Clara

∞ Jenna Coleman as Clara Oswald in Doctor Who (8x5 Time Heist)

"Looks like the Universe has other plans for you now."

Clara told her softly, understanding that nothing about this was going to be easy. It was all very much outside of what she was used to, but that's what being alive meant. Change. It wasn't always pretty or easy but it was.

"How do I start to become me?"

"Well," she paused to consider the question, giving it the time and thought it required.

"No. The thing about being who you are now is finding out who you are. And you can't do that chasing his attention. Be you, find out what you're good at, what you like doing, and the he'll come to you. Live your life and stop chasing him."

She sighed. She hated feeling out of place, hated feeling like she didn't belong on the ship that was literally part of her.

"Looks like the Universe has other plans for you now."

Clara told her softly, understanding that nothing about this was going to be easy. It was all very much outside of what she was used to, but that's what being alive meant. Change. It wasn't always pretty or easy but it was.

She could feel the roll of emotions through the bond and she was happy to sit in silence while he worked through it all. He'd get there, she knew, but she now knew intimately how his body worked and how much was actually going on right now. There was so much and she didn't blame him for his reactions — the awkward silences, the rambling, the saying-things-without-thinking thing, none of it, not that she ever did blame him, not really, it was always just him. But now she'd felt it all for herself. It was overwhelming.

Lifting her own cup she took a steady sip, her eyes watching him over the rim as he finally seemed to come to. She smiled, that small one that was just his.

"Everything feels a bit different now, doesn't it? Like we understand one another on a level we hadn't before. Humans are interesting creatures. All in all, it was… quite an experience."

His hand splayed out across her back for a gentle touch, thumb caressing her through the tee she wore (which was his, anyway).

She tilted her head into the brush of his lips, her eyes sliding closed for a moment. She adored those little forehead kisses, so intimate and sweet. That same small smile played at the edges of her mouth.

"Mm, it does feel different. But it feels like more. I think we always sort of understood each other, but it's all so much more now. I like where we are now."

For a moment she enjoyed the simple touch of his hand against her, the tender, easy brush of his thumb against her skin, a gesture designed both for her benefit and his own she now knew.

"I'd be happy to curl up in the library with you, with the stars, too."

"Well, I'll believe it for the both of us then."

There was absolute certainty in her voice as she said it. Yes they argued sometimes and sometimes she got mad at him, she was human after all — and sometimes quite driven by her emotions, but she loved him and had absolute faith in him. Always. Because he always turned up when he was needed, he always put in the work and he tried. He inspired and made a difference to a lot of lives.

She could feel the roll of emotions through the bond and she was happy to sit in silence while he worked through it all. He'd get there, she knew, but she now knew intimately how his body worked and how much was actually going on right now. There was so much and she didn't blame him for his reactions — the awkward silences, the rambling, the saying-things-without-thinking thing, none of it, not that she ever did blame him, not really, it was always just him. But now she'd felt it all for herself. It was overwhelming.

Lifting her own cup she took a steady sip, her eyes watching him over the rim as he finally seemed to come to. She smiled, that small one that was just his.

A small smile tugged at the corner of her mouth at being called out and she shrugged as she lifted her cup to take a sip of tea.

"I wasn't trying to be. I wanted you to hear. Because when I tell you you don't always believe me. But thinking it, that's something different."

"Aye, well... Thank you. Even if I don't believe it, I'm glad you do."

"Well, I'll believe it for the both of us then."

There was absolute certainty in her voice as she said it. Yes they argued sometimes and sometimes she got mad at him, she was human after all — and sometimes quite driven by her emotions, but she loved him and had absolute faith in him. Always. Because he always turned up when he was needed, he always put in the work and he tried. He inspired and made a difference to a lot of lives.

She met his gaze with a soft hum, brushing his lips with the backs of her fingers before he released her and she curled her hands around her cup again, soaking up the warmth.

"Here's to some happier times."

They both rather deserved it, she thought. Especially him. He wouldn't always admit it — and sometimes even needed to be firmly reminded, but he was a good man. He fought so long and so hard, strove for peace, gave people who didn't always deserve it a second chance to change their minds. He protected people who didn't have anyone, planets that deserved better and species that no one else would think about. He was a super hero, stopping bad things from happening every day. And he deserved better than he ever gave himself.

She'd been watching him silently for some time, the gentle hum and burble of the TARDIS keeping them company when she spoke again.

It was the only time he would probably ever acknowledge trying to be a good man, the one who made the tough decisions in spite of it all, but he was also her man, and he did his best. The best he could do with what little was given to him. It wasn't easy, though. None of it was ever easy.

"Thank you."

A small smile tugged at the corner of her mouth at being called out and she shrugged as she lifted her cup to take a sip of tea.

"I wasn't trying to be. I wanted you to hear. Because when I tell you you don't always believe me. But thinking it, that's something different."

"I think you know this better than anyone, but life and love isn't simple."

She sipped her own tea before setting the cup down again and reaching for his hand, tangling their fingers together to give them both some comfort. She'd loved Danny and he'd loved her, but it wasn't meant to be. The Universe had other plans for all of them.

It was a hard lesson to learn for the both of them, all of it had been and they probably could have done with a little less heartache and pain, but they'd made it.

"Married at last," he murmured, voice low and sweet. "Let's hope for better days in the future, Clara. We've suffered enough, we have."

Truer words had never been spoken before.

She met his gaze with a soft hum, brushing his lips with the backs of her fingers before he released her and she curled her hands around her cup again, soaking up the warmth.

"Here's to some happier times."

They both rather deserved it, she thought. Especially him. He wouldn't always admit it — and sometimes even needed to be firmly reminded, but he was a good man. He fought so long and so hard, strove for peace, gave people who didn't always deserve it a second chance to change their minds. He protected people who didn't have anyone, planets that deserved better and species that no one else would think about. He was a super hero, stopping bad things from happening every day. And he deserved better than he ever gave himself.

She'd been watching him silently for some time, the gentle hum and burble of the TARDIS keeping them company when she spoke again.

"Mm. I think after all of that, after almost losing you because of a silly mistake, because I didn't properly understand you, I realised. I did love you. I realised I always had. And though I wasn't brave enough to tell you to your face, I had to say the words. To make them real."

She'd reached for her own tea, twisting the cup absently as she spoke, thinking about how she'd felt then. It had all been so tangled and complicated. But in that moment, when she'd been about to say goodbye, to be left behind, she'd known, without a doubt.

"It was killing me inside, you know. That it would be our last trip, that I would drop you off and just... never whisk you away again. That I had to say goodbye, to let you live your life with Danny."

Danny. Not PE, but Danny. Since his passing, the Doctor never called him by that nickname. There was respect there. Danny cared for her and loved her the right way. He was a good man. How could the Doctor ever hate him for a thing like that? He was special to Clara.

"I think you know this better than anyone, but life and love isn't simple."

She sipped her own tea before setting the cup down again and reaching for his hand, tangling their fingers together to give them both some comfort. She'd loved Danny and he'd loved her, but it wasn't meant to be. The Universe had other plans for all of them.

It was a hard lesson to learn for the both of them, all of it had been and they probably could have done with a little less heartache and pain, but they'd made it.

"Mm, you looked so incredibly handsome."

Tilting her head she pulled him down so she could kiss him again, on her terms this time, smiling against his mouth, "That day was the first time I told you I loved you."

Her eyes slipped closed at his easy affection.

"Were you talking to me? I've always wondered, but I never asked you about it. I couldn't bear to say anything." As he asked the question, and continued to talk, he bent to brush a soft kiss to her cheek. "I love you too, Clara. More than words could ever say, not in either your native tongue or mine. Nothing would suffice."

He reached for his tea, having a small sip. "If this entire thing happened back then, I still would have found a way to calm you, you know. I would've... done something. Perhaps I would have taught you telepathy in that moment, different than how things are now with you and I, and it would have soothed you. Or perhaps I would have brought you to the Zero Room, where you could relax, open your mind, and feel nothing, not the flow of Time nor the TARDIS, even the Time Vortex itself. You wouldn't even hear the sound of my heartbeats. Nothing at all. That would have helped you quite a bit, seeing as, you know... outright kissing you wouldn't have helped the situation very much."

"Mm. I think after all of that, after almost losing you because of a silly mistake, because I didn't properly understand you, I realised. I did love you. I realised I always had. And though I wasn't brave enough to tell you to your face, I had to say the words. To make them real."

She'd reached for her own tea, twisting the cup absently as she spoke, thinking about how she'd felt then. It had all been so tangled and complicated. But in that moment, when she'd been about to say goodbye, to be left behind, she'd known, without a doubt.

She shuddered again at his touch, huffing a laugh at the absolutely shameless way he teased her and she leant up, stealing a kiss of her own and nipping his lip before replying, "You're terrible," she accused him, smiling against his mouth before kissing him again.

"It would have been a completely different experience. I'm not sure how I would have taken that." It was true, at that time they'd been in a very different place together. She'd almost made the biggest mistake of her life. Luckily, though, she'd seen sense.

And it was true. He had done his best.

"Mm, you looked so incredibly handsome."

Tilting her head she pulled him down so she could kiss him again, on her terms this time, smiling against his mouth, "That day was the first time I told you I loved you."

Her eyes slipped closed at his easy affection.

As he spoke she listened, as always, but this was different. Special. It wasn't often he was so open about what was on his mind or what he was feeling, and she understood why now, but he always had her complete attention when he did. It was important that he knew how seriously she took this.

"I fancy you all the time, just so we're on the same page, but I'm happy for it to play out however it does." She grinned. "But I'm pleased to know I have running permission to use and abuse you and plan to occasionally take full advantage of it."

It was the tone of his voice as much as the touch itself that had her melting into a gooey mess moments later, goosebumps jumping up across her arms.

His thumb caressed the nape of her neck, teasing now. He could feel the goosebumps that cropped up along her arms, and it tickled him. He chuckled again in amusement. He liked knowing that she had enjoyed experiencing things while in his body, as bizarre as the entire debacle had been. As a married couple, it was actually rather fun.

She shuddered again at his touch, huffing a laugh at the absolutely shameless way he teased her and she leant up, stealing a kiss of her own and nipping his lip before replying, "You're terrible," she accused him, smiling against his mouth before kissing him again.

"It would have been a completely different experience. I'm not sure how I would have taken that." It was true, at that time they'd been in a very different place together. She'd almost made the biggest mistake of her life. Luckily, though, she'd seen sense.

Moments like these, where he was so open, so unguarded, when his emotions were clear for her to see, it would never not astonish her. This man was absolutely beautiful, in every conceivable way. He was stupid, rude, accidentally flirty, brilliant, clever, smug. And he was her hero. She was so stupidly in love with him.

Her fingers threaded through his, fastening them together for a moment before she began to toy with the king digits, her thumb stroking his hand.

"My hormones are usually all over the place when I'm with you." She smiled, shuddering slightly at the ghost of feeling against the back of her neck. "Well, I think I have a new erogenous zone."

Switching it up she brought his hand to her mouth, brushing a kiss to his skin.

"I... If we're being entirely honest," he began, "I think I wouldn't mind letting go more often with you. It was nice not to be in control for once. And I know you enjoy me a certain way, that you fancy having me be in charge. But every so often, yeah, you have full permission to just — how do you humans say it? — use and abuse me."

He laughed, entirely amused as he bent for a soft, slow kiss, nose brushing hers. His cheeks were still flaming red but that was alright. For as much sex as they had, and as regularly as they had it, he still found himself embarrassed on occasion.

As he spoke she listened, as always, but this was different. Special. It wasn't often he was so open about what was on his mind or what he was feeling, and she understood why now, but he always had her complete attention when he did. It was important that he knew how seriously she took this.

"I fancy you all the time, just so we're on the same page, but I'm happy for it to play out however it does." She grinned. "But I'm pleased to know I have running permission to use and abuse you and plan to occasionally take full advantage of it."

It was the tone of his voice as much as the touch itself that had her melting into a gooey mess moments later, goosebumps jumping up across her arms.