled as he crossed his arms. âYou said something about killing two birds with one stone. Whatâs the other?â
(Y/N) grimaced at Leviâs coldness in his voice. She knew that he knew what the other reason was. She could tell by the look in his eyes; he and Hange wanted to hear it coming from her. With a heavy heart, (Y/N) spoke, âTo get rid of me. â
Five simple words, but they were strong enough to break Leviâs calm composure. Hange frowned as her hypothesis was confirmed. The chances of being killed in the war were high. Obviously, (Y/N) can take care of herself, but the battlefield can be unpredictable. Even more so when the soldiers on both sides wanted her dead. Without people (Y/N) to rely on, what would her chances of survival be?
âThis war is a chance to get rid of me, but that wonât mean theyâll succeed.â (Y/N) told them, hoping to bring some reassurance to her loved ones. âI donât plan on dying anytime soon.â
âThen donât go,â Levi said bluntly. âCome back with us to the Azumabitoâs. Weâll be able to hide you and Kaito there. Thereâs no point in going to war where you can get killed by practically anyone.â
It was a tempting offer. It was the safest option for both her and her son, not to mention the fact that they would reunite with the young cadets from that day. She hoped to speak with them all. She wants to hear how they have grown these past few years. She wants to hear everything. The happy moments. Even the sad ones. Whatever memory it might be, (Y/N) wants to hear them all but most of all she has to speak with the boy that Levi chose to save. She wants to hear everything.Â
But at the same moment, the faces of four children came to mind. The same four children she helped train for years. The thought of just abandoning those kids alone in the trenches with bullets flying over their heads⊠It didnât sit right for (Y/N).Â
Then there was her son. If she were to leave for war, who would take care of him?Â
âIâm sorry but I wonât do that. I have my students to look after. Iâve trained them. I made their skills better and now theyâve been enlisted to go to war. So abandoning them? Leaving them on their own in a battlefield? I canât do that.â
âTheyâre not your kids.â Levi argued back. His head motioned to Kaito sleeping in her arms. âKaitoâs your son. Your actual son. Besides, if you trained them in the exact manner Kenny trained us then there isnât anything to worry about.â
(Y/N) pursed her lips at his words. Her lessons could not be compared at the same harsh level that was Kennyâs training. Still, Levi couldnât use Kenny as a defensive tactic. They were both trained by the infamous Kenny the Ripper and yet once they entered adulthood Levi would continue to worry over her.Â
âIt never stopped you before, Levi.â
âIâm your brother. Iâm supposed to look after you and Iâve been doing that since the day you were born. These last few years without you by my side were the worst years of my life.â
He grasped her hand and held it tightly. Her warm skin finally gave him the comfort and ease that he longed for ever since the day of her kidnapping. The day he received her letter from Yelena, it gave him a brief moment of solace. Still, it never stopped the older Ackerman the sense of longing to see his only living sibling. Now, after what felt like endless years, he was here, with her.Â
So why? Even with her hand in his, Levi felt as if she was slipping away.Â
âDonât go. We need you.â
(Y/N) gave Levi a bittersweet, faint smile and at the same time she tightened her hold on his hand. Her eyes glistened with unshed tears.Â
âWhat other choice do I have, Levi? If Kaito and I were to leave, do you think the Marleyan brass wouldnât suspect anything? They believe I have no connections from the island and they would be right butâŠ
(Y/N) trailed off at the end of her sentence but it was Hange that reached the same conclusion as her.
âThe Marleyan brass would immediately suspect island invaders on their territory or at the very least someone who is willing to help an âisland devilâ. For now, we have the upper hand, no one from the Marleyan government knows that weâre here. If we take (Y/N) and Kaito, weâll lose our leverage.â
âExactly.â (Y/N) looked back at Levi. âAll your efforts of sneaking into Marley would be for nothing.â
âIt wouldnât be for nothingâŠâ Leviâs voice was barely above a whisper. His hands caressed Kaitoâs soft hair and drew circles on her hand. âWe would have you back. If you go-â
âYou wonât lose me,â The determination in her voice matched the fire in her eyes. âI know you hate the idea but I have to be there.â
â...You sound like him.â
(Y/N) didnât have to ask him to elaborate further. She knew exactly the person he was referring to. After all, she was in the same room when Erwin said those words to them. At the time, she was so frustrated with the stubborn man. Nothing she said or did was able to convince the man of staying. Even when Levi threatened to break both of his legs, Erwin refused to back down.
Now the tables have turned.Â
âPlease understand, Levi. If not for me, then do it for Kaito. Heâs going to need someone looking after him while Iâm away.â
Leviâs eyes widened. âAre you sure?â
(Y/N) nodded. âZekeâs grandparents⊠Theyâre good people and they love Kaito. Theyâve been nothing but kind to me and they would always offer a helping hand when it comes to taking care of him.â
Ever the observer, Hange didnât miss the way (Y/N) grazed the white bandage on her palm. Paired with the furrowed brow on her friendâs face, Hange could only speculate what happened. She waited with bated breath for (Y/N) to continue on with her story.Â
âBut recently, Mr. Jaegerâs mental state has taken a turn for the worse. He experienced a psychotic break and tried to kill me in his home.â (Y/N) watched as her brotherâs eyes widened, filled with concern. Over his shoulder, she saw Hange open her mouth, no doubt having questions for her. She held her injured hand up and continued on. âI tried to reason with him but in the end it was useless. He managed to cut my hand- Itâs a small cut- before I restrained him.â
âWhere is he now?â Levi asked.
âIn a mental hospital. The doctors are keeping him there to treat his psychosis. They wonât know when heâll return to normal. For now, heâs a prisoner in his own mind.â
âTsk. He got off light if you ask me and heâs lucky I canât pay him a visit.â
âAnd give the poor man a broken hand?â Hange asked as she finished her drink. âYouâll just extend his hospital stay even longer.â
âSometimes pain can be the best medicine.â Levi looked back at (Y/N). âIâm guessing they lost their babysitting privileges that night⊠Did Kaito see anything?â  Â
(Y/N) sighed and brought Kaito closer to leave a gentle kiss on his temple. âHe saw enough. The poor thing was terrified. He never left my side when the doctor treated my injury. Which is why he needs to be with people I can trust. You and Hange are the only ones I can trust with my life to take care of him.â
âOf course weâll take care of Kaito!â Hangeâs excited voice filled the living room as she sprang onto her feet. âYou wouldnât have to worry about anything!â
(Y/N) smiled at her dear friend. Even after years of disconnect, Hange was there to lend a helping hand. She was sure that Hange and Kaito would get along well. Her son was always a fan of Hangeâs energetic character in the stories. Yet, she was still waiting for a verbal response from her brother.
âLevi?â
Her brotherâs gray eyes softened at the soft plea in her voice. He could tell there was a hint of worry inside her (E/C) eyes. But he knew better. She wasn't worried over her own safety. The worry for Kaitoâs well-being was on the forefront of her mind. More than anything else.Â
âIâll do it.â Levi held her hand, the injured one. His thumb grazed over the bandage. He felt (Y/N) tightened her grasp; her touch bringing a sense of reassurance. She was the only person who could bring him out from the dark abyss of doubts and fears. âThereâs no point in making a promise, is there?â
(Y/N) huffed and shook her head. âPromise or no promise, Iâm going to come back no matter what.â
Satisfied with her answer, Levi nodded. âThen weâll be here waiting for you.â
âAnd donât worry about Kaito. Heâll be safe with us.â Hange chimed in. âIâll teach him everything he needs to know.â
âThanks Hange. I appreciate that.â (Y/N) replied, her eyes gazing upon Kaitoâs small form. She allowed herself to smile when his hair was in the beginning stages of the usual bedhead. âJust no Titan stories. At least until heâs a bit older.â
âBut Titans are magnificent! Maybe once I teach more about them, heâll think theyâre less scary.â
âOi, Hange. Thatâs enough.â
The Titan finatic only ignored Levi. Her eye was solely on the person she was addressing. âWhat do you say, (Y/N)?â
âSorry, Hange, but letâs wait till Kaitoâs a bit older. He already has a hard time grasping at the fact that there are actual beings that eat people in the stories I tell him.â
âAt least he knows that youâre a hero in his eyes.â Levi commented as finished the rest of his drink. His honest words brought a calming effect on (Y/N)âs shoulders, like a warm blanket against the harsh cold. âYou still are a hero, you know, to everyone inside the Walls. The Queen still has your medal of valor when you come back.â
âA medal huh?â (Y/N) tried to think of the number of survivors from that day.Â
She could only recall the people who were on the rooftop. Besides herself, Levi, and Hange, there was Jean, Connie, and Sasha. Then there was Eren and of course Mikasa. A boy with an unusual hairstyle was there also. He was an emergency recruit if memory serves right which is why she couldnât really recall his name. Sheâll have to ask Hange about him. After all, he was the reason Erwin was there. His intentions were the same as hers: to bring Erwin back from the brink of death. And last but not least was the charred body of Armin Arlert.
âWell,â (Y/N) forced a smile on her lips. A smile that Levi and Hange recognize as a fake one. âIt gives me another reason to come back from this war. Oh! Hange Iâve been writing in journals about everything in Marley. Have you seen those horseless carriages called cars?â
âI have! Theyâre so fascinating. Iâve been itching to get my hands on one.â
âI know! I couldnât believe it when I first came here. Everything here is just so incredibly advanced. Iâve been documenting everything I learnedâŠâ
Levi made himself comfortable as the two women in the room fell into their normal rhythm--talking about anything and everything that caught their interest. Just how it was back on the island. Hange with her Titan experiments as she made note of every detail and then (Y/N)âs tinkering with the ODM gear, making several upgrades to the equipment. He lost count of how many times the two pulled several all-nighters back on the island. He recalled how he chastised (Y/N) for staying up late with Hange.
Now, Levi didnât dare to interrupt this moment. A moment where the three of them caught up with one another. Hange would tell (Y/N) about the Anti-Marleyan Volunteers and how they helped the island advance. Levi watched as (Y/N)âs eyes shined with excitement when she heard that they now had a port for ships and even a locomotive for easier transport.Â
âWe couldnât have done it without the volunteersâ help, especially Yelena and Onyankopon. Have you met them?â
(Y/N) refrained herself from rolling her eyes at the name of the woman who was completely infatuated with Zeke. She never trusted that woman ever since their first meeting, even with Zeke insisting that sheâs a trusted ally. There was just something⊠Unnerving about her. Onyankopon, on the other hand, is a kind man who she enjoyed talking to. He knew that she came from the island yet he treated her like a normal person to which she appreciated. Always patient with her and answered any question she may have (which was a lot). He even promised to teach her how to pilot those aerial machines.
âIâve met them.â (Y/N) replied. âIâm glad they helped you and the island. Onyankopon is someone I trust. YelenaâŠâ
(Y/N) trailed off but Levi caught on. It seems that his intuition about the giant woman was right if his sister also didnât trust her. âIs a crazy woman. She surprised us when they first came to the island.â
âWhy? What did she do?â
Hange felt the goosebumps on her skin as she recalled the memory. âShe shot the Marleyan captain of the ship. Granted, the captain was about to shoot us but she never hesitated to pull the trigger.â
âIt didnât even faze her.â Levi commented.Â
(Y/N) knew what her brother was implying. âMeaning it wasnât her first kill.â
âStill,â Hange tried to change the mood into a more positive note. âShe did give us your letter that youâve written for us.â
(Y/N) chuckled softly. Careful to not wake up Kaito, she placed her sonâs head on her lap and the rest of his body on the couch. Levi removed his suit jacket and placed the warm material over the child. âIâm surprised she didnât toss it in the sea. Did you like the photograph I sent?â
âYou mean the photograph that had the worldâs most adorable baby ever?â Hange gushed. âIt didnât do him justice, (Y/N)! I needed more!â
âOh!â (Y/N) pointed towards the bookshelf right next to Hangeâs end of the couch. âThereâs a photo album. Itâs the large one on the top shelf.â
Hange was quick to jump towards the bookshelf and grab the book. She sat next to Levi and the two took in the amount of moments that have all been captured into the pages. With each new page, (Y/N) would tell the story behind each photo. Hange would ask her questions as Levi observed every little detail. Each photo contained Kaito and (Y/N) but there was the occasional photo of Zeke, who looked almost⊠Human. Levi immediately disregarded that thought of his enemy. He didnât need to see Zeke like this, all happy and shit. It was easy enough to do until his eyes landed on one loose photograph that was different from the rest. Unlike the other photos that were full of various colors, capturing (Y/N)âs hair in its exact shade and Kaitoâs azure eyes, this one was void of any color. In fact, it reminded Levi of the first photograph he saw-the one from Grisha Jaegerâs basement.
âWhatâs this?â Levi asked, removing the photo from the protective sleeve and showed it to (Y/N).
It took a couple of seconds for (Y/N) to answer. âThatâs Zeke when he was a teenager and the man with the glasses is Tom Ksaver.â
âKsaver?â Hange questioned, wracking the name in her head for any sense of recognition. âThat name wasnât in Grishaâs journals.â
âIt wouldnât be,â (Y/N) ran her hand through Kaitoâs (H/C) hair. âFrom what Zeke told me, Ksaver became a father figure after they arrested his parents along with the rest of the restorationists.â
âYou mean after Zeke ratted them out?â It may have sounded like a question but (Y/N) knew better. She knew what Levi was trying to do.Â
Maybe it was out of spite or maybe she developed a protective nature for the man who helped her, but (Y/N) didnât stay silent. They donât know what he went through but she does. Before Kaito was born, Zeke had told her about his childhood and how warped his upbringing became when his parents placed unimaginable pressure on him as a child. He promised her that he wouldnât make the same mistakes as Grisha.Â
It was strange to see Zeke in a different light, but (Y/N) came to an understanding. Forgiveness was a different matter however and Zeke was aware of that. He wasnât expecting forgiveness when he told her about his background. He just wanted her to know him, the real him, better. After all, theyâre partners now and raising a child together requires trust.
(Y/N) shot Levi a pointed glare and in a defensive tone she spoke, âThat isnât like you, Levi. Talking about someone who canât even defend themselves. Besides, you have no idea what he went through.â
Levi stayed silent for a moment before he sighed, âYou canât use that excuse every time, (Y/N). Just because he went through some shit as a kid doesnât mean he should be exempted from all the choices he makes now. Heâs not a child anymore. Heâs a grown ass adult now. Heâs responsible for his choices, no matter how shitty they are.â
Heâs right. (Y/N) knows that heâs right but before she could argue any further, Hange cutted in. The commander knew if she didnât step in the argument would never stop and Kaito doesnât need to hear or see that.. Ever the mediator, Hange asked her next question, âGrishaâs journal doesnât mention this Ksaver man. Was he a distant family friend or something? Have you met him?â
(Y/N) brought her attention back to the photo that was now in Hangeâs grasp. âHeâs been dead for eleven years. He was the Beast Titan before Zeke.â
Hange and Levi did the same math problem in their heads and came to the same answer. As of right now, Zeke has less than two years left.Â
(Y/N) decided now was the time to ask her own questions. âZeke told me that he sent his plans with Yelena but he never told me what they were. Can you tell me what his plans are?â
The young mother watched as Hange and Levi exchanged glances. Whatever Zekeâs plans were, (Y/N) can only guess that they were opposed to it.
Hange gave the photo album to Levi and clasped her hands together. She held her hands tightly as a way to anchor herself through the uncertainty that flooded her mind. âZeke thinks heâs found a way to protect and free the Eldian people.â
The commander continued to explain Zekeâs plan. Not daring to skip a single detail, hoping that Zeke has told (Y/N) something, anything, that might help their situation. But as she continued on with the explanation, Hange was losing hope as (Y/N) showed no familiarity to Zekeâs plan.Â
âZeke stated that in order to carry out his plan it will require the Founding Titan and a Titan with royal blood. When the conditions are met, heâll do a test run of the Rumbling to show the world its power.â
(Y/N) never interrupted as she took in the information, detail by detail. She remained unfazed when Hange told her that Hizuru has refused to cooperate as their only interest was to monopolize the islandâs resources. As a result, the islandâs only hope is to use the Rumbling which also means that Historiaâs future will be cut short when sheâll inherit Zekeâs Beast Titan, and that will include her future children.
When Hange finished, (Y/N) took a minute to gather her thoughts and opinions. She considered all the alternate choices that could be made but immediately ruled them out since Hange would have mentioned it before. Instead, she tried to run the scenario of using a test run of the Rumbling and the credibility of using the Founding Titanâs power.
âWhat do you think?â Levi asked her. âIs his plan worth it?â
âNo. Frankly, Iâm concerned about everything. We canât rely solely on that plan. Thereâs too many variables to consider. Besides, what about Historia? We canât just sacrifice her and her children.â
Hange let out a sigh of relief. âIâm glad weâre on the same page. I couldnât bring myself to justify our actions if we were to push our problems onto the future generation.â
âAlso, how certain are we about the requirements?â (Y/N) asked.Â
âEren confirmed it. The day he used his âscreamâ for the first time he unknowingly touched a Titan of royal blood. It was a brief contact but it was all that he needed to use the Foundingâs power.â
(Y/N) hummed as she gently touched Kaitoâs warm cheek. She noticed that his hair was getting longer again. Heâs due for another trim. As she let herself think of these mundane thoughts, she spoke in a low voice, âEren saved our lives that day. I donât think I ever properly thanked him for that.âÂ
âWell, it wasnât as if you were injured.â Leviâs voice was dripping in sarcasm.Â
âIt was just a couple of bruised ribs.â
Levi scoffed, âYou had broken ribs.â
âSettle down children.â Hange chuckled in good-natured at how fast and in sync the Ackerman siblings glared at her. She only smiled before giving her friend an answer. âDonât worry (Y/N). Iâll make sure to bring the cadets before you leave. Then youâll have the chance to thank Eren.â
(Y/N) nodded before returning back to the topic. âSo if the requirements are true, Eren would be able to use the Founding Titanâs powers through Zekeâs royal blood but we donât want them to use the Rumbling because that would lead to sacrificing Historia and her children.Â
âThatâs the idea.â
(Y/N) sighed and closed her eyes. If this was Zekeâs secret plan, why didnât he tell her in the first place? She was already well aware about the threat of the Rumbling through Marleyâs propaganda. It wasnât much of a secret. So why hide it?Â
Unless⊠The Rumbling wasnât his true plan.
She reopened her eyes and shared her concerns with Hange and Levi. The silence that followed was almost too quiet as everyone took in this new information. That was until Levi spoke, âNow what, Commander?â
â... We need Zeke to come clean of his true intentions and for that we need him to come back from this war.â She briefly glanced at Levi. âAnd we need him alive.â
âTsk. For now.â Levi grumbled under his breath.
â(Y/N)... Are you sure about this?â Hange questioned. âMaybe Zekeâs secret plan is the RumblingâŠâ
(Y/N) knew her theory was a stretch. âHe wouldâve told me otherwise. This could just be paranoia talking but there has to be something else that Zeke isnât telling us.â
As Hange looked into (Y/N)âs eyes, she saw the unwavering conviction in them. Out of the three of them (adult-wise), (Y/N) was the one who knew Zeke best and if she felt something was off⊠Then Hange will trust her judgment.
âAlright, (Y/N). I believe you. In the meantime, we cannot allow the Jaeger brothers to meet one another. Just until we return to the island.âÂ
(Y/N) nodded in agreement. âOnce this war is over, Iâll make sure to keep a close eye on Zeke.â
âAnd weâll do the same with Eren. We canât have the brat running around drunk making stupid decisions.â
(Y/N) smiled at the thought of those young teenage cadets. She wondered how each of them have grown over the years. Does Eren still have his strong will and hard-headed personality? Is Mikasa still by his side with her red scarf? Was the sea everything Armin imagined it would be? Has Jean grown confident in his skills? Will Sasha be the same with her love for food? Is Connie still clinging on to the hope of changing his mother back to normal?
Her questions will be answered soon enough. It was only a matter of time.
~
It was past midnight when everyone agreed to call it in. (Y/N) showed Hange to the guest bedroom where she could have a good nightâs rest. At least that was the plan.
âSay (Y/N)? You wouldnât mind if I read those journals you mentioned earlier, would you?â Her friend asked, practically begging her to say yes. âI want to read your experience from the very beginning.â
(Y/N) readjusted her hold on Kaitoâs toddler body. âSure, Hange. Let me just put Kaito to bed and Iâll-â
âLet me do it.â Levi offered.
âYou sure?â (Y/N) asked as she transferred Kaito to Leviâs arms. âHeâs a light sleeper.â
Levi nodded. âItâs been a few years but I still know how to put a child in bed, (Y/N).â
âAlright, alright.â (Y/N) conceded. She gave one last kiss on Kaitoâs temple before leaving to her bedroom to retrieve her journals.
Levi wasted no time in entering Kaitoâs room. As quietly as he could, Levi gently placed the sleeping child on his bed. He halted his movement when he saw the boy squirm at the loss of warmth. He grabbed the nearest blanket and unfolded the soft material.Â
âUncle Levi?âÂ
Damn. Levi was sure he was quiet. He was careful too. Was he losing his touch? Or was Kaito already attuned to his senses as an Ackerman? He silently hoped for the former.Â
âHey brat.â A slip of the tongue but it made Kaito giggle. (Y/N) must have mentioned how he uses âbratâ as a term of endearment. âWhy arenât you asleep?â
Kaito reached out for Leviâs hands before answering. âAunt Hange is loud.â
âYeah. Sheâs like that when sheâs excited but she means well.â
âWhereâs Mama?â
âSheâs still talking to your Aunt Hange down the hall. Do you need her?â
The young boy shook her head. âI want to be with you.â
âIâm here but you should be sleeping. Itâs way past your bedtime.âÂ
âBut I want to talk to you.â Kaito pleaded with a pout on his lips. âPlease?â
How far has Levi fallen for a child to persuade him?
âAlright.â He watched as Kaitoâs eyes practically glowed with excitement. He scooted over to make room for the man. âOnly until you go back to sleep. Your mother will never let me hear the end of it if I can't get you back to sleep.â
Curiosity filled Kaitoâs blue eyes and for a second Levi could see Erwin in those innocent eyes as he asked, âWhat was Mama like on the island?â
Levi let himself smile at the question. âYour mother was, no, is like no other. Strong. Fiercely protective over her comrades. Always there for her friends, helping them if they have any problems. She has a type of warmth that burns passionately for her loved ones. She can just walk into a room and people would just want to be around that warmth. Even when she was as tiny as you, she helped me in more ways than one.â
âReally?â
âEver since the first day I met her.â He placed his hand on Katioâs head and soothed some of the misplaced curls. âIâm sure she felt the same way when you were born.â
âI know,â Kaito chirped. âHer eyes get happy when I smile. She gives extra hugs when Iâm sad. Kisses too. Sheâs the best. Even when sheâs sad.â
âSad?â This brought Leviâs attention. âIs your mother sad often?â
Kaito thought about it before shrugging. âSometimes. One time she got really really sad. I heard her cry at night.â *
âWhen was this?â
âI canât remember.â The child furrowed as he tried to think of the time where he peeked into his parentâs bedroom and saw his mother silently crying into the green cloak. It was one time but⊠It was unsettling, almost chilling, to see his mom like that. He has always seen her so strong and he has seen how protective she can get over him, so it was quite the scene when he saw his mother in such a state. After that night, Kaito swore that he would do anything to keep her happy. He didnât want to see his mom sad. âBut sheâs happy now⊠Right?â
âWeâre all happy to be together.â Levi paused for a moment before asking, âAre you alright with your mother leaving soon?â
Kaito frowned a little but as soon as it appeared it was gone. Levi may have met him today but he can see through the false smile Kaito put on. â...Yeah, Iâm okay.â
âHey, donât lie to me, brat.â
âIâm not lying!âÂ
The way Kaito bit his lip and fiddled with his fingers⊠It was practically a confession for Levi.Â
âI raised your mother, Kaito. I know when people lie to me.â
Kaito pouted. âIs that your superpower?â
âYes.â (It could be a power, whoâs to say?) âNow tell me the truth.â
âI don't want Mama to leave.â Kaito mumbled as he moved more into Leviâs arms. âBut I want Papa back.â
âAnd that makes you sad?âÂ
âI miss him. A lot.â Kaito chewed the inside of his cheek. He couldnât look at his uncleâs eyes, especially after hearing the conversation in the living room. âBut you donât like him. Why donât you like Papa?â
Thatâs when it hits Levi like one of Kennyâs fast punches from his childhood. (Y/N) has told Kaito all these stories about their lives but she hasnât told the truth about Zeke, the person who killed Erwin.
âItâs complicated, Kaito.â
But those words couldnât hold back a childâs curiosity. âWhy?â
âYouâre not a grown-up yet. Youâll understand one day when youâre older.â
âSo never?â
Levi smiled at that as he ruffled the toddlerâs (H/C) soft locks. He remembered when (Y/N) was like this. So young and already with the witty remarks. âNo, I said when youâre older. Maybe in ten years.âÂ
And just like that, Kaito, like any other child, perked up at the new topic.âTen years! Iâll be strong like you, right? Iâm big just like you said! Look!â
As if to prove a point, Kaito placed his hand on top of Leviâs hand, palm to palm. Soft skin that has never been tainted by oneâs blood. Hands that havenât taken a life. Such innocent hands compared to that of Leviâs.Â
Without hesitation, Leviâs fingers encased Kaitoâs small hand. He gave the boy a reassuring squeeze. âYou still have a long way to go, brat.â
Kaito was about to say something but the warm hug from his uncle rendered him quiet. With one ear pressed against his firm chest, Kaito can hear Leviâs strong heartbeat. The soothing beats of his heart was almost enough to lull him to sleep but he perked up when he heard his uncleâs voice.
âJust stay a kid while you can, Kaito. You donât have to prove anything. Not to me. Not to Hange. Not even to your mother. We already love you.â Levi leaned down and pressed a kiss on the childâs temple. âNow and forever.â
The boy found absolute comfort in those words. Even at his age, and despite his motherâs attempt to shield him, Kaito has witnessed how cruel the world can be. How war can tear families apart. How sometimes forgiveness is difficult to obtain. How hatred can change a person. How a person can mask their true feelings until one day the mask can just slip off.Â
Kaito knows this. He knows the world that he lives in isn't perfect. But that was fine by him.Â
BecauseâŠ
He wasnât alone in this world.Â
Kaito smiled as he cuddled further into Leviâs arms that offered the same solace as his motherâs. He couldnât wait for his family to be together again.
~
âKaitoâs a good kid.âÂ
âHe is.â (Y/N) said as she brushed her freshly washed hair. âSmart one, too. Always excited to learn new things and heâs just the sweetest boy. I couldnât be any luckier to have Kaito as my son.â
âI bet Kaito feels the same way with you as his mother. From what Iâve seen in those photographs, Kaito is having the childhood we always dreamed about. Youâre a good mom.â
(Y/N) stopped brushing her hair and stared at Levi through the mirrorâs reflection. Neither sibling said anything but the tension was there. The air in the room was filled with it.Â
âYou donât have to say things you donât mean, Levi.â (Y/N) said as she turned around to face him. âI know youâre disappointed in the choices Iâve made.â
Levi opened his mouth to protest but stopped himself. Sure, he had his doubts about her choices, but he understood why (Y/N) did what she did. The very reason was sleeping soundly in his room right now.Â
â(Y/N), Iâll admit your decisions threw me off guard but,â Levi made his way towards the female and sat right next to her. He threw an arm over her shoulder while his other hand grabbed her hand. âYou could never disappoint me. If anything⊠Iâm proud of you.â
âYou are?â
Levi nodded and continued. âHange made me realize this⊠But I havenât considered how you went through all of this on your own⊠Especially after Erwinâs death. You werenât even able to grieve properly when you were taken from us.â
âLeviâŠâ
âWeâve lost so many, (Y/N). Our mother. Furlan. Isabel. Kenny. So many of our comrades have died before they had the chance to learn about humanity outside the Walls. Despite that, we were always there for each other. We coped with their deaths together. But when you needed me the most, I wasnât there. Iâm sorry.â
(Y/N) sniffled quietly and wiped away an escaped tear. Her shoulders began to shake as she tried her best to stay silent. âI-I was lost without you. I needed you. I was scared. I was alone but I tried to be brave. I tried so hard. For you. For Hange. For Erwin. But I needed help. I just couldnât do it alone. Iâm sorry-â
âStop. Donât apologize. Iâm the only one that should be apologizing here. I failed to be there for you so I have no right to criticize your choices because at the end of the day they kept you and Kaito alive. Thatâs all that matters.â Levi brought her closer. He felt her hair in his neck as she leaned closer to him. The familiar warmth that emanated from her reassured him that this was reality and not another dream. âYou are brave. Thatâs why Iâm proud of you. Look how far youâve come.â
Levi lifted up her chin to look at her. He wiped away the wet trails that her tears left behind. Once every remnant of her tears were gone, Levi made no effort to detach his hand from (Y/N)âs face.Â
âDo you really mean it?â She asked, her hand reached up to wrap around his wrist. Her (E/C) eyes were fixated on his.
âEvery word.âÂ
(Y/N) closed her eyes at the feeling of Leviâs lips on her temple. Her arms wrapped around Leviâs torso and the simple action, one that she had done so many times in her youth, made her insecurities disappear. âThank you, Levi. I needed to hear that.âÂ
Giving his sister one more embrace, Levi pulled away. Her smile was finally a true one. He noticed how remarkably different she carried herself. The burden on her shoulders was no longer for her to carry alone. Even her eyes shone with the familiar light of determination.Â
Maybe now was the right moment to ask his question.Â
âCan I ask you something, (Y/N)?â
âOf course.â
âThose stories that youâve told Kaito. Were you ever going to tell him the truth about Erwinâs death?â
âWhen the time is right and when I do he needs to know the whole story, not just Zekeâs part. He needs to hear it from you too. Because heâs going to ask questions that I donât have the answers to. Why did you choose to save Armin instead of Erwin? You told me before it was to let Erwin finally rest but sometimes I donât believe that.â
âWhat do you mean?â
(Y/N) sighed and in a calm voice she spoke, âErwin gave you the injection and therefore gave you the choice to use it on anyone. You were going to use it on him. Even after Eren and Mikasa stood against you, you still wanted Erwin to get the serum. Until⊠You didnât.âÂ
â(Y/N)... Itâs difficult to explain.â
âDonât give me the same answer you gave to Kaito. I deserve to know why in one moment you were ready to bring Erwin back and then the next moment you chose Armin. Every night I wonder why. What was the real reason behind your actions? Sometimes I canât even sleep at all because itâs been driving me crazy.â
âDid you come up with an answer?â
âNever a satisfying one.â (Y/N) mumbled as she looked down at her hands on her lap. âBut I want to hear it from you. I want to know why, at that moment, did you change your mind? I want to hear that moment with Kaito. Whenever you think the time is right, you tell us, Levi. Because Kaito needs to hear from the both of us, together. Is that alright with you?â
Even after years apart, Levi could proudly say that (Y/N) hasnât changed in regards to her personality. Sheâs still the same smart, capable, strong, and brave woman. Kaito is lucky to have her as his mother. Any kid would. So if she believes this is the best approach, heâll follow her lead.
âAlright.â (Y/N) smiled at his answer and just the sight of her smile made Levi return one as well. As if the siblings were reading each otherâs minds, they leaned into one another in unison. Their foreheads touched as they held hands once more. âTogether.â
Levi ran his thumb over (Y/N)âs fingers until he touched the cool metal of her wedding ring. âI still canât believe you married him.â
(Y/N) let out a small huff but she wasnât offended by the statement. âI did it for Kaito.â
âI know. I guess I canât believe someone actually wanted to marry you.â
Now that she took offense. She playfully dug her finger into Leviâs chest. âHuh?! Youâre one to talk. Iâm an absolute delight compared to you. Whoever your future partner is, I wished them luck. Letâs see how they handle your extreme cleaning habits and your abnormal sleeping hours. Not to mention how picky you are with your tea.â
Levi huffed and pushed her hand away. âThereâs nothing wrong with drinking a good cup of tea. And people need to learn the proper way to clean.â
âDidnât you yell at Isabel about her sweeping that one time?â
âTsk. She was holding the broom wrong. She was just moving the dirt around and that bird she had was leaving its feathers everywhere.â
(Y/N) chuckled. âI remember. You made her pick up those feathers by hand after that.â
âShe learned eventually, didnât she?âÂ
âThatâs besides the point. Whoever the lucky person is, I just hope they know what they are signing up for with you being a clean freak and all.â (Y/N) paused when a question popped into her mind. âWait. Is there someone?â
âTsk. Itâs getting late.â
âDonât dodge the question!â Her smile widened when Levi made his way to her bed. With his back turned towards her, (Y/N) jumped on his back. Her arms linked together under his neck.
âWhat the hell?â Levi stumbled before regaining balance. âWhat are you a child?â Despite his complaints, his arms anchored underneath her legs.Â
(Y/N) giggled. âCome on, Levi. Is there anyone who caught your eye?â
âThereâs no one. I already have my hands full with Hange, the brats, the Volunteers, and now-â
âHey!â
Levi all but dumped the grown woman onto her bed. Her laughter filled the room when he grabbed the bedsheets and placed them over her form. âNow, I have you and Kaito to worry about. And if Kaitoâs anything like you were at his age then-âÂ
(Y/N) narrowed her eyes when Levi trailed off, his silence and the teasing smirk tugging at his lips just confirmed where this was leading. She swatted his chest and said,âOh come off it. I was an angel. Stop making it sound like I was such a troubled child.â
âHave you forgotten how many times I got into fights because of you?â Levi asked, getting himself comfortable on his side of the bed.
âFirst of all, it only happened twice; the first time that creep came out of nowhere and the second time was under Kennyâs watch. It was not my fault he got himself drunk.â
âI wanted to beat the shit out of him when I found him goading you to drink alcohol.â
âTo be fair, I was curious.â
Levi rolled his eyes but he smiled nonetheless. He stared into those familiar (E/C) eyes and committed her soft expression to memory. Meanwhile, (Y/N) did the same. Neither sibling had to say a word. In comfortable silence, they were finally at ease in each otherâs presence.Â
âDo you miss him? Erwin?â
âI do.â (Y/N) whispered. âNot a day goes by that I donât.â
~
BANG! BANG! BANG!
(Y/N) felt her heart quickening at the loud sound of knocking- more like pounding- at the front door. She made her way to the window and inched the curtain away, giving her the perfect view of whoever is outside the door. It was still early in the morning. The sun hasnât even peeked from under the horizon and the lack of light made it difficult to tell the personâs identity.
Whoever the stranger was, (Y/N) was sure he was a man, he wasnât alone. There were a total of five people at the door. Including the one who was trying to wake up the whole house, there were three men and two women. Levi joined her side and peered out the window.
âTsk. Itâs them. Looks like they finally sobered up.â
âYou meanâŠâ
Levi nodded.Â
The siblings made their way downstairs, joined by Hange along the way. Her hair was in every direction and her glasses were a bit askew. âWhoâs waking us up at this hour?â
âThose trouble-making cadets.â
âWhat?â Hange blinked and in a flash the commanderâs whole demeanor turned serious. âThey arenât supposed to be here unlessâŠâ
âIt was something serious.â The reunited veteran trio thought the same thing. It was only then (Y/N) moved to open the door.
Upon seeing them, (Y/N) immediately recognized each cadet. She smiled warmly at their shocked faces. Mikasa, Armin, Jean, Connie, and Sasha. Onyankopon was there as well.
âC-Captain.â Jean was the first to find his voice.
âPlease come in. I donât get visitors at this hour, none at all actually. People will get suspicious.â
Everyone snapped out of their daze at her command. As they passed by, (Y/N) made sure to give each cadet a nod of acknowledgement. After Onyankopon entered, she quickly locked the door.
âWhatâs the situation?â
No one said a word. They each looked worried but it was Mikasa who looked the most stressed of all.
âWell?â Levi asked. âSay something. Or are you all constipated?â
â...Itâs Eren. Heâs missing.â
~~~
*The night Kaito saw (Y/N) cry was the anniversary of Erwin's death.
do you have a specific schedule to post or do you just post whenever you have free time? regardless your writing is amazing! i mean itâs definitely one of the best aot fics iâve read so far!
Hmm. That's a good question anon. I often write whenever I have free time (at least an hour or two each day). I try to update regularly but it's difficult to do so with my job (it gets crazy during the holidays). I critique myself way too much. I would find myself rewriting the same chapter before I update. Even when proofreading I sometimes question myself about my writing. But with every update I do, I see people like yourself, anon, who give me the boost of confidence to keep on writing. So thank you so much! You don't know how much your kind words mean to me!
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hope youre enjoying your break from college !!! please do take some time for yourself !!! we all canâf wait for the next chapter but your #1 priority should always be u â€ïžâđ„
Thank you, anon! Between my job and the holidays, it can be a bit hectic but I try to maintain some balance as mental health is important!! I appreciate your concern!!
im glad you are still alive! I will gladly consume everything you post but I can't help but like more Headcanon about your life in Marley (sort of like a parallel to the HC about your life in the Survey Corps) and Interview Drabble with the Marleyan Warriors about you aka the island devil.
Whatever u decide its fine!
@bbruns-aaaa Thank you so much for your kind words and I'm so sorry I took so long to reply. It warms my heart that you like the headcanons I thought of! I'm actually looking forward to writing those two you mentioned! I hope to do them justice!
Thank you for your support. Please stay safe during this winter.
Summary: The rescue operation for Eren has been completed... But at what cost?Â
Word Count: 8.1K
Warnings: SPOILERS FOR SEASON 2. Curse words, angst, depressing thoughts, self-worth issues, survivorâs guilt. This chapter (if you havenât guessed by the gif above) will follow Season 2 Episode 11-- Charge.
Gif Credit: @kyzrael-reitaâ
~~~
The quick, harsh snaps of leather reins. Hoofbeats that sounded like thunder against the ground as several horses carried their injured riders back home. The last rays of sunlight finally disappeared under the horizon as darkness took over. The moon, so bright and full, was slowly making its way to its rightful place in the sky, and at the same time, the stars, one by one, shined their luminance for everyone to see.
Speaking of everyone, the soldiers from within the Walls were desperately racing towards Trost district. Some more than others. Leading the retreat on a strong white stallion was Captain (Y/N) of the Scouts.Â
Over the past few years, the female captain was praised by many for being so calm and collected under dangerous circumstances. Her meticulous attention to detail also led (Y/N) to rise in the ranks. Of course, she had other traits, but these specific characteristics were slowly⊠Deteriorating was the best word for it. Or perhaps they were lost under all the complete disorder, anxiety, and fear that swirled inside Captain (Y/N)âs psyche.
She was slowly losing it. She could feel it. Her mind ran all kinds of different scenarios, each darker than the last. One of which she couldnât help but think of the worst: the death of her lover, Erwin Smith. Her heart stilled at the forbidden thought.Â
With her right hand holding the reins, her left hand made its way to Erwinâs arm, wrapped securely around her waist. Her fingers interlocked with his, and she immediately noticed how cold his hand was.Â
She squeezed his cold fingers, âErwin?â
â...â
(Y/N) panicked and hurriedly shook her loverâs only remaining arm. Her (E/C) eyes began to tear up and it wasnât from the wind or her hair.
âErwin?!â Her voice was full of worry. âTalk to me! Please!â
With the position she was riding in, (Y/N) couldnât look over her shoulder to see the man in question. All she felt was Erwinâs head resting in between her shoulder blades.
âErwin!â
âHm?âÂ
(Y/N) breathed out a sigh of relief as she heard the familiar tone of Erwinâs voice.Â
âWhere are we?â He asked, his voice sounding so tired.Â
âWeâre close to Wall Rose.â
âIs Eren-â
âHeâs safe. We got him back, thanks to you.â
Erwin let the corners of his mouth twitch into a small smile. He turned his head to the side so that his cheek rested on his loverâs back. The warmth radiating from (Y/N) made it harder for him to stay awake. All he wanted to do was sleep.
Their mission was a success in the end. Thatâs all that matters. Yes, many soldiers lost their lives, dedicating their beating hearts in the end, but it was necessary. Eren is key to retaking Wall Maria as well as finding out what was in that basement. Itâs what he has to believe.
â-staying awake! You hear me?â The voice of his lover interrupted his inner thoughts.Â
Erwin huffed. It was easier said than done. He looked at his right arm or rather what was left of it. Droplets of blood fell out of his wound. The tourniquet that (Y/N) had made haphazardly was still tightly tied above his wound, but blood was still staining his clothes, his horse, and even (Y/N)âs clothes.Â
The commander hissed when there was a hot, searing, throb-like pain in his right arm. It only lasted a few seconds. He silently bit his bottom lip and tightly closed his eyes; he tried to remain quiet but it was as if (Y/N) had a sixth sense just for him.
âErwin?â
âI-Iâm okay.â He tried to reassure her through touch as he held her warm hand. God, how does she keep her hands so warm? âReally.â
(Y/N) stayed silent for a moment. Of course, he would say something like that so she wouldnât worry (as much). If the roles were reversed, she would have done the same. Usually, if the circumstances were normal, she would have scolded Erwin for hiding his true feelings just so she wouldnât worry.Â
But, right now, at this moment, it wasnât time to do that. Erwin was already in enough pain without hearing a scolding from her. So she took a deep breath and finally voiced the words that were sitting on her tongue. âErwin, I love you.â
Erwin furrowed his brow. âI love you, too?â He didnât mean to make it sound like a question but he was confused as to why (Y/N) was announcing this.Â
Still, it didnât faze (Y/N) in the least. She still had a tight grasp on Erwinâs pale and cold hand before continuing. âThen please donât lie to me.â
âI-â
âI know you, Erwin.â
She could feel Erwinâs arm tighten around her waist and even when she couldnât see his face, (Y/N) knew that there was a frown on his lips.
âSorry⊠I didnât want you to worry any more than you have to.â
(Y/N) closed her eyes for a brief moment before opening them. âIâll always worry but thatâs because I care about you. Thatâs why I went after you because deep down I knew you were going to do something reckless. And if you were injured in any way, you would just dismiss any help and tell others to focus on rescuing Eren.â
âBut heâs vital in retaking Wall Maria.â
âAnd so are you!â (Y/N) yelled, finally letting everything that has been buried in her chest come out through her words. âYou are important, Erwin! Donât you remember what I told you?!â
Erwinâs head was throbbing as he recounted the events that happened an hour ago. He tucked his face into (Y/N)âs neck as he remembered how everything happened. Unbeknownst to him, (Y/N) was thinking the same thing.Â
~~~
âCommander Erwin!â
The pain was unbelievable. The commander couldnât compare this type of pain to any kind of injury he had in the past. Then again, he never had his arm getting gnawed off by a Titan before. But the sight of the enemies holding onto Humanityâs one ray of hope made Erwin push through the pain. He raised up his sword, pointed it to the Armored Titan, and yelled out from the top of his lungs, âI SAID ADVANCE GOD DAMN IT!!! EREN IS RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU!!! DO NOT FALTER!!!â
The Titan continued to put pressure in his jaw, increasing the pain in his right arm. Blood spurting out his wound and onto his face. It was at that point Erwin knew that his arm was a lost cause. He can still live without an arm. And he needed to live. There was still so much he had to do. Heâs the commander of the Survey Corps. He has to lead them back to Shiganshina in order to retake Wall Maria and finally reveal the contents of Dr. Jaegerâs basement.
Those thoughts were quickly shut down when the Titan finally put enough force in its jaw to chomp down on his meal. Erwin screamed in agony. He felt every second of pain as his nerves were being severed. He heard the crunching of his bones and the tearing of his flesh before he felt himself fall. Erwin was expecting the harsh impact of the ground below him so he was surprised when he felt a body collide next to him. It was strange and hard to explain but Erwin knew, without turning around, that it was her. It was her touch.
(Y/N) quickly wrapped her arms around his torso as they descended. The hooks of her ODM gear were securely anchored onto the Titanâs skin for the purpose to slow down their fall. It wasnât enough and the female captain knew this. Without hesitating, the captain used all her strength to turn the commanderâs body so that she was beneath him.Â
The pained screams ripped out of her throat once her back collided to the ground and with the weight of Erwinâs body on top of hers, (Y/N) was sure that her ribs were broken. It was getting hard to breathe- No. Erwin needed her. She canât afford to waste anymore time. The Titan from before was still there and if she didnât move-
â(Y/N)? (Y/N)! Can you hear me?â Erwin immediately got off and kneeled next to her. He noticed how she was struggling to breathe, how her hand clutched her side, and how her clothes were stained with blood. For a moment, Erwinâs immediate thought was to take (Y/N) away from here. He couldnât stand this sight. He couldnât stand (Y/N) being hurt⊠All because of him.Â
âN-Not my blood.â (Y/N) wheezed out as she stood up. Her eyes focused on the Titan that was approaching them. âIâm fine.â
âWait-â
But it was too late. Erwin coughed when the steam of (Y/N)âs ODM gear blew into his face. He watched in stunned admiration as his savior made her way towards the naked giant. The Titan was staring at her with a hungry look in its large eyes. The blood on its teeth were on full display as if taunting (Y/N) and Erwin that their demise was unavoidable. Which was the worst thing the Titan could do as it enraged (Y/N) even more. The Titanâs outstretched arm was cut into small pieces before the captain delivered a quick death.
With grace, she landed on her feet and quickly ran towards him. Her beautiful eyes zeroed onto his injury. She quickly looked around making sure no other Titans were in their vicinity. When she deemed the area safe (for now), (Y/N) kneeled next to him and quickly went to work.
âI-Itâs going to be okay, Erwin.â She told him as she took off one of her belts and used it as a tourniquet. Her hands were slightly trembling when she touched Erwinâs blood. âIâm stopping the blood flow with this. It will work for now but-â
âYou came.â Erwinâs voice was laced with pain but as (Y/N) looked into his eyes she could see how dilated his pupils were. (Of course, at that time, (Y/N) didnât know that dilated pupils are a sign of love). She wondered how much pain he was in. He still had that dazed expression on his face. Or maybe he was just surprised that she was actually here with him.
âOf course I did.â (Y/N) answered as she finished tightening the belt over Erwinâs severed arm. She kissed his temple and Erwin relished the feeling of her warm lips on his skin. âSomeone has to keep you safe. Now, come on, get on my horse. Letâs get you out of harmâs way-â
âNo.â
âWhat?â
âWe have to get Eren back, (Y/N). He takes priority.â
(Y/N) only stared at him with an incredulous look. âAre you serious, Eyebrows?!â
Erwin took a step forward and whistled for his stallion. He observed the battle that was going on a few meters away. The Armored Titan still had his hands cupped around its neck, protecting Eren from them. But due to the amount of Titans latched onto him, it would prove difficult to escape without using his arms. At one point, the Armored will have to use them. It will give them a small window of time to rescue Eren.
âThe Armored Titanâs neck⊠T-Thatâs where Eren is being held captive. Titans and Scouts have him surrounded but it will only be a matter of time until he breaks free.â Erwin turned around to face her. âI know you know that, (Y/N).â
âOf course, I do!â (Y/N) scoffed as she got on her horse. âItâs all the more reason why you shouldnât go. Just stay here and Iâll go! Youâre injured enough! You only have one arm!â
She caught the way Erwinâs eyes flitted to her injured side. It was pointless to deny her own injury. She was barely maintaining her posture without the sensation of a sharp, hot sensation overtaking her senses. It was almost overwhelming but it was nothing compared to the fear of losing him.Â
âWe canât lose you, Erwin!â (Y/N) reasoned as she steered her mare to the direction of the Titan shifters.Â
âNo!â Erwin took the reins from her hold and before (Y/N) could say a word, the commander spoke first. âWe only have one chance to save Eren! Iâll be damned if I just sit here and wait! Injured or not, Iâm going with you!â
(Y/N) glared at him and she continued to do so when Erwinâs white stallion appeared. With great effort, Erwin took his place on the saddle. He took a deep breath and focused his mind to look past the pain.
âYouâre crazy, Eyebrows.â (Y/N) told him as she guided her horse to stand beside him. Erwin looked at his lover. Her face looked calm, but he could tell by her stiff body language and the stormy look in her (E/C) eyes that she was pissed off. âDid that Titan take away your common sense?â
Erwin chuckled. âJust the arm, and that was enough for me.â
âSo what? Weâre just going to charge into that hell?â
âYou have a better idea, love?â
(Y/N) sighed. Of course, there wasnât, and she knew Erwin knew that. âFine. Itâs not our first time rescuing Eren. But the moment we have him, we retreat. Understood?â
Erwin so much wanted to remind her of the actual chain of command, but he was smart enough not to cross her any further. Despite her somewhat harsh words, sheâs willing to let him go after Eren. Though, he knew that she would be right there with him, following him into danger.
Again, he felt his stomach churn uncomfortably, and the hairs at the back of his neck stood straight up. He could even feel each goosebump on his skin. He wished he could order (Y/N) to stand down, but it wouldnât matter. She would just disregard them, just like how she ignored his order to stay back.
It was pointless to argue. Especially when she shared the same determined glint in her eyes with his own.
With one last confirmed look, Erwin snapped the leather reins, and his stallion sprang into action. (Y/N) quickly followed after him. She knew that the only thing going through Erwinâs head was to get Eren back, not caring about himself in the process. It was why she came here in the first place. She knew that he would do something reckless, and as a result, he lost his arm.
(Y/N) swallowed down her nerves and tried to focus, but it was difficult to do so when she could only think about Erwinâs injury. She internally cursed that fucking Titan. She wished she could have made that monster suffer a slow and painful death.Â
But she canât change the past. All she could do now is protect Erwin from any further harm. She will not allow it. Connecting her blades to the handles, her eyes searched for any Titans in their area.Â
â(Y/N)!â Erwinâs voice called out to her. âLook!â
Her eyes followed to where he was pointing. The Armored Titan removed his hands from his neck. She could see the small figures of Eren tied up with Bertolt carrying him. The plan worked but her gaze fell to the Titans that were swarming around the Titan shifters.Â
âDodging all of those Titans wonât be easy, Erwin!â She shouted but it didnât stop Erwin from moving forward.Â
âTheyâre all distracted!â He reasoned although (Y/N) knew it was a poor attempt to not look at the situation as bleak as it was. âThis is our chance!â
âFine! Iâll go and- Hey! Where are you going?!â
(Y/N) quickly followed after Erwin. Death and chaos was happening all around them. For a second, she looked away just to see a Scout getting devoured. How many times had she seen that sight? Hundreds? Thousands?Â
âShit!âÂ
A Titanâs hand slammed the ground right in front of her. Her mare quickly reared onto her hind legs, letting out a frightful neigh. (Y/N) held onto the reins tightly before activating her ODM gear. The Titan smiled greedily at her but she only responded by a quick slash to its nape. Once the Titan was dead, (Y/N) stomped in frustration on its head. If this stupid creature didnât get in her way, she wouldnât have been separated from Erwin. Her eyes searched amongst the chaos to look for Erwin. The sight in front of her made her heart drop to her stomach.
Erwin had managed to free Eren from Bertolt with a direct slash from his blade. Now both him and Eren were falling. (Y/N) didnât even remember activating her ODM gear nor aiming her gearâs hooks into the Armored Titanâs skin. All that was going through her mind was-
âCatch him. Catch him. You have to catch him.â
âI swear to any god up there, Erwin!â (Y/N) shouted in his ear. Her arms wrapped securely around his torso. The wires from her ODM gear slowed down their momentum. âYou have to stop this gambling habit of yours!â
He knew she was there. Despite the situation they were in, Erwin smiled to himself. How lucky was he that she came after all?Â
By some miracle or whatever kind of timely fate, the familiar sight of his white stallion waited for them at the very armored feet of the Armored Titan. (Y/N) aimed towards the loyal animal. As their feet touched the grass, Erwin felt as if all the energy left his body. He found it hard to stand, much less walk.Â
âCome on, Erwin,â (Y/N) encouraged him. Her arms supported him as she guided him to his horse. âYouâve done enough. I saw Mikasa grab Eren. Heâs in good hands.â
âThen we retreat.â Erwin climbed onto his horse before extending his only hand to her. It was something that was common between the two veterans, riding together if oneâs horse was missing.Â
âYouâre crazy if you think Iâm letting you off on your own. Iâm riding front.â
Erwin nodded and moved back for her. Once (Y/N) was situated, she took reins in her hands and quickly maneuvered their way out of the dangerous zone. While riding, Erwinâs eyes were greeted with the sight of Mikasa and Eren. The first half of the rescue operation was a success but the other half will prove just as difficult as the first.
âALL SOLDIERS RETREAT!â
(Y/N) could hear the desperate roars of Reinerâs - the Armored Titanâs- from behind her. Looking over her shoulder, (Y/N) watched as the Titan shifter struggled against the Pure Titans. If they were lucky, the Pure Titans would be too preoccupied to even notice them.
âWe just might make it, Er-â
(Y/N) cut herself off when a large shadow flew over their heads. Said shadow belonged to a larger than normal Titan and it was making a crash course right in front of them.Â
âShit!â (Y/N) cursed as she made a sharp turn to the right. Erwinâs arm that was wrapped around her waist tightened at the sudden change of course. Her hand was quick to hold on to him.
â(Y/N), heâs throwing another one!â
She looked over her shoulder just in time to see Reiner flung another large Titan towards their direction. (Y/N) cursed to herself when the Titan landed right behind them.Â
â(Y/N)!âÂ
âI know!â She snapped the reins of Erwinâs horse to go faster. The thunderous beats of footsteps were right behind them. âTheyâre desperate. Theyâll do whatever it takes to block off our escape.â
âDo you see Eren?â
(Y/N) felt her blood run cold. She just saw Mikasa with him. Were they caught in the collisions? Were they hurt? Without a horse?
âNo, I donât. We have to trust heâs still with Mikasa! Right now, we have to worry about surviving!â
Unsheathing her blades once more, (Y/N) prepared herself for another confrontation. The heavy footsteps sounded closer. She just needed a tree to anchor onto so she could deliver the kill.
â(Y/N)! Is that-â
âItâs Ymir!âÂ
The 5-meter Titan that was Ymir was running up to them at full speed. She looked like any other pure Titan. If it wasnât for the Utgard situation, (Y/N) wouldnât have known what Ymirâs Titan looked like. Hell, if it wasnât for Ymir and her Titanâs powers, she wouldnât even be alive. Technically, Ymir saved her and the rest of the cadets from certain doom.
But will she be their savior once more?
.
.
.
No. The fire in her eyes⊠It was anger.Â
âHold on!âÂ
If the two veterans hadnât ducked on time, they surely would have met their end at the hands of Ymirâs Titan. For a split second, (Y/N) could have sworn that Ymirâs eyes wavered for a moment. As if she changed her mind at the last second before sinking her claw-like hands into the Titan that was chasing after them earlier.
However, the amount of force the Titan shifter placed onto the Pure Titan was enough to toss both veterans off their horse. A new pain blossomed inside (Y/N) as her body was slammed onto the hard surface of the earth.Â
âErwin?â When she heard no response, the captain used whatever strength she had left to stand up. She searched the area around her. The deafening sounds of Titans dropping from the sky and the cries of distress from nearby soldiers were heard from all over. The familiar sight of Titans eating people was all anyone could see. With each soldierâs life cut short, someone inside the Walls has lost their loved one. Whether they be a father, mother, brother, sister, or even a close friend, each and every soldier that has devoted their hearts and souls to bring back Humanityâs hope will never see their families again.
It wasnât as if this was something new for the veteran Scout. (Y/N) wasnât an exception to this cruel world. From her very first expedition outside the Walls, she lost half of her family, but she still finds the strength to keep going forward. But just like a vicious never ending cycle, (Y/N) continued to say goodbye to close comrades and it would often take a toll on the woman. Nonetheless whenever (Y/N) felt that way, she would always remind herself of the first meaningful conversation she shared with Erwin.
â...I was forced to join a group full of idiots eager to die way too soon.âÂ
âThe Survey Corps was built upon countless sacrifices. There are still too many things we donât know about the outside world. But if it means taking back the world for humanity, Iâm sure none of them regret dedicating their hearts to that cause. Not one.âÂ
(Y/N) didnât regret coming here. Sheâll gladly put her life on the line to help Humanity take back their freedom from the Titans and one day the fruits of their labor will amount to something. They will retake Wall Maria and go to the basement. They will find the answers but to do that they must stay alive. Especially-
âErwin!â (Y/N) shouted as a wave of relief washed over her when she spotted the commander. The relief was short lived when she noticed how he was struggling to stand up. Without hesitation, the captain ran towards him. âErwin!â
~
Erwinâs head lifted upwards when he heard her voice calling out his name. His eyes, filled with desperate hope, widened as he saw (Y/N) running up to him. Her usual crisp white blouse was now streaked with dirt and upon closer inspection Erwin could see the several droplets of his blood decorating her shirt.Â
â(Y/N)?!â He called out to her. He willed his legs to move but it was no use. His legs felt numb from the impact that happened seconds ago.
Familiar warm hands held his face and the worried expression of (Y/N)âs face came into Erwinâs vision. With a slight quiver in her voice, (Y/N) asked, âDid you get hurt further? Oh god. Your arm. Give me your arm, Erwin!â
Before Erwin could even protest, (Y/N)âs hands were making their way to the makeshift tourniquet that had loosened. Her nimble fingers quickly tied the cord, not noticing how Erwinâs eyes were solely focused on her.Â
âYou need to get out of here, (Y/N).â
He meant every word. She needed to leave this chaos along with Eren and any other survivors who were lucky enough to escape. But it seemed that (Y/N) didnât hear his words. Or rather she ignored them.
â(Y/N)-â
âWeâre both leaving.â (Y/N) interrupted as she helped him stand up and guided him to take a few steps. âI didnât come all the way here just to leave you behind. I wonât do that.â
Erwin forced himself to stop in his tracks. (Y/N) stood next to him. Her (E/C) eyes never wavered from the connection they had with his sapphire eyes. The hold he had on (Y/N)âs shoulder was warm yet firm; it was the same grasp (Y/N) had on Erwinâs wrist.
âIâm not your objective.â The man breathed out, his voice barely above a whisper. âDonât waste time on someone whoâs replaceable. Retrieve Eren and go. Thatâs an order, Captain.â
The strike of her palm hitting Erwinâs cheek was a quick one but before Erwin could say anything, (Y/N)âs soft, warm lips were on his slightly cold ones. One of her hands held his cheek; her thumb caressed the skin under his eyes. It took the commander a moment to respond to his loverâs kiss but it was over all too soon. The sounds of the battlefield surrounded the couple but all Erwin wanted to hear was (Y/N)âs voice.
âYouâre not replaceable. Not to me.â She told him. âEren may be the key in retaking Wall Maria but you⊠You helped paved the road from the beginning. You believed in your fatherâs dream. You joined the Scouts to prove it and now youâre the commander. Youâve inspired others⊠You gave me and my brother a purpose⊠A real purpose to fight and dedicate my heart for and itâs all thanks to you. So please,â (Y/N) placed her palm over his chest where she could feel the steady beats of Erwinâs heart. âYou have to live, Erwin⊠Please. I-We need you.â
Erwin couldnât help how captivating her eyes were. How they shine with bravery and sincerity along with her tears. It was only when darkness eclipsed over the two lovers that they broke their gazes from one another. They looked up just in time to see a Titan fly over them. Out of instinct, (Y/N) shielded Erwinâs head with her arms and at the same time Erwin tried to do the same with his one arm. They felt the ground shake tremendously and even felt the small pieces of debris hitting their forms.
(Y/N) felt Erwinâs breath tickling her neck and despite how she wanted to stay in his embrace she knew that the Titans were closing in on them. Pulling away, (Y/N) stood in front of Erwin with a new pair of blades in her hands. Even with her back facing him and Titans approaching them from all over, (Y/N) remained unfazed.Â
âI donât regret my choice, Erwin. You taught me that, remember? So donât try to tell me I made a mistake by coming here. Because I donât believe I did and saving you is just as important as saving Eren.âÂ
~~~
âOi! Eyebrows!â
Erwin opened his tired eyes once more at the sound of her voice. He was so tired. The adrenaline from before has long left his body, allowing Erwin to take in and feel every ounce of pain. Each minute that passed by felt like an eternity for him and the agonizing pain slowly felt numb. Was that normal? He couldnât remember anymore but he was positive that his body shouldnât be this cold.
â...â
âErwin!â
âItâs so cold...â (Y/N) felt him tighten his hold around her waist. His thumb caressed the soft skin of her hand and kissed the nape of her neck. âHow are you so warm?â
If the circumstances were different, (Y/N) would definitely feel the familiar warmth of embarrassment flowing throughout her body at Erwinâs words. He always had that effect on her and the same can be said the other way around. But these werenât normal circumstances. (Y/N) couldnât afford to become a flustered mess.
â(Y/N)?â
âYes?â
âThank you.â
Erwin didnât hear a verbal response from her but he didnât need one. The affectionate squeeze on his hand was enough of an answer from her.
~
(On Top of Wall Rose)
Moblit could feel his eyes grow heavy with each passing second. The sweet siren call of sleep beckoned his ears. Just the thought of sleeping on the harsh concrete sounded wonderful for the veteran soldier. After investigating Ragako village, Moblit made sure to jot down all of his findings. Hopefully, his report was now in Hangeâs hands. He wondered if she was actually recovering from her injuries or rather pulling off an all-nighter. The latter sounded the most probable.
âYou must be exhausted, Moblit.â One of his close comrades in Hangeâs squad, Nifa, said as she sat down next to him. âWhy donât you sleep a little? I can take over.â
Moblit shook his head. âI canât, Nifa. Not until theyâve come back.â
Nifa sighed. She expected this kind of answer from Moblit. Heâs always been this loyal. Even after everything he has been through, Moblit continues to put the needs of others before his own. He suffered the same injuries as Hange and the other veterans yet it didnât stop him from organizing a sort of recovery group to be placed on top of Wall Rose.Â
âYou know, Moblit,â Nifa began as she handed him a canteen of water. âNo one would blame you if you took a moment to rest. We all know what youâve been through.â
The said male took a sip from the canteen. He savored how cool the water was as it trickled down his dry throat. Though refreshing, Moblit wished he had some alcohol. A good drink would definitely be rewarding after the day he had. âThanks for the offer but Iâm alright. Besides, I donât think I would be able to sleep.â
âI get it. Youâre too worked up to let yourself rest.â Nifa turned to face him. âBut answer me this. How will you help our friends if you canât take care of yourself?â
Moblit frowned. He knew that answer well enough as he had to remind Hange about it many times. He knew Nifa was right but he couldnât allow himself to rest. Not until theyâve come back.
For now, he ignored answering Nifaâs question and continued to look out for any signs of life. Luckily, the sun hid underneath the horizon an hour ago and with even more luck there were no Titans anywhere near the Walls. Still it was unnerving to know that there was news of Titans active during the night. He took a glance over his shoulder to look at the remains of what used to be Castle Utgard. Moblit could only imagine how horrifying the situation was for his comrades, especially for (Y/N)-the sole veteran survivor.Â
He recalled the panic, fear, and grief-stricken expression in her eyes when they finally reunited and he wished more than anything to comfort her in his arms. Instead, she was out there and as long as she was out there, heâll be here waiting for her.
âIs that- Moblit! Look!â Nifa called him back to reality.Â
He followed her line of vision and he felt his heart skip a beat at the sight of several horses galloping toward them.Â
âLower the lifts!â He yelled as he got up, Nifa quickly following him. âPrepare first aid! We donât know how many are injured so help them first! Make sure the wagons are ready!â
âYes, sir!âÂ
As the soldiers followed their orders, Moblit stood next to a nearby lift. His eyes scanned at the ground below where the rescue operation was waiting. He was too far up to see any faces he recognized but he did see Commander Erwinâs white stallion. All he could tell was that there were two figures on the horse. Moblit wasnât a person to jump to conclusions but he knew. He was 100% positive that it was them.
~
Once they made it to the lift, (Y/N) slipped off the horse and helped Erwin get off. He almost collapsed but (Y/N) was quick enough to wrap her arms around him for support.
âW-Weâre here, Erwin.â (Y/N) wheezed. It was getting hard to breathe and the pain in her head was almost too much. âErwin?â
When she received no answer, (Y/N) placed a hand on Erwinâs face. âErwin! Can you hear me? Erwin!â
The female captain was so focused on the commander that she didnât notice that the lift reached its destination on top of Wall Rose.Â
âCaptain (Y/N)?!â
âAre you hurt?!â
âWhat happened?!â
âIs that the Commander?â
âOh god! His arm!â
With anger in her eyes, (Y/N) yelled at the top of her lungs, âDONâT JUST STAND THERE! PICK HIM UP! NOW!!âÂ
âYes, Captain!â
(Y/N) watched them take Erwin to a nearby wagon. From there, they were attending him. Heâs going to be okay. He has to be okay.Â
â(Y/N)? Are you injured?â
(Y/N) looked over her shoulder. âM-Moblit. Y-You sure a-are a sight f-for sore eyes. C-Can you help m-meâŠâ
Moblit took note of her stuttered speech. Did her concussion get worse? So he asked again, âAre you injured?â
âE-Erwin just p-passed out. I-I had t-to h-help him. H-His arm-â
(Y/N) took a step forward when her vision blurred. Her steps faltered before she felt herself falling. Moblit was there to catch her passed out form.
â(Y/N)! (Y/N)!â Moblit shook her shoulder but there was no reaction. He readjusted her hold and placed his ear on her chest. Her heart was still beating. âI NEED A MEDIC!â
~
(A Few Hours Later)
Levi watched his sister being gently placed on the bed by the nurses. Her head was wrapped with a clean bandage. She was wearing her civilian clothes but underneath her clothes Levi knew that the bruises will take form.Â
âHow injured is she?âÂ
Taken aback from the usual stoic man, the doctor cleared his throat and referred to his notes. âShe has a severe concussion and a few broken ribs. We treated her minor cuts. Cool towels will help with the bruising and reduce swelling and of course plenty of rest is required.â
âFor how long?â
âIâm afraid she has to restrict her movements for the next two months or so. We also have to keep a close eye on her because of the concussion. We wonât know if the concussion impaired her other senses until she wakes up.â
âI see.â Levi turned to look at the man (Y/N) risked her life for. âAnd what about Erwin?â
The frown on the doctorâs face deepened as he glanced at the unconscious man who was resting on the other bed. âIâm afraid that Commander Erwin has slipped into a coma because of the significant loss of blood. We wonât know when heâll wake up. All we could do is make sure to redress his bandages to avoid any possible infections. Iâll be back in a couple of hours to check up on them.â
As the doctor and nurses left the room, Levi stood between both beds that held the people he cared for. Levi sighed as he crossed his arms in front of his chest. âThe both of you are lucky to be alive.â
Levi approached (Y/N)âs bedside first. He grabbed a new cloth and dipped it into a bucket of cool water. He placed the cool cloth on her forehead. His gray eyes watched for any facial changes. Nothing changed. Only the steady rhythm of her breathing stayed the same. If he were to ignore the bandages wrapped around her head, Levi would be convinced that she was only sleeping. With that in mind, he made sure to bring the blanket up to her chin.Â
âTrouble always seems to find you, (Y/N).â Levi whispered as he placed a kiss on her hairline.Â
He stood next to her for a few minutes, waiting for any kind of reaction. He was sure that (Y/N) would mumble out a retort of some sort. When nothing was said, Levi grasped her hand. âJust rest up, (Y/N). Youâve done enough.â
Leviâs gaze landed on the unconscious commander a few feet away from them before looking back at his sister. âThe both of you have.âÂ
As he placed a chair in between the two beds, Levi couldnât help but let out a sigh of relief. He wasnât one to believe in luck or miracles especially in this harsh world that theyâre forced to live in but maybe, just this once, heâll believe.
 ~
(Y/N) heard Leviâs voice before she even opened her eyes. At first, he sounded so far but the longer she listened to his voice the more she realized Levi was actually nearby. His voice in the darkness was a comforting solace and even without any musical accompaniment, (Y/N) recognized the song from her childhood.
âChairs so close and room so small
You and I talk all the night long
Meager this space but serves us so well
We comrades have stories to tellâŠâ
With every fiber of her being, (Y/N) willed her eyes to open. The sunlight next to her window blinded her for a moment and caused her to shut her eyes once more. Moving her head away from the brightness, (Y/N) groaned at how sore her entire body felt.Â
â(Y/N)?â Levi pulled a lock of her (H/C) hair behind her ear. âCan you hear me? Squeeze my hand if you can.â
But she did better than just a muscle reaction.Â
She opened her eyes and her tired (E/C) eyes connected with his worried gray ones.Â
âLevi?â
âHey you.â Levi tightened his hold on her hand. âHow are you feeling?â
(Y/N) furrowed her brow but winced when she tried to sit up. âM-My head hurts.â
âDonât try to get up.â Levi told her as he gently pushed her shoulders. âYou need rest.â
But (Y/N) resisted. âWhat about Erwin? Where is he? How is he? Is he-â
âHey, hey, hey. Calm down.â Levi got up so that he could sit right next to her. With one hand on her shoulder and the other hand holding her hand, âHeâs right over there.â
Levi motioned his head to the right and (Y/N) looked in that direction. Her eyes were met with the sight of Erwin sleeping in the bed a few feet away. The moment she saw his chest moving up and down (Y/N) was able to breathe easily. Erwin was still alive.
âDoctor said he slipped into a coma due to blood loss. He was able to properly treat his arm and his fever has gone down a little. But we wonât know when heâll wake up.â
Levi watched for any kind of reaction on her face. Any kind of hint to let him know that she actually registered his words. There was a slight stutter in her breathing and her hand trembled a bit in his own hand.Â
âHeâll wake up.â (Y/N) found it hard to keep her voice from trembling. âHe has to.â
âAnd he will. It will just take some time for him to recover. Now why donât you follow his example, (Y/N)? Your body needs the chance to heal.â
A wordless nod was enough of an answer as Levi brought the covers up to her shoulders. It was a simple motion. Something that he did since they were children and usually it would annoy (Y/N) to no end whenever he did, claiming she didnât need to be tucked in anymore.
The older sibling waited for the younger siblingâs complaints. After seconds of silence, Levi was just about to ask about it when he noticed the disappointment in her (E/C) eyes and he could only guess what she was thinking about.
âDonât do that.â He warned.
(Y/N) brought her arm over her eyes. It was a poor attempt to hide her true feelings especially from Levi. Her thoughts kept replaying the moment as a constant loop. All the what ifâs, should haveâs, and could haveâsâŠ
âOi. Iâm telling you not to do that.â
Play it off. âDo what?â
âYouâre thinking about all the things that you could have done differently. You know as well as I do that a regretful memory will dull your next decision.â
âOf course I know that,â (Y/N) mumbled. She could feel the warm tears well up in her eyes as well as the uncomfortable lump that was lodged in her throat. âI just⊠Canât help it.â
â(Y/N)...â
She brought her hand away from her face to look at Levi. The tears streamed down her face and Levi could feel his heart constricting at the sight. He held her hand once more to let her know that he was right here.
âH-He told me to stay back but I-I didnât listen. I shouldnât have waited for so long. I should have left immediately⊠If I have, he wouldnât-â
She couldnât even finish her sentence. The image of Erwinâs limb in between the jaws of that Titan still haunted her. Every gory detail of that moment has been ingrained into her mind. Without realizing, her body went cold at the recollection of the awful memory. It wasnât until she felt warm familiar hands on her face, wiping away her tears.
âYou did what you could, (Y/N). You shouldnât feel ashamed or guilty and you know as well as I do that Erwin would have made a gamble of a plan. As long as Eren was recovered, it didnât matter how reckless the plan was. Iâm sure Erwin was ready to make the sacrifice if it meant bringing Eren back.â
(Y/N) nodded. âW-When I got there⊠I saw him⊠In between a Titanâs mouth. A-And he still kept giving out orders.â A hollow chuckle slipped out without meaning to as (Y/N) thought of that moment. âIsnât that crazy?â
âIt is.â Levi agreed, taking a glance at his unconscious friend. âOnly Erwin would do something like that⊠And to think heâs the one you fell for all those years ago.â
âY-Yeah⊠You kept telling me I had terrible taste in men.â
Levi smiled as he recalled the multiple times he told her that exact statement about Erwin. âI changed my mind, didnât I?â
(Y/N) hummed. Her tears were no longer streaming down her face but there was still a faraway look in her eyes. âDo you know what he said to me?â
Levi noticed the tone in her voice. The way she fidgeted under the covers. How noticeable her red, puffy eyes were welling up with fresh tears. It broke his heart to see his sister in this state. He could only take a guess of what Erwin told her- something that impacted her greatly.
Ignoring Leviâs protests, (Y/N) sat up. âHe told me⊠toâŠdonât waste time on someone whoâs replaceable.â
Levi brought his arm over her form, letting (Y/N) rest her head onto his shoulder. âIâm sure it was his way to protect you. He didnât want you to end up like him. So he tried to push you away.â
There was a moment of silence. If it wasnât for (Y/N)âs soft breathing Levi would have thought that she fell asleep. He looked down at their interlocked hands. She was tracing different shapes on his skin with her thumb, almost absentmindedly.Â
âI slapped him.â
Leviâs brows furrowed at the thought. âYou slapped him?âÂ
(Y/N) nodded. âAfter what he said about being replaceable, he ordered me to leave. He said that he wasnât the objective and that I should focus on retrieving Eren.â
âAnd thatâs when you slapped him?âÂ
âYeah. I couldnât stand him speaking that way. He told me that Eren is vital in retaking Wall Maria. I know that. But what he doesnât understand is that we need him too. Without Erwin, weâll lose. I had to make sure he understood how important he is and how important he is to me.â
âI can only imagine the lecture you gave him.â
âHe needed to hear it.â
Levi sighed and brought his other hand to smooth out (Y/N)âs hair. âCouldnât agree with you more. I would have given him a kick in the gut if I was there. A slap is too soft for a punishment.â
This time (Y/N) let out a true laugh. Not at all like the sad chuckle she let out a few moments ago. After hearing it so many times in his life, Levi recognized it immediately.Â
âI think losing an arm is punishment enough, Levi.â
âAs long as he got the message. Some Scoutâs lives are more valuable than others.â
(Y/N) felt Levi hugging her closer to his chest and she didnât mind. She even hugged him in response. There was only a selected few that Levi cared about and she was one of them. Just like how he was to her.Â
âYeah⊠Oh and Levi?â
âWhat?â
âYou should sing more often.â
~
(A Few Days Later)
Levi made sure that (Y/N) was well taken care of. He was present for any follow-up from the doctor. He made sure she ate and drank enough. He was right by her side when (Y/N) decided to no longer be bedridden and began to walk around HQ.Â
The doctor approved that she no longer had to stay in the infirmary as long as she took it easy. Which meant, no exhibitions until her body was completely healed. However, it didnât stop her from working on the endless amount of paperwork. (Y/N), obviously, had her own office to work from but she stubbornly refused to work there.Â
âAs long as Erwin is in the infirmary, I wonât leave him.â She told Levi as he watched her and Moblit bring stacks of papers into the infirmary, right next to a desk near Erwinâs bed. And thatâs where she remained. Next to his side as Erwin slept in his comatose state.Â
During the day, she would work on the paperwork. It was work meant for the commander but (Y/N) didnât mind. It at least gave her something to do. Something productive. Signing off on the after-action reports. Documenting their losses from Erenâs rescue. With each name of a Scout veteran she wrote down, (Y/N) whispered goodbye. The Survey Corps have dealt with a major blow with losing their veteran soldiers in the endeavor. Changes in the corps are inevitable. She recalled Levi talking about enlisting some of the 104th cadets into his squad.Â
During the night, she still slept in the infirmary instead of her own bedroom. Sometimes, she would bring the chair close to Erwinâs bed and sleep there. Or sometimes she would just talk- hoping that her voice was reaching him in his slumber. Like how Leviâs voice reached her. She even apologized for slapping him.
It was the same routine for about a week until it wasnât.Â
One morning, (Y/N) woke up from her uncomfortable position on her chair. Her tired (E/C) eyes met with his blue ones. The familiar shade of blue that belonged to the man she fell for. Last nightâs paperwork on her lap fell to the ground along with the chair as (Y/N) immediately stood up and rushed to Erwinâs side.
âErwinâŠâ She grabbed his only hand. âYouâre awake.â
Summary: Kaito realizes that his motherâs stories are real as he meets Levi and Hange for the first time.
Word Count: 7.3K
Warnings: Angst. Language. Thatâs all I think.
~~~
(Year 853)
Kaito didnât know what to do. His little heart was beating so fast inside his chest. He thought it might burst out of place and fall out of his mouth if he spoke a word. The toy monkey his father gave him could only give the boy a small amount of comfort, but now more than ever, Kaito wanted his father to be with him.Â
He wanted his mother too. He wanted to hear her voice, but she told him to stay put. The guilt of leaving his mother on her own with strangers worsened his stomach ache. The boy looked at the toy in his hand.
âWhat do I-I do, Papa?â Kaito asked, his voice trembling. âMamaâs alone!â
Again, Kaito wished for something, anything, to happen. Maybe his father would burst through that door and save them from the scary strangers. Or perhaps he could be brave like his other father was when he was alive. His mother's stories about the commander always left him in awe. Kaito remembered when his mother told him that he had his fatherâs eyes, but it always made him wonder if he ever inherited anything else from Erwin Smith.Â
THUD!
Kaito tensed at the sudden loud noise from above. It sounded like it came from his room. He stayed quiet and strained his little ear as hard as he could to hear anything from upstairs. The thought of his mother getting hurt by these strangers⊠She would always protect him without hesitation. But somebody has to protect her, right?
His mind recalled last week when he was at the training grounds. Kids, granted older than him, used weapons to defend themselves against their opponents. Maybe he could do the sameâŠ
The child looked around the living room, searching for a weapon he could use to help protect his mother. After a moment, his eyes lit up with hope when he found the perfect weapon.Â
~
Levi felt he could breathe normally again as soon as his arms wrapped around (Y/N)âs body. His heart, which once felt heavy and cold for years, slowly began to beat with warm relief and joy. The embrace heâs been longing for is finally happening, and he wants to remember this momentâdown to the last detail.Â
Her arms tightened around his torso, almost like she was a lost child in the world that had finally reunited with her loved one. In this case, it was true. Even when (Y/N) was a grown woman right in front of him, Levi could still see a faint mirage of (Y/N) as a child looking up to him with bright (E/C) eyes full of wonder and adoration.Â
Levi couldnât see (Y/N)âs face. Her hair felt so soft and smooth as the thin strands tickled his neck. He then heard her faint cries, and her tears soon followed after. Her breathing, mixed in with her cries, reminded Levi of when they were still Underground.Â
Not counting the last three years, Levi has been there for her since she first came to this world. All throughout their time in the Underground and on the surface, Levi has been there for her. He has watched her grow up from a scared, helpless child that didnât want to leave his side to a strong and capable woman who (from what he can tell) continued to make her mark in the world and in other peopleâs hearts.
(Y/N) still smelled the same as well. The hint of sheer lavender and what smelled like sweet jasmine lingered around his nose. It gave Levi a sense of reassurance that her presence was actually real and not a figment of his imagination.Â
âYouâre actually here,â (Y/N) whispered, silent tears running down her cheeks.Â
Her voice⊠It even sounded the same.Â
Levi pulled away to look at his sister. Her (E/C) eyes, though tired, were still beautiful as they glistened in the faint light. His hand made its way to wipe away her tears.
âIâm here,â Levi told her.
âAhem. Donât mind me as if I wasnât thrown onto the floor.â
Levi glared at Hange, and he was about to make a snide comment when (Y/N) let out a small chuckle. Itâs been years since he heard that sound. (Y/N) opened an arm out for Hange, who immediately took the invitation and slipped into the group hug.Â
With her brother and her best friend in her arms, (Y/N) could feel more of her tears trailing down her face. She swung her arms over Leviâs and Hangeâs necks and brought them closer to her.
âIâm so glad you two are here.â
Hange grinned and pressed her cheek against (Y/N)âs. âItâs been a while, hasnât it? Since all three of us have been together?â
âToo long,â Levi replied as he kissed his sisterâs temple.Â
(Y/N) smiled and returned the gesture. âWhat matters is that you two are here now.â Then she remembered how scared Kaito was just a few minutes ago. âHold on. I have to go check on-â
Before she could utter the name of her son, a white spherical object flew past her.
âOw!â The baseball made its intended target at the back of Leviâs head. âWhat the hell-â
âLevi!â (Y/N) hissed, not wanting Kaito to hear those words.Â
âStay away from Mama!â Kaito yelled.
âHaha!âÂ
Hange laughed so hard that it brought tears to her unharmed eye. This was the best moment of her life: Levi Ackerman, Humanity's Strongest Soldier, a man that brought down numerous giant man-eating monsters in a single slice, getting hit in the head by a baseball and by a toddler, no less. This moment triumphed over the clown encounter that happened a few days ago.
Said toddler quickly made his way to wrap his tiny arms around (Y/N)âs legs. Hange noticed how his eyes were the exact same shade of blue as her predecessorâs and the glare he was giving Levi⊠No doubt it matched her motherâs.
âMama, letâs go!â The boy pleaded as he tugged on her uniform.
âKaitoâ (Y/N) kneeled down to her sonâs height. Her warm hands were over his trembling shoulders, trying to soothe his fears. âSweetheart, Iâm alright. They wonât hurt you. Thatâs the last thing they want to do.â
Kaito brought his toy to cover his quivering lips. He took a quick glance at the two strangers. His eyes briefly met with that of Hangeâs. The commander gave him a friendly smile, to which Kaito immediately looked away.Â
âHuh, heâs the shy type,â Hange thought.
âPromise?â Kaito asked. His blue eyes, which could be compared to the endless sky and the vast sea, begging for some kind of reassurance, and the only one he wanted to hear that from was his mother.Â
He watched as a soft smile graced her lips. His fast beating heart finally found a calm, steady rate. Kaito liked seeing her smile because it meant that everything was going to be okay. He couldnât help but smile too. Though it wasnât just her smile that eased his worries. It was the hopeful and proud glimmer in her (E/C) eyes.Â
(Y/N) encased her sonâs hands in hers and brought them to her lips. She kissed his tiny hands before cupping his chubby cheeks. Her thumbs caressed the skin under his glossy eyes.Â
âI promise you, love,â She locked her pinky around Kaitoâs, signifying their traditional pinky promise. âWith everything in my heart, they wonât ever hurt you. In fact, they came a long way to see you.â
âReally?â His voice perked up. He looked at the man who was rubbing the back of his head where the baseball landed. His gaze shifted to the other person in the room. The pirate. The smile on her face looked genuine enough, and the eyepatch that she had on looked cool.Â
âYour name is Kaito, right?â Hange asked. Kaito nodded, still clinging onto his motherâs arm. Though he noticed how her eye seemed to shine with excitement. Her smile was contagious too. Maybe she wasnât a scary pirate after all. âMy name is Hange Zoe. Iâm a good friend of your motherâs. I have to say itâs nice to meet you finally.âÂ
âHange?â Kaito echoed. His mind searched for the reason why he found that name so familiar. He gasped when he remembered, and (Y/N) chuckled when the child tightened his grip on her arm. She knew that telling those stories to her son would come in handy one day and today was that day. The look of awe on Kaitoâs face will forever be stored as a precious memory. âAunt Hange?!â
The 14th Commander of the Survey Corps was taken aback by the title but quickly gave the child, Kaito, her self-proclaimed nephew, the widest, friendliest smile that she could muster. Ever since receiving (Y/N)âs letter years ago and hearing the news that she was pregnant with Erwin's child, Hange let her imagination run wild as to what Kaito was like. Was he playful? Shy? Curious? A troublemaker? She canât wait to learn all about him.
âYep!â Hange kneeled to the childâs height. She was careful to leave some space between them. âAunt Hange at your service, little bean sprout! Donât worry. Iâm a friendly pirate.â She put a finger on her lips. âJust donât tell anyone my secret.â
âOkay!â Kaitoâs lips twitched into a smile. The fear from earlier left his body and was replaced by excitement. He held out his pinky. âPinky promise?â
Hange decided to tease the little boy a bit. âHmm? Pinky promise? Whatâs that?â
(Y/N) refrained from laughing at their interaction. She glanced at her brother and saw the warm expression on his face. The care in his eyes he has for Kaito was just like how she remembered when she was a child.Â
âMama says this is how we promise!â All the adults in the room could hear how eager the child became. âPinky promises are important! Or it doesnât count!â
Hange gasped, âThen we better pinky promise! My secret identity is at stake!â
Kaito smiled wider as he showed his Aunt Hange how to make a proper pinky promise. He was now more excited than ever about the idea that his Aunt Hange, the one from his motherâs stories, was actually real but not only that, but she was a pirate! How awesome is that?Â
Levi couldnât find the words, the right ones, to speak to his sisterâs son. First impressions are important. Kaito would be old enough to remember this moment for the rest of his life. It was nerve-wracking, to say the least, and getting hit by a baseball wasnât exactly the best way to meet his first nephew.
So when familiar blue eyes met his own, Levi could feel all the blood flowing through his veins. It felt like a fire burning brightly in his heart, and it was spreading its warmth all throughout his body that once felt so cold ever since the battle of Shiganshina. (Y/N) was right about one thing. Kaito has his fatherâs eyes.
âGo ahead and introduce yourself, love.â (Y/N) told her son as she ushered him towards Levi. Kaito let out a nervous squeak but still took tiny steps toward the man.Â
Even with his motherâs reassuring words in his mind, Kaito could only see how intimidating Levi looked. He was so tall compared to him. When they made eye contact, the boy quickly averted his gaze away. The baseball from earlier remained on the floor, almost mockingly in the sunlight, between the man and child.Â
Swallowing down his fears and breathing in some bravery, Kaito gave his toy monkey to his mother before stepping forward and picking up his Papaâs precious baseball. His fingers wrapped around the ball tightly. Once again, bright cerulean eyes met with steel gray ones. At first, no words were exchanged, and just when Levi decided to break the awkward silence, Kaito found his voice.
âM-My name i-is Kaito Ackerman-Jaeger!â His voice stammered a bit, but all the adults in the room could see the effort he was putting in. âIâm sorry I hit you in the head!â
âPffft!âÂ
(Y/N) gently elbowed Hange, who was struggling not to laugh just as Levi sent a quick glare their way. Still, the young mother wordlessly encouraged Levi to talk to the child. A child who sounded like he was on the verge of crying.
âKaito,â Levi crouched down, and his face immediately softened when he saw the tears streaking down Kaitoâs cheeks. âItâs okay. Thereâs no need for those tears.â
âB-But I-I hit y-you!â Kaito hiccuped through his cries. âI-Iâm sorry!â
Almost automatically, Leviâs mind was filled with the moments when (Y/N) was a child. Hearing her cries from the past⊠He hated to see her like that, and now listening to Kaitoâs cries made the man realize he had to comfort the innocent child quickly.Â
âHey now, Iâm alright.â He brought his hand to cup Kaitoâs cheek, and as gently as possible, he used his thumb to swipe away the tears. âThe hurt will go away soon. You were protecting your mother, right?â
Kaito sniffed before nodding, and Levi saw that the initial fear from before was slowly disappearing. âPapa said so.â
(Y/N) noticed the way Levi stiffened at Kaitoâs words, but she kept a close watch, ready to interfere if necessary.Â
â...Then I canât be mad at you for that. Iâve done the same thing so many times. Iâm actually proud of you.â
Relief washed over Kaito like the waves of the ocean. A smile tugged at the corner of his lips. âAre you really my uncle?â
Levi nodded, âYes, Iâm your motherâs older brother.â
âCool!â Kaito gushed. âMama told me about you and Aunt Hange.â
âOh yeah?â Levi glanced at (Y/N) and smiled. âWhat else did she tell you?â
âA lot! She told me you were the strongest soldier ever! You can fly too! Youâre a hero!â
Levi arched an eyebrow at (Y/N)âs direction. An amused expression on his face. His sister only shrugged her shoulders and whispered, âIâll explain later.âÂ
âIs your head really okay, Uncle Levi?â Kaitoâs voice brought him back to their previous conversation. His small arms stretched out to tenderly touch Leviâs head. It wasnât exactly the place where the baseball hit him, but Levi made no attempt to correct him. It was the mere gesture that touched him. His fingers, so small and clean, gently grazed his skin. It was as if the young boy was trying to commit Leviâs facial features into memory. It made Levi smile. His nephew wanted to get to know him.
âYou smile like Mama.â Kaito happily pointed out, proud of himself for finally finding something to connect the tall man to his mother.
Levi opened his eyes. âYeah?â
The young boy hurriedly nodded. âYou have her tired smile. Are you tired, Uncle Levi?â
âJust a little, Kaito. We traveled a long way to see you and your mom.â
âYou can sleep here!â Kaitoâs head whipped in his motherâs direction. His blue eyes practically begged for her approval. âMama! Can they sleep here? Please! Please!â
âOf course, love,â (Y/N) chuckled. âBesides, we have a lot of catching up to do.â
~
âMama, can I have more tea? Please?â
âNow, Kaito, you already had a cup earlier. You know you canât have too much tea.âÂ
âAww! Mama, please!â Kaito kicked his short legs underneath the table. âI wanna be like Uncle Levi!â
(Y/N) shook her head before placing a quick peck on her sonâs temple. Kaito pouted as she cleaned up the table after everyone had finished their dinner. Hange helped out as well, laughing at her friendâs protest. The warm feeling she felt intensified tenfold just by having her best friend and brother here. Zekeâs home, the building sheâs been living under for three years, finally felt like home to her. Even when making dinner, neither Levi nor Hange left her side, and Kaito was not too far behind, and yet (Y/N) didnât care. She wanted to spend all her time with them. Making up for all the time that she had lost with them and dinner was a great way to do so. Stories were shared. Laughter echoed throughout the usually quiet home. Wide smiles and bright eyes were ever-present.
âPlease, Mama!â Kaito begged once more. âJust one more!â
And before (Y/N) could speak a single word, Hange was already doing her part as the fun aunt. âCome on, Kai! Why would you be like your Uncle Levi-â
âOi.âÂ
â-when you could be like me?âÂ
The smile on (Y/N)âs face never left as she cleaned the dishes. She didnât have to turn around to see Levi giving Hange an annoyed glare all the while Kaito was hanging onto Hangeâs every word.
âHow about it, Kai?â Hange asked her nephew. âWanna be cool like your Aunt Hange?â
Kaito laughed as Hange practically mushed her cheek against his own. He couldnât help it. Hangeâs laugh was just as contagious as her smile.Â
âBut heâs cool! He drinks his tea cool too! Look!â
âWah?â Hange looked across the table where Levi was calmly drinking his cup of tea in the bizarre manner he always drinks tea. âThatâs considered cool to youngsters? What about my pirate eyepatch? Kids like pirates!â
âYou do remember how you scared him today, donât you?â Levi pointed out as he stood up and helped (Y/N) with the dishes (practically taking the dish sponge from her hand). âAnd we donât need any more one-eyes pirates running around here.â
Hange huffed before sticking out her tongue at her male friend. She looked back at Kaito, who was covering his mouth to muffle his giggles.Â
âYou know,â She whispered into the childâs ear. âIf you drink too much tea, it will stunt your growth.â
âReally?â Kaito asked.Â
Hange nodded vigorously and motioned her head towards Levi. âLook what happened to your Uncle Levi.â
âBut Uncle Levi is so tall!â Kaito exclaimed, ignoring the signs that their conversation was supposed to be a private one. And to prove his point even further, Kaito scampered his way to the said male. âSee?â
(Y/N) and Levi both looked down at the sweet child that was in between them. The top of his head just barely reached their hips. One arm latched around each of their legs, and with a large grin on his face, Kaito said, âUncle Levi is tall.â
Both women glanced at each other, a knowing smile on their faces. Levi, on the other hand, smiled fondly at his smiling nephew. He wiped his hands, and for the first time, Levi picked up Kaito and held him close to his chest. Kaito was more than pleased as he threw his arms around Leviâs neck.
âI see that,â (Y/N) chuckled before ruffling her sonâs hair. The young boyâs smile grew wider under her warm touch.Â
âSee, Hange? Iâm tall, according to Kaito.â Levi told her, but all of his focus was on Kaito. The child in his arms continued to make small talk with him.
âAccording to a three-year-old!â Hange pointed out with an amused grin on her face. âI still remember how annoyed you were when all the cadets surpassed you.â
âTch.â
(Y/N) laughed. âIs that true, Levi? Everyone is taller than you now?â
âThat doesnât matter-â
âThey are!â Hange blurted. âYou should see them, (Y/N)! Those young cadets arenât the same as they were before!â
The woman hummed. Her mind tried to recall when was the last time she saw or interacted with the young cadets of the 104th. âThe cadets, huh?â She led them towards the living room and gestured to them to sit. âI havenât seen them since⊠Well⊠Since we were on the rooftopâŠâÂ
The day Erwin died. (Y/N) refrained from saying those words, but Levi and Hange knew what she wanted to say. âSpeaking of those cadets, where are they? Did they come with you?â
Levi sighed. âYeah, they came with us. Theyâre still reckless teenagers.â
âTheyâre young adults, Levi.â Hange chuckled. The fond memory from a few nights ago replayed in her mind. âThey can make their own choices even if it means they get drunk in the process.â
âDrunk? The cadets? No way.âÂ
âTch, they thought it was a great idea to get drunk in the middle of the night with the foreigners.âÂ
Hange laughed. Her one eye seemed to light up at the memory. âWe got worried when they disappeared all of a sudden. So imagine our surprise when we found everyone drunk off their asses!â
âOi!â Levi quickly covered Kaitoâs ears before sending a quick glare at the commander. âDonât say those words around him.â
âOops. Sorry.â
âItâs alright, Hange.â (Y/N) told her. âThough be careful what you say to him. He has a tendency to repeat things he thinks are cool.â
Levi peered down at the child on his lap before looking back at his sister. âIs that why I got hit by a baseball? He thinks baseball is cool?â
Even when his ears were covered, Kaito could hear the words of his favorite game as clear as day. So with a great big grin on his face, Kaito asked, âDo you play baseball, Uncle Levi?â
Levi removed his hands from Kaitoâs ears. âI never played baseball.â
âWhat?!â The child looked at his mother. âIs that true Mama?â
(Y/N) gently tapped her sonâs nose. âIâm afraid so, love. We were too busy fighting the bad monster to play baseball.â
âOh.â It made sense, of course, but it didnât stop him from coming up with the greatest idea ever. âThen I can teach you!â
âYou want me to learn baseball? I donât knowâŠâ The teasing tone in Leviâs voice was obvious for Hange and (Y/N) but not for the three-year-old.Â
Kaito shuffled around before he was face to face with his uncle. His eyes begging for Levi to say yes to his offer. âPlease! Baseball is fun! We can play together!â
The cute little pout on his lips combined with his pleading words. Levi could say without a doubt in his mind that Kaito was just like Erwin in regards to convincing someone to do his wishes.
The corners of Leviâs lips lifted upwards into a soft smile. âWhy not? It could be fun.â
It was as if Kaitoâs cerulean eyes shined even more. His pout quickly turned into a cheerful smile and while Levi had Kaito on his lap it still caught him off guard when the toddler wrapped his arms around his neck. Though he didnât hesitate to embrace the boy.
âLetâs play now!â Kaito exclaimed as he scrambled off of Leviâs lap and searched for his fatherâs precious baseball. âThen when Papa comes back, we can all play. Right, Mama?â
The toddler was too occupied searching for the baseball to notice the sudden tension in the living room. In some way, (Y/N) was grateful for that. Kaito loved Zeke. He was the only father figure (presently living) in his life and so far his childhood has been normal- something that (Y/N) worked hard for. The day Kaito was born she made a promise to herself: to raise her son the best that she can so his childhood can be filled with precious memories.Â
So feeling the judgemental stares from Levi and Hange, (Y/N) brushed it off and answered Kaitoâs previous question.
âIâm sure your father would appreciate it when he gets back, Kaito. But I think baseball practice has to wait. Itâs time for your bath and then it's bedtime.â
âAww, but Mama!â Kaito complained. âI wanna be with Uncle Levi and Aunt Hange!â
âListen to your mother, Kaito.â Levi adjusted his hold on the child, and with one hand, he ruffled the boyâs soft (H/C) hair. âShe knows best.â
âAnd donât worry, kiddo!â Hange added. âWeâll be right here when you get back.â
Kaito held out his pinky towards her. âPinky promise?â
Hange smiled fondly at the toddler and locked her pinky finger with his. âPinky promise.âÂ
The boy smiled before turning to his uncle and repeated the same action he asked in a quivering voice, âYou wonât leave Mama or me?âÂ
It was such a simple question, but everyone in the room knew how much it meant to Kaito. They clearly saw the slight fear in his eyes- the fear of abandonment.Â
But the words that came out of Leviâs lips made the small child break into a happy smile.
âWe wonât leave,â Leviâs temple touched Kaitoâs before locking fingers. âI donât ever want to leave you or your mother. Weâll be right here waiting for you. I promise.â
The smile on Kaitoâs face was worth crossing the ocean for. It reminded Levi so much of the time when (Y/N) was a child. Both smiles were so carefree and innocent. And just as Kaito hugged him one last time before following his mother, Levi promised to protect the child to the best of his abilities.Â
(Y/N) picked up her son with ease. Hange couldnât help but smile softly at the sight of her best friend and her child together. Ever since they received her letter years ago, Hange had no doubt in her mind that (Y/N) would be a great mother to Kaito. She witnessed how motherly (Y/N) can be with the cadets. But now, seeing them with her own eye, Hange couldnât be any happier for her friend.
âWeâll be back, guys,â (Y/N) told them. âMake yourself at home. But no cleaning, Levi.â
Levi rolled his eyes at his sisterâs words. âNo promises.â
Now it was (Y/N)âs turn to roll her eyes all the while Kaito giggled at Leviâs response. She smiled at her son before kissing his chubby cheeks, âYour uncle is still a stickler for cleanliness.â
Kaito giggled. âCan he clean my room?â
 âOh no. You made a mess of your toys. You have to learn to clean after yourself, Kaito.â
âBut Mama, he likes to clean!â
Levi chuckled at the mother and son interaction as they left the living room. It was just nice to hear their voices.Â
âSheâs a great mom. Kaito is lucky to have her.â Hange commented as she stood up to look at the several photographs that were placed in the living room. Each one had a happy and smiling Kaito. Â
Levi hummed in agreement as he stood up and made his way towards the hanging photographs on the walls. It was always Kaito or (Y/N) in most of them showing him the frozen moments of time when the photograph was taken.Â
A photograph of (Y/N) in casual attire sitting on the sand with the oceanâs waves dancing around her bare feet. Her (H/C) hair played with the wind making the woman look so effortlessly beautiful. Still, it was her eyes that told more. There was that longing desire in them as she stared at the place where the horizon meets the ocean, knowing that the island was just past that.
A photograph of Kaito where he looked about a year old. He was sleeping and wrapped around with a soft, wool blanket in his crib. He looked as innocent as any baby boy Levi had seen in his life but for some reason Kaito surpassed all of them. He looked so peaceful in his sleep.
A photograph of the mother and son together on the same couch of the living room. Kaito was standing on top of (Y/N)âs thighs. It was a simple and possibly trivial moment of their lives but (Y/N) was laughing and Kaito had the same carefree expression on his face. Levi didnât miss the proud look in his sisterâs eyes towards her own flesh and blood child.
There were several moments that he missed out on⊠No. That he was forced to miss out on.Â
(Y/N)âs pregnancy. Kaitoâs birth. The sleepless nights to take care of a newborn baby. Kaitoâs first words. What were they? His first steps. What were they like?
He wanted to be there for them. He wanted to be a part of those moments but those moments were robbed by⊠Him.
Levi glared at the photograph of the man who stole his sister from him. Zeke Jaeger. He didnât deserve to even breathe the same air as (Y/N) and Kaito.Â
He lifted the photograph from what looked like a wedding ceremony. His eyes examined the framed picture of his sister in a breathtaking white dress. She was standing right next to that bastard monkey with a smile on her face. To anyone else, it was a lovely wedding picture of a couple on their special day. To Levi, he wanted nothing more than to rip the photograph into pieces. He couldnât stand seeing that bearded bastard standing next to (Y/N) as⊠as⊠her husband.
âWhat are you staring at, Levi?â Hange walked towards him and looked over his shoulders. She saw the photograph in his trembling hands. âOhâŠâ
âTheyâre marriedâŠâ Levi was seething. He really wanted to burn this picture to ashes. âSheâs his wife.â
Hange could practically feel the hot anger emanating from him. She placed her hand on his shoulder while she carefully slipped the framed photo out of his grip. Just like Levi, Hange examined the details of the photo. Zekeâs hands were respectively on (Y/N)âs waist as her own hands were on his chest. Both wore almost identical smiles to mark the happy occasion. The rings on their fingers didnât go unnoticed either.Â
â(Y/N) looks beautiful.â Hange commented solemnly as she placed the picture back on the wall. âI wish we were invited to the wedding.â
It was a poor attempt to lighten the tension in the room but it was how she felt on the inside. Hange figured if anyone in the Scouts were to get married it would be (Y/N). It was honestly a nice surprise to see her friend in such a way. Back on the island, (Y/N) would never wear a dress. Not even a skirt of any kind. It was always her Scouts uniform or casual attire with the woman. So seeing her in a dress, a wedding dress no less, Hange could only wish she was there the moment this photograph was taken.Â
Hange wondered what was going through her friendâs mind at that moment though she had a pretty good guess. She knew (Y/N) well enough that behind that loving smile, the hurt in her eyes was obvious to those who actually knew her. It must have been hard for (Y/N), especially when she held strong feelings for the only man she ever loved.
âShe doesnât love him.â Levi sat back down on the couch. His arms crossed over his chest. The thought of that shit beard monkey even kissing (Y/N) made his stomach churn. âIt has to be a mistake. There is no possible way she would marry that piece of shit.â
âHer letter did mention some changes, Levi. We donât know what she went through these last few years.â
Leviâs fingers tightened over his covered biceps. Of course he knew that. He read that letter so many times he can recite it word for word.Â
âBut⊠She wouldnât⊠It doesnât make sense for her to marry that son of a bitch. She knows what he did. He killed Erwin and wiped out the majority of the Scouts. She had plenty of chances to kill him.â
Hange rolled her good eye in exasperation. It was like she was talking to a brick wall. âAnd the fact that she hasnât killed him is something we need to consider, Levi. (Y/N) is smart. She wouldnât act without careful consideration of the possible consequences. Think about it. If she killed Zeke, on Marley territory, do you honestly believe that the higher ups will let her live after that?â
Hange waited for an answer for her rhetorical question and at Leviâs absent response, the commander continue to speak.
âI know it might seem bizarre and you see your sister how she was before. Trust me, I know but⊠She was taken from us and thrown into a whole new world. She didnât have me or you. (Y/N) was on her own all the while processing her feelings of losing Erwin. We have no idea what that was like for her.â
No truer words were said. It was all Levi could think about late at night. In fact, on some nights, (Y/N)âs absence caused Leviâs insomnia to worsen. It always made him wonder what she was feeling all alone in a foreign country. The last of her feelings directed towards him was anything but positive ones. He remembered how distraught she was after Erwinâs death. Her cries would always haunt his mind. Her initial anger towards him when he didnât give Erwin the injection and lastly the emptiness in her (E/C) eyes as she kneeled beside Erwinâs deathbed. He remembered how hollow her voice sounded when she ultimately apologized to him.
Levi wanted to be there for her to process through the cycle of grief. He would have been the shoulder for his sister to cry on. Staying up late at night when she couldnât sleep, hugging her close so she can hear the steady beats of his heart that will ultimately lull her to sleep. Levi would have done anything to see a glimpse of her smile.
Now after seeing her again and meeting Kaito for the first time, Levi was made aware how ethereal and happy (Y/N) looked with her son. It was obvious the way she showered love to Kaito and how the young child would always manage to bring a smile to her lips.
His safety is my priority. Kaito needs me as much as I need him.Â
The written words of (Y/N)âs letters played once more in his mind and it brought him a sense of peace. Yes, she was taken from her home. Yes, she lost the person she ever truly loved. Yes, he had no idea what exactly (Y/N) went through, emotionally and physically. And yes, she was here on her own without him or any of her friends but she wasnât anymore.
She had someone to protect. She had someone to love unconditionally. Whatever sacrifice she has made⊠Whatever choice she has made, Levi was sure that (Y/N) has had her sonâs well being to consider.Â
Levi sighed and his shoulders sagged a little as the weight of guilt and worry lifted off of him. The living room was silent except for the high pitch laughter of a child that was quickly entwined with the familiar laughter of his sister. The sounds brought about a warm smile on Leviâs lips.
He should have known better. He had no place to question (Y/N)âs choices. She did what she had to do. Just like Kuchel did all those years ago. They knew from experience that there was no truer love than that of a mother for her baby. Besides, if (Y/N)âs was not going to regret her choices then Levi was fine with that. As long as she and Kaito were happy, then it was enough for him.
But with Zeke. That low down stupid bearded piece of shit monkey man. In his eyes, heâs not a part of his family. Never. Nothing in the world will ever change his mind.
âYouâre right, Hange.â Levi finally spoke. â(Y/N) has made her choices and Kaitoâs happy. Thatâs what matters right now.â
Hange smiled at her friend and was about to say something else when a pair of small arms wrapped around her legs. She was met with the most adorable sight she has ever seen in her life.Â
âLook! Iâm wearing Mamaâs cloak, Aunt Hange! See?â Kaito twirled around letting everyone in the room see the forest green Scouts cloak. âI look so cool!â
âAh! How adorable can you get, Kaito!â Hange exclaimed as she picked up the child and raised him up in the air. âI officially declare you an official member of the Scouts. You can slay Titans with your cuteness, mini Scout! Right, (Y/N)? Levi?â
âAbsolutely not!â
âNo way in hell.â
~
It took several hours for the toddler to grow weary and sleep the night away in Leviâs arms, a request asked by the child himself and it wasnât something Levi couldnât say no to. (Y/N)âs cloak covering Kaitoâs body completely serving itself as the perfect blanket. Every few minutes, Levi would peer down just to make sure Kaito was sleeping comfortably in his arms and the sight of his toddler nephew clutching onto his shirt will forever be ingrained in his mind. He didnât even care if there was drool coming out of Kaitoâs mouth and onto his clothes.
âHe reminds me of you, (Y/N).â Leviâs eyes met yours. His thumb gently caressed the skin under Kaitoâs lips and wiped the trail of drool away. âYou would often sleep with your mouth open.â
(Y/N) scoffed but there was an amused smile on her lips. âI remember. You would always tell me bugs would crawl into my mouth in the middle of the night. I got scared to fall asleep after that.â
Levi smiled at the memory. âYeah. You didnât want to sleep alone anymore.â
As the siblings continued to converse, the other person in the room only watched in silent content. Hange smiled at how easy Levi and (Y/N) fell back to their usual rhythm and while she didnât want to interrupt this reunion there were important matters to discuss.
â(Y/N)?â
âYes?â
âIs now a good time to talk about⊠Everything?â The commander asked but she quickly raised up her hands. âI mean you donât have to! You must be tired or you donât want to talk about it-â
âNo, itâs fine, Hange.â (Y/N) replied as she got up and made her way to retrieve a clothing article from her Marleyan uniform. âI know this is something I have to talk about and itâs better to say it now than later.â
She came back to the living room and dropped the Eldian armband that she has been wearing for three years on the table. (Y/N) then sat back down and crossed her arms. âWhat do you want to know first?â
Hange opened her mouth but Levi beat her to it. âHow were they able to kidnap you?â
(Y/N) swallowed at how dry her throat became. She brought her hand to tuck a curl of her hair behind her ear as her mind recounted that memory.
âI was with Erwin after you two left. I didnât want to leave him.â
âI remember,â Levi shifted a little to relieve some pressure on his arms. âYou told me you didnât want him to be alone.â
(Y/N) nodded. âI was a mess back then. All I wanted to do at that moment was stay by Erwinâs side. I was so tired that I didnât even notice Reiner or Zeke behind me. They drugged me and took me back to their ship.â
âBut why would they take you?â
âHonestly, it was because of Reiner. His mind is⊠Well, fractured is the best word to describe his psyche. Zeke thought it was best to agree with Reinerâs demand in order to keep him on their side. And it helped that I was someone high ranked in the military.â
âZeke knew, didnât he?â Levi asked.
âKnew what?â
âHe knew that you were my sister.â
â...Iâm sure Reiner told him but Zeke didnât know until after they took me.â
Now it was Hangeâs turn to ask questions. âWhat was it like? To live here, I meanâŠâ
(Y/N) stared down at her hand that was wrapped with a bandage. Her wound still fresh but no longer bled. (Y/N) wished the incident never happened but she knew how pure hatred can change a person.Â
âThe moment I stepped into this country⊠It was terrifying. Everyone knew where I was from and they tried to make my life a living hell. The first few weeks I was in a prison cell. I didnât eat. I didnât want to talk to anyone. Then, Reiner talked to me and explained why he did everything.â
âThey told you about how weâre a race of devils.â
(Y/N) nodded. She gestured to the blue armband on the table. âSubjects of Ymir. Apparently, we are a part of a race that can turn into Titans. Every Eldian here has to put on that armband to identify themselves. They gave me a blue armband so they could easily identify myself and Kaito. Weâre constantly under Marleyâs eyes and because of Reinerâs intel they know Iâm an Ackerman. Now, Iâm an instructor for the next generation of Warriors.â
âWhich is why you couldnât find a way to escape.â Hange guessed.
âYeah, that is partially the reason why. It wasnât until I found out that I was pregnant with Kaito that I realized I couldnât escape Marley. I didnât want to risk it. I wouldnât forgive myself if something happened to my son. And before he was born? No, I couldnât.â
âHey, hey, itâs fine, (Y/N).â Hange scooted next to her friend and gave her a warm hug. âWeâre not angry. We know you did what you thought was best for you and your son.â
âWeâre just glad youâre alive, (Y/N). You and Kaito.âÂ
Leviâs words calmed down the anxiety that was growing inside (Y/N). She always worried how her brother would react to the choices she made. Especially when it comes to⊠Her husband.
âActually, itâs thanks to Zeke that Kaito is even here with us.â
âWhat? Really?â Hange asked. She found it hard to believe.
For Levi, it was impossible to believe. âWhy would Zeke do that for you?â
â...I know it might seem crazy but he helped me. He was there for me when I had no one.â
âIs that why you married him?â Levi asked, his anger that he tried to contain was obviously heard in his voice. âBecause he was the only guy there? You know better than-â
(Y/N) stood up and glared at Levi. âAt the time, the only reason I agreed to marry him was for security for Kaito. If I were to give birth, they would have taken Kaito away from me just because of his Ackerman blood. Marrying Zeke was the only way we can think of to keep Kaito with me.â
âHow?â
âThe only reason they let me live is because Iâm an Ackerman. If the Marleyan government were to learn I was pregnant with Erwinâs baby, someone with Ackerman blood, they wouldnât hesitate to take him away and eliminate me. But by marrying ZekeâŠâ
(Y/N) trailed off but Hange finished her sentence. âThe higher ups would think Zeke is Kaitoâs biological child.â
âExactly and since Zeke is a Marleyan Warrior everyone in his family was given the status as Honorary Marleyans, including us. Weâve been safe so far.â
Hange picked up on (Y/N)âs choice of words. âSo far? Has something changed?âÂ
(Y/N) took a quick glance at the piece of paper that General Calvi had given her before looking at her son who was sleeping peacefully in Leviâs arms.
With a heavy heart, she said, âIâve been ordered to go to war.â
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Headcanon: How you met the 104th Cadets for the first time
~~~
Summary: A long headcanon in which you, Captain (Y/N) of the Scouts, first met with each of the 104th cadets on separate occasions and how you made an impression on them and vice versa.Â
Word Count:10.6K. I tried to make it even with each character though Iâm sure you can tell that some characters have more love than others but if you squint with one eye and close the other they are all even lol.
Warnings: ANGST turn FLUFF, threats/insults, violence, and death. I got carried away in writing for some characters.
(A/N): Hello, everyone! Sorry for taking forever to post. My laptop decided to meet its end so I had to get another one. I apologize if this isnât the update that most of you were looking forward to but this was in my drafts for awhile and I wanted to get it out there for people to enjoy. Also, I donât know who the artist of this beautiful image is but credits to them showing all of my babies together, all alive, happy, and smiling at the sunset. Enjoy reading!! And once again, I donât own Attack on Titan!
~~~
Eren Jaeger
The first time you saw Eren Jaeger was in the courtroom during his trial. You wanted to meet with him earlier when Erwin and Levi went to the dungeons where he was being held, however both men refused that option.
So when you saw him, you didnât see a monster as most of the people in the courtroom labeled him as. Instead, you saw a scared fifteen-year-old that was chained to a metal pole-not knowing that this trial would determine his fate. Eyes wide with fear as he frantically searched for familiar faces.
You were taken aback when his green eyes met with your (E/C) ones. They were beautiful despite the fear and worry in them. You gave him a gentle smile and waved a little before facing away to discuss the plan with Erwin.Â
For Eren, your smile was the warmest smile he had seen in so long and for some reason it reminded him of his mother. A smile that was always on her lips when he did something childish.Â
When the trial was over and Eren was granted custody to the Scouts, you finally introduced yourself to Eren.
Hange was wiping away the remaining blood off of Erenâs face. Her excited brown eyes were filled with excitement and wonder. She couldnât believe that Eren, a Titan shifter, was right in front of her!Â
âMan, that was vicious,â Hange commented, referring to Leviâs beating from earlier. She continued to dab a piece of cloth on Erenâs wound. âIt must have hurt.â
âA littleâŠâ Eren tried not to wince when he said those words. He could still taste the copper-like taste of his blood. He wondered if his injuries looked worse than he actually felt.Â
âSo, how does it hurt?â An excited Hange asked, her curiosity getting the best of her.
Before Eren could answer her weird question he heard the door open. Two people that he recognized immediately entered the room: Commander of the Survey Corps and Captain (Y/N).Â
âNow, Hange,â Your gentle voice matched the kindness in your eyes. âDonât get ahead of yourself. Let the boy have a moment before firing your questions.â
âAww come on, (Y/N)! Eren doesnât mind!â
The commander, Erwin Smith, stood behind you with one hand on the small of your back and being the gentleman that he was he let you into the room first.
âHello Eren,â You greeted him, extending your hand for him to shake and with wide eyes Eren eagerly shook hands. âItâs nice to finally meet you.â
âS-Same here.âÂ
You could practically see the stars in his eyes. He was adorable really. He reminded you of Isabel years ago. You wondered if Levi noticed as well. Either way, you greeted the newest member like any other.Â
âWelcome to the Scouts, Eren. My name is-â
âY-You're C-Capt-tain (Y-Y/N).â The fifteen-year-old exclaimed, his viridian colored eyes shining with excitement. âYou're responsible for all the cool, new updates on the ODM gear and for-â
âTsk, looks like you got a fan (Y/N).â Levi scoffed as he sat next to Eren making the boy flinch. âAnd itâs just your luck that this fan can turn into a 15-meter Titan.â
You rolled your eyes at your brotherâs words but you still kept the same kind smile for Eren. âQuit messing with him, Levi. Besides, I donât mind having someone finally appreciate my work.â
Eren could feel his face warm up and he immediately tried to cover his face with the wet cloth that he was given. His actions made you chuckle a little.
âCome now, (Y/N),â Erwin placed his hand on your shoulder. âYou know we all appreciate your work.â
You smiled at Erwin before turning your attention back to Eren. âEither way, thank you for noticing my work, Eren, and I hope with you on our side we can finally retake Wall Maria for humanity. Are you ready?â
Eren nodded. âI will do my best!â
Mikasa Ackerman
The first time you saw Mikasa Ackerman was during Erenâs trial. When your brother, Levi, landed the first kick on Erenâs face, you noticed the way her calm demeanor changed into anger.Â
At first, you thought she was actually going to jump in and attack Levi. If so, then you would have to jump into the fight and you really hoped you didnât have to. Luckily, her blond friend seemed to have the right mind and held her back. It still didnât prevent her from glaring knives at Levi. If looks can killâŠ
After the trial reached its conclusion, you told Erwin to wait for you before meeting with Eren. You waited outside the courtroom looking for the certain dark-haired girl until you finally saw her.
âMikasa?â
The said girl turned around and was greeted by a Scout soldier. Mikasa noticed how the female soldier carried herself in a proud yet gentle manner.Â
âYou're Mikasa, right?â You asked, your voice was so calm in the midst of all this political chaos. âIâm Captain (Y/N) of the Scouts.â
Despite almost losing Eren to the Military Police, Mikasa tried to remain composed in front of the captain that Eren (and even herself) admired so much. Still, it didnât change the fact that her brother beat Eren into a bloody pulp. In Mikasaâs mind, the woman in front of her could have- No, should have stepped in to stop Levi.
âI know who you are,â Mikasa answered coldly. Her gaze was just as icy. âWhat do you want?â
You, obviously, noticed the cold front that you were receiving from the girl but it was reasonable considering everything that has happened. Still, you gave her a kind smile because her silent anger was only stemmed by her concern for Eren.
âI just wanted to let you know that Eren will be taken care of. Thereâs no need to worry.â
Even when her words were supposed to provide some sort of comfort Mikasa couldnât help but worry. She didnât like being separate from Eren. She wanted to be with him. She wanted to keep him safe-
âMikasa?â Your voice sliced through her worried thoughts, bringing her back to reality. âAre you alright?â
âI-Iâm fine.â
You sighed, knowing full well that her response was only to cover her true feelings. Youâve done the same thing with Levi and Erwin to ease their worries and now you want to do the same thing.
âHey,â You brought your hand onto her shoulder. âI know this sounds typical but I truly mean that Eren will be alright under our care. What happened today was just a strategic move on our part to get Eren. The Scout regiment was Erenâs best option in staying alive.â
Mikasa stayed silent but continued to listen to the well-respected captain.
âI know you care for Eren greatly and I apologize on behalf of my brother but I really hope you understand the actions we had to take today. If it makes you feel better, Iâll personally make sure to keep an eye out for him. How does that sound?â
That got Mikasaâs attention. âReally? You would do that?â
You nodded, âOf course, itâs the least I can do for you. And if you want to write letters to Eren, I can personally deliver them to him.â
The small flame of hope in her heart exploded into a burning blaze. You noticed the small smile making its way on her face. She really cares for Eren, you thought. â...Iâll take you up on that offer. Thank you, Captain.âÂ
You smiled back, âAnytime Mikasa. I hope to see you soon.â
âYou will.â
You made your way where Erwin was patiently waiting for you. As the two of you walked away, you could still feel Mikasaâs gaze following your every move.
Armin Arlert
The first time you saw Armin Arlert was also during Erenâs trial. You recalled thinking that he looked like he was the reasonable person of the trio. Your first impression on the boy was that he looked similar to Erwin. If you had the opportunity to meet Erwin as a child then you were sure he would be like Armin, bright mind and all.
During the trial, you noted that the teenager kept a calm demeanor, taking information in from all sides while keeping an eye out for Eren and Mikasa.Â
You remembered reading the military reports on how he put himself in front of the line of fire, protecting his childhood friends. His life was at risk and yet he was willing to put everything to save his friends. You even heard rumors that he was saluting, dedicating his heart, till the very end and you found that little detail admirable.
âYou're Eren and Mikasaâs friend, right?â
Arminâs body stiffened at the sound of your voice. The famous Captain (Y/N) was standing right in front of him. Her presence was intimidating to say the least but it was the kindness in her (E/C) eyes that ultimately calmed his nerves. So calm, in fact, that he forgot that she was talking to him.
âY-Yes.â He quickly placed his fist over his heart, making sure to give the female captain the perfect salute. âArmin Arlert, from the 104th Cadet Corps!â
You silently chuckled at the sight of how nervous the young soldier was. You gave him a warm smile as you waved his salute in dismissal.
âAt ease, Armin. We donât need to keep up with the formalities. I just wanted to talk to you.â
âTo me?âÂ
You nodded, âI wanted to meet the young hero that saved his friends from canon fire. That was impressive work considering the circumstances you were in. I wish I could have heard your speech in person.â
Armin blushed as he rubbed the back of his neck. He didnât expect to hear those words from you nor was he expecting you to be this friendly either. He knew who you were related to.
âCompared to what Eren and Mikasa have done to save Trost, my speech was just a-â
âHey, now, donât sell yourself short, Armin. It only takes one person to make a difference and what youâve done that day showed immense bravery. I hope your friends know how lucky they are to have you.â
ââŠThank you. I needed to hear that.â
Just as you were about to say something else, a Scout called out your name. He informed you that you were needed elsewhere. You gave Armin an apologetic glance.
âIâm sorry to cut this conversation short, Armin, but I have a meeting to get to. Take care of yourself and remember what I told you.â
Armin watched you walk away. The brief conversation kept replaying in his mind. He didnât want to forget a single word. Because what you said was true: It does take just one person to make a difference in this world and heâll continue to work hard to do just that.
Reiner Braun
Your first meeting with Reiner wasnât exactly under normal circumstances to most people. The Scout regiment came just in time to help those in Trost district and you happen to be in the same area as him. In all honesty, you were much more focused on cutting the Titanâs nape that was sneaking behind him to properly introduce yourself to the soldier.
In Reinerâs case, he just slayed the Titan that ate Marco. All he felt was the feeling of rage to be aware of his surroundings. So when he heard two Titans falling behind him, he turned to look at his savior: you. Your forest green cape with the Wings of Freedom was the first thing he saw before his eyes met yours. He was left speechless at the sight of you. The way you showed your natural strength, ability, and endurance. And with the light from the setting sun behind you, it was as if you were glowing. A divine, celestial being sent from the heavens above and thrusted into the most evil place in the world full of devils.
In short, Reiner saw you as his savior. However, you saw him in a different manner.
You jumped off the evaporating Titan and made your way to the stunned soldier. The emblem on his uniform jacket informed you that he was just a cadet. You checked your surroundings and when you deemed the area safe enough, you looked back at him
âWhatâs your name, cadet?â
Your voice asked the question clearly and to the point. Reiner was taken aback by how commanding you were presenting yourself. In that moment, he knew that the woman in front of him wasnât just an average Scout but a leader that had skills that far surpassed his own.
âWell?â
â...Uh, Reiner Braun.â
He noticed how your gaze wasnât as serious as before. A hint of distress was in your (E/C) eyes. âWell, Reiner Braun, are you injured?â
Confused, Reiner shook his head. âNo?â
âAre you sure? You didnât hit your head anywhere?â
âIâm sure, maâam.â
The glare you gave him sent shivers down his spine. For a split second, he was afraid that you witnessed him and his fellow warrior comrades killing Marco; an unfortunate event that just happened a few minutes ago.
âItâs Captain. Captain (Y/N), Braun. And if you arenât injured, then,â You jabbed your finger at his chest. He stepped back a little at the amount of force you applied. âWhat in the hell were you thinking? You donât ever go in for the kill without checking your surroundings first. Didnât they teach you this in basic training? Honestly, do I need to get Shadis to knock more sense into you?â
As you continued to lecture him, Reiner noted how worried your voice became. Your eyes, a beautiful shade of (E/C), were filled with concern just as how a mother would be with her child. It was almost like you cared for him, someone you donât even know. It felt strange but nice that there was someone, like you, worried for his life.
You sighed when you saw how ashamed (or embarrassed you couldnât tell) the tall teenager became. It was then you noticed his broken blades in his hands. The amount of force a person has to put in to break those blades⊠Â
âWho was it?â
âSorry?â
You gestured to the Titan that he killed. âThat Titan⊠Did it kill someone close to you?â
âH-How did you know?â
âExperience. Was he or she a friend of yours?â
Reiner looked at the broken blades in his hands, the same hands that were responsible for the deaths of so many lives.
â...He was,â Reiner grimaced. âHe was the kind of guy you can rely on but Captain I donât regret my actions. I had to kill that Titan no matter what. It killed my friend.â
Reiner looked down at the ground. He didnât want to continue looking you in the eyes. It was as if you could see his true self, the hidden warrior, that he has been concealing for so long. When he didnât hear anything, Reiner figured you left him. So imagine his surprise when he felt your small hands take hold of his own. They were so warm.
âIâm sorry about your friend. Iâm sure he was a good person judging how quickly you killed its killer, but do you think he would want you to die after him?â
The thought of Marcoâs last words echoed in the warriorâs mind. His screams will forever haunt him. Memories of the last three years training together collided with the present ones⊠Reiner thought that there were only devils here on this island but Marco was the first of many that made him reconsider his mission⊠Almost.
Yet, here you are, making him second-guess his entire outlook on these island devils once again. Your kind eyes displaying sympathy. Your hands, so small compared to his, gave him a sense of reassurance. Your tender smile and gentle words made his disarrayed mind between soldier and warrior to finally calm down. How do you have this effect on him?
âAnswer the question, Reiner.â Your voice brought him out of his deep thoughts. âDo you think your friend would have wanted you to die?â
Yes.
âNo.â Reiner answered as he finally looked up to face you. âHe wouldnât want thatâŠâ
You squeezed his hands as a form of comfort. âGood because Iâm sure your family and friends are counting on you to stay alive. Am I right?â
âYes, Captain.â Your words rang true in his ears.
You flashed him another genuine smile that made Reiner feel warm all over. When you grabbed a new pair of blades, he immediately missed the feeling of your hands.
âCome on, Reiner. Letâs go save humanity.â
Bertolt Hoover
You never actually formally introduce yourself to the 3rd rank 104th cadet. You knew he was a friend of Reinerâs and he knew you were a well-respected captain of the Scouts.
He first met you during the battle of Trost. His mind was in a frenzy after everything that had happened: killing Marco, watching many comrades die at the jaws of Titans, and finally witnessing Reinerâs first mental breakdown.
When Reiner flew off in a fit of fury towards the Titan that killed Marco, he didnât know what to do. He turned to Annie for advice but the female quickly made her exit. Unsure what to do next, the shifter remained where he was and waited anxiously for Reinerâs return.
After what seemed like an eternity, his warrior comrade did return but he wasnât alone.
Standing in front of you, an experienced veteran and captain of the Scouts, Bertolt couldnât remember a time his body produced so much sweat before. In fact, he could feel each drop trailing down his face as he tried to stay calm with steady breathing.
His nervous olive eyes looked at Reiner. He wished he knew what his friend was thinking about and what type of state of mind he was in, warrior or soldier.
âBertolt, this is Captain (Y/N).â Reiner introduced his savior to Bertolt. âSheâs from the Scout Regiment and literally saved my life.â
âShe did?â
You were checking your ODM gear for any Titans in the area before facing the tall soldier. Bertolt stiffened when your eyes analyzed him. He was scared- No, terrified that the captain might figure out the truth. He was sure that he was sweating more than ever.
If she were to find out their true intentions, would they have to do the same thing to her as they did with Marco? Would they be able to do it? She was a captain after all. An experienced captain from the Scouts which already speaks volume about her abilities. Come to think of it, if she was here then that means the rest of the Scouts have arrived as reinforcements.
Bertolt finally found his voice and tried his best to not sound so nervous. âI-I thought the Scouts left for an expedition?â
âWe were in a town nearby when we noticed the Titans coming here. We came as quickly as we could. Is it true that the Colossal Titan kicked the gates open?â
Out of instinct, Bertolt looked over your shoulder to meet Reinerâs eyes. He tried to read his friendâs expression on how to answer the captainâs question but with you staring at him he couldnât rely on Reiner for a response.
âY-Yes, C-Captain. It a-appeared out of nowhere, kicked the gates, and vanished into thin air.â
âJust like it did five years ago.â You voiced out your thoughts before looking in the direction of the gates. âAnd there was no sign of the Armored Titan?â
âNo.â This time it was Reiner that answered her question. âWeâve been busy killing TitansâŠâ
âI see. Sorry I asked. But if any of you or your friends have any more details about the Colossal or Armored Titan please tell me. These Titans in particular show intelligence and we canât rule out the possibility of those monsters attacking the Walls again.â
Again, Bertoltâs mind was on high alert. He was sure that his heart stopped beating at the mention of his and Reinerâs Titans. Although they havenât made any hints about their real identities Bertolt felt as if you could see their true selves.
You were a threat.
He had to tread carefully around you. He had to pick his next words just as carefully because one mistake, no matter how small, will end their mission to save the world.
So for now he had to play the soldierâs role and follow your lead.
Annie Leonhart
You first met her in the 57th expedition through her Female Titan form. Of course, you didnât know it was actually her.
But for the female warrior, she already knew who you were even before actually encountering you in the expedition. During her cadet training days, she would often do her own reconnaissance and surveillance and the name Captain (Y/N) was heard several times.
So when she saw you in the Forest of Giant Trees for the first time, Annie was well aware how much of a threat you were. Just like your brother.
Annie was trapped. She couldnât believe it. She was so focused on trying to get Eren that she completely lost track of her surroundings.
Now, hundreds of anchors had her pinned all over her body, except for her nape. She made sure to protect her weak spot the moment she stepped into the trap. Inside her Female Titan form, Annie tried to remain calm. It was no use to panic. Thatâs what her father would say. Still, it didnât stop the look of fear in her icy blue eyes.
âHey.â A voice from outside her Titan form called out. âYou hear me in there?â
Hanging from ODM gear, right in front of her, with sharp steel blades in each hand and proudly wearing the Wings of Freedom cloak over her shoulders was Captain (Y/N). After hearing so much about the female captain from Reiner and Bertoltâs input, Annie finally had a face to go with the name.
In her honest opinion, Annie thought Reiner was exaggerating when he told her that he mistaken the captain for an angel but seeing her up close⊠Maybe Reiner wasnât exaggerating. However, even if your beauty was breathtaking, Annie could see the murderous intent in her (E/C) eyes.
You gave her a close-eyed smile. âI know you can hear me in there. Donât be shy. Talk to me. Why donât you make this easier for yourself and just come out?â
Annie saw how your grip tightened around the bladeâs handles. Despite the kind words and sweet smile you gave her, the warrior could still sense the murderous aura that emanated from you.
âDo you like the special toys I made? I hope so because I made them just for you!â You  told Annie as you motioned your head towards the several weapons that were currently restraining her. âI pulled a lot of all-nighters for this moment and I can say without a shadow of a doubt it worked flawlessly. So thank you for being the perfect test subject.â
âOi, (Y/N), donât get too close.â Levi warned her from his position on top of the Female Titanâs head, blades drawn out and ready to use at any moment.
(Y/N) smiled at her brotherâs words but her eyes never left her target. âOh donât worry Levi. Weâre just having a friendly chat is all,â Her eyes turned serious. âI just wanted to say my piece⊠Before we carve you out of there and cut off all your limbs. And believe me when I say this,â She grabbed Annieâs blonde hair and stared at her giant blue eyes. Inside of her Titan, Annie could feel her blood run cold. âI will make you feel so much pain that you will be begging for death. Whoever you are⊠You will pay for each soldierâs death.â
Levi activated his ODM gear and hung next to his sister. âWe donât have time to waste.â He looked at Annie, his face matched his (Y/N)âs. âSo⊠What do you think will happen to you now? Do you believe you can escape? I wish youâd consider all the trouble weâre going throughâŠâ
As Levi continued to talk, (Y/N) just stared at her. (E/C) eyes trained on her, searching for signs of weakness, fatigue, anything. However, Annie schooled her features into her usual calm expression.
She knew what had to be done. It was now or never. So taking a deep breath, she screamed.
The last thing she saw before several mindless Titans devoured her Titan form was Captain (Y/N) slashing her blades into flesh. Blood surrounded her as she tried to reach the center of it all. She was the one closest to reach her Female Titanâs body when another Titan jumped in front of her. Annie used this small window of time to escape but she will never forget the furious look Captain (Y/N) gave her.
Jean Kirstein and Marco Bodt
It was sad to say that you met this cadet when he was at his lowest point. His emotions were running pretty low after he found the half-eaten body of his best friend, Marco. Especially when he had no idea how he died, what his final moments were like. But no matter who he asked, they always gave him the same answer: they didnât know.
It frustrated him to no end. How can no one, not one single person, not know how his friend died. Though, the same could be said about himself. Jean wondered what he was doing when Marco died.
And it didnât take long for his mind to replay their last meaningful conversation over and over.
Jean slowly made his way toward the cremation site of all the fallen soldiers that lost their lives in the Battle of Trost. He grimaced at the thought that Marco, his best friend, would soon be burnt bones and dark ashes. With each step he took Jean felt his heart sink further down his chest. Â
âExcuse me?â A feminine voice was heard from behind him but Jean honestly didnât want to stop. So he kept walking.
âHey didnât you hear her?! Captain (Y/N) asked you a question!â This time it was a maleâs voice. âShow some respect!â
Jean stopped and looked over his shoulder. His light brown eyes met with two other soldiers. He noticed the Wings of Freedom emblem on the right side of their chests. So these were the ScoutsâŠ
They were from the regiment where that suicidal maniac wanted to go to. He figured that the Scouts would be borderline insane to be in the very military branch that suffers heavy losses each time they venture outside the walls. But to his surprise these two Scouts didnât look or act weird. Well, except for the male that was glaring into his soul. The female soldier- No. The female captain looked normal in his opinion. A pretty face and a nice smile that matched with it.Â
âMoblit, take it easy.â Her voice was like a calming effect and it proved to be effective when Moblit finally stopped glaring and took a breather. âIâm pretty sure he didnât mean it. Besides,â She looked at Jean with a soft expression on her face. âI think heâs going through a difficult time. Arenât you, cadet?â
You didnât take offense to the cadetâs aloof behavior. You could see the obvious look of pain and despair in his eyes. It was the same face that youâve seen almost hundreds of times from her time in the Underground and especially after expeditions.
He lost someone close to him.
âWeâre looking for the place where theyâll hold the vigil⊠We wanted to pay our respects. So if itâs alright with you, could you show us the way? You donât even have to talk to us. We can just follow you.â
Jean wanted to say no at first but then he could hear the reprimanding tone of his motherâs voice in his head. He wasnât raised to act nor behave like this especially in front of a lady and Jean was sure that Marco would chastise him as well.
âSureâŠâ The cadet finally said after a moment of silence and began to make his way to the vigil ceremony.
While walking at the same destination, Moblit couldnât seem to let go of the young cadetâs rude behavior towards you.
âHey, (Y/N)?â
âHmm?â
Moblit made sure to keep his voice down before asking, âHow did you know?â
You raised an eyebrow at him, silently asking him to elaborate further. Moblit motioned his head to the cadet that you still donât know the name of.Â
âItâs the way heâs carrying himself, Moblit. Thereâs hardly any light in his eyes. Itâs quite sad actually, especially when heâs so young.â
Moblit took in the captainâs words when he noticed how your eyes were filled with pure sympathy.Â
âIâm assuming heâs a cadet from the 104th Cadet Corps?â
âI think so,â Moblit replied. âThey just graduated the night before.â
âI see⊠Then he has an important decision to make.â
Before Moblit could ask what you meant, the cadet announced that they arrived. There on the podium were three box-like structures made from large timber posts. Inside, there were countless of human bodies. The sight made your skin crawl. It never gets easier. Men. Women. Young lives that were cut short because of the Titans. Each soldierâs death will bring upon grief to their family. They were somebodyâs son, daughter, brother, sister⊠At the very least, the life of a loved one has met its end.Â
Though it was the sad truth and confirmed the harsh reality that you were living in, it just made you that more determined to work even harder. So when they announced each name of the deceased, you made a promise to each one of them that their deaths will not be in vain. That humanity will prevail one day.
âMarco Bodt.â
In the corner of your eye, you saw that the cadetâs body tense at the mention of the deceased soldierâs name. You frowned deeper when you noticed that the male trying his hardest not to cry.Â
 âLet us honor the sacrifices these soldiers have made and carve those sacrifices into our hearts. Dedicate your beating hearts for them!â
Everyone almost simultaneously placed their right fist over their chest. As the most veteran out of everybody here, you and Moblit were the only ones who held the salute without waver. Heart-wrenching cries filled the cold air as they began to light the fire that will ultimately reduce the human corpses into ashes.
The burning blaze from the fire roared in the night and you wished to stay longer but you knew that there were several errands to run tomorrow. But just as you and Moblit were to take your leave, a voice spoke out.
âCaptain (Y/N)?â
It was the same cadet.Â
âYes?â
Jean wanted to ask his question but when he saw Moblit still hovering behind her, he hesitated. Luckily for him, you figured he wanted to talk to you alone.Â
âMoblit, can you give us a few minutes?â
Once he left, you led the cadet to a secluded area. The nearby torch illuminated his face making it easier to see his eyes that were holding back tears. Crossing your arms in front of your chest, you made sure to speak in a gentle voice.
âWhat do you need, cadet?â
Jean took a deep breath to calm his nerves. It surprised him that the captain agreed to talk to him. He figured she would have waved him off, telling him she had far more important things to do. After all she was a captain and he was just a freshly graduated and traumatized cadet.
âCadet?âÂ
âI-I donât know what to do!â Those words practically fell out of his lips before Jean realized what he said. Though it didnât stop him. âI joined the cadet corps. I trained hard the last three years and I graduated top ten in my class.â
He waited with baited breath for your input.Â
âOhâŠUh⊠Congratulations, cadet.â You didnât know what else to say in response to his life story. âYou have a choice to make now. Iâm sure whatever branch you choose-â
âThatâs just it!â Jean interrupted. âIn the beginning, I wanted to join the Military Police so I could live an easy life inside the interiors. But now⊠Iâm not sure. Iâve seen my comrades die. Iâve seen how those monsters ate my friends with no hesitation⊠And I donât know what I should do with my life anymore.â
Tears streamed down his cheek one after another. He raised his fist to his mouth, biting down on his thumb to conceal his cries. You could feel your heart ache at the sight. So without hesitation, you brought your hands to rest on his forearms.Â
âYou lost someone. A close friend perhaps?â
Jean nodded, âHis name was Marco. Marco Bodt. He graduated top ten, just a rank under me and he wanted to join the Military Police too.â
âFor the same reason as you?â
He shook his head. âNo. Marco wasnât that type of person. He wasnât selfish like me. He actually wanted to serve the King. No ulterior motives at all.â
You smiled. âHe sounds like a good person.â
âHe was my best friend.â Jean confessed, wiping away his tears from his face. âHe was always the voice of reason. During the invasion, he told me he saw my potential and my weaknesses. He said that I should embrace my abilities as a leader. But what if⊠What if the choice I make is wrong?â He looked at the captainâs (E/C) eyes, searching for some kind of answer. âCaptain (Y/N), what should I do?â
The air between the captain and the cadet was filled with silence with the exception of the fire crackling nearby. Jean waited patiently for an answer but it didnât stop him from looking over the captainâs facial features. Earlier he thought that the captain was pretty but now that he was closer Jean could see without any doubt in his mind that she was absolutely breathtaking.Â
âIâm sorry, cadet-â
âMy name is Jean. Jean Kirstein.â
âJean, I would like to help you but Iâm sorry. Iâm sorry for what you went through and Iâm sorry I canât take away the pain. I canât tell you what to do. Whatever you choose to do for your future, that choice has to be made by you.â
âBut-â
Your hands on his arms tightened. âYouâre at a crossroads, Jean but I will give you a piece of advice. So listen up.â
âIâm listening.â His eyes begging for your answer.
âWhatever path you make for your future, whether you choose the MPs, Garrison, or even the Scouts, it has to be a choice that you will not regret. Ever.â
âA choice with no regrets?â
You nodded and gave an encouraged smile, âBelieve it or not but Iâve been where you are at right now. I questioned my place in the Survey Corps but someone, a close friend of mine, taught me that phrase. If I were to leave then I would be turning my back upon my friends and comrades that have died. I donât know about you but I couldnât do that to them.â
âYou stayed⊠For your comrades?â Jean asked.Â
âItâs one of the reasons but yes. I donât regret my choice and I donât think I ever will.â You gave one last squeeze of encouragement onto his arms. Jean shivered at her touch. âI have to go Jean but remember what I told you.â
âRight⊠Thank you Captain.â
âGood luck, Jean.â Â
Jean watched as you joined up with Moblit and made your exit. Once you were gone, he made his way to the burning fires. He saw his friends that survived the invasion before looking into the roaring fires. The bodies of their fallen comrades were now dark, burnt pieces of bones and embers.
He kneeled down to pick up pieces of burnt bones. Jean gulped down the hot searing uncomfortable lump in his throat. He could even feel the tears well up in his tired eyes.Â
Iâm sorry, Marco. He thought. I donât even know which of the bones are yours, anymoreâŠÂ
Jean looked back at his memories. He remembered what Eren had always yelled about during their graduation dinner. He remembered word for word what that suicidal maniac said. He wasnât eager to die like that idiot but Jean knew he had to fight.Â
âIsnât that why you immediately know what should be done?â Marcoâs words from their last interaction echoed in his mind.
With a new found determination, Jeanâs hand that was holding the burnt bones tightened into a fist. He stood up and angrily wiped away his tears, willing himself not to cry anymore.
âHey guysâŠâ Jean addressed his comrades. âHave you decided which one youâre joining?â
He envisioned Captain (Y/N) and replayed their conversation. Her words took root into his heart and mind.Â
âWhatever path you make for your future, whether you choose the MPs, Garrison, or even the Scouts, it has to be a choice that you will not regret. Ever.â
âI have.â
Everyone stared at the usual hot-tempered cadet as he held onto his fist. The look of conflict was obvious on his face. They had never seen him like this before.Â
âI⊠Iâm joining the Survey Corps!â
Connie Springer
You have seen him from time to time around headquarters. The first time you saw the young cadet was when he joined the Survey Corps along with several other cadets. In fact, you were the one to give him his cloak.
He was the last one to receive his cloak from you. The look of wonder and excitement filled his beautiful golden orbs. You couldnât help but smile at him. He was honestly like a child.Â
His outgoing and impetuous personality was almost like a breath of fresh air. Still, it did worry you that he would meet his end one day if he wasnât too careful. Which is why you made sure to keep a close eye on the teenager.
All of that aside, your first actual interaction with the lively soldier was one you will always remember.
You were never a fan of waking up early. Just the thought of getting out of your comfortable slumbering position from your warm soft bed was already proving to be a momentous task. The stack of paperwork that needed to be checked and signed stood tall, almost tauntingly, at your desk didnât help the situation either.Â
You knew that staying up late last night with Hange was a bad idea but the two of you had ideas about new weapons to kill Titans and the two of you just had to discuss about it in detail. But as always, things would get carried away between great minds as hours ticked on into the night.
Unlike your brother who only slept on average of three hours, you needed at least six to function properly throughout the day. Anything less than six hours and you would be ill-tempered until you get your saving grace. Tea. Specifically, black tea or rather more specifically black tea that was brewed by Levi. It was just something about your brotherâs tea that was different, special even, to you. Obviously Levi knew this. He would always make a fresh cup of tea just for you each morning. It was a routine, tradition even, that went back as far as your days in the Underground.
So here you were, waiting for your brother to bring you a cup of black tea. You cleaned yourself up and changed into your daily uniform though it was done at a slow pace, energy almost nonexistent.Â
After finishing a bit of paperwork, there was a soft knock at your office door.Â
âCome-â
You didnât even finish your sentence when Levi opened your door with your lover, Erwin, in tow.
âMorning (Y/N),â Levi greeted you as he placed the long-awaited and greatly appreciated cup of tea at your desk before ruffling your hair.
âOi,â You sent a small glare at him. âI just brushed my hair, why mess it up?âÂ
Levi sat down at the chairs in front of your desk, his own cup of brewed tea in front of him. He only raised an eyebrow at your words. âReally? I couldnât tell.â
Before you could even retort, you felt a pair of soft, slightly chapped lips on the right side of your temple. Any annoyance in your body quickly evaporated at the chaste kiss Erwin had given you.
âMorning, love.â His cerulean blue filled with warm admiration.
A smile played on your lips. You could feel your heart beat a little faster whenever he was in the room. Erwin always had that effect on you. For the last six years that you have known this man, your feelings for him never wavered and the same can be said about Erwinâs feelings for you. Which is why two year ago, Erwin finally confessed to you and it was a day you would never forget. It was a memory that you will always cherish close to your heart.Â
âMorning, Eyebrows.â The nickname that was only reserved for your lover made him smile. It was always a sight to see, in your opinion. Erwin always wore a serious, stoic expression so seeing a smile grace itself on his face, one that you had caused, it was just worth it.
You returned the sweet, loving gesture, placing a small kiss on Erwinâs cheek. The two of you ignored Leviâs complaints. Well, tried to anyways.
âYour tea is going to get cold.â Levi pointed out.
âOh, shut up.â
As the three veterans enjoyed their drinks and discussed their future plans for the 57th exhibition, elsewhere in HQ was a freshly recruited Scout who has now lost all sense of direction.
Connie Springer groaned for what seemed like the hundredth time this morning. When he woke up this morning, he was looking forward to hanging out with his friends. However, there was a slight change of plans when squad leader, Hange Zoe, came up to him followed by a tired-looking Moblit. She was in a rush when she asked him to deliver these papers to Captain (Y/N).
âHer office is on the second floor. Third door from the right. You canât miss it!â Hange told him before patting him on the back and taking off. âHurry up, Moblit! We have experiments to conduct!â
Moblit groaned. He looked back at Connie who still had a confused look on his face. âSorry for just dumping this errand on you but it would be greatly appreciated if you can deliver those papers to Captain (Y/N).â
Which leads up to now. Connie couldnât remember Hangeâs directions for the life of him. All he could recall was that Captain (Y/N)âs office was on the second floor. After that he had no clue.
âMan, Iâm so hungry. I bet Sasha is eating everything. There wonât be a single potato for me.â
In a desperate attempt to find Captain (Y/N), Connie knocked onto each door on the second level until he found the right one.
âCome in.â A feminine voice from the other side spoke. âThe door is open.â
Connie sighed in relief and mentally patted himself on the back. It might have taken him a while but he still found Captain (Y/N)âs office. Making sure to look presentable, Connie took a deep breath and opened the door.
What he saw inside, he wasnât prepared for. Not only was Captain (Y/N) in there but so was Captain Levi and Commander Erwin. All three pairs of eyes watched him as he nervously made his way into the office.
You gave him a gentle smile, your hands propped underneath your chin. âState your name and business.â
âConnie Springer!â He saluted, hoping he did it correctly in front of the captains and commander. âOf the 104th Cadet Corps!â He brought out the papers for his superiors to see. âSquad leader Hange told me to deliver these papers to you.â
Your (E/C) eyes lit up in recognition. âOh yeah. Hange told me she would send our research over last night.â
âLast night?â Erwin asked. âHow long were the two of you up?â
âHonestly? I lost track of time. Hange and I were working on new experiments.â You gestured at Connie before taking a sip of your tea. âI can take those papers off your hands.â
âR-Right. S-Sorry you make me nervous.â Connie confessed.
You hid your smile behind the tea cup and you can tell that Levi and Erwin were finding the young Scoutâs behavior quite amusing. Connie quickly made his way to her desk. The papers in his hands ready to be transferred into the captainâs grasp.
When everything went wrong.
After turning in the papers to Captain (Y/N), Connie took a step back unaware of how close his hand was to Commander Erwinâs tea cup. So when he stepped back he accidentally knocked it over, spilling its warm liquid content on the desk and onto the female captainâs lap.
You yelped in surprise before quickly trying to salvage your paperwork while Erwin used a napkin to soak up the tea asking you repeatedly if you were alright to which assured him that you were.
âAre you alright, (Y/N)?â The commander asked one more time.Â
You laughed away his concern and nodded. From what Connie could tell, there was no hint of anger in your voice. Levi, on the other hand, frowned at the sight of his precious brewed tea spilling onto the floor.Â
âYou have ten seconds to leave.â Levi warned him.
âI-Iâm s-so very s-sorry, C-Captain!â Connie stuttered, panic overflowing his body. He feared for the worst. âI-I didnât m-mean t-to! H-Honest!
He expected the worst punishment, especially from Captain Levi. Or Commander Erwin. His only saving grace was if Captain (Y/N) was merciful. Or what if Captain (Y/N) was secretly just as cruel as her brother. Connie shuddered at the thought. He rather take a headbutt by Shadis.
âAww, I know you didnât mean to do this, Connie. You can ignore my brother. Itâs fine.â You told him, giving him a reassuring smile as you wiped away your hands. Another chuckle left your lips. âBesides, it was one way to wake me up.â
Your words were heard by both men but was more directed towards Levi. The male only scoffed. Like hell, the recruit would go unpunished.
âGo clean the stables.â
âLevi.â Both you and Erwin called out to him but he ignored it.
âUnderstood, sir!â Conny saluted once more and quickly scrambled out of your office.
As soon as the door closed, you doubled over in laughter. Levi and Erwin looked at each other, confusion written on their faces.
â(Y/N)?â Erwin asked, hands seeking yours. âWhy are you laughing?â
âSheâs been infected by Hange.â Levi mumbled. âOr maybe the spilt tea was the last straw of sanity she had left.âÂ
âN-No, itâs not that.â You laughed. âIt was that recruit.â
âWhat about him?â
âHe saluted wrong! He used his left hand when his heart is on the opposite side.â
Once more, your laughter filled the room along with Erwinâs chuckles. Levi could only roll his eyes but there was a smile on his lips. It has been a long time since he heard his sisterâs carefree laughter.Â
~
Connie stopped in the middle of the stairs when he realized something.
âWhere are the stables?â
(A/N): I apologize for Connieâs scenario. I couldnât think of anything else for the lovable goofball, but if you want more Connie content read this.
Sasha Braus
The first time you met Sasha was the night before the 57th exhibition outside the Walls. You woke up that night wanting to get some water so of course you went to the kitchen.Â
And thatâs where you found Sasha, stuffing her face with bread. She honestly looked so happy eating the stale pieces of bread the Survey Corps were given by the royal government. Seems like sheâs just glad to have food inside of her.
Ultimately, you decided to make your presence known.
You only took a step, a very quiet step against the stone floor but it was enough to reach Sashaâs ears. In response, she quickly hid the last piece of bread behind her back.
âWhoâs there?â She called out, shoulders tense for her strangerâs reply. âIs that you Connie?â
âJust a soldier looking for a cup of water.âÂ
Sasha was immediately taken aback when Captain (Y/N) walked out of the shadows. Her kind face was not what she was expecting, especially when she was eating the extra rations. Obviously, it wasnât her first time sneaking into the kitchen to get some food in her stomach but Sasha knew it was too good to be true to keep going undetected.
âC-Captain (Y-Y/N)!â Sasha squeaked and without even thinking she raised her hand to salute to her superior.
You only raised your eyebrows at her all the while biting your lower lip to refrain from laughing. The sight of the girl saluting with a half-eaten piece of bread over her chest was pretty funny, especially when there were still bread crumbs around her mouth.
âAt ease, cadet.â You told her as you walked up to her getting yourself a glass of water. âIs that bread any good?â
âEh? What bread?â
âThe one you're holding?â
âOh!â Sasha glanced down at the bread in her hand. There was no way to explain this away. She remembered what happened to Connie. Will she have to clean the stables too? Or worse⊠No more food!
âYou can keep eating if you want to. Donât let me stop you.â You told her as you took a sip of water. âThough try not to eat everything here. I donât think your friends would be happy to find that youâve eaten their meals.â
Sasha chuckled before asking, âIâm not in trouble?â
âConsider this a warning âŠ?â
âAh, my name is Sasha Braus from Dauper Village.â
âSasha, huh? Youâre from the 104th Cadet Corps, right? The same class as Eren?â
At the mention of Erenâs name, Sasha nodded. âYeah, heâs a friend of mine. Heâs sort of the reason why I'm in the Scouts.â
âIs that so?â You smiled at her before motioning to the piece of bread in her hand. âWell, Iâm glad that youâve joined. The Survey Corps are always happy to welcome new recruits but I have to ask. Why are you eating so late at night? We have an exhibition in the morning.â
âW-Well, you see,â Sasha took a quick bite of the bread. âI get hungry a lot. I eat when Iâm nervous or scared or just- Sorry. I know I shouldnât be eating but I canât help it. The thought of Titans and seeing them again, Iâm just scared for tomorrow.â
Sasha slowly nibbled on the bread, savoring the taste on her tongue. She could feel tears prickling her eyes as her head filled with images of the horrible monsters that continue to terrorize humanity.
âItâs normal to feel this way.â You told her, filling up another cup of water for her to take. âYou witnessed firsthand what Titans are capable of back in Trost. Itâs normal to be scared of them.â You watched Sasha about to take another bite when she stopped. âSomething wrong?â
Sashaâs brown eyes met with your (E/C) ones and you can easily see the fear in them. âCaptain, can I ask you something?â
âOf course.â
âTitans⊠They donât⊠They donât need to eat humans to survive, do they?â
âUnfortunately, they donât. Titans, for whatever reason, want to eradicate humanity inside the Walls. Eating humans is just their manner to do so.â
Sashaâs mind recalled the time she had to clean up the carnage in Trost, more specifically the large Titan vomit of human remains. The dark memory will forever haunt her. For some reason, Sasha wanted to talk about it.
âI-I donât understand why they eat us when they really donât need to.â Sasha confessed. âI love eating. I love my food. I grew up in the forest. I learned how to hunt with my father. Every time I kill a bird or deer, I get so happy because I get to eat meat. But with Titans⊠They donât eat because theyâre hungry and whenever they do have their fill they just throw up my comrades⊠Thatâs just so messed up.â
âIt is,â You agreed, mentally thinking how many times youâve witnessed comrade after comrade ending up in the jaws of the Titans. âAnd it isnât fair. All things in life depend on something to survive. A mouse eating a grain of rice. The mouse gets eaten by a snake. The snake gets eaten by a hawk and the hawk gets eaten by people. However, Titans are a different story altogether. Thatâs why we fight to survive.â
Sasha had finished eating and was holding the cup of water that you gave her. She pondered for a moment before asking, âDo you ever get scared? Scared of getting eaten by them?â
You crossed your arms in front of your chest before answering, âOf course. Thereâs always that possibility that could happen to me or anyone. But there is one thing that scares me even more.â
âWhat?â
âThe look of fear on my comradesâ faces if I do nothing. I do whatever I can to help those in danger because I donât want them to die.â You stared at her. Silence filled the air and you knew you had to get to sleep soon. But not before telling her one more piece of advice. âYou know, Sasha, donât get too lost in your fears. You're already braver than you think.â
âYou think so?â
You nodded. âYour bravery speaks for itself, Sasha. Even after experiencing Titans, you still joined the Scouts.â
âI⊠I thought it was the right thing to do.â
You smiled at her before walking up to her and placing your hand on her shoulder. âHave confidence in yourself, Sasha. You might not think so, but it may be your best asset.â
Before Sasha could say anything else, you brought one more loaf of bread to her hands. She looked at you, eyes wide filled with excitement.Â
âWhat-â
âHave one more snack, Sasha. After that, go get some rest. You will need your strength for tomorrow.â
Sashaâs mouth was practically salivating. âThank you, Captain! I will do my best.â
Historia Reiss and Ymir
Times were less than ideal when you first met the girls. They, along with the rest of the remaining 104th, were under the supervision of you, Mike, Nanaba, and the rest of the veteran Scouts. Anyone could be accomplices of the Female Titan so the only ones you can absolutely trust were those you fought alongside for years.Â
It was hard to see any of these young soldiers as traitors, especially when you met with every single one of them, getting to know them more and more. Of course, they had their own faults and secrets. Theyâve seen their fair share of terror and horror outside the Walls but they continue to fight for humanity inside the Walls. However, as Erwin suspected, not everyone will share the same convictions of saving humanity.
Hence, now. You were in the same room as the rest of the 104th cadets, keeping watch for any tell-tale signs or any other suspicious behavior and for some reason you wanted to know who were the top ten in the 104th Cadet Corps.Â
Luckily for you, the familiar faces that you met before were able to provide you the answers you were seeking.
â...and finally last but not least is Christa Lenz.â Reiner told you, the smile on his face never faltered at the mention of her name. He was playing a chess game with his friend, Bertolt (currently losing) while Connie and Sasha watched, bored expressions on their faces. âShe has the personality of an angel and the looks of a goddess.â
âOh? Thatâs high praise coming from you, Reiner.âÂ
Just now realizing what he said, Reiner stuttered out a reply. âI-Itâs not j-just me, C-Captain! Right, guys? Back me up here!â
Connie perked his head off the table. âShe is pretty cute, Captain. Sheâs even shorter than me!â
Sasha sighed at a fond memory. âSheâs such a good person. She even saved me some bread after running all day!â
âOh yeah!â Connie chuckled. âIt was our first day and you already got onto Shadisâs shit list.â
Bertolt moved his chest piece before speaking, âThatâs how you got the name Potato Girl.â
Sasha clutched both sides of her head. âI thought everyone forgot about that!â
âLike we would ever forget your greatest moment, Potato Girl.â Reiner huffed.
Before Potato Girl- Er, Sasha could retort, you took control of the conversation. âSo where is this goddess?â
All four of them looked around the room but the golden haired girl was nowhere in sight and neither was her constant companion.
âHuh, she was here a little while ago,â Connie said. âMaybe she got lost while looking for the restroom?â
âThat only happens to you, Connie,â Sasha pointed out.
You smiled at their friendly interaction before making your leave out of the room. There was no actual destination in mind as you walked down the corridor. Your meeting with Mike and Nanaba isnât for another hour so you still had time to kill. Though it was pointless if you still donât have any idea who the traitor or traitors were. Everyone in that room was acting normal. Nobody stood out.
That is⊠Nobody in the room stood out.Â
Where was this Christa Lenz girl?
Thatâs where your search for the girl began. You searched in every empty room. You asked around for this so-called goddess but nothing. So you went outside to take one more look. The hot sun showed no mercy of its heat and judging by its position in the sky, it was almost noon. Your meeting with the others wonât be too long now.
âWho knew finding a goddess was so hardâŠâ You huffed in frustration.
And at that moment, you heard a voice, a feminine one, coming from the stables. Deciding to give it a shot, you quietly walked towards the horsesâ stables. You stood at the entrance and saw a young petite girl with blonde hair carrying a wooden pail of water.
âHere you go,â She spoke, her voice so soft and pleasing to the ear. Her hand petted the horseâs muzzle. âMake sure you drink up.â
The mare gave out a snort and quickly drank the fresh water. Christa smiled and continued to run her fingers through the horseâs mane. Not noticing that she was no longer alone.
âWhat are you doing?â You asked the young girl. âIâm pretty sure stable duty is someone elseâs job. Everyone in the 104th is supposed to be in the common area.â
Christa clutched the pailâs handle. âO-Of course, Captain. I just got a bit bored there so I thought I should do something useful in the meantime.â
You looked around the stables and noticed how it was much cleaner than it was before. Even the horses were well-groomed, each one of them had fresh hay and water. That was a lot of work for one person.
âYou cleaned the stables and cared for the horses all by yourself?â You asked her.
Christa shook her head. âOh um you see, I used to grow up on a farm so Iâm used to it. I had help from my friend earlier but she left to go find some food. She should be back any minute now.â
You hummed in response and walked towards your own mare, who was begging for your affection. You could feel the girlâs blue eyes following your every move as you caressed your horseâs cheek.
âIâm surprised my horse let you touch her. Sheâs quite particular with people.â
âOh, thatâs your horse? I didnât know. She didnât like my friend at all and she was weary of me at first.â
âAnimals can sometimes sense a personâs fear and happiness.â You told her. âI like to believe that horses can also sense when a person is hiding something.â
Christa stiffened a little. Captain (Y/N) couldnât possibly know about her past. Trying to remain a calm voice, she asked, âYou think so?â
You nodded before looking at her. âHorses have to know that they can trust you and they show that trust whenever they are at ease around you. The more they believe in your authority or leadership, the more likely they will follow your instructions even in situations that intimidate them.â
âWow. I didnât know that. Horses usually just walk up to me.â
You smiled at her. âThen thatâs a good sign. Iâve heard from your friends that Christa was a kind person. A goddess even.â
A blush bloomed onto Christaâs cheeks. âT-They over exaggerate sometimes. I just try to be kind to everyone.â
For some reason, when those words left her lips, it didnât match the look in her eyes. She looked sad but before you could say anything a voice called out to you.
âHey, (Y/N)! We have that meeting to attend to.â Nanaba said, waiting for her at the stableâs entrance.Â
You sighed and stroked your horseâs muzzle one last time. âShe likes to eat apples. Once youâre done, go back to the common area with your friend.â
âYes, Captain.â
Christa watched as you joined Nanaba and left the stables. She looked back at the captainâs mare. âYou trust me, donât you?â
The horse only blinked.
âHey, Christa!â The familiar voice of Ymir called out. âI found some apples!â
âOh, thatâs great, Ymir!â The blonde cheered.
The tall brunette took a bite of the fruit. âWere you talking to someone?â
âYeah. Captain (Y/N).â Christa informed her as she gave each horse their apples.
âCaptain (Y/N), eh?â Ymir mumbled. Hopefully, the captain wonât pose any threats for them.
âYmir, can you at least help me hand out these apples to the horses.â
âHuh? I brought these apples here, didnât I? Let me take a break.â
âPlease?â Christa begged.
âFine.â Ymir picked up an apple from the sack and walked towards a horse. She extended out her palm for the animal to take. âHere, hurry up and eat it.â
Captain (Y/N)âs horse only stared at her. It wasnât making a move to reach for the fruit. In fact, the mare stepped back before rearing up her front legs. Ymir stumbled back at the sudden change of behavior. âWhat the hell?!â
âYmir! Stop scaring her.â Christa yelled.
âMe?! This horse is crazy!â
As Christa calmed the captainâs horse down, Ymir couldnât help but take a look outside where all the veteran soldiers convened at the tower. At that moment, Captain (Y/N) was watching her. Ymir had a bad feeling about this and Captain (Y/N) better not get in her way.
~~~
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Hello, favorite writer! I've recently found your blog and let me just say that your writing is magnificent. Your series is just *chef's kiss* amazing!! I love it so so so much!!! It's funny because I was an Erwin girl before reading His Solace but now I'm starting to catch some feelings for wonderboy Zeke (I love how funny and sarcastic he is in the series.)
Anyway, my question to you: What is your process in writing great angst? Because I seriously can feel my heart breaking into tiny pieces whenever I read your angst-filled chapters (I still love it tho because I'm a sucker for heartbreak lol)
Anon, receiving your love in your message had me in a happy mood during my shiftđđ.
And Iâm glad that you are loving the His Solace series!! I wanted to spread the love for Zeke because I believe Monkey Boy deserves love too!đđđ
Now to answer your question⊠Hmmm, Iâm not exactly an expert because I can be too critical with my own writing but my process is to listen to the AoT soundtrack and heartbreak music (Ed Sheeran is my go-to). Music is just my favorite way to write my feelings out.
FYI: I also keep a writing journal because sometimes I just think or dream of a random phrase or scenario so I immediately write it down just in case.