Incorrect Diary of a Wimpy Kid

People trip me out when they say shit like, “Oh I miss being 12 years old and not having problems.” Like what the fuck do you mean you didn’t have problems?

The truth is, I have no idea what’s going on with my life, I’m just in charge of the wardrobe and soundtrack.

I hope it's not too cold on Halloween. I'd hate to have the hose freeze just before the trick or treaters show up.

I never camp out overnight. I figure snakes don't sleep in my room, I won't sleep in theirs.

Idgaf if my parents are disappointed in me, I'm not impressed by them either.

Do you have a quote from Rowley?

My future wife is probably fake laughing at her boyfriend's jokes right now. Be patient, my queen, a true clown is on his way.

The only video game tip one truly needs is "save your game immediately after doing anything that took effort or you will suffer."

I'd make a resolution if I wasn't already so damn perfect.

Don't interrupt me while I'm in the middle of nothing!

The world needs people like me to tell everyone what's wrong with them!