whoops all wrong

gordie: so sad that chairman rose died from ligma... raihan: who’s chairman rose? gordie: ligma balls.

Kukui, talking to Olivia: Okay so I got kicked out of the house by my girlfriend (Burnet), because, she’s on her monthly thing, right? and so like, I hug her, because she asked for one, and then trying to be funny, I squeezed her in the hug and called her ‘my little ketchup packet’ and i feel really bad because she started crying. Olivia: Kukui, I love you like a brother, but what the actual living fuck.

Burnet: [taps table] Kukui: [taps back] Waitress, waiting to take their order: What are they doing? Hau, the sunshine boy: Morse code. Burnet: [aggressively taps table] Kukui, slamming his hands on the table: YOU JERK! TAKE THAT BACK-

Kukui: A Harvard study says you should only eat six fries per serving. Burnet: Burnet: I don’t need this kind of negativity in my life.

Kukui: [chanting] SHRIMP! HEAVEN! NOW! Burnet: PLEASE KUKUI WE CAN’T KEEP DOING THIS!

Kukui: I’ll be back in half an hour or so, just don’t die. [later] Kukui: [walks into the house to find Burnet crying over a horribly assembled IKEA chair while Hau fights a Salazzle that definitely was not in the house beforehand] Kukui: I know I set the bar pretty low, but this is just ridiculous.

Kukui, raising his voice slightly to speak to Burnet as she’s in the next aisle: Hey, do you want any snacks? Burnet, exhausted, and on two hours of sleep (but they needed to go shopping) at full volume: I’M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR DORITOS, HONEY

[Kukui, answering questions:] Kukui: Yes, those are my children. The class: [all start doing a bunch of Fortnite dances] Kukui: I lied. I have no children.