∞ Jenna Coleman as Clara Oswald in Doctor Who (8x5 Time Heist)
requested by @yoakkemae

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@impossibleoz
∞ Jenna Coleman as Clara Oswald in Doctor Who (8x5 Time Heist)
requested by @yoakkemae

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-----
"Looks like the Universe has other plans for you now."
Clara told her softly, understanding that nothing about this was going to be easy. It was all very much outside of what she was used to, but that's what being alive meant. Change. It wasn't always pretty or easy but it was.
"It's a learning curve. Start small, let yourself get used to it."
She shrugged.
"How do I start to become me?"
She asks curiously. "How am I meant to work out this whole situation when I don't know who I am?"
-----
"Well," she paused to consider the question, giving it the time and thought it required.
"Work that bit out first. What do you like doing? What do you dislike? What are your favourite things? You have to start thinking about you and then the rest will come."
-----
"No. The thing about being who you are now is finding out who you are. And you can't do that chasing his attention. Be you, find out what you're good at, what you like doing, and the he'll come to you. Live your life and stop chasing him."
She sighed softly. "And I know how hard that is to do, trust me. You feel like you want to chase him, to never be without him and have his constant attention because he's just... well. He's wonderful. But you have to live for you. The rest will come. He will come."
"But I don't want to find out who I am now. I want to be exactly who I was made to be, Miss Clara."
She sighed. She hated feeling out of place, hated feeling like she didn't belong on the ship that was literally part of her.
"I don't know how to live for me."
-----
"Looks like the Universe has other plans for you now."
Clara told her softly, understanding that nothing about this was going to be easy. It was all very much outside of what she was used to, but that's what being alive meant. Change. It wasn't always pretty or easy but it was.
"It's a learning curve. Start small, let yourself get used to it."
big fan of men who call you spoiled and roll their eyes at you but continue to give into your every whim
( @impossibleoz. )
Malcolm Tucker + GQ Material THE THICK OF IT | S04

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-----
She could feel the roll of emotions through the bond and she was happy to sit in silence while he worked through it all. He'd get there, she knew, but she now knew intimately how his body worked and how much was actually going on right now. There was so much and she didn't blame him for his reactions — the awkward silences, the rambling, the saying-things-without-thinking thing, none of it, not that she ever did blame him, not really, it was always just him. But now she'd felt it all for herself. It was overwhelming.
Lifting her own cup she took a steady sip, her eyes watching him over the rim as he finally seemed to come to. She smiled, that small one that was just his.
"I know."
Her words warmed him, and he sent a soft smile in her direction in response. Leaning over, he brushed a kiss to her temple and murmured to her, voice low and gruff.
"Everything feels a bit different now, doesn't it? Like we understand one another on a level we hadn't before. Humans are interesting creatures. All in all, it was… quite an experience."
His hand splayed out across her back for a gentle touch, thumb caressing her through the tee she wore (which was his, anyway).
"How would you feel about some relaxing time in the Library, then? Or a swim in the pool? Either, or. My body's rather sore, and I'm sure yours is as well."
-----
She tilted her head into the brush of his lips, her eyes sliding closed for a moment. She adored those little forehead kisses, so intimate and sweet. That same small smile played at the edges of her mouth.
"Mm, it does feel different. But it feels like more. I think we always sort of understood each other, but it's all so much more now. I like where we are now."
For a moment she enjoyed the simple touch of his hand against her, the tender, easy brush of his thumb against her skin, a gesture designed both for her benefit and his own she now knew.
"I'd be happy to curl up in the library with you, with the stars, too."
She adored that hologram.
-----
"Well, I'll believe it for the both of us then."
There was absolute certainty in her voice as she said it. Yes they argued sometimes and sometimes she got mad at him, she was human after all — and sometimes quite driven by her emotions, but she loved him and had absolute faith in him. Always. Because he always turned up when he was needed, he always put in the work and he tried. He inspired and made a difference to a lot of lives.
"And I'm not the only one. So remember, even when you doubt yourself, I don't."
He let both hands wrap around his teacup, needing the warmth from it. He took another sip, the motion purely mechanical. His mind was in a whirl, same as always in moments such as these. He almost couldn't handle the emotion in Clara's voice. Sometimes, just sometimes, her faith in him was almost overwhelming. It was love. He understood that, even felt the same for her, but it was just a lot to acknowledge in the private moments.
Eventually, he cast a glance in her direction. His eyes were sincere and his expression soft. "If it needs to be said," he replied, "the sentiment is more than returned. Thank you."
-----
She could feel the roll of emotions through the bond and she was happy to sit in silence while he worked through it all. He'd get there, she knew, but she now knew intimately how his body worked and how much was actually going on right now. There was so much and she didn't blame him for his reactions — the awkward silences, the rambling, the saying-things-without-thinking thing, none of it, not that she ever did blame him, not really, it was always just him. But now she'd felt it all for herself. It was overwhelming.
Lifting her own cup she took a steady sip, her eyes watching him over the rim as he finally seemed to come to. She smiled, that small one that was just his.
"I know."
-----
A small smile tugged at the corner of her mouth at being called out and she shrugged as she lifted her cup to take a sip of tea.
"I wasn't trying to be. I wanted you to hear. Because when I tell you you don't always believe me. But thinking it, that's something different."
They both knew he was too hard on himself a lot of the time. Punishing himself for something that wasn't entirely his fault. She'd seen it, been there, saw it every day when the hard decisions came knocking. But he never faltered in the face of it. He stood tall and he made a choice. And she respected that.
The Doctor withered beneath that gaze and those words. She was right, and she caught him. He was utterly helpless for a moment, resorting to staring down at his teacup as it sat on the kitchen counter, his mind in a whirl. After some time, he made a sound, and his eyes found her.
"Aye, well... Thank you. Even if I don't believe it, I'm glad you do."
He meant that. He really did. And maybe, just maybe, if they spent enough time together and she wore him down little by little, he would one day believe it as well. Stranger things had happened.
-----
"Well, I'll believe it for the both of us then."
There was absolute certainty in her voice as she said it. Yes they argued sometimes and sometimes she got mad at him, she was human after all — and sometimes quite driven by her emotions, but she loved him and had absolute faith in him. Always. Because he always turned up when he was needed, he always put in the work and he tried. He inspired and made a difference to a lot of lives.
"And I'm not the only one. So remember, even when you doubt yourself, I don't."
-----
She met his gaze with a soft hum, brushing his lips with the backs of her fingers before he released her and she curled her hands around her cup again, soaking up the warmth.
"Here's to some happier times."
They both rather deserved it, she thought. Especially him. He wouldn't always admit it — and sometimes even needed to be firmly reminded, but he was a good man. He fought so long and so hard, strove for peace, gave people who didn't always deserve it a second chance to change their minds. He protected people who didn't have anyone, planets that deserved better and species that no one else would think about. He was a super hero, stopping bad things from happening every day. And he deserved better than he ever gave himself.
She'd been watching him silently for some time, the gentle hum and burble of the TARDIS keeping them company when she spoke again.
"I love you."
His eyes shyly met hers. "I love you as well," he replied. "And as for everything else, you know I can hear your thoughts. You aren't even trying to be subtle right now, Clara."
It was the only time he would probably ever acknowledge trying to be a good man, the one who made the tough decisions in spite of it all, but he was also her man, and he did his best. The best he could do with what little was given to him. It wasn't easy, though. None of it was ever easy.
"Thank you."
The words were softly spoken, sweet and meaningful.
-----
A small smile tugged at the corner of her mouth at being called out and she shrugged as she lifted her cup to take a sip of tea.
"I wasn't trying to be. I wanted you to hear. Because when I tell you you don't always believe me. But thinking it, that's something different."
They both knew he was too hard on himself a lot of the time. Punishing himself for something that wasn't entirely his fault. She'd seen it, been there, saw it every day when the hard decisions came knocking. But he never faltered in the face of it. He stood tall and he made a choice. And she respected that.
-----
"I think you know this better than anyone, but life and love isn't simple."
She sipped her own tea before setting the cup down again and reaching for his hand, tangling their fingers together to give them both some comfort. She'd loved Danny and he'd loved her, but it wasn't meant to be. The Universe had other plans for all of them.
It was a hard lesson to learn for the both of them, all of it had been and they probably could have done with a little less heartache and pain, but they'd made it.
"Here we are. Married, no less."
After squeezing her fingers lightly, he drew their hands up and bent to lay a kiss over her knuckles.
"Married at last," he murmured, voice low and sweet. "Let's hope for better days in the future, Clara. We've suffered enough, we have."
Truer words had never been spoken before.
His eyes met hers and he smiled, the soft and sad kind, before bringing his mug to his lips for a slow sip. The TARDIS beeped and burbled at the pair, as if wanting to bring them comfort, and he hummed appreciatively. It was cozy. This time together, time well spent, to themselves, to their thoughts, et cetera. They needed this.
-----
She met his gaze with a soft hum, brushing his lips with the backs of her fingers before he released her and she curled her hands around her cup again, soaking up the warmth.
"Here's to some happier times."
They both rather deserved it, she thought. Especially him. He wouldn't always admit it — and sometimes even needed to be firmly reminded, but he was a good man. He fought so long and so hard, strove for peace, gave people who didn't always deserve it a second chance to change their minds. He protected people who didn't have anyone, planets that deserved better and species that no one else would think about. He was a super hero, stopping bad things from happening every day. And he deserved better than he ever gave himself.
She'd been watching him silently for some time, the gentle hum and burble of the TARDIS keeping them company when she spoke again.
"I love you."

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-----
"Mm. I think after all of that, after almost losing you because of a silly mistake, because I didn't properly understand you, I realised. I did love you. I realised I always had. And though I wasn't brave enough to tell you to your face, I had to say the words. To make them real."
She'd reached for her own tea, twisting the cup absently as she spoke, thinking about how she'd felt then. It had all been so tangled and complicated. But in that moment, when she'd been about to say goodbye, to be left behind, she'd known, without a doubt.
"I know you'd have found someway to help. It wouldn't have been nearly as fun, but you would have. Because you always save me."
His expression had turned thoughtful and pensive. He glanced her way, tea in hand, and sighed.
"It was killing me inside, you know. That it would be our last trip, that I would drop you off and just... never whisk you away again. That I had to say goodbye, to let you live your life with Danny."
Danny. Not PE, but Danny. Since his passing, the Doctor never called him by that nickname. There was respect there. Danny cared for her and loved her the right way. He was a good man. How could the Doctor ever hate him for a thing like that? He was special to Clara.
"Things worked out in the end, though. Here we are."
-----
"I think you know this better than anyone, but life and love isn't simple."
She sipped her own tea before setting the cup down again and reaching for his hand, tangling their fingers together to give them both some comfort. She'd loved Danny and he'd loved her, but it wasn't meant to be. The Universe had other plans for all of them.
It was a hard lesson to learn for the both of them, all of it had been and they probably could have done with a little less heartache and pain, but they'd made it.
"Here we are. Married, no less."
-----
"Mm, you looked so incredibly handsome."
Tilting her head she pulled him down so she could kiss him again, on her terms this time, smiling against his mouth, "That day was the first time I told you I loved you."
Her eyes slipped closed at his easy affection.
"I think you're probably right. Everything was quite... Tense about it without us being in different bodies, I'm not sure how I would have coped with all of that sensation on top of everything. Probably not gracefully."
His eyebrows rose at her words, a bit surprised by the revelation.
"Were you talking to me? I've always wondered, but I never asked you about it. I couldn't bear to say anything." As he asked the question, and continued to talk, he bent to brush a soft kiss to her cheek. "I love you too, Clara. More than words could ever say, not in either your native tongue or mine. Nothing would suffice."
He reached for his tea, having a small sip. "If this entire thing happened back then, I still would have found a way to calm you, you know. I would've... done something. Perhaps I would have taught you telepathy in that moment, different than how things are now with you and I, and it would have soothed you. Or perhaps I would have brought you to the Zero Room, where you could relax, open your mind, and feel nothing, not the flow of Time nor the TARDIS, even the Time Vortex itself. You wouldn't even hear the sound of my heartbeats. Nothing at all. That would have helped you quite a bit, seeing as, you know... outright kissing you wouldn't have helped the situation very much."
He chuckled at that, goofy as ever.
-----
"Mm. I think after all of that, after almost losing you because of a silly mistake, because I didn't properly understand you, I realised. I did love you. I realised I always had. And though I wasn't brave enough to tell you to your face, I had to say the words. To make them real."
She'd reached for her own tea, twisting the cup absently as she spoke, thinking about how she'd felt then. It had all been so tangled and complicated. But in that moment, when she'd been about to say goodbye, to be left behind, she'd known, without a doubt.
"I know you'd have found someway to help. It wouldn't have been nearly as fun, but you would have. Because you always save me."
-----
She shuddered again at his touch, huffing a laugh at the absolutely shameless way he teased her and she leant up, stealing a kiss of her own and nipping his lip before replying, "You're terrible," she accused him, smiling against his mouth before kissing him again.
"It would have been a completely different experience. I'm not sure how I would have taken that." It was true, at that time they'd been in a very different place together. She'd almost made the biggest mistake of her life. Luckily, though, she'd seen sense.
"You did look terribly good when we were on that train though." It was a thoughtful little muse and she laughed against his mouth. "Very dashing."
His fingers confidently slipped into her hair, holding her close for another, longer kiss. He hummed at both the revelation and the tone of her voice. "Did I? Look dashing, I mean? I tried my best for you. You deserved nothing less."
And it was true. He had done his best.
His lips brushed over her forehead, sweet and loving, and his nose pressed to her warm skin after. "You know," he said with a laugh. "You probably would have just passed out on that train, if you were suddenly in my body. I might've done the same in yours. Things would have gone very differently, I suspect."
-----
"Mm, you looked so incredibly handsome."
Tilting her head she pulled him down so she could kiss him again, on her terms this time, smiling against his mouth, "That day was the first time I told you I loved you."
Her eyes slipped closed at his easy affection.
"I think you're probably right. Everything was quite... Tense about it without us being in different bodies, I'm not sure how I would have coped with all of that sensation on top of everything. Probably not gracefully."
-----
As he spoke she listened, as always, but this was different. Special. It wasn't often he was so open about what was on his mind or what he was feeling, and she understood why now, but he always had her complete attention when he did. It was important that he knew how seriously she took this.
"I fancy you all the time, just so we're on the same page, but I'm happy for it to play out however it does." She grinned. "But I'm pleased to know I have running permission to use and abuse you and plan to occasionally take full advantage of it."
It was the tone of his voice as much as the touch itself that had her melting into a gooey mess moments later, goosebumps jumping up across her arms.
"That would be the place."
He didn't care if they were in the kitchen or not. He drew her close for a kiss, his lips slow, warm, and inviting. When he drew away, he stayed close. His lips hovered over hers, eyes still shut, as he said, "I'll be sure to remember that, then. Right here."
His thumb caressed the nape of her neck, teasing now. He could feel the goosebumps that cropped up along her arms, and it tickled him. He chuckled again in amusement. He liked knowing that she had enjoyed experiencing things while in his body, as bizarre as the entire debacle had been. As a married couple, it was actually rather fun.
"Imagine if we... weren't together," he said with a soft, short laugh. "Imagine if that happened years ago, maybe after the Orient Express or after the business with the dream crabs. How devastating would that have been? We were rather lucky. You would have been suffering in my body, and I wouldn't have known what to do. At least, with the way things turned out, I was able to distract you for a little while."
-----
She shuddered again at his touch, huffing a laugh at the absolutely shameless way he teased her and she leant up, stealing a kiss of her own and nipping his lip before replying, "You're terrible," she accused him, smiling against his mouth before kissing him again.
"It would have been a completely different experience. I'm not sure how I would have taken that." It was true, at that time they'd been in a very different place together. She'd almost made the biggest mistake of her life. Luckily, though, she'd seen sense.
"You did look terribly good when we were on that train though." It was a thoughtful little muse and she laughed against his mouth. "Very dashing."
-----
Moments like these, where he was so open, so unguarded, when his emotions were clear for her to see, it would never not astonish her. This man was absolutely beautiful, in every conceivable way. He was stupid, rude, accidentally flirty, brilliant, clever, smug. And he was her hero. She was so stupidly in love with him.
Her fingers threaded through his, fastening them together for a moment before she began to toy with the king digits, her thumb stroking his hand.
"My hormones are usually all over the place when I'm with you." She smiled, shuddering slightly at the ghost of feeling against the back of her neck. "Well, I think I have a new erogenous zone."
Switching it up she brought his hand to her mouth, brushing a kiss to his skin.
"It felt good for you to let go like that, to be helpless for me. I felt honoured, y'know? Even if you were in my body."
The way she brought his hand to her lips left him lost for a moment. His eyebrows drew together, emotion crossing his face as he swallowed thickly.
"I... If we're being entirely honest," he began, "I think I wouldn't mind letting go more often with you. It was nice not to be in control for once. And I know you enjoy me a certain way, that you fancy having me be in charge. But every so often, yeah, you have full permission to just — how do you humans say it? — use and abuse me."
He laughed, entirely amused as he bent for a soft, slow kiss, nose brushing hers. His cheeks were still flaming red but that was alright. For as much sex as they had, and as regularly as they had it, he still found himself embarrassed on occasion.
A hand brushed her throat, her neck, and wound around to touch the nape of her head. "Right here, you mean?" he teased, brogue a soft drawl.
-----
As he spoke she listened, as always, but this was different. Special. It wasn't often he was so open about what was on his mind or what he was feeling, and she understood why now, but he always had her complete attention when he did. It was important that he knew how seriously she took this.
"I fancy you all the time, just so we're on the same page, but I'm happy for it to play out however it does." She grinned. "But I'm pleased to know I have running permission to use and abuse you and plan to occasionally take full advantage of it."
It was the tone of his voice as much as the touch itself that had her melting into a gooey mess moments later, goosebumps jumping up across her arms.
"That would be the place."

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When you say shut up and I say make me. I really mean shove your cock in my mouth now
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