Incorrect Batman Quotes

Jason Todd: Yes. It’s hard to believe pressing the same button over and over isn’t yielding any results.

Damian Wayne: It’s not my job to know how to operate a computer. That’s what the help is for. Drake, come over here and operate this computer.

Tim Drake: I’m not your slave, Damian.

Bruce Wayne: Really?

Dick Grayson: Yes.

Bruce Wayne: You accidentally slept with Kory?

Dick Grayson: Yes.

Bruce Wayne: Accidentally?

Dick Grayson: Yes.

Bruce(In the doorway of Tim’s room): Why are you being like this, Tim? How can you feel so threatened by a little boy? Do you really think our family is so fragile that it’ll break apart over a new member?

Tim(Pausing in the midst of typing an essay): No, it’s not that. You have no idea if he’s telling the truth. Why are you so willing to just let him in? Have you forgotten how many people want you dead? The kid was sent here by Talia al Ghul, for God’s sake- I can just tell that he’s hiding something, and if you end up dead I’d blame myself for not doing something about it.

Bruce: Tim, at some point this crosses the line from ‘cautious’ into 'paranoia’.

[Tim snorts and resumes typing, shaking his head. Bruce ignores him.]

Bruce: I checked his luggage myself. He didn’t have any weapons with him.

Tim(Rolling his eyes): As if we don’t have weapons around the house. Besides, he’s too normal to be your son. There would have to be something messed up about him.

Bruce(Sarcastically): Ouch.

Tim(Finally looking up from his computer): You know it’s true! Be honest with yourself- what did you think your kid would be like?

[Bruce takes a moment to consider this and is suddenly very tired.]

Bruce(Sighing): …He would have two heads.

Damian Wayne: Why’d I stop using birth control?

Future Dick Grayson: It was like something from an old movie, where the sailor sees the girl across the crowded dance floor, turns to his buddy and says, “See that girl? I’m gonna marry her someday.”

Dick Grayson: Hey Jason, see that girl?

Maps Mizoguchi(Watching Neron materialize): …What is that?

Damian Wayne(Grimly): Trouble.

Neron(Finally taking shape): Thou speakest truly, O Child of Wisdom. For I am the demon Neron-

Maps Mizoguchi(Wrinkling her nose): Why are you talking like that? Is that a demon thing? Because it’s not very intimidating, it’s just… kind of annoying.

Neron(Ignoring her): …and I have been summoned either to fulfill your greatest desires or to be the instrument of thy death and that of thy paramour.

Damian Wayne(Outraged): My what?!

Neron(Indicating Maps): Thy lover. The woman who stands beside thee.

Maps Mizoguchi: Lover? We’re thirteen!

Damian Wayne(Also ignoring Maps): I know what you meant, but she isn’t my lover or my fiancee or my girlfriend or anything and I refuse to be killed with her!

Maps Mizoguchi(Indignant): What is THAT supposed to mean?!

Damian Wayne(Scowling): Be quiet. You’re the one who lit the candle, you’ve made enough of a mess already.

Maps Mizoguchi: IT WAS YOUR IDEA!

Neron(Suspiciously): If she is not thy paramour, nor any of those other things, then what is she?

Damian Wayne: A nuisance.

Damian Wayne: She has to have long brown hair, narrow green eyes and a nice figure.

Barbara Gordon: Alright; I’ll see what I can find. [leaves]

Stephanie Brown: You do realize that you just described your own mother, right?

Stephanie Brown: Was it you?

Tim Drake: Yea- Uh, no! [clears throat, deepens voice] I mean, NO.

[beat]

Tim Drake: [normal voice] Damnit.