In-Remission

AVPD is a personality disorder in cluster C. 34.91% suffer from alcohol dependence. 19.56% suffer from drug dependence. it is NOT the same as social anxiety disorder (SAD). it is NOT a lack of discipline.

(*and honestly, I’m not too upset at the whole “I want attention” thing, I don’t mean to say that in a bad way or judge others for wanting attention. I totally get doing certain things for attention because most people desire human connection and interactions. I’m upset with the vessel they use to get that attention.)

They are not the reason their lives suck, but they are definitely a big part of the reason their lives are not getting any better. It’s important to specify that people who fake being multiple or claim “plurality” are doing it because they need an outlet. It is not a healthy outlet by any means, and it is entirely an elaborate form of self harm, but that doesn’t mean that external factors somehow suddenly don’t apply because they’re being disrespectful. A white child who is being abused at home who hears racist things in the household will go to school and say racist things to black and brown kids as a way to cope and to let that anxious energy out. That is, in no way, healthy, respectful or constructive. But it is an outlet for their victimhood, and as a result, they push their dominating state onto others to avoid the danger and fear they feel at home, where they know they cannot escape it.

You either have DID or you don’t. If you feel you meet a lot of the diagnostic criteria, but not all, OSDD is something you should really look into. Psychosis can also look like DID in some cases, as well as MADD. And plenty of mental health disorders cause memory and cognition issues.

Though research is very new, partial DID is a valid diagnosis with landmark symptoms that vary from OSDD and DID.

Those with partial DID do still have distinct dissociative identities, they just don’t take executive control as often as parts in OSDD or DID would. From what I can tell, the word “partial” comes from the level of distinction between parts (which presents closer to DID) in comparison to those parts’ presentation (which is unlike both DID and OSDD).

EDIT: I read the description from the ICD-11, and I’m going to have to amend my statement.

It seems like, honestly, they’re trying to make a distinction between covert DID with no polyfragmentation (what they call “P-DID”) and covert/overt DID with possible polyfragmentation. Basically, not that far off from “autism vs asperger’s” or “high functioning autism vs low functioning autism.” These things don’t really exist distinctly from each other, because they are the same concept, with differing functionality that varies from person to person on a wide spectrum.

This is a masterpost for family, friends, and partners of those suffering from Borderline Personality Disorder. 

Note: If you are seeing a reblogged version of this, be sure to check the original post, because I will be updating this post as I find/create more resources.

* * * Read this before asking us a question about an abusive loved one with BPD. * * *

Resources

Tips for loved ones of people with BPD

7 Tips for when you know and love someone with BPD

Being supportive of your BPD loved one

How can I support a loved one with BPD?

What are some tips for helping partner when I’m also mentally ill?

My loved one thinks I’m not trying, but I am?

Why does my borderline loved one keep “making up problems”?

Advice for addressing my loved one’s irrational fears?

How do I help my loved one understand I’m not going to leave them?

My loved one keeps ignoring/avoiding me?

What are some misconceptions about BPD?

What kind of stigma do they face, and what is the truth?

More information about borderline stigma?

What is it like to have BPD?

I would like to know more about people with BPD in relationships?

How can I help a suicidal loved one?

How to help a friend with BPD

How can I be there for my loved one and also take care of myself?

What’s the best way I can ask my loved one what they need from me?

How can I end a relationship with someone who has BPD?

How do I deal with being their Favorite Person?

More Information about Borderline Personality Disorder

What is BPD? What is the diagnostic criteria?

How common is BPD?

What causes BPD?

General overview of BPD?

Important BPD Terminology

What is a Favorite Person?

Recommended Reading

Skills Training Manual for Treating Borderline Personality Disorder

The Borderline Personality Disorder Survival Guide

Lost in the Mirror: An Inside Look at Borderline Personality Disorder

Borderline Personality Disorder Demystified

Recommended Links

DBT Skills and Related Info Masterpost

What’s wrong with the book Stop Walking on Eggshells?

What’s wrong with BPD Family?

What does it mean to be “neurotypical”? “Neurodivergent”? “Allistic”?

What is executive dysfunction?

Can I reblog your posts even if I don’t have BPD?

"people have to hide their emotions to perform specific types of labour where their apparent emotions influence another person's. Eg. Flight attendants have to be cheerful all the time, so that passengers feel welcome and safe. This suppression and masking of emotion can cause a sense of disconnect within the individual where they dont know what their true feelings are. This is part of the Marxist idea of alienation from labour and from the self."

To

Sociologist Arlie Hochschild coined the term in 1983, specifically describing it as emotional performance required by a worker for a job. This alienates the worker from their own feelings. The expected emotion can be care, joy, etc. but it can also be harshness or simply the expectation to not show your real emotions in the workplace.

Sociologist Arlie Hochschild also coined the term 'the second shift' in 1989. describing how in families where a man and a woman both have a job, the woman is often still expected to do all the child raising and house cleaning, meaning she is carrying a double workload.

Already in 1983 (before coining the term 'second shift' but already developing the concept), Hochschild herself connected the two ideas, writing: "In a typical nuclear family unit, it is thought that women become responsible for much of the emotional labor by default, meaning they are responsible for shaping and managing the family’s feelings." So we have the person who coined the term, immediately after coining the term, also using emotional labor to describe unpaid household work! This is part of the term since its inception!

Around 2015 the term gained a lot of popularity and began to be more broadly applied. Some things that are, according to Hochschild, NOT emotional labor include:

Doing physical chores around the house

Doing mental chores like remembering birthdays

Hochschild: "if we talk about all the unpaid labor women do in the home as “emotional labor,” we’re insinuating that any kind of labor that falls most often to a woman is “emotional.” Like chores are just labor. Writing Christmas cards is just labor."

Also not emotional labour:

Expressing genuine emotions that you feel

Doing things that make other people feel better

Hochschild emphasizes that doing things to positively impact other people's emotions isn't 'emotional labor'. Managing and suppressing your own emotions is. That's where the alienation that is central to emotional labor comes in: it's alienation from your own feelings.

It's also essential that there must be an expectation on the person to do this. Hiding your real feelings by choice isn't emotional labor. As with emotional labor in the workplace, non-caring emotions and suppression of emotions typically expected of men are included. So when a wife expects her husband to suppress his pain and not cry in front of the children, that is an example of emotional labor. So to summarize, emotional labor according to Hochschild doesn't have to always be paid labor, but it does always involve:

The management of your own emotions

Alienation from your real emotions, as a result of being forced to perform other emotions.

Pressure/expectation, there are negative consequences if you don't do the performance.

There is a system, (the workplace, genderroles, etc) shaping these expectations, putting specific expectations on categories of people.

Emotional labour, using its intended and originally created definition, is absolutely a proponent to the development of dissociative disorders.

The harsh and unwanted separation and detachment of the real emotions from the fake, coerced emotions sets the mind up for disaster no matter what, but when emotional labour is the focal point of complex trauma, that is when it starts to affect disordered dissociation and plays a major part in making it chronic.

One, it’s important to remember that one person’s pain does not negate the other’s. In a lot of my relationships, if someone was feeling shitty, the other person would keep to themselves something on their mind and try to take care of the other person whether they were capable or not. You can both have a bad day at the same time, and one person does not have to take care of the other.

Two, you have to be careful about feeling the other person’s feelings. I think a lot of people get this confused with empathy, but you can learn to be empathetic without doing this. If you feel shitty because another person feels shitty or vice versa, you’re going to feel shitty a lot more than you have to.

All the content in this post uses the Skills Training Manual (Second Edition) by Marsha Linehan as the basis of every post on skills and concepts.  Rather than just copying out what is written in the Manual, I’ve elaborated on these skills, concepts, and their components using what has been taught to me in my DBT group sessions as well as my own personal understanding of the skills.  Nevertheless, the Manual is the basis and starting point of all the posts here except for the “Other Information” section.  Everything that is covered in the Manual’s Skills component will eventually be covered in posts contained in this masterpost.

General DBT Information:

Goals of DBT (Coming Soon)

Options for Solving Any Problem

The Biosocial Theory of Emotional and Behavioural Dysregulation

Short Description of DBT Skills

How to Analyze Behaviour: Chain Analysis (Coming Soon)

How to Analyze Behaviour: Missing Link Analysis (Coming Soon)

My Personal Experience with DBT (Coming Soon)

Mindfulness:

Intro to Mindfulness (What Is Mindfulness, What are the Goals of Mindfulness, What Does it Mean to Practice Mindfulness)

Wise Mind, Emotion Mind, and Logic Mind

Mindfulness “What” Skills (Observe, Describe, Participate)

Mindfulness “How” Skills (Non-Judgmental, One-Mindful, Effective)

Distress Tolerance and Radical Acceptance:

Intro to Distress Tolerance (What is a Crisis, When to Use Distress Tolerance Skills, Goals of Distress Tolerance)

The STOP Skill

The TIP Skill

The Pros and Cons Skill (Coming Soon)

The Distract using Wise Mind ACCEPTS Skill (Coming Soon)

The Self-Soothe Skill

List of Ideas to Help You Self-Soothe

How to Create a Self-Soothe Kit (Coming Very Soon)

The IMPROVE the Moment Skill

What is Radical Acceptance / Reality Acknowledgement

More Info on Radical Acceptance

How to Practice Radical Acceptance / Reality Acknowledgement

How to Practice Radical Acceptance / Reality Acknowledgement for Abuse Survivors

Things which may interfere with Reality Acknowledgement

Willingness, Half-Smiling and Willing Hands

Willingness, Willfulness, and Turning the Mind

Interpersonal Effectiveness:

Intro to Interpersonal Effectiveness (Coming Very Soon)

Myths that Interfere with Interpersonal Effectiveness (Coming Soon)

Clarifying Priorities and Objectives in an Interpersonal Relationship (Coming Very Soon)

Interpersonal Effectiveness Part 1: DEAR MAN

The DEAR MAN Skill, SBD Version (Coming Soon)

How to Write a DEAR MAN Script (Coming Soon)

Interpersonal Effectiveness Part 2: GIVE

The GIVE Skill, SBD Version (Coming Soon)

Interpersonal Effectiveness Part 3: FAST

The FAST Skill, SBD Version (Coming Soon)

Troubleshooting Interpersonal Effectiveness (Coming Soon)

Emotion Regulation:

Intro to Emotion Regulation

What Emotions Do For You and Myths about Emotions

Factors that Make Regulating Emotions Difficult

How to Identify and Describe Emotions (Coming Soon)

The Check the Facts Skill

How to Check the Facts Skill Method 1

How to Check the Facts Skill Method 2

The Opposite Action Skill (Coming Soon)

Intro to Problem Solving (Coming Soon)

The ABC Skill: Accumulate Positive Experiences/Emotions, Build Mastery, Cope Ahead

List of Values and Priorities

List of Pleasant Events

How can I build positive experiences?

The PLEASE Skill (Coming Soon)

Troubleshooting Emotion Regulation Skills (Coming Soon)

Other Information:

What is Self-Enquiry?

What is Urge-Surfing?

I need help identifying emotions?

How can I let go of emotional suffering?

How do I cope with interpersonal problems?

NOTE: This post will be updated on a semi-regular basis as we add more DBT posts to the blog. If you’re seeing a reblogged version of this, be sure to check the original post to see if it has been updated.  This is a Work In Progress and will be updated regularly as I write more posts.   Each time I write a post, it will get immediately added to the list.   Also additional posts may be added that are not already included on this list.  Now that the inbox has been re-opened, feel free to request one of the topics on this list that you would like me to prioritize.  I’m currently in the process of learning the Emotion Regulation unit, so those posts are likely a couple weeks away at least and I won’t be able to get to them if they’re requested until I’ve learned about them in my DBT group. This post will be reblogged every time four or five new DBT posts have been added to it, so that you can have an up-to-date record.

This is a checklist to help one understand Anti-Social Personality Disorder. One may use it to self-diagnose or as a worksheet to present to a doctor or therapist  or other medical professional and better communicate symptoms they are experiencing. All information is taken from the DSM-5.

Section I Must check TWO or more of the following:

I maintain my self-esteem (and often define myself) from personal gain, power, or pleasure.

My goals are often self-oriented, and I have difficulty considering how the consequences affect others.

I have difficulty understanding or relating to the ideas, feelings, or behaviors of others. (low empathy)

I have difficulty maintaining close relationships unless I am in a dominant position.

__ / 4

Section II Must check TWO or more of the following:

I have cognition problems and difficulty perceiving myself, other people, and events. 

I have affectivity problems and difficulty controlling the range and intensity of my emotional responses.

I have problems with interpersonal functioning and being aware of my own actions and feelings.

I have difficulty controlling my impulses.

__ / 4

Section III Must check SIX or more of the following:

I often try to make myself more influential over people and situations. I like to be in control.

I am often unable to understand how my actions or words can harm others.

I find I can be a dishonest person, either in how I present myself to others, or I’ll twist the truth of stories I tell.

I experience persistent or frequent feelings of anger or irritability. 

I often find myself in dangerous, risky, and potentially self-damaging activities without regard for the consequences.

I am impulsive and often act on things without thinking or planning.

I often fail to take care of responsibilities and keep promises.

__ / 7

Section IV Must check THREE or more of the following:

I fail to conform to social norms and rarely do what is expected of me.

I compulsively lie when it benefits me.

I find it difficult to make plans for the future.

I have difficulty maintaining feelings of anger or irritability. 

I am rarely concerned for my own safety or well-being.

I am often unable to sustain consistent work behavior or honor financial obligations.

I don’t often feel regret, and I am often unable to feel remorse when I have wronged someone.

__ / 7

Section V Must check ALL of the following:

My symptoms impair my personality and social functioning

My symptoms are consistent across a broad range of personal and social situations.

My symptoms have lasted a while and started in early adolescence, and some traits have been persistent since childhood.

My symptoms are not caused by medication, drug use, or another medical condition.

My symptoms are persistent and not triggering by a symptom from another mental disorder.

At this point, if you have checked the minimum, you may qualify for a diagnosis of anti-social personality disorder. The next section is a compiled list of symptoms, behaviors, thought patterns, etc. often found in ASPD patients. I have consulted with ASPD patients for this information.

If you did NOT meet the minimum but relate to many of the symptoms listed, check out conduct disorders. If you feel you related to some of the symptoms, but feel many of your symptoms weren’t listed, try anxiety disorders, neurodevelopmental disorders, and depressive disorders. If you cleared Sections II and V but still did not meet the minimum, look into other personality disorders.

Section VI Common symptoms and behaviors associated (not required for diagnosis):

I often don’t feel anxious, even in situations where I should feel anxious.

Some of my behaviors are a means of self-preservation.

I have gotten in trouble with the law on a few occasions. 

I have difficulty reading social cues.

I find I am often unable to finish tasks.

I often view people in the style of an hierarchy. 

I believe everyone is only really out for themselves.

I am incredibly opinionated.

I experience dysphoria, in which I feel my body is not my own.

I often feel very tense and restless.

I am unable to tolerate boredom.

I am very often depressed.

I define myself by my accomplishments and gains.

I have considered or attempted suicide.

I find I rarely get stressed out, even in incredibly stressful situations.

This is a checklist to help one understand Narcissistic Personality Disorder. One may use it to self-diagnose or as a worksheet to present to a doctor or therapist  or other medical professional and better communicate symptoms they are experiencing. All information is taken from the DSM-5.

Section I Must check TWO or more of the following:

I have identity issues, and I depend on others in order to define myself. My self-esteem depends on others as well. How others view me influences how I view myself, which is why I try to present myself as important or powerful.

I have difficulty settings goals for myself, and how I set them really depends on the praise I receive from others. I tend to set goals unrealistically high in order to see myself as exceptional, or contrarily too low so I can feel more powerful when the task is easy.

I struggle to identify with the feelings and needs of others, and I tend to underestimate the effect I have on others.

I have unstable relationships. I can become so focused on my own anxieties and problems I forget the needs of my partner.

__ / 4

Section II Must check TWO or more of the following:

I have cognition problems and difficulty perceiving myself, other people, and events.

I have affectivity problems and difficulty controlling the range and intensity of my emotional responses.

I have problems with interpersonal functioning and being aware of my own actions and feelings.

I have difficulty controlling my impulses.

__ / 4

Section III Must check BOTH of the following:

I can be self-centered, and I feel entitled to good treatment from others, as I am dependent on it.

I like to be the center of attention, and I seek admiration from others.

Section IV Must check FIVE or more of the following:

I tend to exaggerate my achievements and talents and like to be praised for them.

I am often preoccupied with fantasies of my own success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love life.

In a way, I believe I am “special” and unique, and I like to surround myself with other people who are “special” and unique.

I require excessive admiration.

I set unreasonable expectations for both myself and the people around me.

I tend to take advantage of situations and am opportunistic. 

I struggle with empathy and have a difficult time relating to others.

I am often envious, and I covet what other people have.

I can have an arrogant or haughty attitude.

__ / 9

Section V Must check ALL of the following:

My symptoms impair my personality and social functioning

My symptoms are consistent across a broad range of personal and social situations.

My symptoms have lasted a while and started in early adulthood or earlier.

My symptoms are not caused by medication, drug use, or another medical condition.

Section VI Common symptoms and behaviors (not required for diagnosis):

I can have either low or high self-esteem. I find it depends on the people I’m with and how they’re treating me at the time.

I tend to overestimate myself, which can often lead to disappointing myself.

I can become anxious and spiral into a depression if I don’t receive praise or admiration.

I hate being alone for too long.

I find I compare myself with others often, having no other means of defining myself unless I can use someone else as sort of a “measuring tape.”

I often feel incredibly misunderstood by others.

I find I like to have the Best of everything. The newest electronic, the most expensive brand of something, etc.

I like to constantly be moving up and making progress and can become obsessive with it.

When talking myself, I tend to ramble.

I think a lot of people are jealous of me.

I am incredibly sensitive to criticism. I don’t usually show it outwardly, but being criticized can leave me feeling humiliated, degraded, and empty.

When upset, I tend to withdraw from others.

I find being competitive is very difficult for me because there is a chance of losing.

I am often depressed and/or anxious.

I try to read people’s weaknesses while hiding my own.

__ / 15

yes, this is a coping strategy— internal family systems. this is NOT plurality.

i will always come back to this: if you have to pretend to be someone else, that’s not plurality. recognized plurality ONLY stems from intense, repeated trauma and some form of dissociation/derealization that happens unconsciously as a result.

DID ≠ a coping mechanism