Fitz let out a breath he hadnât known he was holding when Jemma told him that was not, in fact, what sheâd been saying. âThank god for that,â he mumbled under his breath.
âWait, what?â he blurted again when she told him that sheâd thought of them together beforeâand getting married, apparently.Â
He brought a hand to his forehead, a pained expression on his face. âJemma. If you were that sureâŚwhyâfor heavenâs sakeâwouldnât you have said anythinâ?â
âYes, it wouldâve been worse that way,â he agreed. âBecause if Iâd gone through with the weddinâ, even if youâd told me laterâŚI wouldnât have left. I know itâs an arbitrary line but itâs the one that Iâve drawn for myself. I wouldnât just leave. I wouldâve stayed and we all wouldâve been unhappy.â More than that, he felt it likely wouldâve ruined his and Jemmaâs friendship along with it.
He didnât mention it but Mara had wanted to start trying for a baby sooner rather than later and Fitz already knew that, had that happened, he and Jemma never, ever wouldâve happened.Â
Fitz could never do to his child what his own father had done to him. Sometimes he thought the abandonment was worse than the rest.
When she refused to wait for him upstairs, promising to bring her mobile and wait back at the door to the building, Fitz could see that she wasnât going to be reasonable about it.
âHe wonât hurt me,â he said with far more confidence than he felt. âBut ifâifâanythinâ happens, or anyone gets close to that door, you close it and call the police. Promise me?â
He put an arm around her that was half reassurance for her and half for him. âItâll be fine. I just want to be cautious.â
âWhat?â She practically spluttered again, when he asked why she hadnât said anything before, if sheâd been so sure. âBecause I never thought you felt the same way, obviously!â She retorted, crossing her arms against her chest indignantly.Â
â I just meant, there was a time Iâd imagined it -- but once you and Mara got together... I tried to forget about it.â Â
The first time she thought she had been sure, she chickened out of actually ever saying anything, and then he introduced her to Mara, and she knew it was too late. And her assumption, and hope, that it could be them that end up together quickly started to deteriorate.Â
He didnât fight her too much again when she offered to wait by the door at least, and she had to consider that a small win. âItâll be fine,â She agreed, sliding her hand down that had been crossing her chest to graze her fingers against his at her side. Â
âNo one is getting past that door without setting off an alarm unless theyâve been buzzed in anyway. I just... Iâll feel better if Iâm closer.â She added, offering him a smile that didnât completely meet her eyes.Â