#project2030worldcup

i think everyone on here is well aware that i am a bit of a rpf freak. that being said, i like to think i am level-headed about it and that i am able to separate the fiction, which i enjoy, from the reality, which i acknowledge and respect.

however, sometimes i just get... intrusive thoughts? maybe? unwanted thoughts in any case, about the "reality" aspect of it. i'm not sure if that makes sense but let me try to explain. sometimes i'll see a reminder of the irl wives/families, and then my mind kind of gets stuck on that, unable to let it go or forget about it. which then somehow turns into "god aren't you just a horrible person for writing all this self-indulgent fiction when they have happy loving families at home. don't you feel Horrible and Guilty. what the hell are you seriously even doing."

and it's weird because like... if you asked me my opinion on rpf in general i'd say that it's not a problem as long as it is done out of respect to the persons in question (including not writing at all if they have previously expressed discomfort with it) and kept largely hidden from the public view. and i do adhere to these things. but somehow my mind sometimes just can't stop feeling those negative emotions regardless??

also, a touch more personal so i won't go too into detail but i also have repetitive intrusive (again, question mark) thoughts about a specific coupled sexual act that gets triggered occasionally and randomly, and while i've grown used to it over the years, if it happens to get combined with what i mentioned above about the persons in question and their wives, it's just not a very pleasant thing to experience if i'm honest

most of the time, the aforementioned feelings of guilt etc don't linger for long and i can forget about them with a simple distraction. but it still happens not infrequently, and more often than would be ideal for me. i don't really know how to get it to stop, other than just distracting myself until it eventually comes back the next time

(well i suppose one way to get it to stop would be to not engage with or produce rpf content anymore.... but we all know i'm not going to do that lmao)

it was of course primarily a work trip but for jason who was unexpectedly thrust into that role with basically no prior experience whatsoever, it must have meant a lot that someone would come and take interest in what you were doing and speak about it with you

not this being how i find out he has an actual instagram profile

eddie's first yellow card challenge (bit harsh? barely touched him)

a mini altercation, eddie and jason walk up at the same time and eddie focuses on his teammates while jason starts chatting to the opposition (typical)

eddie's second yellow card challenge and reaction - him and jason protesting the ref at the same time (typical again)