Imagine Tao

Imagine Tao getting into podcasts. Have you heard this one? It’s all the rage.

Imagine Tao knitting the lumpiest pair of socks. It’s a fashion statement! That’s how they’re supposed to look!

Imagine Tao doing children’s typing games so he can improve his keyboard and mouse literacy. He needs to get better at computers so he can be a real PC gamer. He already has SimCity AND Rollercoaster Tycoon downloaded, and he needs to be at peak performance to make it to a competitive level in such high-rolling esports.

Imagine Tao trying to write a Broadway Musical about his own life.

Imagine Tao trying to send fanmail to the iCarly website. He wants to get on the webshow! Maybe someday he’ll be as cool as Carly and Sam are.

Imagine Tao refusing to wear his glasses AND his contacts. He can’t see anything. This is terrible. There’s absolutely nothing he can do to remedy the situation. What? Glasses? He doesn’t know her.

Imagine Tao staying up past his bedtime to watch scary movies. This one is called EXO Next Door. Who’s that cryptid? It almost looks like him! Spooky!

Imagine Tao writing, directing, and starring in his very own feature film. It’s called The Hallway. It’s an instant cult classic.

Imagine Tao eating four lipsticks in a row. Just chomping them like they’re candy bars. Just chewing and swallowing. The absolute madman.

Imagine Tao trying to become a Vine star. He doesn’t seem to understand or care when people tell him that there is literally no way for him to do that anymore. Ah, to be so carefree.

Imagine Tao writing long essays on the discourse about the difference between a bop and a banger. Bangers, he says, smash. Bops, on the other hand, slap. This is his doctoral thesis. He’s going to pass with flying colors.

Imagine Tao absolutely tearing it up on the dance floor. He wasn’t invited to this dance. This dance was for seventh graders only. He’s not registered as a chaperone. How did he get in here? Linda, who let him in here? He needs to leave.