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My voice, often not heard. I fight to be louder but something stops me. Voice tembeling while speaking to or in front of people. Why? My sweaty palms grasping at the money before I pay. Practicing every word before I step foot into the store. I have the exact change, I pray to god I do. Walking through the hallway, feeling eyes on me. They aren't even looking. Who eyes are they? They’re mine. Walking and telling myself they are judging. As if I was their victim or prey. I lied to myself. I was my own prey. Beating myself up. Verbally attacking myself. Telling myself, no it’s them thinking these things, not you. I created thoughts that weren’t worthy of my mind. When. When did I gather so much hatred for myself? When. When did I start to believe my existence was a joke. That the air I breathe mine as well be smoke. Toxicated. Not worthy of breathing. They say I’m just shy. They say I just need confidence. I need a lot more than just confidence. When I was young I didn’t have these thoughts. We come into this world flawless to ourselves. Scared of almost nothing. What happened to me? Why do the smallest things cause anxiety? Why do I look at myself and so desperately beg to be anyone but me? I asked myself this everyday. Something happened. I started to love myself. I wasn’t so scared of people anymore. I took my middle finger and said a big “Fuck you!” to myself. I’m done. I’m done being a prisoner to my own mind. I control you. I own you. And I will change the thoughts that you hurt me with. I will feel good about myself. I will not be scared of being social. My thoughts do not own me, I own them.