Healing Process;

It all hurts so much and I have no one. 

I’m so lonely.

The holidays, my breakup, and the fact that you were supposed to be here on the 27th is way too much for me to deal with. The one time I need my best friend the most, I can’t have you because we’re broken up and that messes up with our “friendship”. 

Falling for your best friend is a terrible idea when that’s the only thing they can be: just your best friend.

Not your best friend and lover, but just your best friend. 

4 years ago, I was in this same situation. I was dreading and getting over a breakup during the holidays. An LDR, too.

Maybe this is a sign that I should really stay away from LDR’s because they hurt way too fucking much. I give myself away too easily. I’m vulnerable too fast. I am just so scared of loving someone because every time I fall in love with someone new, its harder and faster and the pain when they leave is too great to bear.

brain: ruin it

me: why