incorrect jjk

nanami, coming home after a work trip: yuuji. why is everything on fire. yuuji: in my defense, gojo was supposed to be supervising me. gojo: in my defense, i myself was left unsupervised. nanami: nanami: jesus christ

nanami: that's it! i'm not getting into stupid debates with you any longer! gojo, batting his eyelashes: earth is not a planet. nanami: nanami: how the FUCK is earth not a PLANET-

geto: am i going too far? gojo: no, no, no. you went too far about seven hours ago. gojo: now you'd be lucky to get life in prison.

gojo, into the phone: -so just strip off its kneecaps and it'll talk. i gotta go now, i'm at a parent teacher conference. gojo: sorry for the interruption! you said megumi had fun with the finger painting?

gojo: now what do we say when we get anxious? yuuji, reciting: my anxiety is chronic, but this ass is iconic.

nanami: god, please give me patience. gojo: don't you mean, "god, give me strength?" nanami: no. nanami: if god gave me strength, you would be dead.

gojo, drunk texting nanami: givem e a ride home pls ty gojo, an hour later: nvm i'm home now nanami: i know that, gojo. i'm the one who drove you home.

gojo: what do you call it when you kill your best friend? nanami: satoru- gojo, sobbing: homie-cide.

gojo: make no mistake. not only am i party rocking, but i am also in the house tonight. yuuji: but are you shuffling? gojo, nodding seriously: every. day. nanami: what language are you speaking??

nanami: just a reminder that it costs zero dollars to be nice. gojo: ...how much does it cost to be an asshole? nanami: ... gojo: i can venmo you. nanami: that's not the point gojo, cackling: it's free, isn't it?

yuuji, excitedly, about being an orphan: and it's great, i have no parental figure to tell me not to wrestle bears- nanami, quickly: it's me. i'm the parental figure. i am telling you now, do NOT wrestle bears.

gojo: i know you must be surprised to see me. nanami: not really, since you tend to follow me everywhere.

megumi: i don't have friends. yuuji: bold words for someone within hugging distance!!!

[nanami has entered the group chat] yuuji: dad nobara: dad megumi: dad gojo: daddy [nanami has left the group chat]

nanami: i don't have friends. gojo: bold words for someone within hugging distance!!

nanami: why did you hit gojo? megumi, stubbornly: you weren't there, you didn't hear what he said to me nanami: what did he say? megumi: "what are you gonna do, hit me?" nanami: nanami, sighing: yeah okay that's fair

nanami: i am a moderate, peaceful man, truth be told. yuuji, skeptically: just yesterday you threw a laptop at gojo. nanami: yes, which was a moderate, peaceful compromise from the table i was originally planning to throw at him.