Thoughts

I make a lot of them

Just tired of owning my faults

Tired of being faulty

Maybe I’ll sink in to my despair

Just for a while

Until I find my strength back

It’s been a while

It’s been too much

So I gave up

You do not treat me according to what I deserve. But you treat me continuously with unconditional love. Your grace abounds and I am unworthy, but still foolishly I try to earn which I was already freely given.

Your patience comforts me, knowing that my growth is a process according to your perfect design. My flaws show my need for you, my dependence on you, a life that cannot be lived without you.

Boohoo to your selfishness

Wahwah to your lack of discipline

Nyenye to your insecurities

Grow up

When will you learn?

Don't you want victory over your own demons?

Don't just say it

What do you do with the stamps?

When I “defected” to Christianity, I pledged to the cross. I promised to God that I would live for Him. I was proud to leave my old life, but why do I keep coming back?

I’ll start with how I related the lesson with my quarantine experiences. How I’ve been showing God what was really valuable to me. And since the lesson talked about your allegiance to God, I can say that my citizenship is not wholeheartedly in my Christianity.

The question “If people saw my life on the daily, especially during quarantine, would they be able to tell that I’m a citizen of Jesus Christ?”, It really struck me because most of the time, I fail to realize that more than my nationality and own self identity, I carry with me the identity of Christ. And I haven’t really been using my stamps to help others defect to Christ. 

And lately, I’ve been thinking that I’m so tired of failing God, with not being able to give God my best and so tired with just giving in to the things that I want to do. But I think my problem is also that I don’t want to acknowledge the stamps which are the opportunities, gifts, and talents that God has given me. The reason is because some part of me doesn’t want to take on the responsibilities and another doesn’t want to accept that I’ve been given these gifts because I feel like others have better gifts, so I have this thinking that God would use them instead.

I was also challenged when Noah discussed about being given a stamp that allows me to talk to people that many people in the world cannot, the people that are in my future field of profession or my classmates right now. And God has been constantly hammering in my heart that I’m a very big coward. That my comfort and security isn’t really rooted in Him. 

Tell me...

Will your nice things take you to heaven?

Will your current happiness give you eternal bliss?

Tell me...

How big is the void in your heart?

How much more do you need to fill it up?

You know It will never be enough

Tell me...

Before darkness overtakes