Mikey: Edgar doesn’t think I'm capable of making my own decisions!
Jam: Well, he may be right.
Jam: You did just put salt in your coffee.
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@incorrect-woebegone-quotes
Mikey: Edgar doesn’t think I'm capable of making my own decisions!
Jam: Well, he may be right.
Jam: You did just put salt in your coffee.

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Felix: How are you feeling?
Mikey: I have a headache that comes and goes.
[Ty enters the room]
Mikey: And it’s back.
Michael: And remember these three words: Don’t argue.
Mikey: That’s two words.
Michael: And you’re already failing.
Felix:Â Ty, did you put hydrochloric acid in this mug?
Ty: Oh yes, I was trying to get the tea stains out.
Felix:Â You know, soap would get the stains out too, and it wouldn't kill someone if they accidentally drank it.
Ty:Â But soap leaves a film!
Mikey: Sometimes… people will hate you for no reason.
Mikey: That’s fine.
Mikey: Just give them a reason.

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Michael: I just thought he needed to listen to common sense and reasonable discourse.
Mike: Please tell me those aren't the names of your fists.
Michael: My feet. I'm actually more of a kicker.
Edgar: Why would anyone want to harm Mikey?
Marissa: Maybe because they met him?
Eagle: I invited you into the woods because I crave the most dangerous game
Lieutenant, nodding: Knife monopoly
Eagle:
Eagle: I was going to hunt and kill you for sport, but now I’m more interested in whatever the fuck knife monopoly is
Eagle: Great, who are we killing? I won't do kids. That's a rule. But that rule is negotiable if the kid's a dick.
Edgar: Once I lost my ex at a party and found him hooking up with another guy. Last night I lost my boyfriend at a party and found him alone in a room eating buffalo chicken dip straight from the crockpot. That’s called upgrading.

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Magnolia:Â I have feelings for you.
Skinner:Â Why? What's wrong with you? Are you sure you're okay?
Chance: God had to give me flaws to keep me humble, you know?
Shadow: It didn't work.
Chance: It did not.
Mdawg: Time out!
Michael: Why?
Mdawg: Fighting is never the answer. Now let’s just try using our words. Michael?
Michael, awkwardly: I... want to punch you... and hurt your face.
Mdawg: hmmm. Mikey?
Mikey, awkwardly: I... don’t want that to happen?
Outlaw: Did you have to stab them?
Tex: You weren’t there. You didn’t hear what they said to me.
Outlaw: What did they say?
Tex: "What are you going to do, stab me?"
Outlaw: …
Magnolia:Â Can you keep a secret?
Skinner:Â Do you know anything about my life?
Magnolia:Â No, I don't. Good point.

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Edgar: How are we supposed to put a tracker the size of a penny on Troy without him noticing?
Mikey: Hey, Troy, I bet you 5 bucks that you can't swallow this penny.
Troy: *takes and swallows tracker* Pay up, dudes.
Edgar: ...
Mikey: I dare you to-
Mike: Michael isn't allowed to accept dares anymore.
Michael: Apparently, I have 'no regard for my personal safety'.