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heart thumping as loud with the rhythm of the horses from his carriage, his hand clutching the letter written from you, diluc looked outside the window restlessly. all he could see was green and it was making him sick, he waited and waited until when his new manor was finally in view, he jumped off his majestic ride and ran on his two feet.

of course, this startled even his brother who was in the same carriage as him but everyone knew that none of them could stop him. not when the matter concerns you.

diluc ran as fast as he could, as swift as his muscles could work. his gaze was fixed on the large mansion, his thoughts was full of you. he had to see it for himself, confirm with his two eyes if what was written in that letter was true.

he couldn’t wait, not when he promised he wouldn’t leave you alone anymore and yet, he failed to do so. diluc was supposed to stay at sumeru for two weeks, however due to bad weather they couldn’t sail as planned and he ended up stuck in that nation for the whole season.

though you kept assuring him that you were fine and that it was inevitable, diluc was torn apart. he was devastated that he couldn’t bring you along, and he was even more frustrated that he had to be apart from you for longer than he promised.

as he finally made it past the gates he instantly caught your figure from afar. you were seated at a gazebo, enjoying your evening tea with the maids accompanying you. the red hair felt his heart swell at the sight of you.

he wasted no time and picked up his pace as he saw you getting up from your seat. he clutched the letter in his hand when he finally stopped a few feet away from you.

of course, you were surprised by his presence. he didn’t reply to your last letter so you assumed the weather there must’ve gotten worse. you kept an open mind and prepared your heart that he might not return for yet another month.

the last thing you expected was to see your husband, disheveled than his normal dignified look, standing right in front of you, breathless as he clutched your letter in his hand. diluc had a look you had never seen before, and it worried you a little. you weren’t expecting this kind of reaction when you broke the news to him through the letter.

“tell me, is this true?”

he queried, breathless as ever. you gulped, dismissing the maids to have a private conversation with him. “you should take a seat first, how about some tea?” you tried to console him. diluc shook his head as he took a step towards you. “no, i need to know. now.” he demanded.

you took a deep breath before nodding your head, still so careful about his reaction. was it a mistake? should you have waited? why was his reaction so different than what you predicted?

you didn’t dare to look at him, but his silence was scaring you. “diluc, i’m sorry if this isn’t what you wanted but i thou-”

without warning, the man lifted you in his arms as he twirled you around. surprised, you rested your palms on his shoulders, afraid he might dropped you as you looked at him with wide eyes. you squealed as he hugged you tighter.

“we’re having a baby!”

he exclaimed, kissing you feverishly and caressing your hair. you had never expected such reaction from him, but the joy in his face was all it took to melt your heart. diluc kissed your palm before he placed them on his cheeks.

when you first found out about your pregnancy, diluc was already sailing to sumeru. you thought of telling him after he returned but due to the extension, you knew you had to tell him immediately. you were already three months pregnant and soon enough, your belly would show.

diluc took you by surprised when he lifted you in a princess carry as he headed towards the mansion. “i can walk on my own.” you stated as you were embarrassed from all the stares by the servants. “not when i’m around, i’m going to halt all my work until the baby comes. i want to spend every waking moment with you.” he said before placing a kiss on your temple.

much to your surprise, diluc was such an attentive husband. he never really left your side, always finishing work early, making sure to eat all meals with you and he took care of you whenever you had your mood swings. he was there at every doctor’s appointment, and even had a baby room prepared.

diluc was so happy that you couldn’t help but to feel happy as well. he was supportive and he tried his all to make you at ease.

it was during one quiet dawn, you were already at term but the doctor assured you that she would be just a call away whenever they baby was ready to come out. you were afraid naturally, you wanted everything to go smoothly but you feared the pain and you feared if anything would go wrong.

of course, this worry of yours didn’t go unnoticed by your husband. he tried his best to look calm in front of you but he too, was nervous to welcome the little one.

during that one dawn, it was like every other dawn. diluc would wake up earlier than usual to start his daily training. he would run a few miles, practice his swordsmanship with any of the knights. lately, he had been doing a lot of sparring with kaeya.

the soon to be uncle was also excited, to the point he basically resided in the mansion with the two of you. he wanted to be there during the birth of ragnvindr’s new heir.

it nearly spooked the lives out of the two men when one of the maids yelled “the baby is coming out!” through the windows in order to alert the young master.

diluc sprinted towards your shared bedroom and immediately rushed next to your side. he kept whispering how you were doing great and that everything was going to be fine, and he kept promising that the pain would go away.

he clutched your hand so tightly that you weren’t even sure which one was more painful, childbirth or his grasp. diluc’s heart skipped a beat when he heard the first cry of his little one. and oh, how he rejoiced when he could see fine red hairs on the baby’s head.

“congratulations, it’s a girl.”

said the midwife as she handed the bundle of joy in his arms. as he first glanced at his little princess, diluc’s vision was already blurry with tears. he held her close to his chest as he showed the child to you. instantly, he kissed your forehead as he whispered multiple thank yous to you.

diluc couldn’t put a word to describe his feelings, though he already had a daughter, emma, but he was never there from the very beginning.

everything felt foreign and new to him, and all of these new feelings made his heart swell. he had never been happier, and he didn’t need words to describe it. you could see it for yourself.

the sun rose as the two of you stare at your daughter, completely mesmerised by her presence.

lucy ragnvindr, the name diluc had chosen for his little girl. born at dawn, she was his new addition of light in his life. diluc never hid his doting for his new daughter. he showered her with all kinds of love. he never grew tired of staring at her, pinching her cheeks, playing with her small fingers.

he would carry her around whenever she would cry in the middle of the night. sometimes you would find him asleep on the floor next to lucy’s crib as he took care of her all night.

diluc was obsessed with her. and he had you to thank for. every night after ensuring his little redhead was asleep, he would crawl into bed next to you, hugging you tight in his embrace as he expressed how blessed he was to have both of you in his life.

when lucy was finally big enough to walk and talk, diluc became awfully protective. he wouldn’t let lucy play around with others for so long. often, scooping the girl back into his arms. he was even more protective whenever kaeya would come by to play with her, saying something about how his brother knows nothing about handling a child.

you often found yourself laughing at how childish he was being when it comes to his daughters. you noticed that diluc especially loved playing with lucy’s hair. the two of them had bright red tresses and it was a sight to watch them together.

diluc would often bring emma along introducing her to her new sister, and it made you fawn over how she doted on her sister.

it made you utterly happy to be able to build a family with the man you were so in love with.

even the whole of mondstadt celebrated the strongest clan’s heir triumphantly. you looked at the child in his arms, it touched your heart that you now had two, important people in your life. you would shower the child with love, never letting her know what it felt like to be in the dark.

you had to thank diluc for all the changes that had happened in your life. how he gave you all the freedom and bliss in your life. as you were sure no one was paying attention, you sneaked a peck on your husband’s cheek, giving him a smile afterwards.

“thank you for being in my life.”

diluc beat you to it as he thanked you first, before he stole a quick kiss from your lips. “i’ll cherish both of all until the end of times.” he said as he leaned his forehead against yours, with lucy in his arms.

“emma?” jean looked around the large ballroom, she couldn’t find the small girl. she didn’t want to make a scene so she rushed on her own in search for her.

however, as she searched more, she couldn’t find even a trace of her daughter. naturally, she started to panic. her restlessness was noticed by none other than the star of the night. diluc silently approached her, afraid that he might spark rumours if he openly dared to call out for her.

“hey, what’s the matter?”

“emma…! i can’t find her.” jean admitted and that was when diluc slowly started to worry as well. at first, they tried to not cause a commotion, but after nearly an hour searching inside the building, none of them could find the child.

he issued for his knights to look for her outside, or if there was any trace of her. he tried not to mention the worse scenario, but as knights both he and jean knew what to expect.

diluc glanced at the woman, noticed how jean was starting to panic and he knew well more than anyone that she would have trouble making decisions when her mind is clouded. “hey, no worrying. we’ll find her.” he said. diluc wasn’t truly good at comforting people, but jean was glad that he tried anyway.

albedo shook his head when as he witnessed the interaction between the two. he was glad that you weren’t around, that might’ve broke your already tainted heart. he turned away from the scene and that was when he had a premonition. albedo noticed that you too, were no where to be found.

could it be? he shook his head, he shouldn’t suspect you. so, he tried to find you instead in case he could serve as an alibi if some nasty nobles decided to use you to cause drama.

“umm… i don’t think mama is outside…”

emma’s voice softly trailed off. she had a bad feeling and that was when she felt that your grip on her was a little too tight. however, emma wasn’t a child who cried easily. she didn’t want to think badly of you, after all her papa said you were a princess. and princesses are kind…

you kept up a smile, “really? but i’m certain i saw her outside.” you stated as you picked up your pace, worried that some people might already notice the girl’s absence.

emma shook her head as she tugged your dress. “no, i don’t want to go outside. it’s scary. i want to go back.” she said when you two stopped in front of a lake. it wasn’t so far from the banquet. the two of you were only at the far end of the garden where there was a lake.

after all, you didn’t plan to just get rid of the child, you knew that you had to go too.

you disregard the child and started pulling her with you towards the water. it was then, that emma started to struggle against you. she was wailing, crying out no and that she wanted to go back. you didn’t care, it had to end today you wanted to end it all today.

your chest felt constricted and you were suffocating when you could evidently see the fear in the child’s eyes. they were so familiar, so similar to a look you had when you were younger. the fear of your own family.

were you really about to do this to a child?

weren’t you the same as your family?

would diluc ever forgave you for this?

out of a sudden, emma pushed you and the two of you ended up falling. luckily, she didn’t fall into the water but got splashed instead. you only fell by the riverbank, which ended up your skirt and shoes getting wet.

somehow, you came to your senses when the girl started to laugh. she was splashing even more water towards you, as if you were playing together. it was so innocent, so pure and you could see why diluc loved her so much. maybe, deep down inside you wanted a child of your own too. a child whom you’d shower with love, give all the attention you never had when you were a child.

but alas, you were useless.

removing your shawl that was luckily spared from the water, you wrapped it around emma. you didn’t realise you were already crying as you looked at her.

“i’m sorry.” you said, confusing the child. you noticed that a lot of knights were leaving the banquet, meaning that your husband was already looking for her. “be a good girl and stay here, your papa is coming for you.” you patted her head before looking at the hall one last time.

the nobles were right, what use did diluc have for you anyway? maybe it was time for you to accept it and leave on your own. after all, diluc had nothing to lose if you were gone.

still, you never expected for it to hurt so much. you never knew that admitting to letting him go would torn your heart into pieces.

you escaped the place silently before anyone could see you.

“emma…? oh dear, emma!”

jean immediately dashed towards her daughter when she noticed her by the lake, wrapped in a shawl. “are you okay, why are you here all by yourself?” she asked, pulling the child into an embrace. “i was looking for you.” emma answered. “oh my sorry, my dear.” jean hugged her tighter, feeling guilty that she left her child alone.

if she was a little late, emma might’ve gone too deep into the water. as jean picked her up, she thanked diluc who only stood by and watched. however, he noticed the shawl wrapped around the child, and he knew immediately that it was yours.

“papa, i met the princess. she was very pretty.”

diluc was confused at first, he was wondering how were you connected with this and when did the two of you met. he was about to ask the child what did she meant by that, and if so where was his wife. however, a call from albedo was what woke him up.

“your grace, i believe the lady has disappear.”

“that can’t be. i told her to rest in the room—”

“i checked the whole building, she’s not in there.” albedo quickly intercept. a dark cloud loomed over his world when diluc realised that you were out in the woods alone. he had so many questions that he became silent. his mind was in chaos, where should he start, why did you leave on your own, what if it rained, did you know your way ba—

jean quickly ordered, “emma, when did you last see this princess?” she asked the child first. “she told me papa was coming, so i decided to sing twinkle stars.” she said. “i finished two twinkle stars.” she stated as she held out to fingers to her mother. “good girl.” jean smiled.

“the lady can’t be far away, find her.”

as she dispatched the knights, jean turned to the ever so quiet man in front of her. “diluc, get back to your senses. you have to find her.”

you were gone, and it finally sank in him that he was at fault. again.

your feet were starting to hurt, you weren’t even sure where you were headed. at first, you thought of returning to the manor, but recalling the fit you threw at diluc got you embarrassed. you had your pride after all. besides, you were certain now that it was a place that would no longer welcomed you anymore.

you had been walking aimlessly and you didn’t know how far it had been. you went past a village and noticed that the lights were out, it must’ve been past bedtime for everyone. oh, how a sleep sounded truly alluring to you right now.

but then, you would just wake up with tears again. what was it that you dreamt that was so bad it had you crying every night? you asked the doctor about it, but sadly there was a limit to how he could help you.

after growing tired, you ended up stopping. you realised you were up on some hill. it was extra windy when you came to realise you had given your shawl to emma. your body had always been cold by why was it so unbearable tonight? and had you always felt this serene and exhausted?

fighting the urge to fell into slumber, you noticed twinkling lights coming from a distance. as you got closer, you realised there were a few grass lamps there.

naturally, you thought of diluc. you hated him for showing you how it felt like to be free, to be happy. you hated him for being so sweet to you and you hated yourself for falling for him. you were stupid for thinking for a moment that it was possible for him to reciprocate those childish feelings.

growing dizzy, you sat in front of those flowers. they emitted warmth and you started to sob as you missed his presence. all you ever truly wanted was for him to love you back. blame it on your childhood or whatever, you loved him so much but you were even more afraid of what he felt for you.

eventually, you knew that even if he loved you, you still wouldn’t be able to understand it. for someone who never knew love, it would feel as if you’ve sinned if someone were to love you.

in the end, you blamed yourself again.

you looked around and found a few dandelions nearby from where you were seated. it caused you to chuckle bitterly, even their flowers always grow near one another. how complementary, you said as you thought of the perfect couple.

you found yourself lying on the ground as you allow the light from those small flowers to warm you up. the pain in your chest was so excruciating that you didn’t have any more strength to endure it.

“i’m sorry.” you whispered. “you took such good care of me, but i was selfish.” your tears were unstoppable, you lost count how many times you’ve cried. “please don’t hate me.”

your eyes were growing heavy and you couldn’t fight it anymore. as you closed your eyes, you found yourself in bright light. you were staring at yourself in the mirror, dressed in white, gold and a little pink.

it seemed like a happy occasion seeing as how you were smiling. your heart was beating loudly that you could hear it even outside the vision. a door opened and you walked through it, there a lot of people but none of them seemed to pay any attention to you.

it was a ball of some sort. you found yourself enjoying your time dancing, laughing, and drinking down the delicacies. it was then, your gaze was fixed on a person. the man standing alone by the balcony, with a glass in his hand.

with courage you never knew you had, you approached him. and for the first time in the night, someone paid attention to you. his smile was soft as he acknowledged your presence. he asked if you were enjoying the party and you bashfully answered him.

“i’m glad. i’ve never seen someone danced so gracefully like you do.” his compliments sent your heart into haywire. the man with red hair and warmth aura melted your heart, he made you feel secure and fuzzy.

years of left in the cold and dark place you used to call home, he showed you emotions and affections in ways that made you so afraid that you were going to lose it in a blink of an eye. maybe you needed confirmation, and you needed to take your chances, if not you might never know how he felt.

“i love you.” you foolishly blurted to which he chuckled before sipping his drink.

“well, my lady.” he exhaled with a chuckle. “i love you too.” he replied and took your hand as he placed a kiss at the back of it. all while a shy smile painted his dashing face.

ah, now you remember.

the dream that always made you cry every night. your insecurity that you developed. the sense of inferiority and fear, you always felt that you never deserved to be loved. maybe that was the reason why your family was so mean to you, and maybe why diluc got tired of you after you fell sick. maybe that was the sole cause of your disease after all.

you cried because you were afraid, you cried because you were in despair and you cried because in your dreams, he said that he loves you back.

twelve hours, it took twelve hours to locate you.

diluc had his knights searched every nook and cranny of the city. all the houses were knocked and asked of your sightings. diluc didn’t sleep a wink, he couldn’t even sit still at one place. he searched the annex where his party was held, he looked in the city, at his tavern, he walked to his manor hoping to find you along the way, but he didn’t.

instead, he found you up on a hill in windrise. your were lying down on the ground, with the now dimmed grass lamps surrounding you.

the young master nearly had his heart stopped when he discovered you unconscious. he thought of the worst as he approached your figure with nervous steps. the moment he held you, your body was so cold. diluc felt his whole world go cold as he held you.

your face was stained with tears, you were shivering, your breaths were shallow. instantly, he took off his jacket, the one he was wearing since last night’s banquet and wrapped it around your body. he called out your name, but you weren’t responding.

kaeya, who followed his brother for the search instantly went to call for a doctor at the nearby village. diluc was quiet, he didn’t know what to say, he forgot words of prayers. why weren’t you opening your eyes?

eventually, kaeya had to separate his brother from you as the local physician started to examine you.

“hey, she’s still breathing okay? she’ll be fine, y/n is a strong woman.” kaeya had to reassure his brother, though he didn’t know if the redhead can actually hear him.

as the physician approach the two, diluc kept his eyes on your figure. “her pulse is stable, she’s a little hypothermic so i suggest you to hurry and keep her warm. may i ask if the lady has any underlying diseases?” the old woman asked.

diluc looked at her, worried. “yes, she does. she once fell unconscious about a year ago, and the doctor diagnosed her with a heart disease. she cannot strain her body.” diluc explained. however, the physician shook her head confusing the two young men.

“it’s been nearly three decades since i saw one, but i can tell she has a rare condition.” the woman said. “yes, the doctor did say that her disease was rare.” diluc agreed, he felt uneasy with what the woman has to say.

“young man, while your doctor might be right about her heart being affected. i think he missed an important factor.” she started. “your wife seemed fit enough as a lady her age, but the heart referred here is her emotions.”

“the fact that she’s fallen into deep slumber is a late sign of the body’s defense mechanism.” the woman explained, and diluc grew even more nervous. he was scared of what he might hear next.

“i’m afraid it will be difficult for her to wake up this time. might be best if you refer to your doctor and take good care of her in the mean time.”

the woman apologised, saying that while she knew of the disease, no one knew how to definitely treat it. as soon as she left, diluc rushed to your figure. he didn’t utter a word as he picked you up. using his pyro vision, he kept your body warm. the whole ride in the carriage, he noticed how your tears kept falling down.

it broke his heart not knowing what you were seeing in your dreams. he was afraid that it might be too late like the physician had said. could he ever live with it? he regretted your last moments with him, if only he could undo everything.

for one week. diluc never left your room, he took care of you personally. every time you cried, he would wipe your tears. whenever your body grew cold, he would embrace you to keep you warm. however, you never spoke a word, nor did you ever open your eyes.

he learned from your doctor that you knew about your condition after the doctor’s second visit. it happened when he was out in another city, you were alone when you had your appointment.

the doctor explained that you didn’t want to worry him, hence why you never let him know your true condition. the doctor explained the cause of the disease and diluc immediately knew where it all started.

he remembered the promise he made when he proposed to you, and he witnessed how different you were after marriage. at first, diluc didn’t know about your rough childhood. after all, your first encounter was bright and full of smiles to him. he found out later when he had his servants to look up on you.

at first, his clan wanted to get rid of your family but after he knew about you, diluc changed his approach and decided to take you away from them.

you were exactly how he wanted you to be. you were so full of life and he was happy that he helped you with it. however, he started to see you less and less frequent when his uncle started to raise havoc in the clan. he knew that not everyone agreed with his change of plans and marrying you, hence why he kept you in the house.

what he didn’t know was that he was hurting you while trying to protect you.

look at what you’ve done, you neglected her. you left her alone, you didn’t even save her from her family. you are no different.

“i thought you were different.”

he finally understood what you meant by those words that night. diluc didn’t know when, but he could no longer stop the tears from his face. he fell in love with you years ago but failed to acted upon it.

“i’m sorry.” he said as he sat next to your bed and held your hand. looking at your hands, there were paints tainting your fingers. there were specks of red, and he remembered the gift that the two of you were supposed to see together.

you never asked anything from him, and it finally made him wonder why. how come you looked so happy whenever you welcomed him home or simply with just dinner?

did he deserve those smiles?

the man didn’t dare to make up excuses. he always had trouble portraying his feelings. he found them troublesome, embarrassing and, it made him nervous. he always felt like he was troubling the other person, it made sense why his previous marriage never worked out.

but with you, he was more careful. he wanted to be more open, but he became so afraid after you fell sick. he thought that he had force you into matching his pace. diluc felt like a fool, he failed to realise that he never fully understood you despite knowing everything about you.

your husband placed your hand on his cheek as he kissed your palm. “i love you, so please. don’t leave me.”

he closed his eyes as he prayed to the gods for them to return you. he was willing to let go of everything, just so you could stay with him. he wanted a second chance, and he wanted you close to him.

warmth, that was the first thing you felt as you vision returned. it was silent like it always has been, but what was different was the comfort you felt from your hands. the contrast was obvious to before you passed out. you were alone, cold and it was eerily quiet.

but somehow this time, you felt heat from your hands, you can hear breathing that was not your own, and most importantly you weren’t alone. the first thing you noticed was the red tresses. the same one you used to steal touches from back when the bed wasn’t so big and cold.

unknowingly, you reached out to touch them again. the soft hair tickled your palm, and it brought a smile to your face. was this another dream?

“it’s soft.” you thought aloud. you closed your eyes again, feeling tired somehow. but hearing your name made you open your eyes again. you met with a flustered expression from your husband. his eyebrows furrowed, his lips agape, and strangely, his eyes filled with tears.

“why do you have tears in your eyes?” you asked, reaching out to touch his face. diluc leaned into your touch, sinking into your palms as he cried. you heard him whispered thank you countlessly as he peppered kisses to your palms.

you were confused, in your dreams he wasn’t in despair. in your dreams, he would smile. why did this one look so pained? it hurts you to watch him in such dismay, you didn’t like how troubled he look.

you stared at him as he calmed down. there were so many questions in your mind, but somehow you were too tired to even speak. diluc cupped your face with both hands, the warmth from his touch provided you comfort and soon enough you teared up.

you were afraid that if you woke up this time, you would be left in the dark and cold again. “now why are you crying, my love?” his soft voice queried.

“i’m scared that if i wake up you would disappear.” you said. “you’ve woken up, and i’m not going anywhere. not anymore.” he said before leaning down to press a kiss on your forehead.

wrapping your arms around his neck you started to profusely apologise to him. admitting that you nearly killed his daughter, and that you were ashamed with yourself. you kept on apologising for being a burden to him and you promised not to overstep your boundaries anymore. all your words broke his heart even more.

“y/n, no more.” he told you to stop. “i should have never left you alone in this house. i’m sorry.” he said. “i’m sorry for hiding you away, i’m sorry for ignoring you but i want you to know that i can leave everything behind if it meant i can make you happy.”

“i was wrong for leaving you be, for allowing you to shoulder all the pain of your disease by yourself. please forgive me.” he said as he buried his face in your neck. “i love you, i always had and i’m sorry that i never made the effort to let you know it. so please, don’t leave me. allow me to make it up to you.”

“you might not be my first love, but you are my last. i love you, so much that i don’t think i can live without you.”

the two of you drowned yourself in tears, apologies, and unspoken confessions. in the end, you two were fools after all for not realising that you were so infatuated with one another. for the first time, you felt your heart full as you lay awake with diluc next to you.

diluc had never felt so serene and he knew that he will never ask for anyone else. he loves you, more than he could imagine.

“this isn’t a dream?” you asked, your heart beating wildly, afraid that everything might just vanish the next second.

“no,” diluc shook his head. “even if it’s a dream, it’ll only be a sweet dream.” he said. “i’ll love you both in your dreams and in reality.”

tonight was a night after forever. a night where diluc’s birthday banquet was being held. you never expected for your husband to allow you to attend. after so many restrictions over the year, you were elated when he granted you permission.

you were prepared for the worse, a rejection from him. however, you couldn’t hide your excitement when he actually said yes. he had your dress tailor made to match him, the star of tonight.

truthfully, you were more surprised when he actually mentioned of throwing a banquet for his birthday this year. it wasn’t like him, diluc ragnvindr was a very private person so when he told you, you were totally speechless.

the whole day, you couldn’t hide the smile as the maids bathed you in rose water, trimmed your hair, put on makeup and donned you in the most beautiful dress you had ever laid eyes on.

the dress was coloured in light ash blue, with tulle as the skirt. it showed off your collarbone and shoulders with an elbow bishop sleeves. the little flowers were cecilias sewn at your skirt and a little over your top. the ribbon around your waist was ivory. the outfit had a complementary shawl, a small addition that diluc thought would benefit you as the night grew colder.

you had never felt so much prettier in your life. starring at yourself in the mirror, you could feel your cheeks heating up, anticipating if he would like how you looked. unknowingly, your heart started to race as you felt like a child infatuated.

“don’t forget your gloves, my lady.” ah yes, you stared at your hands. some paint was still tainting your nails, diluc thought thoroughly. you can’t be showing your flaws not in front of such a perfect man.

you nearly forgot how lonely it felt for the past month. your heart easily swayed at the smallest act of affection given by him. you remembered the day you woke up and noticed flowers in your vase. none of the maids admitted to being responsible and you greedily assumed that it might be from diluc.

the smallest action from him made you happy, and over and over, you forgave him for the times he left you on your own. you knew you weren’t bringing yourself any justice, but it was all you could have. how dare you ask for more?

diluc stared at you awestruck, as you descended down the stairs. he quickly averted his eyes to hide the blush on his face. extending his hand for you, he choked on his compliment and wanted nothing but to punch himself for it. the two of you were silent through your whole way towards the banquet until you picked up the courage to wish him.

“happy birthday, diluc.”

the said man was caught completely off guard. it was just a birthday wish, but why was his heart racing so fast? he cleared his throat to stop himself from daydreaming. “i have your gift in my drawing room, if time allows, maybe i can show it to you after the party.” you added.

he knew you had been taking painting classes, but he had never actually see any of your work. he did receive updates from albedo that you had been doing well and that you were enjoying those classes, but it would be a lie if he never wished to see it at least once.

“thank you. you didn’t need to, but maybe we’ll take a look together.” he faked a cough as he caught himself breaking into a smile.

the carriage came to a stop when the two of you finally arrived at the venue. he offered a hand to escort you safely down the carriage before making your way into the hall, hand in hand.

“is that a genuine smile i see, my lady?”

albedo commented as soon as he caught you in the corner as you watched your husband greeting the guests. at first, you insisted to tag along but you became tired as the guests kept flooding in.

you nearly rolled your eyes at his teasings, “yes, i’m excited to show him my portrait for his gift.” you smiled at the thought of it.

“i’m sure he will love it, you worked very hard on it after all.” he commented. “speaking of which, why haven’t i see the two of you dancing yet? it should be the highlight of the party.” he added.

you shrugged, it wasn’t like you two promised one another. besides, you weren’t sure if you had the strength to even dance to one full song. nonetheless, you used to love dancing. banquets were your only escape from your family, they couldn’t scold you in public so you ‘rebelled’ as much as you wanted by enjoying yourself.

you truly loved dancing, but you knew that diluc wasn’t one for extravagant gestures like so. hence, you were quite happy with how things were going for the night.

“maybe i should try and ask him.” you stated in which albedo fully agreed on. you headed towards diluc as albedo retreated to his friends. your husband was in the middle of a conversation when he noticed you making your way towards him.

he looked at you with a bit of worry, “what’s the matter, are you feeling alright?” he instantly asked. you gave him a small smile before mustering up the courage to ask him. “i’m fine, i just wanted to know if you were willing to… um… dance.” your voice grew softer and softer.

diluc was startled by your offer, he would love to dance with you but he knew that you would only grow tired and it might made you sick again. so, he gave what he thought was the best for you.

“no, you haven’t fully recovered yet. i don’t want you to fall sick again.” he shook his head.

this time you tried to be a little adamant. “but i’m fine. i’ve been resting enough. a little dance won’t harm me, besides if i’m tired i promise i’ll tell yo—”

“y/n, stop it.” diluc looked at you with an expression you couldn’t decipher. usually, he would dismiss you a little softer. maybe you were being too sensitive but to you, diluc seemed a bit agitated.

diluc dragged you a little further away from everyone else when he noticed that you seemed to be unable to relent to his request.

all his gestures made you feel uneasy, as if he was trying to take the limelight from you. wasn’t it a good show for him too if the husband and wife danced together?

a show…

“are you embarrassed of me…?” your voice was so quiet that you weren’t sure if he heard you, but then you saw the shock in his face. “what are you on abou—”

you took a few steps back from him. “i know everything. you might’ve kept me in that house, but i know all that happened outside.” your breaths started to become uneven. “you’re getting rid of me aren’t you? that explains why you suddenly want to throw a party for your birthday. why you even allowed me to attend, you even invited them didn’t you?”

he knew well that you were referring to jean and emma but diluc didn’t like how you misunderstood it all. “y/n, that’s ridiculous. it’s not what you think.” he sighed as he tried to approach you, but you stepped away again.

“i know everything, diluc.” you kept your gaze down to your feet. “you never let me out of the house, even when you do you covered up all my flaws to make it seem like i’m perfect. like you’re perfect. as if the others don’t know that there’s nothing intimate between us.”

“i’m sick and i’m just a burden to you, a tool to everyone. i know that but i hoped you were different.”

“y/n, stop this please.”

luckily, there were no guests nearby as they thought to give the husband and wife space. still, you never expected rejection to hurt so much like this. you had already predicted it so why did it pained you so much? it was supposed to be a happy night for both of you until you heard a tiny exclamation, coming from the centre.

“papa! happy birthday!”

your heart stopped upon realising who it was. of course, you knew they would come. your maids had told you the list of guests, as part of preparation. it was your duty as his wife to know at least this much. you knew, they would come but still you hoped they wouldn’t show up.

because you knew no matter how happy the day has been for you, at the end of the day, it was all the same. “please, i don’t want you to fall sick again. you can enjoy the night however you want, but please take care of yourself.” you watched as diluc smiled brightly as he picked up the little girl in his arms.

it was the same look he had when he told you about his daughter. you watched in silence as he greeted the acting grand master, while carrying the child in his arms.

“oh, what a beautiful couple.”

you heard one of the guests whispered. your world turned blacked. of course they are, they’re perfect for each other. who were you?

you were a burden, a sick wife.

maybe none of this would’ve happened if they married later, maybe nothing should’ve changed in the first place. what were you even doing here, were you even welcomed?

it became harder for you to breathe as the negative thoughts kept plaguing your mind. no, no! it’s not your fault, it’s… it’s the child.

yes, it’s that child! if she wasn’t born no one would even say those words, maybe if she wasn’t born he would’ve still paid attention to you.

obviously, you weren’t in your right mind. however, all you could think of at the moment was to get rid of whatever was keeping your husband away from you. maybe, just maybe if they were gone, everything would be all fine again.

you didn’t know how but your dark thoughts got the better of you. your dark world was coloured in red, and you wanted nothing more than to hurt him. maybe if he felt whatever loneliness you suffered since a child, maybe he would try to understand you.

after watching him dance with his daughter, you knew that you made the right decision to hurt him. after all, you were sure that he or the clan would get rid of you soon enough.

you completely disappeared from the banquet, and your heart was torn into pieces when you realised no one even noticed your absence. your insecurities were doing the talk, but you couldn’t help but to believe. you knew that deep down even if you were truly gone, there would be no one who would put an effort to bring you back.

you weren’t as strong or indispensable like the grand master. furthermore, your family was the one who needed the ragnvindr, you never truly understood why he chose to marry you in the first place.

as you were in your own dark clouds, you noticed that the little girl was left unattended. you took the chance to approach her, your empty heart was filled with ill intention and you didn’t care anymore if that was what would put the nail in your own coffin.

“hi there.” you greeted her with a smile.

the girl had blonde hair, similar to her mother but her eyes, those eyes were so familiar. so similar to the man you loved so much. her red eyes shone innocently as she looked at you with rounded eyes, as if she just saw something enchanting.

“h-hello!” she chirped, you could see that she recognised you but you brushed it off as something you mistook. “why are you all by yourself?” you smiled as you crouched next to her.

“ah, i was looking for mama but i can’t find her. there’s too many people.” she mumbled. you couldn’t even pity her, there was a voice in your head that kept on repeating that this was your chance to rid of her. and so, you agreed.

“really, how about we look for her together?”

you reached out your hand and surprisingly, the naive child willingly took it.

“master diluc, what do you plan to do without an heir?”

“what about your child with ms gunnhildr?”

“that child is a girl, even if her mother was astounding as the grand master, we cannot simply assume the girl can follow her footsteps.”

diluc wasn’t having it with the nobles in his clan. he found this meeting absolutely preposterous. they were just old men who wanted to know everyone’s business. it was disgusting really. they made it as if it was an issue if he had no son. truthfully, diluc didn’t care about having an heir.

of course, he would love to have a child of his own but the thought of bringing his child into a world where they would have to deal with these selfish and horrible human beings? he rather hide them away.

and most certainly, he wasn’t going to have his daughter inherit his position. other than his agreement with jean, he had always planned to leave his position for a child from you no matter how long it takes.

“this is your second marriage, and your wife is currently barre-”

“don’t you dare finish that sentence!” he banged his fist on the table. he hated how these old men simply thought they could freely utter your name like it meant nothing. had it not been for their history, diluc would’ve long slaughtered them for slandering your condition.

the room fell into silence as diluc tried to calm himself down. he had to remain composed, and not be swayed by emotions or else he would be no different than these men. “you’ve voiced your concern and i’ve understood them but need i to remind all of you again, i don’t need an heir.”

“i am still capable of leading the clan even if i’m on my deathbed. if you cannot respect me enough until then, i dare you voice it out now.”

as no response came, diluc instantly excused everyone out. he left the room and went directly into his office. leaning back against is chair, he sighed heavily as he recalled how he nearly lost control at the mention of your name. if it goes on like this, anyone can easily tell your weakness you fool.

diluc heard laughters outside his office. he would usually be bothered about who dares to make noises while he was working, but he could immediately tell who it came from.

a soft knock on his door, with a tiny figure peeping inside his room. he couldn’t contain the smile as his eyes locked on the little girl holding her mother’s hand walking into his office. he instantly got up from his seat as he watched the girl hide behind the woman.

“i’m sorry, she couldn’t wait to see you.”

diluc felt his heart warm at the thought of his shy little daughter, all excited to see him. “it’s fine. i was already done with my work.” he stated. he waved to the little girl only for her to hide even further behind her mother.

“thanks again for agreeing to take care of her for tonight. i can’t believe there was a problem with the delegations last minute.” jean sighed as she urged for her daughter to go to her father.

“no problem, i’ll send her back after dinner.” diluc crouched down as he extended his hand for the little girl to take. shyly, she went over to the man only to give him the biggest smile a 5 year old could make. “send my regards to y/n. it would be nice if we could all meet up.” jean stated as she retreated to the door.

diluc smiled at the thought of you and his daughter together. “i will. maybe when she gets better, i don’t want to pressure her. she’s too delicate.” he said. jean could only smile at the caring response. of course, she knew how protective diluc can be when it comes to someone he cares about.

the man continued to finish his remaining work for the day, with his little daughter wondering around his office. she was well behaved for a child, obviously following her mother. as he finished signing off the last of the documents, he heard a question from the child.

“papa, who’s this?”

the girl pointed to a small portrait framed on his desk. it was a photo of you. he had calx, one of the best painters to paint you from his memory.

during his final days of marriage with jean, there was a national banquet in mondstadt. he had to attend as a representative from his clan, and there he met you. he watched you dance all night long with your friends. how happy you were, how big your smile was. he watched you twirl, spin and dance until his head was dizzy with you.

diluc was having a bad time that year, with his annulment of marriage, his clan coming with a power struggle, a crisis of the nation nearing war with a neighbouring country. it was taking a toll on him, but seeing you at the banquet brought him back to life.

he found a whole new purpose, a reason to remain the strongest figure in the nation. he had to protect the people, their safety, their smiles, your smile.

“that is the person dearest to me.”

he replied in which the girl looked at him with round eyes, as if she was listening to a fairytale. “is she a princess?” she asked, and diluc noticed that indeed, you looked as beautiful as a child would view a princess. he chuckled at the thought.

“do you love her?” she asked. diluc was a little taken aback with her question.

he realised that while you were the person he cherished so much, he realised that he might have never told you that he love you. it was a little strange that confessing his feelings through his daughter instead. “yes, i do.” he replied.

out of a sudden he felt a sense of loss and pain. when was the last time he saw you, talked to you? he received updates from your doctor regarding your illness, updates from the maids regarding your daily activities but when was the last time was he ever there to see you in person?

he recalled your last dinner, a month ago. he had never seen such pained expression from you when you forced a smile for him.

diluc had always been afraid of hurting you. to him, you were a delicate being, and knowing how harsh he could be, he was afraid that saying or doing too much would end up hurting you. after all he witnessed how his own actions, caused misery to you.

during your one year anniversary, he planned to brought you along with him on a business trip. he had everything prepared, a big celebration as a surprise that even the officials in inazuma were doing their best to welcome the two of you. however, you fell sick due to the preparations. you couldn’t keep up with the constant welcoming of the delegations, the never ending outfit changes and dinners.

it was as if time moved in slow motion when you finally passed out during the banquet. all the officials in inazuma were panicking, assuming the worst such as an assassination attempt. luckily, you woke up 2 days later with a fever and that was when the doctors finally diagnosed you with a rare disease.

the cause of it was unknown but diluc blamed himself. he should’ve paid more attention to you, he should’ve asked if you wanted to do it instead of making you tag along and assuming you had a good time just because you kept smiling.

as promised, after dinner, diluc went to send his daughter back. however, the little girl tugged his sleeves saying she wanted to see something else.

“what’s wrong, emma?” diluc asked. “i want to see flowers.” the little girl said. diluc was confused, why would she suddenly wanted to see flowers, and what flowers were she talking about?

he carried her in his arms as the girl kept looking around for something. “what kind of flowers do you want to see?” he asked. “the kind that glows in the dark.”

diluc looked at the time and it wasn’t too late, he recalled a garden of lamp grass nearby. he decided that maybe they could take a stroll there for a while before he sent her back.

“what ever has gotten into you that made you wanna look at flowers out of a sudden?” he asked softly as he carried her towards the said garden. “i saw flowers outside when i came with mama, she said that those flowers glow in the night.”

as they reached the field full of grass lamp, emma was delighted. she leaped from his arms and started to run around the place. diluc couldn’t contain his smile watching the girl so happily twirling around. then, he instantly thought of you. how, even with the blinding lights from the chandelier, it was incomparable to you who smiled so brightly.

he recalled how you loved the bouquet on your wedding so much. how you nursed the flowers, water them, and would stare at them before you fell asleep. you’ve always asked for new ones from the maids, but what you didn’t know was that he was the one who had handpicked them before passing them to the maids.

however, he hasn’t been doing so for a while now. he could only picture the empty vase beside the bed. ever since you fell sick, diluc has been working double in terms of managing his clan and also finding a cure for you. he knew that it caused the two of you to become distant but he kept telling himself that it would only be temporary. as soon as he can get a hold of those potions, everything can resume back to the way it was.

he watched as emma plucked one for her, her eyes glimmer with interest. it was a look similar to your when you saw those flowers for the first time. diluc found himself smiling again at the thought of you, but this time with a strange pain somewhere in his chest.

as he walked back towards the knights of favonius quarters, his head was filled with thoughts of reminiscing you. he tried to remember when was the last time you welcome him home, when was the last time he accompanied you whenever you had your appointment.

diluc failed to remember a definite date or time. it was as if he was never really there. he thought monitoring and micromanaging from afar was enough. as long as you still felt happy, but now he couldn’t even remember when was the last time he heard you laugh.

he stopped when those familiar grass lamp twinkled near the exit of the city. he watched as the girl, flora was about to pack her flowers and closed her small store for the night.

without realising, he ended up buying a bouquet along with cecilias, just like your wedding bouquet.

diluc felt an urgency to return home, to your shared bedroom, to you. his steps became quicker until when he finally reached the manor, he was greeted by his servants but you weren’t present.

he felt a hard tug in his chest, how he missed you. you were always there in the house but has it always felt this empty? diluc didn’t bother to take off his coat, he rushed towards your bedroom to find it dark.

you left the window open and the wind was blowing the curtains. he placed the bouquet in the vase next to your side of the bed before closing the windows. diluc noticed how you were shivering and he decided to pull the blankets to cover you.

when was the last time he saw your sleeping face? bad you always had your back against him? diluc worked too hard these days, he barely slept in the same bedroom with you, always cooped up in his study. he felt sorry that he practically left you alone, but how would he even explain to you regarding his absence?

he didn’t want you to worry, he only wanted your days to fill with joy. for you to smile, dance and laugh like before. he wanted to return all of that to you, all that he took away because of his selfishness.

your whimpers broke his train of thoughts. he noticed that you were crying and it shattered his heart. had you always been like this? crying in your sleep? why didn’t you ever tell him?

the man wiped your tears as he placed a kiss on your forehead, whispering; “i’m sorry, it’ll get better soon. i promise.”

it was late at night when you felt a slight change in temperature. prying your eyes open, you saw something you hadn’t in quite a time. small grass lamps with cecilias decorated the vase next to your bed. you turned to the other side of the bed, hoping that maybe you would have him falling asleep next to you again.

to your dismay, it was empty. nevertheless, the you looked at the flowers and smiled. oh, how you missed this feeling. maybe, you had nothing to worry after all. it wasn’t like you didn’t know, diluc became much more busier as of lately since there was a power struggle among his clan.

you knew as a wife, you should provide him support. thus, you did your best to not cause him any troubles. you had nobles preying on your every move, all so that they could use it against your husband. unfortunately for them, diluc kept you in the house with access to only those he trusts.

you wasted no time to dwell in your thoughts, you didn’t care what the time was, you wanted to thank him for the small gift. you headed towards his study, only for you to meet one of the maids, adeline.

“my lady? what are you doing up at this hour?” she asked, worried if there was an urgency from you. “uh, i want to see diluc.” you replied with a soft smile plastered on your face.

“the master is currently in a meeting room downstairs with his family. it seemed urgent, but i think it’s finishing up.” adeline couldn’t help but to smile back seeing how you seemed so gleeful to see him.

after serving the ragnvindrs for years, she actually loved your presence. when the two of you first got married she could evidently see the change in the manor and for that, she had to thank you.

you headed to the meeting room downstairs, deciding to wait for diluc after his gathering. at late nights like this, you could almost guessed who he was meeting with. it had to be with his brother and uncle.

as you decided to wait by the fireplace, you heard a loud bang coming from the room, followed by incoherent shouts.

“do not challenge me, uncle!”

you heard diluc’s voice as you went to eavesdrop. “oh diluc, save the drama. what do you think people have been talking about? your wife has served her purpose, she’s useless now. nothing but a poor, sick thing.” you heard his uncle stated.

you brushed aside the fact that he insulted you, after all you were immune to those words. it wasn’t new that nobles badmouth you, it had always been like that, but you didn’t care as long as diluc was there for you.

his uncle was a vile being, he was pretentious and was always greedy to overthrow diluc from his position. you couldn’t understand why diluc refused to exile him. “well aren’t you a hypocrite? defending your wife when everyone in the city already knows that you’ve been meeting the grand master and her child behind her back.”

hearing that, your heart nearly stopped. of course, it wasn’t like diluc never told you that he was going to meet his daughter, but master jean included? so all these times, the reason why he always returned late at night, was it because he spent it somewhere else?

“uncle, you’re being too much.” you heard diluc’s brother defending you. “if you have nothing beneficial to say, i suggest you leave before i cut off your tongue for disrespecting the lady.”

the man chuckled. “hah, you too? admit it, you’ve heard the rumours as well. that young master ragnvindr is considering to reunite with the grand master. they have a child together, but where is his current wife? everyone said that you basically left her to rot because she’s diseased.”

“that’s enough! elzer, take him out.” kaeya ordered and you quickly look for a place to hide. you didn’t know why you didn’t just run away from the scene. maybe you wanted to confirm something before you could leave.

you listened to the old man yelling how diluc was disrespecting his elders and it became silent after he was kicked out of the manor. you heard a sound of glass shattering and you realised it was diluc’s doing.

“he’s not entirely wrong, you know?” kaeya sighed. “there has been a lot of talk regarding your marriage, i haven’t even seen y/n for nearly a year.” he added.

“to damn, those mouths and their rumours.” diluc cursed. “you can’t blame them, the moment you stepped as the leader, all eyes are on you.” kaeya reasoned. “i know you’re trying to protect y/n, but keeping her locked up in here isn’t the only way.” the younger one kept pushing his luck, hoping that his brother would listen.

diluc buried his face into his palms. “you should let her know, you can’t hide your intentions from her forever.” kaeya added before excusing himself.

that night, you couldn’t fall asleep at all. anxiety was eating you alive. you didn’t know what would become of you, where did it all go wrong. you prayed that diluc would somehow come to your room, in hopes to check up on you but he never came, and through the night you could only think that maybe, this is where your borrowed happiness ends.