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hysterialevi

John: It’s hot in here *unbuttons shirt*

Bruce: I get that but why are you unbuttoning my shirt

solareclitoris

Harley: Since I’m gonna be out for a bit I’m leavin’ you all with a complimentary bowl of advice.

Harley [picking a paper out of the bowl]: For instance, “John, stop doing that”…just applies to everything.

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Batman: Could you do me a small favor?

Joker: I will literally kill for you, but go on.

tsukinikawatteus

John: My blood is glowstick juice. That’s why all my bones crack when I move.

Bruce: Explains how you bring light to everything around you too.

John, holding back tears: bRU cE-

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incorrecttelltalebatjokes

Bruce, from another room: John, what are you laughing about this time!? It's been ten minutes, you're gonna make yourself sick!

John, still cackling so hard he can't breathe:

anothertimdrakestan

jason: i can't go on patrol today

bruce: what- why not?

jason: i'm busy

bruce: doing what exactly???

damian: come along todd it's time for cheese viking night

bruce: wait what?!?

jason: jealousy doesn't look good on you bitch

bruce: i'm not-

jason: not you. *gestures to dick*

dick: *sobbing as he puts on the nightwing suit*

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I love them so much

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Joker: I wanted to tell a joke but I only remember the punch line.

Batman: Go ahead.

Joker: “tooth hurty”

Batman: When is the best time to go to the dentist?

Joker: …

Joker: You complete me 😍

i-told-you-soooo-deactivated202

Joker: So what’s your type?

Bruce: Green hair, green eyes, oblivious, funny

Joker: That kinda sounds like me, too bad I’m not a girl

Bruce: …Did I mention oblivious?

Joker: Yeah

Bruce: Okay, just making sure

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Batman: Violence isn’t the answer, Joker!

Joker: You’re right

Everyone: *sighs in relief*

Joker: Violence is a question

Everyone: …

Joker: and the answer is yes

Everyone: FUCK

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Joker, coughing: Harder

Batman, dangling Joker by the neck: Will you please stop saying that

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[At Cafe Triste]

John: Can we play 20 questions?

Bruce: Sure

John, rubbing his hands gleefully: Ok! You go first

Bruce: Uh, what’s your favorite color?

John: Triangle. My turn, do you like men?

i-told-you-soooo-deactivated202

John: I have decided that I am in fact a snacc, people are just not hungry

Bruce, under his breath: I’m fucking starving

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always by Gavin James.

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kinoart05

Need more cards? 🃏😈

dubiousdisco

remember when bane poisoned batman and joker and had them go on a tour through Europe together to find the cure? and told them the cure was in each other's body fluids? And told batman this was to make him realize he needed joker? what the fuck was that

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